Tale of an Affair - Extract from Notes to a Negro

 My Old Lady - Tales from an Affair

In the movie, My Old Lady (2014), a man who inherits a Parisian apartment from his estranged father is shocked to discover that the apartment is a viager - an ancient French real estate system with complex rules pertaining to its resale - and the feisty Englishwoman who has lived in the apartment with her daughter for many years is the live-in tenant, who must be paid rent until her demise. 

As the plot thickens and he discovers more about the apartment his father owned and left for him, he finds old photographs inscribed with "my only love" which depict the live-in tenant and his father from a younger age. When he confronts the old lady he soon discovers that the one reason his dad had taken on this viager apartment was to provide a permanent home for his love, the old feisty Englishwoman. His father had spent his summers in Paris in the home and they had carried on this affair for a great many years. 

I don't know why this movie I watched quite casually during my unemployment phase, suddenly came to me last night. Well, I do know why. I am just glad that it came to me. It was one of those European sensory alternative love stories that underlie main plot lines that are not plausible in real life. Or are they? 

The main character's dad carried on this affair so intently, without leaving his wife, so much so, the sadness that this instilled in his wife caused her to commit suicide. She probably felt there was no point living with a man who would rather give his love and devotion outside the marriage. 

To my head and to my heart, I would like to say, "I wish I knew what to do." 

I respond to tales of love in unconventional spaces like these. Perhaps because I lean towards an alternative somewhat bohemian lifestyle, or I just watch way too many foreign movies...but unconventional love stories like these give me hope, reason to believe that love wherever you may find it is available, and you should never discard it because it doesn't show up wrapped up in a bow. 

I don't think this one is wrapped in a bow.  

....Excerpts from my book, Notes to a Negro...

New Year, Same Woes - Thoughts on 2026

New Year...Same Woes

Four days into the New Year. 

Haven’t really taken the time to isolate my thoughts, goals or whatever for the New Year, 2026. 

I know everyone goes, New Year, New Goals, New Me, New Attitude, etc. But I have not really been like that about the New year, about any new year. It’s always around my birthday that I start resetting, putting some plans in place. New Year signifies the end to the Holiday Season which to me is the proverbial season of suspension or disassociation from the myriad of problems and just live like there’s no life outside the club or your bed. It is truly the Most Wonderful Time of the Year. 

It was such an emotional New Year for me. 

One, this is my 3rd festive season without a job. So there’s that. Needless to say, I was broke. The first year (2023) I wasn’t broke, the last year (2024), I had some sponsors. This year (2025), it was just me. With a rental increase looming in the year ahead. every time I thought about that rental increase, it made me not want to get out of bed. There was really nothing to look forward to. I spent more days bed-rotting than I did partying. And when I did party, I put the videos and pictures up so everyone thought that was how I rolled on the daily. Not so much. Most days. I didn’t really see the point. I know I talked about this last year in my Christmas update. I do not see what folks are so lively about this time of year. 2025 was not that great! We have companies (at least 2 that I can think of) owing their employees salaries months in arrears. Myself included. This means business is not moving in certain instances. Companies are not even taking out facilities to pay their staff maybe cos they do not have good credit. We have all that existing and more and yet everyone wants to party like it’s 1999. Plus, drinks and cocktails are starting to be priced according to the USD FX rate like we live in a stable economy. 

Had a very emotional crossover. 

I don’t know how the folks that go to church do it. I crossed over in the club a couple of times and let me say those were not so good years. I stayed home and prayed and meditated and it was a lot. It was very “heavy” for me. Then, got up 5 hours later to get ready for church and a very long day “out of the house”. As I spent every penny on my New Year outing, I prayed that God would find me a way to make that money back, to stop dipping into my savings, to pay the rental increase that is looming, to be resourceful, Naira cutthroat resourceful. With all that heaviness, I have just sunk into a state of despair, burying my thoughts into doom scrolling people’s fascinating lives on social media. Needless to say that I have now promised myself a much lighter fun-filled escapism crossover. The heaviness can wait, life is heavy enough as it is. 

Let's revel in some glitz and glam for one more night.

From My Younger Self...

 

Pedigreed Unions

I understand now why women base relationships on transactional exchange. 

Exchange of time and sex for financial aid. It’s that simple. There’s no point in dating someone and having to deal with their nuances, their frequent sexual demands and eccentricities and then, going back to struggle to pay your bills. Pay my bills, so I can have the clarity of mind to give you and your idiosyncrasies my full attention.

It’s a simple exchange. Particularly, if you have no emotional attachment to that person. Where it gets tricky and even harder to enact is where you have some feelings for this person, then you feel bad for them having to shelve out money for you constantly. You willingly want to hang out with them. You want to deal with their nuances and may even want the sex just as much as he does. Nevertheless, this should not distract you from the cause. Feelings in relationships I have come to realize are for "losers" (for lack of a better word.) 

We are not trained to be merciful in this world of relationships. Men marry for pedigree, for women who look good on paper, never, very rarely for love. So you, my dear, should most certainly learn to date for transactional reasons, for certain relief from those goddamned bills. And when your pedigree is relatively elevated, if you happen to be single, then, some nice chap is just gonna show up and intently want to marry you. You could be the woman who treats him the worst out of all the women that he’s dated. You could be the one who offers him the worst type of sex or even none at all. Nevertheless, he will for sure want to dedicate his time, suppressing all else, to ensure that you marry him because for him, a merger of your lives, with your increased pedigree, would certainly boost his subpar one, personally and professionally.

Here I am struggling financially.

My most recent lover is just ignoring that need. He did smart for himself by marrying someone with wonderful pedigree - looks good on paper and in person, too. Now, his life is considerably and exceedingly boosted. His social status is heightened, leading to an increase in personal and professional contacts. And his calendar is loaded and vibrant particularly at Christmastime with social events, weddings, milestone birthdays in the middle of the week, etc. He just relishes in being one part of the "IT" power couple around town.

If he had married me, this would so not have been the case. No pedigree. No marriage. We probably could have both been struggling to pay our rent. If I had boosted mine somewhat when I was younger by entertaining gentleman callers who would dole out funds for me to lavish myself in gifts, purses, shoes, random trips to Dubai (which I have never been to by the way) I would have soon become THE IT GIRL. Then, the prospect of marrying me, despite our issues, (my temper matched with his is more ravenous than the LA fires), would have seemed somewhat enticing as we would seem like a good match, worthy of being part of the power couple he had envisioned. He would introduce me as, my wife who is... (then reel out my different accolades), and I would snicker, proud of those accolades, and this introduction would occur at every event, every dinner party, every social function. We would be the perfect match.

What’s so damning about this whole thing, well two things.

1. He had mentioned this to me in passing. As a recent divorcee, he had returned from a wedding and seemed pensive. When asked, he muttered, that in his next marriage he would be more "strategic" with his choice. I never really understood what he meant by the use of the word, “strategic.” 

2. I also distinctly remember his Christmases, even his weekends, when he was a brooding divorcee. His calendar certainly wasn’t this booked and busy. There were functions here and there but mainly to scope out the talent, so to speak. And that talent eventually showed up, I suppose.

All this is to say, people no longer marry for love. Marriages are to create a union for socio-economic reasons. They may get to “like” each other but love is not the catalyst. Love is actually just a point on the richter scale.

For one, you’re given more respect as a married person than as a single one. For another, if done strategically, it boosts your social life and also opens you up to more economic ventures, like a joint venture where you can stand your partners. There may be some couples who genuinely love each other, and there may be some who understandably do not. Either party or both could be having an affair but as long as that power couple union is intact, for optical reasons, their reputation in society as the IT COUPLE remains intact, without blemish.

If you’re a young person reading this…you have been advised. Don’t be like me, looking to find love. You’ll just be on the sidelines, struggling to pay your rent while your exes have formed part of society’s hottest couples, enjoying the hashtag CoupleGoals.

This may all well be true or I may just be a jealous very broke ex.

Anita Writes at The American Bar, The Savoy

 

One of my most favorite Bar experiences occurred during my last trip to London in 2020 (which seems like eons ago now). 

It was unplanned and it was a wonderful treat. I was spending my day otherwise when I came across this bar at The Savoy London. I was scheduled for a viewing of the play, 9-5 at the Savoy Theatre. However, due to some last minute lockdown notices, it was cancelled. With so much time on my hands, I decided to do the next best thing, pop round to the hotel to see what type of activity I could use to pass the time. 

Unbeknownst to me the hotel had this popular renowned bar, aptly called The American Bar that is known for their award-winning cocktails and bartenders. It was a dark mahogany themed old Hollywood looking bar with a jazz piano lounge singer and a very charming courteous waitstaff. Based on this intro, you already know the vibe sets the mood for some grown up cocktails, and discussions. 

I had my usual grown lady drink, a Manhattan. Even though it cost almost £14 for one drink served in the teeniest of cocktail glasses that you can gulp down with one solid gulp, the drink was solid. One of the best Manhattans I've ever had. When I have them in Lagos, they always taste sour, with a bitter aftertaste that boasts that something in the liqueur is not fresh or has gone bad. But this one was smooth, smoky and earthy, you could tell the whiskey was aged perfectly. It came with some fresh nuts and a glass of water to douse the alcohol's intensity. In Lagos, you would have to pay for the water and specifically request for the nuts.

Something about sitting there, soaking it all in, sipping that very expensive cocktail while listening to the jazz piano made me feel so grown. It was way above budget for me at that time and still is with the Forex towering over our local currency. But I thought, when next will I get this opportunity? How often do we get to do this, live in this moment, occupy this space and time, how often? So I ordered another one just so it doesn't live as a fleeting moment in my life instead as something I would savor, until the next trip to London. 

If you're reading this from London, have a cocktail (or two) at The Savoy on my behalf.