2012 roundup.

2012. 

I can't believe you are over. You were such an exciting time for me, and how do I count the ways. 

1. January. Nothing much. Very blah New Year celebrations (in Houston), felt like I needed a vacation from that vacation. Finally caved in (after 2 years) and got cable. Cable to a single woman is like a reason to keep her glued to her couch, and I'd been resisting that for years. 

2. February. Went to my first adult event. It was blah! While at the event, heard that Whitney Houston died, so I guess someone was having a shittier day than I was. Booked a trip to Vegas just because I owed myself a vacation from January.

3. March. Joined the Gym at Exhale Spa. I had been wanting to do this for 2 years. I realized that you should give yourself the things you've been wanting because life is way too short. This is the time to live your best life now. Not tomorrow. Now. I joined the gym of my dreams and everyday after work, I got a chance to...Exhale. And it felt good. Money well spent. 

4. April. I went to Vegas. This was also Easter but I was looking more forward to Vegas than anything else. It was my 5th anniversary at my job and of course, my chance to have an adult vacation in the best adult destination of all time, Vegas. My chance to do stuff and not have it come back to Atlanta to bite me. Vegas. It was awesome. I spent my time drinking, and eating and partaking of all the spoils. And believe it or not, I actually squeezed in 2 job interviews while I was there. A gal has to work and play! I spent my lazy mornings walking through the hotel lobby to partake of breakfast buffet food and then lounging at the pool sipping fruity strong drinks that don't quite get you drunk but are just enough to leave you loving the day, the moment, the air and the cheesy sights of Vegas. Was having so much fun that I couldn't make it home in time to start work but no matter, came home and was greeted with a promotion. So that  reinstated a fresh round of celebrations. It was one of those moments that make you think, "Life feels good right about now." 

5. May. I went to New York for Cinco de Mayo. I actually went for a job interview but I squeezed in a mini visit with some shopping at Herald Square while I was there. It was my first time staying at Times Square and it just blew my breath away. I want to do it again (and again). 

6. June. My birthday. Orange County and Hermosa Beach. A chance to eat fish tacos at the beach. It was all that and more. Not quite as crazy as Vegas, more suburban if you ask me, but it felt good. It was relaxing. It was that subdued moment where you get to see what real people experience in your dream vacation city. Shopping at the grocery stores, going to their Sunday Mass, and using their public buses. It's a different outlook. God was trying to tell me this is what living in my dream city would feel like. Not that exciting. I still had a good birthday and I have the (toe)rings to prove it. 

7. July. Love affair and Spiderman and fireworks and yoga. Lots and lots of yoga. That's all I can really remember about July. Plus an impromptu trip to Houston. Only love (and a need for excitement) makes you take impromptu trips. 

8. August. Took a trip to Seattle for a job interview. Surprisingly had to carry around a sweater in August, who carries around a sweater in August?! If you're keeping track, I've travelled every month since April. Not bad, aye!

9. September. My mum came to visit. She got here in August but we kinda settled into it in September. My mum, a suburban woman in the crust of the inner city living in Atlanta, that just writes itself. Plus, it was black gay pride weekend on one of her weekends so it took quite some explaining from my end. 

10. October. A rebirth. I don't remember much about October except it was supposed to be a rebirth, at least it started that way and then, there were no trips planned. I had nowhere to go, and this upset me. So I booked a a Halloween trip to Austin!

11. November. Halloween in Austin, first couple of days in November in Austin at the Domain. Met the warmest employees at the Domain, the Aloft Austin, it was one of the most subdued, intricately exciting trips I've had in a long time. There was an inner warmth to it which I will always carry with me. It gave me time to sit and reflect on the failed attempt at a rebirth from October. Finished up the month with a visit from my brother and a family trip for Thanksgiving. It was good family time. Glad I could keep up with my record of traveling every month.

12. December. Christmas. I was counting down the days until New Year's because I had saved up some vacations days at the end of the year. Every employer should actually give their employees a week off at the end of the year, give them the time to exhale as they usher in the New Year. We all deserve that time. Mine spent with family and kids was not the raucous time I had imagined when I booked the days, but is it ever? Whenever family talks you into vacationing with them, you feel obliged to say yes, but then you hope they'd bring their party hats on when they say yes.  Either way, I'm not vacationing at this time of the year with them again. I love them but this is not the time to be all "child up" in a city where you obviously came to party. 

In summary, after everything, the year, the months just run together. I would say I am happy. I am not like most people who say, "Let's wish 2012 away so 2013 can start." I am not in that big of a hurry. Why, you ask? Because I am not in the mood to get older. Yes, older. But when you have a good run like I had with 2012 you just don't want to loose it. If 2013 will bring a bigger (and better) run than 2012 I'd be happier, but who's to know, one can only hope that it does. 

Now, I just hope for the best and just hope (DECLARE) this as my time. This is my time, it's the single gal's time to get noticed and not shrink into the abyss. It's our time to live more, love more and laugh more and we're not apologizing for it. This is the solo life we've been given to live and we will experience it to the fullest, till the clock stops running on our fun. 

Happy 2013 to my single gals!

end of year vacay...debotched

You know those end of year vacations where people go to some summery place with nice sunny weather, and just lay at the pool sipping sugary alcoholic drinks, getting a tan in the middle of winter while they contemplate the year ahead and the year they are leaving behind. That's the type of vacation I want. From my thoughts, to my blog to hopefully, God's ears. 

End of year ho-hum

December.

Christmas.

The Last Month of the Year.

A quite memorable year at to boot. 2012. One filled with heartaches, travel, food, wine and laughter, some laughter not a whole lot but some that I can remember having, and then, of course, sex. Good sex. It's always a good year when you start with sex and end with sex. 

But not so good when you don't end the year with the people you had sex with. We've just gone our separate ways, I suppose. 12 months seemed too long for us to draw out our time together, good sex does not a relationship make.

2012's just been a memorable time. I will remember the adventures, sexual and otherwise, would have longed for more but I'd be happy to take what I have. Most importantly, I will remember the hot afternoons in Vegas. 

Xmas ... 2012

December.

Christmas. 

I spent the better part of December counting down to Christmas like I was waiting for something big to happen to me on that day. Technically, it is something big, because it's Christ's birthday, but I was just counting down like, 20 days to Xmas, 15 days to Xmas, seriously all caught up in it. One would think I had some type of big announcement. It really wasn't necessary because so many things were off about this Xmas.

For one, my weekend trip to the North Georgia mountains (Dahlonega) could not happen. Winter wine highway was cancelled this year so my wine group could not go and then, I just didn't feel like going on my own just to taste wine. Where's the fun in that?

Then, my local radio station B98.5 refused to play all Xmas music from Thanksgiving to Xmas - the norm. They gave no reason whatsoever and there was no substitute. So where does a gal go to get her Christmas music on to give her some holiday cheer?

These 2 things (though insignificant) made a whole lot of change to my Christmas scenario, my Christmas landscape was just ruffled.

But I still managed to summon up some fun. 

1. Yelp Holiday Party.

Not a great party. Not a good one at all. It was just all over the place. The invites were open to everyone so indeed everyone was there. Unfortunately, it just happened to fall on the coldest day in Atlanta - a 45 degree evening. And the line to get in took 20 minutes. 20 minutes of nothingness as we shuffled to the door. 20 minutes in 45 degrees can take the partying spirit out of you. It did for me so upon getting there and seeing more crummy lines for the food, this party gal was not happy. It was not a good look at all.  

The only saving grace - an oh-so-cheesy photo on Santa's lap.

2. Winter White Party.

Punk rock band. See the chick with the afro-puffs!

After the Yelp event I needed a good party. And this was a GREAT one. To me it topped last years, in price and oddities. I had a great time. Mingling with folks dressed in all-white getups was simply breathtakingly awesome.

Slight recap - The Winter White party is held every year, on the Monday just before Christmas at the Historic Georgian Terrace hotel. It requires attendance in all white outfits with a little craziness/adventure in your attire, the crazier, more flamboyant the better. It's all white, how else can you stand out? I went for the first time last year and promised that it would be my annual winter escape. There's a small fee to attend but it is reasonably minuscule compared to the amount of fun you're sure to have.

This is how my night began - see the glee in my eyes!

If you look real close, you can spot me and some of the artists from Totem.

I asked this newly-formed group to play me a Xmas song. They obliged and had to (Google) research the lyrics. Fun. 

One of my personal faves from the evening. Marie Antoinette and me. 

Cirque du Soleil trapeze acts stopped by to entertain.

Lovely ladies of the night. 

Let It Snow, Let It Snow!

3. The Gidewon Foundation holiday gift drive at Le Fais Do Do.

Very well-organized compared to the Yelp party. Open bar all night. Live music. DJ. Loads of holiday desserts. Most importantly, there were no lines anywhere. Slight line while we waited for drinks was quickly counteracted by an usher that took us to another bar with an even shorter line. I just thought that was A-Plus service, don't you?

Live band doing their thing. 

Me, the giggle of excitement.

No matter how subdued I may look, I am the Life of the party! 

Quick shot of my drive home - Peachtree Street at Xmas = Awesome.

                         
The solo life at Xmas - has its ups and downs. Moments when you think, "Oh gosh, not another Christmas hoping Santa would bring me a man." But you get to downplay that, you take in the parties, the champagne, the laughs, the scenic atmosphere, the shopping, you just get to embrace all the joy and love. And sometimes when you allow yourself to be consumed by it just stop and say, "Hmmm...I did have a Merry Christmas." 

The act of being me

On Friday I was supposed to go meditate in church . Instead, I chose to go to happy hour. I inevitably still had fun but I couldn't help but feel as if I was missing out on what was supposed to be quiet solace and a chance to once again commiserate with God about my life.That's the kind of person I am. I wonder, am I torn between being a good person and a bad?

On Sunday I was tempted to have sex with someone who is in a committed relationship (not marriage!). We got to 2nd base when I was suddenly hit with a bout of conscience, that made me stop. Then, I had to apologize profusely for leading said person on. Once again, I was torn between good and bad.

In the past few months, it's been back to me time.

Late October, early November, I decided to take a very short but very explesive vacation to Austin to try and forget about things, especially 2012. Say goodbye to love lost Anita and try to forget about things, people, and come back to Atlanta and be me. I promised not to look back at that Anita and to face future Anita. Past Anita died as I got on that flight. Did it work? Somewhat. Every time I try to look back I find myself saying, "Remember how much the recovery vacation cost? It would be a waste of money if you came back and dwelled on the same issues."

In the past few months, I also haven't changed much. I still discuss details of my personal life with unwilling parties. People who spend their time judging you like they haven't made any mistakes in their life. They relish in their judgment and I feed them with the opportunity to relish in it at my psyche's expense. I just need to think out my life more and live it for me. Be my own fan.

Of course, this wouldn't be a post on my blog without it involving me, thinking about me, contemplating something about me as I am faced with a fork in the road.

Austin and beyond

I closed out October by taking a quick jaunt to Austin.

Yes. To Austin and back. During a work week. Yes. I spent Halloween in the city that celebrates all things weird.

And, it was awesome. Nothing too crazy but an affluential type of awesome. If you know what I mean.

Why this trip in the middle of the year?

Well, a couple of things. For one, I feel like October is the longest fucking month. No bank holidays, no summer weather, it's just there. It's smack dab in between November that holds Thanksgiving and its multiple vacation days and August with its oh-so-awesome glorious weather. It's just a "there" month. Much like Tuesday is just a "there" weekday. To liven up a "there" month, you always have to think up something cool to do. So why not take a trip, weekend trip, weekday trip, whatever, you just need to live it up, have something to hold you over until you can make it to November. 

Secondly, and most importantly, I was in between some crazy emotional feelings. Every now and again as a single person, you make the mistake (as in my case, a "mistake") to let someone into your life, You tell this person, this is who I am and I am comfy with it, don't mess this up if you're not here to stay. But they promise to stay even though they know deep in their heart that they don't have that much to give you, or they can't give you what it is you need, that time away from you, which really shouldn't be taken from you in the first place. So you, with all your single girl naivety, let them in. And shucks, months later, or in my case exactly 2 months later, the stories start and they just in some way find some lame brain fucking excuse to bail. In my case, (early) November was his birthday. When I realized that I was not being factored into his birthday plans, I just knew I couldn't bear to be anywhere in the city where he (and his fucking ego) would be. So at 3 am, distraught and utterly heartbroken (yes, I am that melodramatic) I booked a trip to Austin in October. 

Being an ill planned trip I didn't have much time to book a hotel or anything. Plus, I was saving whatever vacation days I had for Christmas (I don't know why) so it had to be a "working" vacation, but shhhh, don't tell my employer that. 

I ended up staying at Aloft at the Domain. Austin's version of Atlantic Station in Atlanta. It was just blissful. No stress, no muss. Just 4 days spent finding myself, re-discovering who I am (who had gotten lost in all the fake relationship brouhaha), and trying to appreciate me in the warmest weather I could find in October (in America). There were moments where I sat at the fountain at the Domain and just let the breeze whiff through my hair, and be. Be me in my environment, take in the sights, take in life, laughter from the children, families doing their shopping, and cyclists taking in nature. Just take in this time for me. It was just my time to be me and not stress about men, work, being single or anything else. Most importantly, and to my utmost pleasure, I did a lot of drinking and dining. Certainly no shortage of fine dining (and drinking) at the Domain in Austin.  

I promised myself that at the end of the "sabbatical/emotional retreat" that I would return to Atlanta and not look back. I would not contact said "asshole" and I would not wonder about said "asshole". Austin was my way of saying goodbye and hoping said "asshole" has a nice life, returning Anita back to form. 

That's the way it is and that's the way it ought to be. Us single people have to take care of ourselves. Because if we don't, these "assholes" would shake us at our root.

Let me take you through the pictures from my love sabbatical. Unfortunately, there aren't that many. I was concentrating in taking it in and exhaling. I wanted this trip to mean something emotionally, something that could not be captured in pictures.

Aloft at the Domain - scene of the crime. Cannot thank them enough for being so awesome. 

NoRTH. The Domain's "It" restaurant. 

The Fountain of my reprieve located to the left. Gorgeous sun in October.

Quick capture while on the shuttle to the other side of the Domain. 

Me. Looking well rested and skinny. Collarbones! Yes. 

Leftist Movement

I just feel like I goofed. 

I was trying to turn water into wine, believing in the good in people, trusting that there were true emotions involved, and fighting it with a dose of positivity. In between all the sweet words and texts, my stupid head and heart goofed itself into believing amazing was possible. This is the same feeling I had when this started but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I just knew that I didn't want to let this person get close to me because it would hurt when we separated. Oh, I had so many nightmares about us separating, fighting via texts, right from the very first day we met. Can you believe it that I predicted it that early? 

And then came August when I had the guts to stake my stance and say goodbye (way before all the humiliation and anger started) I should have said it and kept on moving, left the stage while the applause was highest. That was when things turned around. I don't know what I thought. You start wondering at which point did I get so stupid, why was I blind to the unrequited affections, to the tell-tale signs that this person is casually in retreat while your stupid self is just surging ahead. I just totally goofed. I was leaning right while he was stealthily leaning to the far left. A total goof at love. 

On a very cold Monday evening, in the midst of Hurricane Sandy, while on my treadmill sometime around 6pm, I finally summoned up enough guts to say goodbye. Again. For the last time. And this time I meant it. The flip-flopping is over. The goofing off period has ended. Let the leftist go left and let me patiently go right - to find love. Everyone else was right. It is time to (finally) Move On.

It's October, I'm glad

It's finally October.

I thought I'd never complete September. It started with me angry and ended with me, not so angry but still recalling facets of my anger. It was not a good look. It took days and days of yoga, meditation and prayer to get me to stop being so mad. Eventually, I still have traces of anger but it's not overwhelming. I just hope I never get that angry again.

So have I forgiven 2012? I've just resolved to never talk about 2012. Ever. Not even with you, dear blog. What I can say is that I realized the shittiness of my month may have had to do with my mum arriving last month. I noticed that every Saturday after she arrived I was besieged with some form of bad news or the other. I don't know if it was the devil's way of testing me, or just something to do with having a visitor in my home. It just brought on bad vibes that reigned on me, even when she left I felt like I had to pray constantly to shake off the aura.

That's one observation.

I also observed that I seem to be besieged with lackluster guys. When I was trying to get over Trouble I had the best time ever. I went clubbing, I had a kickass vacation, I went to the best parties, I encountered some awesome men. I just generally had an awesome time. Getting over him was more fun than actually being with him. It was a blast. But 2012, not so much. Every where I go I keep waiting to have an all-around great time, but it doesn't happen. The life is just so sucked out of it. I've tried travelling, going here, there, met some blokes, gone to some of the trusty fun places I normally go, but no can do. It just ends up being blah! I spend so much money and I am blah-ed out. Even sadder that I am out of a whole lot of money without any fun to show for it. Even the men I've met have been blah and that has upset me even more. Once I tried to have fun, I came close but then I realized the audacity of what I was doing was so despicable, unseeming. Plus, there were some elements of it that were awful as well. Not my proudest moment.

I wish I could emphatically say what this is about. Maybe something doesn't want me to forget about him, maybe there's still some more fire left in us or maybe I am giving him too much power. I don't know. I just haven't run into this type of lackluster haven in awhile and it troubles me. I've resigned to stop fighting it. If it's time to forget him, I will. Let's not try to force the issue. Let's let fate decide.

So 2 observations in one month. Plus a vow to keep silent. I am doing good.

October update

It's October! Finally!!

And no one could be happier that it's October more than myself. Considering how I entered September, with so much anger and emotional turmoil, I am soooo happy it's finally October. This month I am hoping to put the emotional turmoil behind me and hopefully, try to pretend that it all happened to someone else...that person was not called Anita, maybe "Schmanita"!

Okay, to set this month off right I will do a quick rundown of some of the awesome events from September (rolls eyes, I can't even mention that month without rolling my eyes). Granted since it's been so long (or not) these updates may be very brief and straight to the point. But there are pictures!

DiningOut Atlanta Magazine Party

- I attended this event with my mum. They threw out the red carpet at Paschal's (which at the time of my visit I didn't know was some type of historical Atlanta landmark) and treated all guests to a true red carpet experience. We had our pictures taken as soon as we walked in, drink tickets were handed out swiftly and light jazz played as we perused the event. They had lovely fried chicken tenders that they thought we could not get enough of so they kept it coming, with more, more and look some more...you get the picture. At the end of the evening, I was all "panko-chickened" out. Then, finally they brought out something else: warm bread pudding. Yum, I was stuffed.  And happy! DiningOut Magazine Atlanta definitely kicked this event up a notch compared to their past events.

Me and the Mom Unit

Opening Reception at Bill Lowe Gallery - Jacqueline Herr and FAWS

- Once again, mum was in town so I decided to treat her to an evening of art and wine and those cute triangular shaped sandwiches that taste so delish that you wish they had more, and then, oh wait they do. This time they had those sandwiches plus some fruit. Lots more fruit, not much else. So I found that people were standing over the fruit tray holding conversations about nothing at all. The Art itself was meh! Sorry, nothing jumped out at me.

Bill Lowe Gallery always has the best sculptures. This is me wishing I had her waistline

Beaujolais and Burgers at Flip Burger Boutique hosted by George DuBeouf

- Very well attended, and professionally scheduled to a T. I commend the organizers highly for a great turnout and their professional treatment of the guests. The Beaujolais-Villages wine was not memorable. The supposedly sweet white wine had a tart after taste that wasn't for me, leaving us white wine drinkers with only one other choice - the "dry option". But the pours were generous and we could go for as many helpings as needed, no restrictions, until the event was over. The burger sliders were very tasty, freshly prepared and had a zing to them. I actually tried and enjoyed my first veggie burger! Then, I met some lovely ladies (@thegreatdanaj) and took advantage of the tweet capabilities to instagram the heck out of the event.

Tater tots

Burgers and Beaujolais wine - Great pairing

Burgers and wine - even better with red wine

A shot of me with the lovely ladies I met.

Creative Loafing Birthday Party at the Goat Farm

- I actually paid to attend this event! Instead of being this fancy schmancy birthday dinner which for some strange reason I thought it was going to be. It ended up being this bonfire Rave filled with hipsters, tripsters, Rastafarians and wannabe artists. Interesting mashup. Needless to say I didn't have one amusing conversation in there and my feet hurt like hell cos we packed on the street and hiked it up to Goat Farm. Did I mention that I paid to attend this event? I forgot to bring one of my personalities with me, perhaps, "hipster Anita" might have had more fun. But classy Anita, who was unleashed that night, definitely didn't have any fun. I guess I haven't read Creative Loafing in awhile. I had more fun tweeting about the event and in the end scored quite a few retweets, etc.

This very cool communal table was like a big Italian family dinner.

I observed the table from a distance

Sweet Auburn insisted we take pics by their food truck b4 getting served

In the end, what have I learned from an emotional challenging month filled with fun (and not so fun) events? I've learnt that you should laugh through the pain. You need to get up from the couch, put your best face (and outfit or in my case personality) forward and just experience the world away from the confines of your home/couch. I mean, I love sitting home and watching a marathon of Sex and the City, don't get me wrong, that can be therapeutic too. But the laughter and wonders of the world around you just puts a smile on your face that lets you know, everything is going to be okay, so the phone doesn't ring, it is going to be okay. It always is.

Here's to a new month!

If you want a live rundown of these happenstances as they occur, common, follow me on Twitter - @aphy201 - already!

East Atlanta Strut

This is one of those pictures that aptly summarizes my weekend.

When you're married, boring co-workers often ask at the start of the week, "Hey, so how was your weekend?" If it was not that exciting, you often feel the need to lie. But there are times when the weekend is just so bloody awesome that upon hearing that question, you just smirk and sweetly reply, "It was okay." This means, I would like to say more but...I don't think your sweet perky married self can handle the details as you think, and I have the pictures to prove it. Let's just keep it above board and  PG..."Weekend was quite lovely." 

Yeah, that's pretty much how my weekend was: Scandalous, salacious, scintillating, spicy, everything a single girl should indulge in and more. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words, some are more than words can describe and the memories of being sweetly single (and free!) would always live on in pictures.

Here's a collage of my weekend at the East Atlanta Festival in Atlanta. 

Friendships and the single gal

A question that often comes up whenever I venture into the world alone is, "Don't you have any friends?" That more or less. It may be phrased differently but the intent is still the same. Why are you out alone when you could be hanging out with your girlfriends a la Sex and the City. Believe it or not, real life is not like Sex and the City. 

For one, 4 girls is 3 girls too many. As a friend of mine once told me when we were in school and I have come to believe it, once friendship gets past 2 people, its a group and most of the time is spent talking about each other not working on the friendship. A and B would talk about C. B and C would talk about A or D. C and D would talk about A or B. You get the picture. Even if it's 3 people. A and B would talk about C. B and C would talk about A. Several permutations of gossip. It just goes on and on. Granted, this may or not happen. However, studies have shown that it does. Even in Sex and the City there are moments when Samantha and Miranda often talk about Carrie or vice versa. 

But going back to my situation. Why don't I have any friends? Or do I have any friends? Or why do I choose to go out alone?

I have answered this question more or less on this blog. Now I will summarize. 

1. Self enrichment. There's so much enrichment and self-discovery that occurs when you go out on your own. For one, you get to concentrate on your meal - if it's a dinner. And you get to concentrate on your environment. You pick the people you want to interact with and the type of discussions you want to have that enrich you or add color to your life. Otherwise, you would spend the evening chatting with your friend which you could do on any other night. Today, you want to explore, discover, and possibly just chill with you.  Why would you pass that up?

2. No More Drama. Who needs the drama? Certainly not I? Don't get me wrong, girlfriends are fun. I've chronicled how much fun I've had with them. So yes, I do have girlfriends. But there may just be drama. It's just a risk you face. But with yourself, no drama whatsoever unless you bring it upon yourself. You take in the occasion and leave when you've had just about enough that you can take (without the need to check in with your companion).

3. Free Will. It's yours so embrace it. Why work on someone else's or the will of the collective? Said simply, do "You"? And have the opportunity to do "You" for at least one evening or one vacation?

4. No inhibitions. With girlfriends you get so self-conscious. Can I wear this? Does this hair work? Should I let him buy me a drink? Should I take his number? Should I give him mine? We should be free to embrace who we are and express who we are no matter who's watching. If you're lucky enough to find friends who let you have the freedom to completely express yourself, awesome. I haven't been that fortunate. Instead, I've chosen to express me while out by myself. If I want to give out my number, take down numbers, etc, I do it using my own judgment. No questions asked.  

Finally, to answer the question, I do have girlfriends. I've had crazy, wicked time with my girlfriends. But I've had crazy, wicked times on my own. Sometimes when I want to have personal time filled with all the qualities I've outlined above, I go out on my own. And you should too. No doubt about it.  

To sleep but not to whine

A month later. 

I sleep well. Very well actually. So well that but for one night last week I haven't had the need to reach for my sleeping pills. It baffles me that I sleep soundly now ever since I ended things with him. Him that doesn't even have a code name on this journal. I didn't know him long enough for me to give him one.

But ever since the anxiety, anticipation and over-analyzing of every word, text, story, touch, action, ever since that was removed, I sleep so much better. The same thing happened last year with Trouble. Except for him there was a brief moment of exasperation and befuddlement but once that was worked out, I just got over myself and started sleeping a lot better. 

With the 2012 version, the recovery was instant. As soon as we instituted the 2 week hiatus, I started sleeping better. When it was over, there was a little anxiety (and stupid excitement) over, "Are we getting back together or not?" But once that mystery was resolved last week, I felt like a weight was lifted off and I didn't have to watch my phone and wonder, "Will he call, will he text, if he texts what will he say?" Just so much to worry about. Now I am filled with different thoughts. Like "Why didn't I know he was a fraud when he said this, this and that?" "Why was I so naive?" 2012 was such a liar. "So that's what he meant when he said this, this and that?" I'm such a dweeb. 

Even with all these years of being played and you think you've learned every trick in the book, you still end up letting your guard down and succumbing to some 2012 version of Trouble. At some point I had my heart intact, I had my senses intact and I couldn't care less if he called or not. At some point his calls and texts with status updates was beginning to annoy/irritate me. But then something happened and I caved. In between the birthday dinner and taking me to the airport for my birthday trip, I just became this googly eyed mama. Not a good look. Once I lost my power he gained his and then proceeded to trample all over my feelings. Ignoring me became the M.O. This is the same cat I ignored not too long ago. I am still flummoxed by it all. But the good thing is, I am getting some sleep. And I haven't been tempted to call or text him once. I can say I have matured a bit since the events of last year. 

What Do Single Girls do, they have fun!

I was lucky enough to have another one of those "Girls need to have fun."

You know how you get used to spending weekends with people or relying on someone for your weekend plans, and then, when that suddenly stops you have to make do on your own. You have to do "you" all of a sudden, and you'd quite forgotten how to do that. You'd lost you and need to get you back. So you have to insist on doing something to get you out of the house because really, how long are you going to keep watching those back to back episodes of Four Weddings. Life is meant to be experienced not observed from a couch. That was me this past weekend. I went into it hoping that things would work out A-okay. That the god of all things singledom would shine upon me and give me a fabulous time and he came through.

Slight Recap:

Friday. 

Did not get that much sleep. Went into work very tired and very angry. So I did just what the doctor ordered for crankiness - I went to Yoga at Noon. It was exceptionally relaxing and just what I needed. I came back from lunch refreshed and ready to face the day. I had plans for the rest of the day so I needed that extra boost of energy to carry me through. After work, I went to get my hair freshened for the weekend close to one of my favorite Latin bars in Atlanta - Loca Luna. The hair was done just in time to take in some happy hour and Salsa, just ahead of the night time crowd. It was a calm relaxing start to the weekend with some mojitos. If I was in the mood for some trouble that night, Loca Luna would have been the place to get into something. But I had to start it slow, it'd been a long day already. 

Saturday.

Went to Exhale Spa at Loews Atlanta for a noon Core Fusion Barre class. Or what I like to call one solid hour of torture. It was just intensely painful especially after all the drinks from the previous night. Showered, got dressed in the heat and headed out to rejoin the heat. Decided to walk, not drive, to Park Tavern for the Jack Honey Summer Swarm Games presented by Thrillist. Whiskey and 90 degree heat, can you tell they do not mix? But they thought they'd make it work. The event was to start at 3pm, smack dab in the middle of the sweltering Saturday. You would think, it's too hot, no one's gonna show up. Black folks were packed to the rafters drinking that whiskey. They had 3 cocktails only and gave us only 2 drink tickets, but we had to stand in a long ass line just to redeem the tickets and that line stayed long, very long. They kept asking us to tweet how awesome the event was, but I was too pissed that I had to spend my Saturday standing in line with some folks (unfriendly strangers) for some watered down Tennessee Honey Whiskey drinks. 

Walked over to Five Napkin Burger for their happy hour entree and Bellinis to cool off from the long walk from Park Tavern to 10th street. I'm sure you're wondering (or you might know) how far this was, but in 90 degree heat and in high heels (I don't know why I didn't just flip flop it like I did in California) half a mile just seems like a hike. You can feel the sweat bands rolling down the side of your body. Summer awesomeness! The Bellini's did their job and by the second one I was chatting it up with my fellow diners. Ended up having an awesome discussion with this couple apartment shopping for their move to Atlanta. I felt like an Atlanta native telling them all the nice spots to visit but avoid at night. It was a nice chat. I hated to but I had to tear myself away from them to catch a showing of the Avengers at the Fox Theater.

Fox Theater. Interesting turnout. A lot of people, kids, families, couples, just people coming to see this movie that's been out for 2 months. I guess we all didn't have anything better to do on a Saturday night. As I stood in line to grab a ticket a gentleman tapped me and asked if I was there solo. I nodded. He quickly handed me his extra ticket and smiled. He simply said, I'm not trying to do nothing, I just had an extra ticket. I kept smiling. That never happens to me - score of a free ticket! So people just hand you stuff for free for no reason. Geez! I thanked him profusely and walked in, free ticket in hand. 

The movie ended at 9.30 pm. I thought, it's too early to go home especially when it's been a good day so far. I was still high from the movie and then taking in the gorgeous (extremely hot) day that I wanted to experience some more of it. I just didn't quite want to call it a night. Translation - I am avoiding my couch. 

My girlfriend and I have always talked about how fun it would be to sit on the Georgian Terrace patio and take in the day. That patio is one of Atlanta's street highlights. It sits beautifully in the corner facing the ins and outs of the Fox Theater and Peachtree Street. Every time we pass people sitting there, we often say, we need to do this one day. And as I passed it that evening I thought, today should be that day. No time like the present. Granted I am by myself, and I cannot get a seat on the patio (yes, everyone had the same idea) but today seems like a good enough day as any to fulfill this fantasy. So instead of the patio, I went up to the bar. 

I ended up having the crudest conversation with this gentleman in between sips of Perrier Jouet Champagne in which we reminisced about the original Avengers with John Steed and Emma Peel, while an 80's band serenaded the wedding party in the hotel lobby.  And for the second time that day, I got to hear myself laugh. It felt good. I remember thinking to myself: Mission Accomplished. When I thought I couldn't take all the awesomeness of the day, who walks to the bar. Michael Fassbender and his fabulous Shame costar (now girlfriend?!) Nicole Beharie to grab a drink. I almost froze in my chair. I tried the darnedest not to turn and stare at them as they waited on their cocktail. But I couldn't help it. They were right there to my right side, at the corner of the bar where I hid and they thought to hide also. His hair was all shaggy and hers was tucked in a newsboy cap. I wonder what they were up to upstairs. Hmm....They looked happy, cuddly, tender and deep in conversation and in themselves. It was most certainly not the time to ask for a picture or side chatter. I just took in the moment, smirked, thanked my lucky stars and let them be. 

After that I took my leave and thanked the insanely crude but generous gentleman for paying for my Champagne - which was delish by the way. 

Sunday.

Took myself to brunch and finished it off with an afternoon of wine tasting, specifically Prosecco Rose, at Capital Grille, Buckhead as part of their Generous Pour 12 wine event. And I can tell you there's nothing better than starting the week with exquisite glasses of Prosecco.

From there I went shopping for dresses at Lenox Mall.

I'd say it was a fabulous single girl's weekend, don't you?

It was the stuff that'd make the solo gals proud and the married folks envious.  ;-)

Deflated

I feel so deflated today.

Whenever a relationship ends it's often sad. For me at least. And more so because I betrayed myself. I made certain affirmations to myself, I even wrote them down so I wouldn't forget. So I'd be reminded of them. But the flesh is so weak. Mine even weaker and my spririt didn't fight through hard enough and in the end this is what I am left with. Disappointment. Deflation. Regret. Good old fashioned regret. You go full circle and come right back to where you were.

I need to be strong to resist the urge to go back.

I said: Goodbye (via text). He said: What does that mean? I later said: I need to tell you goodbye in person. Text seems so classless. Hate that it's the last thing you hear from me. He said: Oh, it won't be the last thing I hear from you.

Why? Because he believes I'd take it back. Succumb to uncertain weakness and revert the goodbye to "hey, how are you?" That the silence would deafen me and have me running back, asking, what gives, stranger?

Yes. There's a possibility of that happening. And there's also a distinct possibility that if I remember how failing my affirmations got me into this, I won't do that to myself. Again. I won't reward the flesh. Not now. Not later.

Do Nothing. Be Still. Listen.

Weekend worth blogging about

I had a weekend worth blogging about.

What qualifies as a weekend worth blogging about, you ask?

Well, I'd say a weekend filled with delectable food, fine wine, loads of laughter and of course, love. A weekend when you can actually hear yourself laugh. A weekend when you're too hung over to work out, but it's still not enough to deter you from drinking some more. A weekend that does not go according to plan but still manages to squeeze in some surprises. A weekend where even though you're broke, you still manage to find enough money to enjoy yourself and do some shopping too. It was just an awesome weekend, and if you follow me on Twitter (@aphy201), you'd figure (1) I am rarely home, and (2) I can be in so many places at once. And if you do, you'd probably be thinking that must make for an exciting life. Well, it does, give or take.

Brief recap of this weekend's awesomeness:

This was Magic Mike Weekend. I had no other plans except to take in the splendor of rock hard bods at a Magic Mike viewing. Simple as that, nothing elaborate, let's just see the movie, have some drinks either before, after or during the movie. Do not disturb this plan. 

That did not happen.

The plan was supposed to be a matinee on Saturday. I woke up late and couldn't quite get myself out of bed. The temperature was a record breaking 106 degrees. Yep, it was a scorcher. It was even hotter on the Friday but I weaved in and out of so many bars that I failed to notice. By the time I got up on Saturday, my pool was packed full of bikini clad blondes sipping frozen drinks - it was barely noon, and I thought I drank early! In between nursing my semi-hangover, I just had this epiphany to clean my home. I just thought, everything is so out of place, dirty dishes in the sink, dry cleaning on the couch, bills on the counter. Clean up, dammit.

That's one of the joys of living alone - you clean your home on your own time, and just because you want to. You can leave everything strewn over your apartment if you want to and no one, except your conscience, can talk you into cleaning. This time my conscience spoke up loudly. After some much needed cleaning and cleansing by burning some sage, I got dressed and attempted to see Magic Mike again.

Then, I ran into traffic and knew there was no way I could bump into the showing with a good seat with only 10 minutes to spare before show time. So I went to the mall instead. But being that this was an exceptionally hot day and the mall stays comfortably, refreshingly cool, the entire Atlanta population was at the mall. Just being there was entertaining enough. Time spent trying to shop, trying to maneuver between the hordes of people colorfully dressed for their weekend shenanigans. A couple of stores later, it was time for the next Magic Mike showing.

So I hopped back into my car and headed to the theater. I should have known when there wasn't a decent place to park that the theater (being comfortably and refreshingly cool as well) would be packed. But I thought, Meh, it's probably just people using the parking lot cos it's free on weekends. No can do. The movie was SOLD OUT and the next showing was not until 11.30PM. My girlfriend, the ever hestistant one, finally arrived and to her glee, the movie was sold out. I say glee because she never really wanted to see it, and being a perpetual soloist, I didn't mind seeing it alone but because it's such a chick flick (and I can be accommodating) I invited her. I had to practically beg her to join me to see the movie and had to sit through dozens of excuses before she succumbed, and now that she had, to her joy, the show was sold out.

So we did what any 2 women would do on a Saturday night: We went to dinner. The nearest restaurant to the theater - because we had uncomfortable shoes - was Bistro Niko, and my was it a perfect choice. Considering I lived in Buckhead for 2 years I was so shocked that this was my first trip to this fine dining treasure. Everything about it was superb, from the moment we walked in the scene, the ambiance just greeted us with its international flair...oh la la! How could we leave?! We ended up sitting down to dinner and popping this bottle of sparkling wine - which I ended up drinking most of as my friend is more of a fine food fan than a fine wine fan. The waiter was so nice that he offered us everything to make our evening a delight - strawberries for the champagne, dessert for the sweet tooth, and even posed for photographs for us bloggers to capture the evening. He scored an A+ in my personality scale.

Popping bottles on a Saturday night, the way every single girl should.

Dinner of duck in orange sauce and scallops. Yum. 

By the end of dinner, a couple of friends asked if we could converge at my place and have drinks and late supper. I agreed. Yes, I blew off Magic Mike again. I thought since the day and now, night was going so well, I was too giddy to go sit in a dark movie theater. We ended up talking, sharing fine wine and arguing about the essence of Ted (the movie) over Magic Mike until the wee hours of the night. Thank goodness I had cleaned up my place. Who knew I would have visitors and finally get a chance to entertain?

But first thing Sunday morning, my sober self finally went to see Magic Mike. And I can say it was not quite how envisioned seeing it, sober, hungry, a tad hungover, but after having my plans blown off for so long, I was just ready to get it over with.

Being solo allows you to shape your life to you, take in unexpected events here and there but inevitably have that freedom to mold to adapt and be spontaneous. So I didn't see the movie when I wanted to see it, but I ended up having an awesome dinner and entertaining friends in my home, which when you're solo means a lot to you. I was able to easily maneuver and that brought an unexpected jolt to my weekend.

Overall, with the waylaid plans, it was a thoroughly awesome weekend for this single gal.

Laguna Beach

This is one of my favorite pictures from my not so fantastic Laguna Beach vacation. 

This was the 5th day of vacation, the very first day in Laguna Beach. I had just arrived and bumped into this whole row of shops with art, jewelry, fancy pieces, etc. This shop stood out because she said, Toe Rings. I had been dying to get a Sterling Silver toe ring, one I was certain would not turn my poor toe green. And this lady specialized in them. She called herself a 'Toe-ologist" or some ish, I can't remember. 

This was the only item I nabbed for myself during the trip and I made sure to tell her that. I had been through several stores, seen some things I liked but nothing I couldn't do without but a toe ring I really wanted. So got it, I got 3 actually and stacked them. 

My trip to her store was also a very fun one. She had an accent and quickly noticed mine. She told me that she was from Ireland but grew up in New Zealand and has spent almost 20 years in America, so her accent was all over the place. I told her the trip was my birthday trip which I always try to take every year. She thought that was bold like most people do when I tell them I vacation alone. She was really nice and gave me another sparkly ring for my other foot. It turns out her birthday was the following week. Who woulda thunk it?

It was the start of what I hoped would be a good day. I left her shop and ending up spending the rest of the morning sipping some drinks while overlooking the ocean. It got so hot that I got a really bad tan, the sunburn formed a shape around my sunglasses. Hilarious, but the drinks and the view were just awesome, I didn't want to leave. It felt so good to just sit outside and watch the waves and just let time pass by, not being in a hurry to go anywhere, do anything, fulfill any chore. To just be and listen to the waves do the same. I was so excited I texted everyone to let them know where I was. "Hey you, guess what I'm doing this fine Saturday"...Aaahhh... I'd file this one under "The joys of being solo."

It was a pretty interesting day (at the start!).

Post birthday greetings

So I turned an age, a great one if you think of it. And I spent it in one of my favorite cities nursing the flu. I would like to say I did something momentous to mark the occasion but nah! that was not to be this year. No matter how hard I tried, that one thing that would have set this year's birthday apart, that extra jolt of fun just did not happen. 

It all started when my family said they would not vacation the same time as my birthday, meaning I had to go it alone. You would think this is good news since I am the queen of going it alone but then I had no idea what I wanted to do. I was broke from going to Las Vegas and New York back to back so I really had no business going anywhere. Then I thought, "It's my birthday, why spend it in Atlanta which I loathe, go somewhere you love, you deserve it." 

I chose LA. 3 days in Manhattan Beach and 4 days in Laguna Beach. With no car. That meant a lot of beach walking and not a lot of shopping, and just a lot of cold weather enveloping me through those beach walks. Plus, along came the flu and swept whatever little fun I would have had all away. 

Instead of dwelling on the bad: the flu, all the money spent, the lack of planning, the lack of spontaneous fun, the dreary weather in Laguna Beach, the lack of transportation, the suburban lodgings, instead of all that I shall recount the good. 

a) I got away from Atlanta for some much needed rest and some palm trees

b) Now, I can count Laguna Beach as one of my visited cities. (never to return, sorry)

c) I got an enviable tan

d) Spent some time in prayer, in church and reflecting on the way forward

e) Got to spend the birthday at the beach and that is just so...awesome. The tanned surfers were a nice touch too. But falling asleep on the beach and taking the long walk from Hermosa Beach to Manhattan Beach will forever remain the highlight for me. 

The fact of the matter is I think God was trying to stick it to me. I've been wanting to live in California since my first visit 2 years ago, so this was His not so gentle way of showing me that there are other parts of SoCal that are not so great. That are heard to maneuver without a car. That are expensive and just sparse, where their malls resemble those in Gwinnett County. That are just downright boring. Just like the suburbs in Atlanta. That the sun doesn't come out till 4pm and lasts for only 3 hours. That are just so blah! even though you'd think with the beach and the tanned men they would be awesome but no amount of tanned men make them okay. They contain about 1% African Americans in the population. Yes. God, I got the message. But I still like the idea of having the beach within a stone throw and oh, being 3 hours behind the rest of the world. It just gives you more day to get shit done. So I still want it. I made my informed decision, Laguna Beach notwithstanding.  

Blah Birthday Greetings

So I turned an age, a great one if you think of it. And I spent it in one of my favorite cities nursing the flu. I would like to say I did something momentous to mark the occasion but nah! that was not to be this year. No matter how hard I tried, that one thing that would have set this year's birthday apart, that extra jolt of fun just did not happen. 

It all started when my family said they would not vacation the same time as my birthday, meaning I had to go it alone. You would think this is good news since I am the queen of going it alone but then I had no idea what I wanted to do. I was broke from going to Las Vegas and New York back to back so I really had no business going anywhere. But then I thought, "It's my birthday, why spend it in Atlanta which I loathe, go somewhere you love, you deserve it." 

I chose LA. 3 days in Manhattan Beach and 4 days in Laguna Beach. With no car. That meant a lot of beach walking and not a lot of shopping, and just a lot of cold weather enveloping me through those beach walks. Plus, along came the flu and swept whatever little fun I would have had all away. 

I'm sitting here thinking how do I describe it to people who are hoping on me to have loads of fun. How do I embellish it, make it seem as if it were something more than it was. I don't know. I cannot really say. It was what it was. All I can say is, I suppose I deserve it because truly I had no business vacationing so soon after NY/Las Vegas, it was just very selfish and childish, plus I should have planned it better, not bought the plane tickets on a whim. Most importantly, I had started this "thing" with this guy so I should have really stayed in Atlanta and worked that shit out with him instead of vamoosing. For men, out of sight is out of mind, so stay put so you can drive them nuts. 

Instead of dwelling on the bad: the flu, all the money spent, the lack of planning, the lack of spontaneous fun, the dreary weather in Laguna Beach, the lack of transportation, the suburban lodgings, instead of all that I shall recount the good. 

a) I got away from Atlanta for some much needed rest and some palm trees

b) Hopefully, absence makes the heart grow fonder for me as opposed to "out of sight..."

c) Now, I can count Laguna Beach as one of my visited cities. (never to return, sorry :-()

d) I got an enviable tan

e) Spent some time in prayer, in church and reflecting on the way forward.

f) Got to spend the birthday at the beach and that is just so...awesome. The tanned surfers were a nice touch too.

The fact of the matter is sometimes single people don't have all the fun. Sometimes, we just exist. We, the brave few go on vacations by ourselves and just sit there imbibing, partaking, absorbing, eavesdropping, just patiently being ignored, and just, existing. It's not so much fun for us, but it's a part of our lives. And sometimes, on few occasions, every so once in a while, we have fun. Unfortunately for me this wasn't one of those times, but I'll get 'em next time.