ever wonder

ever wonder if there are people out these who actually look forward to Monday. Every time I get to work on a MOnday, the people in the elevator always look so tired and had with the day, and it's just the beginning of the week. So I sometimes wonder are there people possibly out these who are ready to embrace the week and don't dread Sunday night that of cos leads to Monday and another burdensome week, I often wonder about that. Seriously I do. I know it's just me on the "hate" ange but who else is on the "love" angle.

I want to ask that Lord help me not to cry this week. Victory is mine, says the Lord, we are all victorious in His name. I want to claim victory and make it mine, I want the Lord to help me to believe in myself to make it happen. I can do all things through Christ who lives in me, and we have claimed victory in so much in my life that to God be the glory for helping me come this far. I love thee O Lord, and I pray that You shall help me dry my tears and claim peace in your place of worship. To Him be glory and Honor forever. Thank you Jesus. Here's to my week. This I ask of thee, Amen!

its been a week

It's not been a week since I updated but its been a hella of a week for me.
I have come to the conclusion that I am stupid. I don't read enough and my IQ is probably a hndred times lower than what I thought and last but not least my brain has to my detriment sufficiently depleted.

It has.

How did I come to this conclusion? Well the pop quiz at my interview on Wednesday. Since then I have asked everyone I know about that question and they've come up with a one word answer, like it's not even a trick question. But I rambled for days and I still couldn't get an answer at all. It pains me because I thought I was smarter than that. Where was I when my brain slowly left my body. I knew I was bad at interviews but this is ridiculous. Seriously.

So now i have to spend less time in front of the TV and more time reading (which is what I should have been doing being that it is my New Year resolution) and writing. Let me give the big screen a little breather, we can't pay for it if we can't better our skill and get a better job, now can we? I love working hard, mostly if it pays off in the end but of late I feel like my working harder doesn't gurantee that I would get anything more than I what I have. It's just chance and timing that have landed me where I am. Nothing else.

We'll talk again soon.

this was good

This was my horoscope for today, and I hope it speaks true. I only hope so. It was a rugh interview. anita blabbing all the way through, I can only hope that this story ends and it ends well. It ends well.

Today’s Moon in Capricorn will stabilize uncertain situations. This is one Zodiac sign that represents solid achievement, and the emotional Moon calms everything with tangible rewards and new social rankings.

I don't know what to say

I don't really know what to say.

I want to ask that God enables me to have faith, and strong belief in everything. You see I told you I didn't know what to say. One part of me keeps saying, I don't know what I am doing, this is all bullshit, what I am doing. And the other part keeps saying, don't worry it will all work out. It will all work out, just keep the faith. And I am and I hope in some way I can hold strong and let this all come to be somehow, I don't want to fail, and I don't want to be alone or feel as if I held out for the wrong team. I want it to be okay. To all work out in the end like some screenplay that has a magical ending to it. That's my prayer, I suppose that in all this I seek God's face first and in seeking his face he lets me know that this is His plan and it will all work out.

Grant me O Lord a blessed week.

Amen!

little things said on a Sunday Morning

I work up early today to write, sit in my little office facing the window, with the wonderful view, and hoping to write some. I may still accomplish that, butt half the day is gone now and I have so much to get to today.

However, I want to begin this post by giving a shout out to someone, whom I frequent her journal dedicated to the lovely KR. if you know me, you would know KR sites and groups are not my thing, something about being faced with fellow obsessed fans that just kinda puts a mirror on things. But this site I do go to when I need my Keanu fix, and she had/has my link on hers, though I never included hers in mine. Sad, isn't it? So I promise to do that now, and to give a shoutout to the KEANUHOLIC site.

So I haven't written, but I thought I'd do this first. More KR obsession coming later. So if you are not a fan be warned.

I was thinking

I was thinking about a lot of things that may not neccessarily have to do with work, but just generally with my life. Two things actually stick out now that I have finally settled down to write them down.

One of them is the wonderful episode of Sex and The City that I caught last night where Miranda was being asked the same questions I was asked about apartment hunting for myself. "Is it just you, this is awfully big for one person, why do you need two rooms when it's just you?" And each time I kept answering, "it's just me, it's just me."

Strange when you go through that and then a month later you see it on Tv as if the person who penned that week's episode had had a chance viewing of your life and was forced to write it down quickly to let you know, "I know it's just you, but you are not the only one feeling this same predicament. Okay, Anita."

In the end she burst out crying and said, "I know I am by myself, but I don't want to be for the rest of myself."

I almost started to cry too. I was flabbergasted by the realism in that. Has someone been eavesdropping on my pity parade? This is sad, sadder cos it is true, and even more sadder because unlike Miranda I am not comforted by the fact that there is a Carrie to kiss me and make me feel better that come 20 years from now, I won't be alone in my apartment at 11 pm at night taking pictures of the night sky. Unlike her, I just sit in front of my Tv and let my reserve comfort me, and just dwell in the hope that maybe there will come a time when I won't be so much by myself, maybe it won't always be this way, and what if God remembers me one day and brings me that one love, that one person, that one hope that would change everything, what if that happens, just like some of the remotest of possibilities have happened, what if when that occurs, I shall look upon this entry and smile to myself, and look at him, "It was just me at a time, but it is not anymore." Then what?

I don't know, I am comforted by my hope, my belief in the impossible and my strength to overcome all odds, and in the meantime, it is me, all by my idiot self.

I'll tell you about the other thought tomorrow. I promise.

there is no excuse

There is absolutely no excuse for my neglect fo this journal over the week. I have just been absorbing my new apartment, and my disdain for where I work, and how much I would love to change that. But so much of it seems damn near impossible right now. I don't know what it is about this pit I have put myself in that just annoys me. And the more I want to change it begs me to please remain, and finds a solution to keep me trapped.

The pieces of me

So the TV arrived yesterday and I haven't gone out to soak up the sun because of it. I find myself watching design shows to sort of give me a better idea of how to make better use of my space, and decorate my space, liven it up. No point having large space and decorating it like a slum.

I want to try and go back to some of my hobbies, taking pictures and soaking up the sun cos summer is almost over. Sadly it would be soon.

I thank thee O Lord for the blessings You have given me. For the chance to get to where I want to be, and the will to get there. I pray and ask of thee, that I shall take the right steps to excel my heart and my mind and that my days shall be filled with gratefullness, hope, faith and contentment. And that light shall shine on to everyone I meet. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

the move

The move has happened and while everything is still taking a little while to fall into place I am mostly pleased, cheery and joyous. An inner joy and pride that I never thought the new apartment could yield in me. Those last few weeks before the move were a bit scary I wasn't too sure why I was doing and if the reason was going to be quenched when the move occurred. But it did. And I am so chipper. There is one last present to myself and it arrives this weekend, if I don't change my mind. But everything feels like I am living in a dream that dear God has made possible. I don't know how to thank Him and I don't know how, I am just overwhelmed and completely touched that He granted me this mercy, this opportunity to partake of this dream. I truly believe God loves me, and I want You all to love Him too.

So that's my thought with my prayer for the week.

Thank you Jesus.