today at work

Today at work I attended new hire orientation, which was basically four hours of medically overpaid RN's etc, telling us the usefulness of our drugs, and all other gobledygook I really didn't want to hear. I spent half the time day dreaming I was having sex with Keanu. He had come home, and Shelia had greeted him with a casual hey, while she cooked in the kitchen, bending her head to stir her pot. But then, he walks towards her so unassumingly, in those strong determined steps, and then, he holds her head and kisses her passionately. Takes her hand and guides her to grab his manhood, and he reaches for one of her breasts, and as he pulls up for air, he says, slowly, "Don't ever say hey to me like we are just friends." This is the part of the story where Shelia and Keanu live like lovers, and put aside all their "friendly" ways.

I thought about all this while the bosses talked about the direction of the company and why I should feel honored to work with them. I don't know why or when I got turned off from that company. It's right before the time they lost their sense of humor and when I got reprimanded for showing initiative. This spells how I got turned off. And in between I hear the seductive very slim, very together, (you know one of those nicely pulled together women that just makes you feel like some leftover personality) she said she was in the energy business. The energy business! Seriously, I can only hope to be in the energy business, my country deals in the energy business, in fact we are opne of the largest producers of oil. I can transition quite easily. She is put together even careerwise. There must be some light at the end of the tunnel. Please and let it have strong determined footsteps, and come out of the glow, saying, "Hey. I am the reason life was such a pushover, so you could have me."

Light in me. Today at work.

Rob Thomas a day later

I went to see Rob Thomas last night. His voice is amazing, sounds the same live as it does on the CD. With just as much passion for this song as the next. The only problem is he decided to sing every single song he's ever written and then some that he wished he had written, and before you know it the pace of the show had weakened, and a lot of people, including myself were tired. Most of all, it was a freaking Monday night. I know this is what you do for a living Rob but some of us have real lifes, and jobs, that we have to be at on Tuesday.

Notwithstanding, it was a good show, the music was right on the money, sounded perfect not a single note off key. He interacted with the audience, he didn't seem to have an ego about him towards anything. Poeple tend to be that way on stage and you can kinda guess it. It was wonderful, even though he chose to sing my favorite song--This is how a heart breaks--last. I think it worked better with the pace of the show to have the fastest paced song played last. But all those boring songs in between. Golly! Rob, couldn't you tell we were standing? I also like it when he cursed, something we were all little fuckers. He said fuck a couple of times, which was cool, sometimes you forget what it's like to have people curse freely at a concert. He even threw in a David Bowie song in there for good measure. Dancing and head bopping with that sexy skinny body of his.

Two weeks later

It's sad to say that there has not been anything really interesting to report. Two Weeks later, and it's more of the same problems pronounced and a few additinals have ocme to stay.

Work got to an unbearable pitch, right after my car got bashed in by a dumb cart at shoddy Target. Target, being the irresponsible retailer that they are, have completely denied liability. But I shall fight them, even if it means opening up a blog dedicated to defaming their red and white sloppy image.

Then, work. I don't even know where to begin without giving away the names and characters of the non-fictitious people in my life, that make it so unbearable. All I can say right now, this is the one place where people are frowned at for showing initiative. And I was rebuked for showing initiative, and asked 'kindly' to be the paralegal who sits there and looks pretty. Don't express much, don't do much, just answer the phone, type as accurately as you can, and don't ask or bother to help the clients. WE, the attorneys, are here to help. It is not your place to help them.

Every which way I look at it, it sucks. It sucks because I was hoping this was it. I was hoping I could just settle in here for the next couple of years, work on my Master's Degree, use the flexibility of the hours to study, get some work stability into that resume, and just chill. I still can. But I have such a strong personality in everything mostly my work, that this seems like such a cop-out. Like I went to school for 6 years (and then some more) just to sit there and look pretty. Two years from now, even with the job stability in my resume, I won't have any notable skill of use to market myself. Then, what was the point.

They say events in life get clouded up for some reason, all for the greater good. I don't believe it. I want to believe it, but I often fail to see why. I more than often fail to understand why. There is no greater good, it's just frustrations that befall you, especially when you don't need them. Pure and simple.

I think I

I think I adequately survived the week from hell. After the Target stores debacle, which I still have not forgiven them for, more on that later. I went and gave my car a good carwash today to figure out if it would mask the lok of the dent. It didn't. Instead the red paint from the cart is now more visible. What kind of customer service do stores try to uphold when they refuse to pay for property damage caused by unattended carts.

Apart from the Target incident, work got a little miffy. They plan on bringing in a contract manager to do a job I was aspiring to. What is the point? Why do I even bother with this paralegal thing, it's like at the back of my mind I will always be an attorney but at the forefront I know I can never really live out my dream, and living something so much less than your dream is like someone sticking a fork in the innermost trenches of your heart. Like, what's the point in even trying?

There are certain times when you wish the attendant problems will sail away and just let you be, so you can face new problems, at least they've cleared from your plate, but instead of leaving, they add on some more. How much more can a 31 year old overweight non-socialite woman take? Pray tell.

You can only imagine that with this lull, I cannot write, or think academically, because like I said before, what is the point?

We plan to take a little road trip over the weekend, hopefully it will be mishap free and the drive may clear my head some. Or calm the uncertainty inside me. Or it may not.