Let's Take A Long Walk

I’ve walked around the block solo in many cities. 

Many metropolis cities. As I walk I muse, admire the scenery, talk to myself, admire the people that live in that city, sometimes wish I were them. I get lost, ask for directions, most times stop for a ‘cool off drink’ to try and work through my thoughts with some alcohol, nothing gets you more in touch with your feelings better than a shot of something strong. It's slowly becoming one of the best parts of traveling - the opportunity to meander through a city block, feel through their energy and connect with the people.

However, walking in the streets of Ada George, Port Harcourt while trying to find a "keke napep" that would take me to the end of the block to have dinner in a cheesy fast food joint, before I take another "keke napep" home, that, that alone, stuck in my craw. It was simply said…not a good look.

It hurt my soul, a lot. I can take walking in New York, walking in San Fran or Seattle and feeling swallowed by these metropolitan cities (all these white people walking around, tew much), I can take Paris, and feeling overwhelmed by the language barrier, I can even take walking in The Hague and really being stared at as the only black person for miles. But I cannot take Ada George or any road in Port Harcourt or non-metropolitan city in Nigeria. I just can’t.

Don’t know why God does this to me. Is it a sin to be addicted or dare I say more comfortable in metropolitan cities? I don’t sleep with people’s husbands, I don’t snatch people’s boyfriends, I also do not post pictures of my shoes and bags or any worldly possession on Instagram to tell people how much I’ve “made it”. I actually hate folks who do that last part. I love and serve the Lord and try to do my best to remain in touch with my spiritual side and share love and light the best way I can. 

Is it too much to ask that I don’t get that one job that has me living in a village? Walking on streets like Ada George and entering taxis that run worse than the car I left in Lagos, just so I won’t have to stand or walk on streets like Ada George. There’s a lesson in here somewhere but I am choosing to ignore it and insist on what I want - 

Relocation Meets Returnee

Every time I've moved in my life I've had to do it on my own.

There are people that exist in my life before the move but they conveniently find a way to not "exist" at the time of the move. But they do conveniently show up after the move to give their unsolicited advice about the move, the choice of apartment, the new space, the feng-shui of the new space, and just overall comments that you don't need to hear after going through a tumultuous move by your lonesome self. 

And it's sad because moving is one of those few times, I wish I had a man in my life. Men are so much better at that type of bullshit. Dealing with artisans - movers, electricians, AC installer, cable installer, blinds person, etc. You know, A R T I S A N S. In Nigeria, there are even more artisans as there are Landlords that don't fix shit. They own the land, build on the land, create apartment space and that's it. Tenants do the rest! They expect the tenants to do the rest. As a tenant, you have to install Air-conditioners, thoroughly fix the bathrooms, (because God knows they don't know how to build bathrooms in this country), you have to reinstall the fittings, because you know those landlords will install the cheapest of fittings. Then, there's even simple things, such as cleaning the space, they don't even bother to sweep the apartment after the previous tenant moves out. They leave it for the new tenant to handle. Also remember to call an electrician to connect your generator because you know we don't have up to 6 hours of electricity in Nigeria, and finally, the biggie, SECURITY. You have to ensure that the place is secure. Even if there are locks, you have to change the locks, buy new keys, ensure that the place is Fort Knox secure especially for a single woman. Never take it for granted. I have once and I paid for it, dearly. It's an endless wheel of hurt moving into a new space. The most painful, and foremost process to be tackled are blind (or curtain) installation and air conditioners. The 2 most essential parts of a move in Nigeria that never, NEVER, existed in America. In Nigeria, the windows are bare, wide open, sometimes even broken with torn mosquito nets and the air is tight so you need some serious ventilation and some privacy. 

So here I am, about to embark on a move in Nigeria for the umpteenth time and those 2 are yet to be installed. 

The funny thing is, I could go through moves, back to back in America. There was a certain period I was moving every year and I would go through the stress of moving and eventually feel fine, and exactly about a month later I would recover. I would even loose some LBs in the process and the end result would be a brand spanking new space in a new neighborhood waiting to be explored. 

In Nigeria, I have had to go through moves back to back and sometimes against my will, and I have to say, it is the absolute worst debilitating stress. Literally the worst. Even worse because God keeps moving me back to this crummy ass city - Port Harcourt. From the moment I came back to Nigeria, 4 days later, I had to come to Port Harcourt. It was one of the worst times of my life. I felt like I was trapped. In Hell. There was no moment of escape, pretense, acceptance of my new reality. It was like, "Welcome to Nigeria" with a high aplomb! 

I thought I would be content enough in myself and in my environment. I would make my space my Anita space but this country is so frigging screwed it's not even possible. The people here don't want anyone else to succeed. They spend a lot of time conspiring against another person. It's all so Macbeth. 

In moving, and self-discovery, you realize the folks that are your friends. You also realize so much about your tolerance. And so much about your life choices. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Your country does not really hold the sincerest of people. Even the best of jobs. You should really work with and try to perfect what you got!

On Moving and Relocation...another opportunity of self-discovery for a returnee.