Negro Aftermath Revelations

I've learnt a lot about myself in the past 6 days since the event that ruined my Christmas aka, the Aftermath with Negro.

When Trouble/Salt happened, I came on this blog and assessed my thoughts and findings after having to sit with the news that weekend. This week was Christmas. I thought I was going to have a very Merry Christmas, albeit by myself but I thought, somehow, Cupid, understanding that I am by myself would make My Love want to be with me...at Christmas. Instead it was a cruel turn. 

No matter, I survived the season with the news and with myself. As the weekend comes to a close these are my findings:

1. That your guy friends are there for a reason. They are much better than girlfriends. They have become my rock. They are not your friends to get under your pants or to take advantage of you. They are there to give you that male support that you've been lacking, to protect you from Negroes such as these, to hold you when you can't go on. I have come to love and appreciate them more this season and I thank God that they are and will always be a part of my life. 

2. That you should write down what's working and not working in every relationship, be it a casual affair, sexual affair, fling, whatnot. If the only thing working is sex (unless it's a sexual affair), then you need to have your priorities straightened because we are not in our 20's anymore Anita and I am not Madonna (in all her sexual liberation). 

3. Once again, I should be with people who value being with me, spending time with me, talking to me and not stay with them just because they're cute because if they are not Keanu cute, really how cute can they be?

4. Once again, if a man argues with you....well...I don't know, you take that anywhere you want to. This is the first second man that's ever argued with me. This time I think he's a passionate man, just not passionate for me. He's a volatile man and I should have known better considering we've had quite a few toxic arguments so...what does it say about me that I always seem to fall for the guys that argue with women?  What can I say, I love passion. I just wish the anger had translated into passionate sex. 

  

5. That when praying, you should pray for your enemies, even the ones who've deliberately hurt you.  This is always a tough one. I keep wondering why God asks us to forgive our enemies and then He makes our enemies cross us in the worst possible way. It hurts more when the hurt comes from someone you considered a friend, your lover, a part of you, your insides. It's like being slapped in the face. I just pray that "my enemy" sorts out what's going on his life and God touches him enough to want to ask for forgiveness for hurting mine. 

6. Once again, I really should let God figure out who's path belongs together. As He says, let thy will be done. Crazy, everyone knows this one, but sometimes it's hard to accept this in some situations. I thought there was some sign in the stars to the fact that we both exist in this space and time and are single and in need of love. I thought God was trying to tell us something. I over read it. It was really all bullshit. I was trying to make my 25 year old mistake right in my 40's. It doesn't work that way.  

7. That alcohol does not solve everything. You may think it does but it doesn't. This one was weird for me because I've always trusted my 40 degree proof "good friends" to get me through every problem but this time I didn't even go to them because the hurt cut too deep. Instead I relied on exercise, yoga, and the words. I had to dig into my words to find some meaning to my chaos. I was advising myself from the past and I didn't even know it. 

8. That in the heat of anger, you should try to be the bigger person and control your anger. This is so hard. Who are we but for our rage, our passion? I am as passionate as I am angry. Anger is passion. I love as much as I hate. I love uncontrollably and when that is betrayed I just feel like you trampled on something that could have been yours...for life, why would you do that? Every day I ask God for the strength not to be angry...so I fail. This time I failed big time. 

9. That there are really some problems you shouldn't share with people, especially on Facebook where everyone is so vapid. You should learn to contain and compose yourself, seek Taylor Swift or any other woman who's had to "laugh at their pain" or turn it around for creative reasons. 

10. That action movies do have some type of consoling factor. I spent my Christmas tapping into my Jason Stathams, Keanu Reeves and Arnold Schwarzenegger movies and they have uplifted me a bit. Nothing like seeing someone bash someone's head in to get you feeling a little chipper. 

11. That children...are the light. The highpoint for me was meeting his child and that was just awesome. 

12. Most importantly, that when someone you think you love and laugh with tells you that all the laughter and the talks and the kisses and the tremendous sex never meant anything, that you guys "never dated" and you only had sex "a handful of times", hearing all that should kill you instantly. You shouldn't have to wake up day after day and continue with life like you didn't just hear that from your lover, like you, like a child, imagined all those moments. But you do....because when life hits you, you just have to learn how to keep hitting back. As Stallone said, "It's not how hard you get hit it's how you can get up each time you get hit"....(or something like that.)

I think as writers we get tested emotionally, more than others because we are tapped into that part of us that feels, unlike other people, and it's that part that produces the best stories and poetry about love, life, hope, trials and redemption.  

So I've learnt a lot about myself in the past 6 days. I don't know how long it will take to rebuild emotionally but I am trying. Maybe by this time next year I'll wonder what all the fuss was about, he's not even "Keanu cute". And if you're not Keanu cute or just as cool and sublime as he is, I really shouldn't be messing with you in the first place. 

I just hope the rebuilding occurs sooner rather than later and I don't disappoint myself by falling for his bullshit the 3rd time around. Just saying....I can be weak like that. But I do love passion. :-)

Party at Maison Fahrenheit

A good friend of mine extended an invitation to the grand opening party of Maison Fahrenheit, a new boutique hotel in Victoria Island. Maison Fahrenheit, conveniently located across from EKO Hotel and on Adetokunboh Ademola Street is just another entry into the vastly condensed Nigeria hotel/hospitality industry. Since the Nigerian market seems to be flooded with hotels, each one has to stand out with some distinction, some glitz, glam, some oomph to put you ahead of the competition and justify the N55000 starting rate.

I went just to see who had the balls to open across from EKO Hotel. 

As we arrived, dressed "red carpet ready" as the invitation instructed, we were greeted on the "purple carpet" by a lady who painstakingly pronounced the hotel's exquisite name in her best French accent. She greeted me and whisked me off to a table where I entered my name, business card and phone number for reasons that were not immediately explained to me. After the hassle to get there I was so ready for the bland glass of wine I was offered. 

Purple carpet

A couple of room tours later, with my very favorite being the WOW Room - a room decorated all in white (except for the rug) with a huge balcony, lovely flatscreen and espresso machine - we were then taken to the terrace lounge, on the 4th floor (I may be mistaken), this is where the party was at. 

Buffet

If you've ever been to Strip Atlanta, you'll instantly get deja vu euphoria as you party on their terrace. It was just so reminiscent of it, I was astonished. It had cabana seating, TV screens for the cabanas, sweeping views of the Lagos skyline, traffic and all, and of course music seeping from the speakers. The only thing missing, which Strip has, is an indoor area for dancing just in case you get tired of being enveloped by the external ambiance. 

There was food, champagne courtesy of Sliquors, pretentious Lagos crowd, and the international scene was modestly represented. I particularly enjoyed the white gentleman from God knows which country who decided to smoke without asking the ladies if the smoke was bothering us - classic gentleman. What country in the Western World can you smoke in a building? Nigeria needs to get on their no smoking laws, STAT. Specifically Maison Fahrenheit needs to update their fire insurance coverage.

Women smiled and did that thing where they don't greet each other but just sneakily access your outfit from afar. There were good looking young men everywhere, some so tasty I felt like packaging them in my purse as my Christmas present to myself, to be returned after the New Year. :-)

My Party Selfie

Detailed lobby ladies room

My friends and I looking greasy from all the food

Hallway 1

Hallway 2

Staircase

Everything in this hotel seems to have been detailed to perfection in an effort to stand out, to connote a certain modern, edgy style to attract the young hip selfie-obsessed crowd. No, Sir, this is not your grandpa's hotel. I figured that out as soon as I noticed the espresso machine and the black and white photos all through, from the lobby to the hallways and on every floor, especially the one of Adele. They want to attract a particular crowd of customer, as if to say, "Go to EKO Hotel for your business meetings and medical conferences, but come here for your drunken debauchery weekends and New Years Eve parties." 

Yes sir, we will. 

Marital Bliss?

Couples, please read closely this marital bliss analogy I’m about to present to you. 

Let’s say Michelle and Barack Obama (I consider them the ideal black couple so I use them very loosely here as an example) have agreed to host the Duchess of Yorkshire Pudding on the 14th of December. They agreed to this days ago, and they cannot cancel it. The Duchess of Yorkshire Pudding is so looking forward to being very nicely hosted by the fun-loving ideal couple, the Obamas. She’s worked out her outfit, talking points, reviewed the menu excitedly. They’ve promised that the evening would involve a nice grand tour of the white house, private tea and pictures with the couple and then, of course dinner with the couple and some of their closest friends. 

Come the morning of the 14th, Michelle and Barack have a little tiff over something quite trivial as say, breakfast. Michelle did not serve the buttered toast that Barack likes on Thursday mornings, instead she served pancakes, the tasteless whole wheat kind, and this really ticked Barack off. Barack remained pissed all damn day, through the afternoon and right up till it was time to greet the Duchess of Yorkshire Pudding, who had gotten so nicely dressed for the occasion. Let me see, in this scenario, will the Obamas cancel on the Duchess just because they started off the day with a tiff? Will Barack reflect his aggravation with the breakfast mixup on the Duchess of Yorkshire Pudding who has no idea (and really doesn’t care) about what happened between the Obamas on the morning of her visit? Or will he put on a brave front and a plastic smile and work through the visit as if nothing happened that morning? Toast, what toast? I know nothing of which you mean? I had a nice hearty breakfast of low-fat pancakes. That would be his response to any snooping journalists who may have gotten wind of the gossip. To the rest of the world, nothing like that occurred, and nothing like that should seem to have occurred. It's just breakfast not world (or in this case, household) peace that is in jeopardy so it is really not that serious. The couple would host the Duchess like the loving and adoring couple that they are, smiling and doting over her, and just showing genuine affection for each other unfazed and unbothered by the oh so unfortunate breakfast events. You see that’s how a pro model black couple does things - they never let the world see what's happening outside their bedroom. 

As a single gal if I'm asked to accompany you and your husband on a night out, whatever happened between you two that day or the day before that sex has not been able to resolve (yes, I am shallow and truly believe that sex is the cure to everything when a man is concerned) whatever that problem is, it is really not my problem. You agreed to welcome me as your guest and that’s what you’re going to do with a fake pleasant demeanor. You’re going to put on a fake smile, and a forced countenance and just going to have suppress your issues until me, the single guest, is gone. Then, you can get back to fighting, or biting over a simple screw up such as breakfast (or whatever odd thing couples fight over). 

Couples are supposed to encourage the single ones to get married not discourage us. Paint the picture of perfect marital bliss so we single ones can be overwhelmed by envy, so consumed by it that we are instantly swayed to committing ourselves to a life of eternal subjectivity to the first guy who hints at a proposal. Now you know why some of us celebrate the heck out of being single. 

But seriously, ladies, if you screw up your husband’s breakfast, those are occasions that call for a blow job. If he’s still mad after that then, it must have been one hell of a screw up. And men, it's just breakfast, so get over it! Next time you make breakfast for a change, how about that? But I guess if you're Barack that may pose a problem.

God Said Ha!

It's December. 

The last month in 2014. Today I thought of this movie based on a play titled, "And God Said Ha!", I just think it's appropriately fitting for this stage of my journey. It describes me, once living in Atlanta, and now, living in Lagos. Two places I once loathed and tried to run away from but God found it in His heart to send me right back to them. I, was once hopefully single in Atlanta, and now, I get to live (and spread the news about) the hopefully single life in Lagos. It's a bit daunting and unplanned, but God is saying Ha to this whole scheme as being part of His grand plan for me: Anita Writes. 

I can't pretend the move has been easy. There are days when I act normal and don't even remember that the Me in Atlanta is the same Me in Nigeria. And then there are days where I think I am on vacation in a new (somewhat strange) city and one day my vacation will be over and I'll be back in Atlanta (or some other place I am more familiar with) and then, there are some days I am accepting, when I think it is what it is, and I sit back and think, "This is the same Anita and there is a point to all this, you just have to sit back and accept it for what it is." A Story in Anita Writes Journey. 

Because this is December and of course, the last month of the year, I shall celebrate my life in pictures. Some of the best pictures from my former life (in Atlanta) that represent who Anita Writes was, and shall continue to be in her new (God-given) location.

Lagos, Get Ready!

I believe we should all stay connected to our joys and try as much as possible not to "disconnect" from that which brings us joy. So whenever we can find joy, whatever we can do to tap into it we should find that connect, that oneness to the thing that helps us stay sane, that helps us stay...joyful. 

So stay joyful, hopeful, and peaceful this December (holiday season) my Singletons.