Do I Ever Feel Lonely?

An empty deserted street illustrative of the solo life

A while ago I watched a close friend of mine spend their evening alone. Well, not utterly alone I was there but this friend was oblivious to my presence. He was still in the “I’m Alone” mode even though I had arrived with my awesome self. He was surfing the web while the TV was blaring. I just thought: This is me in male form. My evenings are somewhat similar. 

I go to the gym after work and then I catch up on my shows in front of the computer screen while eating my dinner. I do not take phone calls and I certainly do not answer the door. I may take a Skype chat session every now and again but that’s only when I am attempting a relationship. So while my friend was doing “me” or giving me weird flashbacks of me, I asked him: Is this what you do every evening? He responded to the affirmative. Then, I asked further: Don’t you ever feel lonely? He uttered simply: Nope. 

It felt like putting a mirror to myself. So this is what I look like. It’s fine but gosh, it looks so darn lonely to a casual observer, or a concerned observer like myself. 

Having recently joined the family in their home set up, I have shirked myself of my single gal habits. I still spend copious amounts of time by myself but I am surrounded by people which makes it a little different. So when I revisit or have momentary flashbacks of people in their single state I always stop to think, so this is what I looked like? Who would want to live like this? Yes, it’s without drama, it’s calm and knowing. You understand your space and your space understands you. You control your space and you don’t let it control you: all such enthralling qualities of spending time alone in your apartment. These are selling points but that’s just what they are, selling points. Are they staying points? Is this how I choose to remain my entire life? Yes, people, this is one of those moments when you’ll hear me say something negative about being solo. 

The fact of the matter is, and I hate to say this but, it gets old. With time, you’ll end as the one who watches TV, surfs the web, and listens to the world live their life while you sit idly by in your living room. Trust me, it gets old. I’m not saying force yourself into getting a mate just so you can have arguments in front of the TV instead of just watching the TV (or have snuggles, if you’re lucky). Nope. That’s not the solution. It’s more of, live the life you’ve been dealt with carefully adding a dose of people, a dose of love, laughter and life solutions. Otherwise, what are we doing but existing, without participating, living without having represented a full life, a life where we carefully observe under the pretexts that we are not lonely. I say pretexts of loneliness because it does get old, the talking to yourself, the yelling at the TV, the responding to everything on the Internet just so someone talks back. That all gets old. And reeks of loneliness. 

Take note that real life is much more enriching than anything that could come over the airwaves. 

So let’s shut down the T.V. by all means. Carefully make your choices on who you bring into your world to shake you off from the evening solo respite, bring your friends, loved ones, loved ones kids every once in awhile (trust me kids are hilarious life enthusiasts) just bring people in, don’t shut them out or shut out the possibility of having people in your life. An evening solo here and there is great but don’t make it a habit. Make it a solo life not a lonely life. 

Prodigal Daughter Returns

Four days into my return to Nigeria I realize a few things:

1. The factors that led to my departure are still imminent and have not been removed. I know now that I cannot avoid them or try again to run away from them.

2. That success is measured in different ways. My sojourn into the unknown, into my space and claiming that space for myself can be claimed to be success for me. The opportunity to choose my own space and have it be of such luxury, to pay for that space and enjoy it, and to meet so many people, experience every day, different cultures, different experiences, different moments. It was blissful even as it was brief. That type of success I wish I could have again. I cherish it. But success for others is measured in the number of kids and the size of their houses. Which is admirable, but success of a different caliber. How do the hobos live, when they don't have any kids, houses or possessions to measure their time with, they live with experiences. And that was my success. 

3. I realize that I may have to choose what type of success I want to take with me. I love my country and I appreciate my country but I don't know if I can live in my country if it keeps being like this: myopic, unduly pretentious, blatantly inexperienced, pitifully dirty and at times majorly depressing.  It needs to change. I wish I could be the one to change it but it requires more than one person, more than one person to acknowledge the truth.