Reasons why I chose to go Solo

People often ask me why I go to certain places by myself.

It wasn't always like this. I didn't just wake up and have the cajones to try certain places like the club, the bar or even the local movie by myself. It slowly evolved, brought upon by certain events and before I knew it I just got used to it. To a certain degree now, I sometimes prefer it, so much that when I end up attending certain events with people I feel like I would have had a better time if I had gone by myself.

I decided to do this series titled: Why I choose to go solo?

One of the main reasons why I choose to go solo sort of started from rejected invitations. I would invite my girlfriends to go out with me and it would be like playing 20 questions. Where is it, what time, what do I wear, what type of place is it, will there be men there, etc. 20 questions. It's almost like asking them out on a date; as if they're going out with me would benefit me in some way. And before you know it, you've lost your nerve or the verve to even want to go out anymore with all the inquisitive questions. Then, the worst part would be, five minutes after you've answered all these questions, they would either choose not to go, make up some lame excuse like "Oh, I have to wash my hair," or "Oh, I promised so and so, I would do this and that." This would just infuriate me. You asked me all those questions when you had other plans or did you just make up those other plans on the fly. Or worse off, they would say, "Yeah we can go," and then, five minutes to the designated time, they would say, "Oh, wow, I forgot, I have to wash my hair." 

Yep, very frustrating.

I know they are ditching me for some guy or something they think is more important. So now, I don't even bother. Sometimes the occasional friend (after being dumped by said lover and in need of a "girls outing")would call and ask me where I am headed and if I am in the mood I would tell them and they can meet me there if they choose. If not, I would say nowhere. It's not like they wanted to come out with me anyway.

Occasionally, I still find myself inviting someone to come out with me. There are places I know are best experienced with company, and I've mentioned those places off and on in here, for e.g. certain lounges, unfamiliar territories. Or there have been times when I am just not in the mood to venture out alone, to be honest with you, it takes a lot of gumption. In those cases, I've been weak and persuaded a friend to come out with me. The answer and the reception with them is still the same after all this time and I always kick myself for thinking it would be any different. In the end, this often causes me not to go and spend the day on the couch. But why do that, why miss out on life just because you're afraid to take the plunge alone?

So there it is, one of the main reasons why I chose to go solo.

Midweek Musicology

On Tuesday in need of some much needed excitement to what was already turning out to be a one-note week, I decided to go catch some local bands play at Smith's Olde Bar. I did research these bands before I left, I don't want you to think I just get up and go to see any type music. I like music but some types of music just do not transfer well live and if they don't why bother seeing them.

Tuesday at SOB is their "3 for 5" night. That means you get to see 3 artists play all for the low, low price of $5. You can't beat that at all. If you've never been to SOB, you definitely should give it a try, at least on a Tuesday. They have this very intimate set up with soft lighting, candle-lit tables and great acoustics makes for a very good show any time, almost any artist. You can listen to an artist before they get big and get all swell headed in a very comfy, non-pressure environment. I love it.

One artist I listened to online that I knew would turn out well was Zach Fowler. He was the only Southern based artist out of the 3. The other two, Silent Treatment and The Saucy Jacks are all Californians, I think. I know the Silent Treatment for a fact. They are southern California, sound like 70's inspired rock. Very good, very groovy. I was only able to catch the last bit of their set, only 2 songs I'm afraid. I wish I had come earlier I really would have liked to see them.

Zach Fowler was great. Very mellow, soothing pop-rock music. I don't know how to describe it but he definitely had that singer-songwriter vibe down and I loved it all. It was just him on an acoustic guitar with his "friend" playing the drums. Very nice. I would book them for anything. Not loud, not crassy, just soft and soothing.

The sad part about this night was that I was the only one there. There was another show playing that was more alternative, electro-pop type music and they had a lot more people. But in my show it was just little ole' me. This kinda explains the theme of my life and this here blog - solo adventures, literally and figuratively.

I commend the artists though, they gave it their best. They played like it was a room full of people and I clapped like there was ten of me.

I've seen local artists play before. I've just never had to be all about me in the room. A little daunting!

Please quit calling my boyfriend

I feel the need to say something. Not because I am slightly inebriated and that is when I do my best writing. No, because certain events just happened that I kinda sorta need to document.

I just got my first, "Leave my boyfriend alone" text. Yep. me. Dateless me. Me. Not laid in forever. Me.  Me. Feminist me. And being the feminist that I am I apologized for it. I should have said more. Like, a man can have female friends which you as the female should too. Or, it's not that deep, you should have called to ask me first and I would have told you there's nothing going on. Yep. I am a straight up feminist in that way. But I didn't say all this. I just said, "Wow, I am sorry. I didn't know he had a girlfriend. I hardly know him." Hopefully she can read that last sentence to mean, I am not a threat and it is not that deep. 

I just find it too shocking. Shock because I suspected this would happen. When I heard the new text  tone chime, I almost read this out to myself. It's sad when my negativity turns out to be correct. Shock because this guy looks like the wimp from next door, yep, we are not talking Keanu here. When I met him, he asked all the questions, inquired so much of me and I didn't of him. I never do. I am not a natural inquisitive person I let you give me all the information. But this guy did all that and ever so carefully neglected to mention, oh by the way I have a girlfriend. For the past week or so, I've been getting dropped calls from his number, which I thought was weird. Little did I know. Things that make you go hmm...

I didn't like like him. I thought he was sweet. I thought he would make a good friend. And if possible a friend with benefit. If my mind and my inhibitions had let me have my way. I just thought, maybe. Maybe it's time I had someone do that sort of thing. Some toy boy who doesn't expect too much, who I don't expect too much from, just someone to chat and possibly fuck on occasion. However, that has been blown to bits now, hasn't it? Several crank calls and one stinging text later (which I accurately predicted). Yep. That. 

If you need me my cob-webbed, still alone and very lonely self will be hiding in some corner. 

There's more to say. But this is it for now. I am still in shock to type. 

the blandness continues...

This weekend was pretty much like the last one. It went high then dry, then ever so dry at some points. 

Friday started off dry and then went really high and sort of peaked, but Saturday started off really dry and just sat there in its dryness affecting everything around it, right until today, Sunday. I am still working on the low point, the rut, hopefully it is not the precursor to a very boring week. One can only hope, right? 

Friday. 

Went to a Whiskey Tasting event in Midtown. I was so particularly exhausted and had to talk myself into going. I know, when did that happen, me talk myself into going to get some very fine, very free whiskey, how did that happen? But hey, I am getting old. But I did go. I saw Michael Jordan battling Atlanta traffic with me with a cigar in his mouth in 70 degree weather. It was all good. At that point, I knew, things might just be looking up. And they did. The Macallan folks were ever so generous with their pours and their courtesy. There was just so much of it to go round and the night was still young. We ended at a little before 8pm on a hot Friday evening in Midtown, what's not to love? Bumped into some guy who was in the mood for some adventure and we spent the evening bar-hopping. We hit The Vortex, which is supposed to be some Atlanta staple (trust me you are not missing anything), and then ended the evening at Prohibition (which he was a huge fan of) where I proceeded to try some absinthe (yuck!). Wonderful. Went to bed at a little after 3 am. Exciting evening was over. Things that make you happy to be single in the city.

Saturday. 

The bad news. I got a dropped call from the guy from last weekend. He had "butt-dialed" me. I wasn't furious, just curious, Do you want to talk to me or not? So I sent him a text, "You seemed to have butt-dialed" me?" Here's the kicker. He acted like he didn't know who the fuck this was. I was irked. So irked. I spent the entire day being irked. I actually kinda liked him. He was sweet and soft-spoken, and I love the soft-spoken ones. Went to a bar and ended up chatting with another singleton who had just returned from a very horrid date on e-harmony. Surely her day was not as bad as mine. So we talked about my fury and she coined the phrase, "butt-dialing" which as you can see I've proceeded to use. It was the shining light to a very dry day. I always love it when I bump into other single women drinking at the bar. It's like I respect them and I understand them. We are comrades in this dating game, in this hole that life has squeezed us into, we are the few single women who leave our homes and TVs and choose to relax with some alcohol and conversation with strangers. Some choose to accept and some choose to ignore that this is their fate. We, my brief drinking partner, and I had come to accept it and for that we exchanged numbers and promised to do this again. 

I would like to say my evening got better but it didn't. Went to see a band with a group of friends and they were in a group. Groups tend to love themselves more than anyone else around them. They came in a group and left in a group. And then there was me. I was home by 1.30. Stopped by the video store to borrow some movies and bumped into this annoying lad that was reciting the movies to what I can only hope was his girlfriend. Yes, I took a picture of him. He refused to leave the place until I confronted him and asked him to buzz off, which he kindly obliged. I bet he thought, "Girl, you need to get a life and lay off the DVDs."

Oh, if he only knew. 

The end. 

St. Patty's 2010

In the history of St. Patrick's Day which is my thrid favourite holiday next to Christmas and New Years, I would say the one from yesterday was one of the worst. The one from 2008 still takes the cake as the worst.

I let a new friend of mine fix me up on a blind date with this guy. I should have put it off for some other day but I agreed to have it on St. Paddy's Day. I thought maybe we could all go to some Irish pub and knowck a few down make fond of the people in Leprechaun costumes, wear our green and just laugh. Which if you are counting is my ideal first date or any date for that matter. Can you do these things with me, yes, then we instantly have a lot in common.

Then, maybe we can work on other more serious stuff like financial security, respect for family, etc.

However, this was a total fail. I should have known I was in deep do-do when I walked out of the gym and the pub in front of the gym had a crowd and a noticeable loud music that I had to walk away from in hopes of reuniting with them in some form or fashion at another pub later that evening.

When I met him I instantly knew it was a waste of time. No spark. But let us conitnue. They had no idea it was St. Patrick's Day. We still continued. They didn't feel like doing a pub, my friend wanted to go to Johnny's Hideaway, I had to dissuade her. Then, when I thought, it's okay we can still salvage this evening, the last two strikes happened. He does not believe in God. Yes, an actual atheist. Not wanting to continue, deal breaker. Then, to try and shake that off, I suggested hitting up some pubs to celebrate what's left of my St. Paddy's day and he said no, that he had to go home to his mother. This is a grown-ass man. What are you 12? Does she know you are an atheist? Because I think that is a little more serious than keeping a late night on a week night. So I went home, reluctantly gave him my number and flagged his number when he called me that evening as a nmber not to answer.

Yes, I intend to have some sort of St. Paddy's day do-over today.

fun with a touch of lonesome

The weekend. Very interesting and disappointing at the same time.

I must confess, there are a couple of things I wish I could do but they wouldn't go down well solo. Meaning they are not as much fun and have the tendency to look a bit weird if done solo. And no matter how much I wax lyrical about taking on life's adventures solo there are things that a solo outing would not be able to pull off. One of these things is bar hopping St. Patrick's Day style.

I wanted to go to this St. Patrick's day green beer drinking live music having pub but I couldn't go. I've done it before and I know it is not as much fun solo. It's only fun in a group with a bunch of people drinking together, talking about life, shooting the shit as they say, and just generally having a good time. So I chickened out and didn't go (things you should never do solo or not). I really shouldn't have left the house really. It was a mess. A mess of a time.

Friday.

I went clubbing to join the ladies that I went clubbing with 2 weekends ago. Only I got the dates wrong it was supposed to be on Saturday and not Friday so I drove through the traffic to that side of town, squeezed myself into something, put some makeup on my face (which I hate) just to get there and the club was closed. There was a movie shoot there earlier so they were taking the equipment down. Indignant, and defiant I still went out anyway. The first couple of places needed a cover and I was not in the mood for that, so I ended up some place. I bumped into this pair of guys who were a little fresh faced and in the mood for some fun, so we ended up scouring the town looking for places to go, and as everything shuts down at 2.30AM, you can tell this was an arduous task. We ended up at Beluga which I've been dying to go but didn't know how I could withstand all that cigar smoke. It was fun.

This was the fun part of the weekend. Bumping into strangers and partying with them is always fun. I do that on occasion, I never take them home and I try to keep it simple. Most of the time, they don't want to hear from you after that night. It's just a one night thing. Like a "let's live in the moment" escapism effect. In the heat of the moment the conversation is always light hearted, amazing, witty and just carefree. It's good stuff. Once in awhile it happens and when it does it always calls for an entertaining evening.

Saturday.

Saturday was the disappointing part. Did not go to my St. Paddy's day event. Big mistake. Went to a wine tasting of rare wines. Not much fun. The owner's wife kept looking at me like I came to seduce her husband. Once again, I didn't go for my St. Paddy's Day event. Then, I went to dinner at Atlanta Fish Market. Awful food. Awful service. Everyone was just so coupled up and...happy, Urrgh! You know how we single people hate that. Nothing makes you feel more alone than sitting in a crowded restaurant watching people canoodle all around you. Wrong decision, would have been better off drinking green beer with some drunk fools.

Then, spent the next couple of hours playing phone tag with my friend from Friday night. Could the day even get worse? To top it off we went forward an hour on Sunday morning and I lost some quality sulking sleep. Things that shouldn't happen to you when you're single.

Today (Sunday) I've decided not to leave the house!

Awful weekend

I had a bloody awful weekend.

As a matter of fact, this year is not turning out too well. I can't remember having a good weekend at all. It's been a tad disappointing year so far and we are only in the 3rd month. I spent so much money and still didn't have a good time, like a really good time, like something I could take to the bank and say, Wow, that was a wonderful time. It was just bloody awful and in the end I spent so much money, money that I don't have, money I said I wouldn't spend, money that was spent in the quest for a good time. But like they say money can't buy you happiness. I've just been lazy and aimless for quite awhile and I keep hoping for something to take me away from all this, asking for some type of savior but in the end it doesn't happen and I am left disappointed.

Dining extraordinaire...

Sunday Evening. 

I treated myself to a five star dinner. I love fine dining. I miss fine dining. I sometimes crave fine dining. I would say a sufficient amount of my money is spent on good food and good wine. It's just the little pleasures, you know. However, due to recent budgetary cuts I've had to cut out fine dining and relegated it to "special occasions." Since those are few and far between it's been a significant long time since I've fine dined. Damn you economy!

I had stayed home all weekend with my only outing being on Saturday night and it was pretty low key and I had stayed under budget in my pub crawl with a group of friends. So after the successive pub crawls which are fun but I tell you they are no high class establishments, I needed to go eat somewhere I could be pampered with delectable food. Luckily for me, it was Buckhead Restaurant Week so I had a pick of some of the finest dining in Atlanta.

One of the pluses of being single is you don't necessarily need reservations. You can just perch up on the bar and enjoy a nice conversation with either the bartender (if he's attentive and charming) or fellow diners. And this night was an even better night for this because the Academy's were on. Nothing better than watching the Academy's with a bunch of strangers running commentary with some good food and wine. I tell you, it's superb to infinity. I watched the boring part of the Academy's and sat through that awful opening montage and the very scripted monologue and didn't even feel it.

Once again, it's the little pleasures.

Rant, rant...

There's something about work that just drains my energy. I may have lots of energy to do other things, go shopping, go to the movies, but I am just drained and I just want to go home, shut the door and just sit there and sulk. Every day I am reminded of how it was not the best of ideas to move here. I spent the better (youthful) 10 years of my life which I could have been using to build a family or a career, I spent it being patient and waiting for that to happen, except it didn't happen, and every time I talk to my mum she keeps telling me to be patient. I just want to smack her (forgive me, Lord).