This whole mantra of "Women supporting Women…"
Is it a myth? More like a nice-to-have?
Don't know about you but some of the most painful, tear-inducing moments in my life have been orchestrated by women. As I hurt, and gasp out of breath from the pain I ask, how did I get here? Then, a light shows me a woman at the helm of the affairs, at the other end of that pain steering the wheel, plunging the knife point into my pain totally unapologetic of her sadistic actions.
So, I ask again, is it a myth?
Do women really love and support each other?
The other day, as I was trying to lease an apartment in Lagos (renting in Nigeria is already single-handledly one of the most frustrating experiences of one's life), I was put through what I can only term as an "ordeal" by another woman. When the male agent provided me with her contact details, I was thrilled to find out that not only is she a woman but a lawyer, a fellow member of the Bar, my excitement was peeked that for once this rental experience was not going to be one of those arduous real estate encounters and I would ergo be supporting a woman in business.
Little did I know, it would be much worse. This woman, who is a respected (and powerful) member of the Nigerian society, notable as a "supporter of women" put me through the ringer. She reneged on not only one but two offer letters on the property, and she was quite unapologetic about either of her actions. When I explained to her the damages I had incurred in meeting her inconsistent demands, her frosty tone let me know that in no way would this woman ever apologize because she considered herself far above reproach to the society and especially to me, a struggling single female professional, a mere cockroach she could squash in her formidable blameless upper crust life. She swiftly hung up and continued living her life, after negatively impacting another woman's.
Unfortunately, this is just not a singular incident. Think about it. At a panel interview, it's always the female interviewers that want to take you to task, or probe about sections of the OECD guidelines, or ask (repeatedly I might add) why you've felt the need to have a gap in your resume. However, the male panelists are more concerned with chemistry and your ability to do the job, on the job. Even in the workplace, at review time, there's always a woman on the other end, telling you how you don't deserve that mental health day, or insisting that you "clock" in at a certain time. It's always us putting the squeeze on each other instead of lifting one another up.
Unfortunately, some of these women are so high up in society (just like mine) that you dare not call them out for their actions, or you'll become embroiled in some sort of David and Goliath scenario (except in this version David gets squashed into a million little pieces by Goliath and everyone stands around and says, "I told you so!").
The list of instances are endless and when Women's Day rolls around, women everywhere celebrate it so effusively every single year, that I start to wonder if I am the only person being treated poorly by my fellow women/sistas.
My message is simple, if you're a woman doing business with another woman, have this at the back of your mind -
Women should support Women emphatically. Not just say that they will, but really truly have each other's backs. Personally. Professionally. Total and Complete Support. Be doers of the word and not observers only. Be a fierce femme not a femme fatale.
