Weekly Update - Week of May 20, 2002

First my horoscope, which always seem to be over-estimating my prospects these days. Remember what it said about last week? Well sadly that good news did not hold true. It was a partially good work week. Nothing exceptional. I went to work late half the time, went for an interview that I think, didn't quite work out, (I haven't had as much as an email response from then) and had a huge huge fight with my family which I don't want to comment about on here.(it is just too touchy makes me tear up everytime I want to write about it) Asides from that, the week was nowhere near accurate to my perfect score horoscope.

So here's this week, and you be the judge if it turns out okay.

GEMINI

You ought to be feeling a little more confident and self-assured about your prospects. You'll really be eager to take control of matters and prove your worth right now. Just remember to make sure that you have everyone lined up on your side before you get going. This will greatly increase your chances of success in any endeavor.

Love-B, Money-B, Work-A*

Signs to seek-Libra, Aquarius

Signs to avoid-Sagittarius, Virgo

Also some tidbits I failed to mention about last week:

1) I went for my 5 year old niece's first recital yesterday. It was a Ballet and Tap dance thing. She nailed it much to my surprise. And she was seemingly calm about the whole thing before and after. Her mum, my sister let out before then that she was a bit apprehensive for her, you know the little cuts and bruises and stage frights, and freezes, and you know the general embarassments that occur and actually did to most of these kids once they get on stage.

But not my niece she nailed it to the last step. She didn't have to watch the instructor for tidbits for too long. She was right on the money. It was funny and joyful and so much fun and it made me so proud of her that I started to tear up slightly. A weak moment, I must confess. There shall be pictures soon.

2) My older brother got married on Saturday. He sounded a tad bit excited when we spoke to him on Saturday night. He sounded like he had a rough but fulfilling day. Glad that it was over and done with more like it. The good news is that my mum is coming to stay with us this weekend. I am all so excited about it, and psyched up really. Why am I so excited about my mum coming to visit? I am almost 30 and I'm excited that my mum is coming to live with me, isn't that weird?

I guess I just need some comfort and petting, and someone to tell me it's gonna be okay once in a while, I've missed that for the longest time, you cannot believe how much more wholesome you feel when your mum mothers you for a while.

So she comes in on Thursday and I'm so excited I get to go to the airport to greet her. Wow! I'm psyched.

I'll be sure to report how it all goes eventually, okay.

I hope much of this is true....

Here's your horoscope for the week of May 13th through May 19th.

This is your time to spread your wings and follow your dreams. You're bound to be feeling more confident and courageous than usual and should definitely take the opportunity to travel, learn and expand your horizons in any way you can. Don't be shy about promoting yourself. There ought to be plenty of opportunities out there just waiting for you.

Your luck this week:
Love-B Money-B Work-A*
Signs to seek-Leo, Aquarius
Signs to avoid-Sagittarius, Gemini

The Problem with Family

My bro-in-law was trying to pull on my anger chains this weekend. 

He came to pick me up from work on Saturday after I had pulled off a 16 hour day half of it spent on my feet. Then, he drags me to the grocery store to shop for my sister for Mother's Day. Asking me in a demanding tone if I did get her something. I don't know if he could see how tired i was, or how I much needed to sit down since I had literally been on my feet all day. The worse thing was he didn't apologize for it, not even once. He instead urged me to walk faster.

The next morning I wake up and meet all of them leaving for some place, some plan he must have made. Yes, the plan did not include me. I don't mind because I don't think I would have wanted to go anyway, but still. And then, he tells my sister he discussed it with me while we were shopping, who is he kidding? He knows he didn't say a word about his plans to me. Nada! Geez! he should at least have the nerve to fess up that he didn't.

I find my way to work, come home late, and then my sister's mother-in-law compliments me on becoming an independent woman. I tell her point blank. NO, I am not. I still live with a cranky immature hot tempered man who thinks he's doing me a favor everyday he lets me live and I am turning 28 in couple of weeks with no boyfriend or special person to share it with. At my age, everyone I know was either married, with a child, or living on their own in a job they felt proud of. The disgruntled man, still clueless that he is in my bad books, says to me, "Why don't you concentrate on the things you have and leave off the things you don't have."

He should be glad it's sure as hell not Father's day because I sure am not getting him anything when that day comes. What I have to go through at my age. I shudder, I just try to be polite and not give him mouthy words to ruin his evening unless it would have come out badly for everyone. Concentrate on the things I have, how ironic?! I have a family who makes elaborate Mother's Day plans without me, forgets that I am a semi-mother to their children half the time and decide not to buy me anything, or get them to buy me something. Isn't that selfish?

I am past getting upset, I shall just file it away in my anger books and refer to it only when I chose to inspire me to work harder to be better at what I am. Whatever is left of me.

I finally, finally washed the pictures we took over the months, starting from Christmas, my sisters birthday, some in Johnny Rockets, some during my LJ friends visit and some in the mall when Michelle Branch visited. The last few were some head shots I had to take of myself, because being the owner of the camera it was always tough getting someone to take pictures of you.

The head shots just showed how incredibly old and mature my face has gotten, I am shocked peoeple haven't been guessing my age right all these months. It was like a reality shock for me seeing them, because I often feel the same way I did let's say when I was 22, or 19. Just as flighty, flirty and vivacious. But the reality of my age always stops me dead in my tracks before I make any immature moves. A little voice iside says, "You're not 19 anymore, you know that?" And I say, righto, indeed I am not.

I was thinking about the crushes I've had over the years too. How did that start? I saw a clip of Anthony's from the early 1990's when he had that long sleeky jet-black hair and of course the rough exterior. I started to say to myself, believe it or not, I used to have a serious crush on this guy. But it didn't repulse me or shock me, like some other past crushes do when you meet them some time later, making you crinch, "what was I thinking?" Instead I still found him very attractive and matching for the dark repressed mood I was in at that time. ( as I am always in) It's quite frankly almost a year now since it happened. It was last summer...in September actually.

That was so long ago, but it certainly doesn't feel that way.

I may not quit the Kaui establishment after all. If I do get my driver's licence *knocks on wood* working there won't be such a task after all. I love the people I work with, not one of them annoys me. They all respect me, right down to my manager, and I love our interaction together. Moreso, I know promotions come from within so I just have to keep persevering and doing what I do well. I have a whole heck of a lot more tolerance for them over there than I do at O' Charley's. I just make more money over there. Decisions, decisions....I can't wait for things to fall into place for me. For some it takes about a couple of months, or years, for me, it's more like forever. One thing I could use though is a man. More than anything else I think I am prepared for it right now. At least I'll have someone to go somewhere with on my birthday asides from myself.

I am thinking of quitting the Kaui establishment.

I know, it sounds so off but maybe, maybe not. I hate it when a place doesn't give you room to grow, room to establish who you are.

One thing I can't get out of my head in this place is the lack of public transportation in this place. I still maintain my view that a car shouldn't be a neccessity but strictly a luxury. Something you use when you have sort all other avenues and have decided to afford yourself this hopeless neccessity. But here, I am constantly reminded that I don't have a car, and I can't make it early on time to work, and no one, NO ONE offers to give me a lift to where I intend to go. Not for all the gas in the world.

To that effect I decided to analyse some key things I miss about my homeland Africa:

1) I would have gotten laid by now.
Yes, sadly it's been 2 years now and I have still not gotten laid or been asked out on a date. If I was back home I would have gone on one date at least in the past 2 years. I wouldn't feel so UNwomanly, at the very latest I could call up an old boyfriend and ask him to shine my knobs. But here....I cannot understand it.

2) One person would have seen me crying yesterday and offered me a ride to where I was going, or at least asked me WTF was wrong with me. Really?! Here, they all passed me by, not wondering, not staring, not the least bit concerned. Even the mall security, you would think they would be at all worried, but they weren't.

3) My sister would have apologized to me for making me late for work. But since I am living with here, in the Western World where no one cares about anybody, she doesn't give a shit, I am thus secondary to her and all her other MORE important issues.

4) I would have been able to go to the doctor earlier on time during my allergy situation and had him detect what the fuck was wrong with me, I wouldn't have had to go through a whole month being ill, sleeping poorly and breathing with my mouth open all night, I would have been cured within a week at the most.

5) And lastly, I wouldn't be this broke and sweating it out for money to get myself a new bottle of perfume or to wash my car. I would have men offering to do that for me. Men who are just my friends, who may or may not be married who feel like doing a good deed now and again just for the heck of it. I wouldn't be longing for a bottle of perfume I cannot afford, I wouldn't be hoping for a non-existent handout. Here....and they say 3rd world countries are the worst.

There is simply no love to be shared here. None.