What if...

What if God was one of us?

He'll be just as frustrated as the right of us with living in this life. He'd be like, "how do you all cope? This is not right!"

Last night I spent abou an hour and a half working on my writing sample so I could send it to this job that required it. Just for me to get a read receipt from them today, that my email to them at 11:30 pm was deleted without being read. Who does that? Was the wiriting sample that bad? Really? I try. I really try. But the harder I try at this career thing, the worse it gets. Today, what did I do at work? I spent 3 hours arranging to ship some boxes to storage and tomorrow, I have to some intense filing. How does one cope? With all this education this is what I spend my days doing? No wonder my writing sample sucks. And my manager who asked me to do this. She doesnt know a thing about moving stuff to storage or what the "storage log" looks like? Then, hey do I have to know what it's like. I feel like an IT student. Its repressing. But I dare not complain. Because every time I do. It gets worse. Seriously.

Surprisingly....updating from work

I haven't felt like writing in a long time. It's not like I haven't had things to write about, stuff happens to me all the time that is noteworthy of being put into words. but I feel like the second I try to write them down, I know that my mind would want to say several things at the same time and in that lose sight of the goal and in the end it would be a "hot mess" on paper. So that's why I haven't written in forever. Let's see I had my first phone interview on Monday with a recruiter in DC. Did not go very well. it never goes very well. Most recruiters do not know anything about international law so it just messes things up royally. So that was a waste.

Then, on Tuesday my computer broke down. My hard drive was fried and all my work, writing, pictures etc was in jeopardy. So that was a devastating set of events even though I was surprised at how calm I was. Maybe because I have another computer, even though it does not contain all my "work", I was seemingly calm and just not in touch with the "devastation" so to speak. I was just numb. maybe because worse events have befallen me and I was glad this was not one of them. Wednesday I was able to find a place to drop it off. But Wednesday was quite a disappointing day. I remember sitting on my couch at night and wondering just how utterly disappointing the day was. I haven't quite had enough disappointments. It was like a crooked day. A day when you want tog o a certain direction but you end going the other way.
That disappointing. I had a dinner with the communications committee of the women's group and nothing happened. The dinner was bad. The food was bad, my demeanor was out of whack and the dinner cut into my night time so that made it equally bad. Then, there was Thursday when my computer got fixed. But then, something happened in the middle of the day at work that just got my morale bad. I need to put together a writing sample, more than anything. I need to get out of this dribble. I have all this scholarly knowledge and all I do is ask "legal" for permission to do stuff all day long. I cannot understand it. I cannot understand why I am so "not successful" in the one thing I want to be successful in. So today is Friday, and I promised I would write in something today just because I have to get back into writing so that with writing I can one day draft my writing sample that I have put off for so long. And maybe just maybe I will know if I am any good at this.

participation in soup kitchen

Yesterday morning, I volunteered to participate in food giving at a local soup kitchen in Atlanta. Feeding the poor and eliminating poverty are very close to my heart. I don't know why. I guess my heart strings are often pulled when people tell me they are hungry. The event went well. It was a spiritually nourishing event. On my way there I kept wondering why I chose to attend this event of all events. Maybe because I am African so I have seen poverty and what it can do to people. Every actor that visits Africa comes back with that mindset. You see people in America feeding to the bountiful, overindulging in life, food everything. And then, people over there, are literally starving. How do you correlate the two worlds?

We prayed before we fed them, with them and amongst ourselves. All I can say is, they feed the poor here very well. There were large size cakes being cut into eigths to serve them as dessert. I know we don't feed the poor that well in my country. The sad part is in between all these needy hungry folk I could tell some of them snuck in there to be fed, why I really cannot tell you. I even glanced one of them using their cell phone.

The experience is a humbling experience to anyone. It just helps you put your life in perspective. For people like me who hardly have a chance to appreciate the goodness they have, this was a chance for me, to stop and think, and thank God I was not in that position. My mum asked me if I did it just because I was asking God for a special favor. Not neccessarily. I just needed to see what the pther side is like, and to not feel so guilty for what I have. It just helps to put things in perspective. I hope that some day when my ship comes in I may be able to open up a food bank of my own. But for now, I will try, (try as in I had to beg and plead with my manager before she let me go) to participate monthly.

Sunday Morning ...rain is falling

This is one of the best images from my visit to MOMA in December. The day was not that great and the museum had quirky art, more modern than renaissance, and I was a little lost because there were one too many security guards around. But this image captured my mood. Though, it's a little out of focus, I was a little out of focus on that day. Just looking at it I knew if I took a shot at that moment that it would be a pretty vision. And so it did. I don't know how much of it I am supposed to share, but I thought I would anyway.

It's pouring outside, sadky the weekend has come to a close, and I have to work on my resume and cover letter yet again. The number of hours I put into working on my career I wonder if the truly successful people spent this much time on theirs. Who knows with these things? But here I am slaving away at mine, so I don't end up at the bottom of the barrel as I am apt to doing these days.

The first week of 2007

Well...the first week was okay. I almost cried once. Trying to do this assinine thing at work that just drove me batty. I think I was more upset that this was a part of my job and it had no legal ramifications whatsoever, yet there I was spending an entire day trying to get it right. It was ass-i-nine. Then, I went out and bought a book and worked on my goals and asipirations most of which included the fact that I don't want to do anymore assinine jobs a year from now. Seriously. Then, took a trip down memory lane and saw my name in the justice legal list with my called to Bar date...it felt so good. That somewhere in the world I exist and no one can take that away from me. I exist as a barrister, assinine work or not.

So the first week was so-so. Apparently there isn't a bike park around me I can go to in a breezw. Isn't that awful? I know I have passed some bikers on my way to church but I can't seem to figure out where the heck they are going. I miss riding.

Also, the international job search seems a bit out of reach right now. Europe will not hire you unless you are an European. No sponsorship nothing. They just will not hire you. They only hire members of the European Union. Another assinine moment. What has happened to the world? No one wants anyone to cross over from their country into another country. Yet we all come from the same God but we don' no part of anybody else. There should be a rule that you should be allowed to love wherever the fuck you want. If you try America for a couple of years and it doesn't work out, then you try Switzerland, like I want to do. There should be a rule.

Happy New year 2007

It's been a quiet day so far. There was so much work to do around the house that I didnt have time to go out and do all the regular stuff that I normally do, e.g. shopping, going to the movies, sitting at Barnes and Noble, trying to ride my bike, just the regular stuff that I do to pass the time. I have been awake since 8 am, and I am still kicking for someone who went to bed in the wee hours after downing quite a bit of my $4 champagne. It was a tearful New Year. The first New Year I didn't spend watching Dick Clark. I arrived just at 11:57 with just enough time to open my champagne and just sob.

I can't help thinking of all the things that may go wrong, and hoping that they go right, and if they do, will it be this year. Is it time for me to start being optimistic, hopeful, positive? I can't help but think should I throw in the towel, will this be the year I do that. But then I am overcome with all the victories that have happened at the very last minute and then, I stop crying and concentrate on something else. Like, clean the house, update my webpage, and go work on my waning figure.

So Happy New Year to me! I say that with every bit of positivity and hope and faith in all that is good and right, and well that can happen to someone I selfishly wish it for myself. 

And may the world be a better place, nonetheless.