Merry New Year

the other day while reading through some of my old work, I came across this piece of writing, well it wasn’t as much writing as a series of texts from me to Negro. As I read it, even years later, about 4 years later as a matter of fact since it was written about the same time 4 years ago, it almost brought tears to my eyes. 

I was amazed at how profound, intense, sincere and passionate the words seemed. 

I thought, I for one have never received something so heartfelt totally devoid of cheese, and, I considered that whoever was on the receiving end of this message must be very lucky to have experienced this amount of love and raw passion dropped on them. 

It amazed me (years later) that even with that much love and passion oozing from my pores, it wasn’t enough. It never was enough. how does one go from experiencing that much love, raw sensuality, sincerity and vulnerability to marrying a Barbie in less than 1 year. 

Tune in the next couple of years when God attempts to offer me an explanation. He has promised it would be a good one. In the meantime, below are my words, you be the judge. 

Happy New Year to you all! Please love deeply in 2019 and always, regardless.

I Apologise
31 Dec 2014 1:37 AM - Me: Okay. I apologize for checking your phone but your icy attitude towards me left me no choice.
31 Dec 2014 1:38 AM - Me: I also apologize for sharing our personal information with 3rd parties. I was mental and furious and I warned you about my rage.
31 Dec 2014 1:39 AM - Me: If you want to leave me, leave me for someone that makes sense...I'm competitive like that...she didn't make sense to me. Didn't then... still doesn't.
31 Dec 2014 1:40 AM - Me: I can't sleep with anyone but you. Do you know how that feels? I never cheated on you. NEVER. Then and now.
31 Dec 2014 1:41 AM - Me: But you should have told me when you weren't feeling me. I trusted you enough for that. YOU JUST CRUSHED THAT LIKE IT WAS NOTHING.
31 Dec 2014 1:42 AM - Me: So...I'm mental. I'm sorry cos you saw me mental and that's it.
31 Dec 2014 1:42 AM - Me: Happy New year...
31 Dec 2014 1:42 AM - Me: Negro...
31 Dec 2014 1:42 AM - Me: :-(
31 Dec 2014 1:43 AM - Me: P.S...I thought it would take our Lord and savior Jesus Christ whom I love dearly to convince me to apologize to you...but he sent Hennessy here instead.
31 Dec 2014 6: 34 AM - Negro: Happy new year to you too

Memorable Quotes...2018...part 2

This next quote is from a movie I just stumbled upon, didn't plan to watch, and might not have, but the opening lines where this quote is taken from grabbed my attention and it made me sit through what ended up being a rather introspective movie about youth, life choices. 

When you read the quote below...you realize that it is true somewhat in retrospect. In boarding school we always imagined that our future would be radiant, carefree and successful without having to work so hard. You graduate, start to job hunt, and work from one place to another, or what I term "shift seats in the Titanic" and wrestle with personal life choices that won't further mar the malignant future and you look back on the days of your youth as simple and carefree in comparison to the restrictive state of blinding adulthood. #Adulting

Maybe that's just me. Or so I thought, until this quote was said to me one lazy Sunday afternoon as I browsed channels. And the rest they say is history. 💚💜💜

The Sense of an Ending... 
In those days we imagined ourselves as being in a holding pen, waiting to be released into our lives. And when that moment would come, we would be at university. How were we to know that our lives had already begun, and our release would only be into a larger holding pen? And in time, a larger holding pen.

Memorable Quotes...2018...part 1

As the year closes out, this phenomenal travel year of 2018, I'd like to take a little trip down some of the most memorable quotes that I've come across this year. 

I'll start with the one below, which was taken from Joshua Jackson's @instagram right after the Colin Kaepernick @nike ad that caused so much public outcry and foolish controversy. In all the noise, nuisance and stupidity, I was browsing through Instagram one night when I randomly came across his post. In his post, he celebrated the purchase of a new pair of Nike's in obvious defiance to the jaded mob who felt the need to instead burn their Nike products in some sort of ritualistic protest. He ended the very poignant post by stating as follows:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." 

Until those words are true, we should all take a knee.

I had yet to read truer words spoken in response to the unnecessary prejudicial protest, it felt like soft words spoken into the storm.

So it is...my first memorable quote of 2018.

Love Means Respecting The Process

“I wasn’t ready to do it, [but] Mara was,” said Salim. “I think part of the theme of ‘Love Is__’ is love realizing you can’t allow another person to do anything. If they respect you enough to ask your opinion, you can can give your opinion but she’s a grown woman independent of me. So as an artist, she should be able to do what she wants to do… but I wasn’t down with the s—.”

...Love Is...

I read the quote above sometime in November (from a news source I inadvertently forgot to save). In Nigeria we get these U.S. TV shows about an entire quarter after the season has ended and been made famous in the U.S. But since I follow the writer/producer Mara Akil on Instagram, I had heard about it, about her production process, the press and promotion for the series. However, as I flipped my channels, it was nowhere to be found. Until sometime in October/November when it premiered. 

After the first couple of episodes, I was intrigued so I re-read some of the press clippings on the production of the series. This particular interview spoke to me. I responded to Salim's take on the production of a series that was loosely based on their love story. Particularly as he described her as a "grown woman independent of me..." 

Most men, I daresay Nigerian men, fail to recognize this significant aspect of our being. I've fallen prey to that myself. Yes, I may be a woman. And culture has mandated that I listen to you (the Alpha Male) and follow your guidelines, but underneath my momentary lapse of submission, I am still, STILL a grown woman, and deserve to be treated and respected as such. Especially as an artist, you expect that your partner, or prospective partner shows some type of respect in your creative and inspirational process and if they happen to be the subject matter, then so be it. As artists we search and grasp for inspiration every chance we get, and if your love(r) happens to instill in you some words, why not nurture it instead of dimming their light?

It's a shame what the aftermath of the series turned out to be. There's still hope that Love will prevail.