Truer words have never been spoken

You don't say:

Timing is everything when it comes to any kind of relationship -- so you need to stop trying to rush things! Whether you're eager to hear about a job prospect, dying for the cutie to call, or impatient about when your sweetie will propose, you have to realize that you don't have any influence in this situation. Your hopes and wishes, no matter how strong they are, cannot force someone to do something that they don't want to do or aren't ready to do. Relax and focus on something else.

Just got back from Alicia Keys

I just got back from the Alicia Keys concert. In some way this felt like the continuation of a story. A story of female empowerment, enlightenment, independence, strength and willpower. Seeing 2 strong independent women perform back to back just reassured me of who I am and what I need to be. I had lost my way momentarily and just succumbed to this needy woman. That is not me. And anybody who bumps into this journal will think, what a needy "middle-aged" woman. That is not me.

That being said, who did I bump into at the entrance of Phillips Arena - the guy from weeks ago, that would never return my calls, that I exchanged flirty texts with, one of which I confessed that I have a crush on him. Yep, that muthafucker! He hugged me and smiled and acted like we were old friends. Said something like, I was at your part of town last night, and I would have called you to meet up except I was with someone. I just thought to myself, WTF! He didn't just say that to me, that mutherfucker, that muthafucking explains so much. He asked me if I was by myself, and I said of course, in my mind wondering when guys like you don't return my calls what choice do I have. I just felt like such a fool. Like the biggest female loser on the planet, like the oldest female loser on the planet. Why are men such assholes, seriously? Things like this make me wish I was gay. Wish I could go all Cynthia Nixon, and just keep shop with another woman, adopt some kids and just call it a day. If God knew that men would turn out to be assholes, then why did he make us have to deal with them, make us straight, make us attracted to them and their stupidity. I just kept thinking about this throughout the concert - I am such a fool. How did I turn out to be this fool? I thought I had this all figured out. But I won't be a fool no more. You only get hurt once.

I will talk about my concert and my memorial day weekend, it's just been this back to back frenzy of foolishness, bursts of happiness and revelations, etc that I haven't had time to write about them. But I will. Now, I am going to hide in the fool's corner.

An end to the social scene

Very soon, (quite frankly, right after my birthday) I am going to hang up my single social butterfly hat. Not because I am in a profound relationship, or something vaguely resembling that, no, nothing of the sort. More like, I wish to spare myself the deepening of the embarrassment I feel when I go into some of these places, the old age web that encapsulates me and covers me with shame and regret and just the general malaise that comes with it. 

I am just tired of feeling like I am too old for this. 

I will choose to just act my age and hope for the best, I suppose. I may choose to go to different types of places where older people hang out, or I may just sit at home and knit. It is just so tiresome. The dressing up, the decision of a place to go by myself, the sitting there by myself sipping on my one of many cocktails, the pretending to look like I am enjoying myself, the effort to ward off people I am not interested in and entice the ones that I am, etc. I am just tired and I am sure I will not be missed at any of these places. I am sure my personal accountant will be quite pleased too. 

There has to be an easier way to meet Mr. Right.

The ICC said No

So it seems that the UN has turned me down, yet again...what gives what's a girl gotta do to break through with you guys?

Vacancy No.
07-LEG-202-PR

Vacancy Title
Assistant / Associate Legal Officer (P-1)

The Hague, 26 May 2008

Dear Ms. ******,

Thank you for your interest in working with the International Criminal Court (ICC).

We regret to inform you however, that after careful review and evaluation of the candidates, another candidate whose background and experience best matched the posts requirements has been selected.

Please be assured that all of your qualifications and experience were given due consideration.

With best regards,

Human Resources Section

last night

Erykah Badu (at the Fox Theater) was phenomenal.

More to come ...

what do you want to do?

I finally succumbed and bought very expensive tickets to see Erykah Badu tomorrow at the Fox. Very expensive. In all my concert going years, this is the most expensive ticket I've ever bought. So Ms. Badu better entertain me or else. I did that for 2 reasons: a) I want this Memorial Day weekend to be memorable since I haven't had a good Memorial Day weekend in about 5 years - last good one was in 2003 when Matrix Reloaded was released. I don't take weekend trips like other people, I just sit my ass down. And b) I just didn't want the repeat of last week Friday to happen to me. Me walking/driving around aimlessly wondering what to do on a Friday night by myself. Now, I have one solid thing to do and that's it. I can possibly squeeze in something on the Saturday but that is definitely a solid plan for a Friday night if I ever saw one, not unless Ms. Badu is uber boring then I will just flip the switch.

Last night, I went to the Taste of Buckhead event at the Grand Hyatt organized by the Buckhead Business group. Very rowdy, very noisy, and very crowded. There were tastings offered by some of the best restaurants in Buckhead, some which I have tried and some that I have not, so that was all they had to say to get me interested on a Wednesday night. Maggianos, Ruth's Chris, Cassis at the Grand Hyatt, McDonalds (gave away free salads), Johnny Rockets, Seasons 52, Morton's Steakhouse, AquaKnox, Low Country Barbecue to name a few. Too bad I tried all their dishes and I can't remember all their names. Something about eating a cocktail of food, from crabcake to smoothies, that just gets your stomach churning, now I am at work with a bad tummy ache. I really shouldn't do that for the sake of my thighs. But it was an overall fun experience. I can't say I thoroughly enjoyed myself, but it was a change from the norm and that's always fun.

Love and Sex

Fun-loving and always up for an intellectual challenge, the Gemini is a spirited lover. The talk that precedes the interlude is just as important as the actual contact for this sign, and when it comes to wit, this sign holds nothing back. Flirtatious and curious, the Geminian will spend time with a lot of different lovers until they find one that can match their intellect and energy level. The Gemini needs to experience excitement, versatility, and stimulation to feel fully satisfied. Once the perfect match is found, though, the Geminian can settle into a lifestyle for two for the long haul.

GEMINI TIDBITS:

Health
Each sign has a part of the anatomy attached to it, making this the area of the body that is most sensitive to stimulation. The anatomical areas for Gemini are the lungs, collarbone, hands, arms, shoulders, and the nervous system.

Ruling Planet
The ruling planet for Gemini is Mercury. Representing intellectual urge and the avenue of expression, this planet rules reason, rationalization, words, awareness, and communication. Its action is quick, and it deals with travel, speaking, writing, trade, and emotional capacity and technique.

Color
The color of choice for Gemini is green.

Gemstone
Gemini's star stone is the Moss Agate.

Lucky Numbers
Gemini's lucky numbers are 3 and 7.

Compatibility
Geminis are most compatible with Libra and Aquarius.

Opposite Sign
The opposite sign of Gemini is Sagittarius.

The Perfect Gift
A surprise party, gift certificate to a bookstore, any activity with friends, Scrabble or other intellectual game

Likes
Music, magazines, books, music, blogs, chats with nearly anyone, short trips around town

Dislikes
Repetition and routine, being alone, being confined

House
Natural sign of the Third House. This house focuses on short trips, communication, conscious mind, brothers and sisters, and early education.

Famous Geminians
Hugh Laurie, Johnny Depp, Rudy Giuliani, Angelina Jolie, Nicole Kidman, Helena Bonham Carter

Best travel destination
Switzerland, Wales, London, San Francisco, Melbourne

Strength
Curiosity, ability to share ideas, adaptable, affectionate, kind

Weakness
Scattering energy in too many places at once, fickle in love, nervous, short attention span

Charismatic marks
Expressive eyes, quick, bright, often small-boned, refined features

Best environment
Any busy neighborhood, places where people gather to gossip, bookstores, museums

weekend flashbacks

In hindsight, my weekend was not all that bad. It just seemed like there was so much searching for fun, indecision over where to spend the evening, so much traveling between venues, and so much of sitting there waiting for something to happen, or rather expecting something to happen and when it didn't, I fell flat and wanted more, so I went to another place, and the same thing. I should have just enjoyed each place I was in and not expected anything more from it. I never used to. I don't know when the expectations started.

On Friday, I wrongly decided to try the Atlanta Brewery. They have live music and beer tastings and tours on Wednesday and Friday. But by the time I got there after getting lost via Mapquest (instead of my navigation system, you think I would know better) it was almost over. It was filled with white boys, frat boys and college girls and the music was some bluegrass rock, so not my thing. I counted and I would have been the 3rd black person there. Something about beer just doesn't scream black people. And if I had a thirst for beer it was rather cheap, $7 for 4 glasses, that's a good deal! But it was the wrong place to go on a Friday and I should have known better. I just kept thinking, this will give me something to write about, apart from that nothing else. Maybe next time, and hopefully I can drag someone with me, because you can only enjoy beer with company.

On Saturday, I finally figured out where Halo is. I went to this boutique sale, that had a live DJ and nice dim light atmosphere. It would have been better if they offered us a glass of wine and cheese, but I cannot complain. I may try Halo out on an evening, but not by myself, it doesn't sound like the kind of place you can make a go of alone.

On Sunday, I rebelled and did not go to church (read below, you'll see why) I went to dinner instead, choosing the wrongest restaurant (there again is the wrong choices theme for the weekend) The restaurant was filled with older diners, corporate diners on their company expense accounts and church celebrants, meanwhile I passed TAP and Shout, that had a more trendy crowd, instead I chose South City Kitchen. Bad choice. On my way back, I cut through the Arts Center which is always breathtaking, and Augusten Burroughs was having a book reading and signing of his latest book, the Wolf at the Table, and it was free! I decided to go and squeeze myself in between all his gay admirers. I could have counted the straight people but I chose not to. This turned out to be the highlight of my weekend. Not just him talking, ever so amusing and hilarious with anecdotes about his whacked out life, but just the fact that I was able to stumble upon something I enjoyed, just by being at the right place at the right time, which was something I was hoping would happen to me all weekend. I didn't stay for the whole lecture, but just being there for some part of it was a thrill.

Expect some pictures soon.

weekend flashbacks

In hindsight, my weekend was not all that bad. It just seemed like there was so much searching for fun, indecision over where to spend the evening, so much travelling between venues, and so much of sitting there waiting for something to happen, or rather expecting something to happen and when it didn't, I fell flat and wanted more, so I went to another place, and the same thing. I should have just enjoyed each place I was in and not expected anything more from it. I never used to. I don't know when the expectations started.

On Friday, I wrongly decided to try the Atlanta Brewery. They have live music and beer tastings and tours on Wednesday and Friday. But by the time I got there after getting lost via mapquest (instead of my navigation system, you think I would know better) it was almost over. It was filled with white boys, frat boys and college girls and the music was some bluegrass rock, so not my thing. I counted and I would have been the 3rd black person there. Something about beer just doesn't scream black people. And if I had a thirst for beer it was rather cheap, $7 for 4 glasses, that's a good deal! But it was the wrong place to go on a Friday and I should have known better. I just kept thinking, this will give me something to write about, apart from that nothing else. Maybe next time, and hopefully I can drag someone with me, because you can only enjoy beer with company.

On Saturday, I finally figured out where Halo is. I went to this boutique sale, that had a live DJ and nice dim light atmosphere. It would have been better if they offered us a glass of wine and cheese, but I cannot complain. I may try Halo out on an evening, but not by myself, it doesn't sound like the kind of place you can make a go of alone.

On Sunday, I rebelled and did not go to church (read below, you'll see why) I went to dinner instead, choosing the wrongest restaurant (there again is the wrong choices theme for the weekend) The restaurant was filled with older diners, corporate diners on their company expense accounts and church celebrants, meanwhile I passed TAP and Shout, that had a more trendy crowd, instead I chose South City Kitchen. Bad choice. On my way back, I cut through the Arts Center which is always breathtaking, and Augusten Burroughs was having a book reading and signing of his latest book, the Wolf at the Table, and it was free! I decided to go and squeeze myself in between all his gay admirers. I could have counted the straight people but I chose not to. It was the highlight of my weekend. Not just him talking, ever so amusing and hilarious with anecdotes about his whacked out life, but just the fact that I was able to stumble upon something I enjoyed, just by being at the right place at the right time, which was something I was hoping would happen to me all weekend. I didn't stay for the whole lecture, but just being there for some part of it was a thrill.

Expect some pictures soon.

some sunny afternoon

I am too old for this shit

I think there's this unknown rule with men that when they meet you, even though they are interested, they will not make the first move. And even when all the moves have been made, they will not ask you for your number, instead they will give you theirs, and ask you to call them. That is not right. 

Women should not do that to themselves. I don't think that's the way God intended with Adam and Eve and I don't think it is right, no matter how feminist I am. I had this conversation with a nice looking man yesterday. So good looking but so conceited and dense. He said that women prefer to take the guys' number and to call him if they are interested. I just thought that was so cocky and I had to tell him: I am sorry if you don't want my number I do not want yours, and I don't think women should do that. He said, well nice to meet you and I felt like the biggest fool on the planet. I have a host of numbers and I never call them and they never call me. Is that the unspoken rule that I should ferociously dial the numbers that I have and have to reintroduce myself on the phone and have you screen the calls, and make me feel even more stupid, I thought it was the other way around?

I am just mad. 

I have been mad for the past week. It's been especially boring, and especially dry in the man department, ever since I said goodbye to that guy, my male radar has just fizzled. I always have this fizzling out effect right before my birthday, like God doesn't want me to spend my birthday with someone. So let's get rid of all the men in her life so she gets to spend it alone. I am just so fucking bored and it's annoying. 

I go out to all these things, to restaurants, lounges, jazz clubs, salsa clubs, name it and I spend a ridiculous amount of money and nothing transpires. I stand or sit there feeling so old, feeling so foolish, feeling like the oldest woman in there, like I am too old for this. If we took an age census I would fall in the high age range. I am seriously too old to be getting dolled up and going to places by myself, waiting and hoping for some man to ask me out. There should be an age limit to these things and I think I surpassed it. I surpassed it when I turned 33, and I shouldn't still be attending these things at almost 34. When I was younger, about 28 I used to go to bars and watch the middle aged women flirt and laugh and think how pathetic they looked, I used to say to myself, I hope I don't still have to resort to this when I am this age, but sadly I am. God made sure of that. I am just so upset and mad, and disappointed. I haven't slept since I got back at 1am, I have just been tossing and turning and thinking, what did I do to deserve this?

That's all I can say for now without crying.

An A+ evening

Went out on Friday night with some new friends I met on Yelp to a new very urban lounge called 255 Tapas Lounge. This was not what lured me to join them this evening. We started off at Steel which I've always wanted to go to and then, made our way to 255 because everyone was hungry, and then, I stopped by at Halo Lounge for their 7 year anniversary. Overall, I give the night an A+ in fun. Good food, free drinks (courtesy of Halo) and good unpretentious company, always equals fun.

Here are some of the pictures

The jokester of the evening...

Couple of friends who invited me...see how women pose when they see the camera

Yours truly with the dancers at Halo

Anita...Halo Dancer

Me again...after my second drink

so...set for another "boring" weekend

I woke up and actually worked out this morning. So I am at work all hyper, wondering what to do with the rest of my day. Working out on Friday morning is ideal, because you always seem to feel the need to want to go somewhere Friday evening and if you do that means you'd fail to get a good workout in. But inevitably it's somewhat useless because, I eat and drink so freaking much later on in the evening that I regain the calories.

However, where were we? I have still not solidified my birthday weekend plans. So many ideas are going through my head that I know in the end I will end up not doing any of them. I always have these great ideas for my birthday but in the end nothing ever transpires, it always ends up being one of the most boring days ever. The only reason I am a little in the mood to do something nice is because it falls on a Friday. It's not a great age or anything, if anything I wish I could do away with the aging bit. But I just do not want it to be blah! Some of the ideas revolve around (a) going away for the weekend - but the cost of this scares me. (b)Going to a spa day early on in the day and then, having dinner with my friends later on in the evening, maybe inviting a couple of people over to sit around, drink and chat. But I don't know that many people, and I would hate to clean up after them. Then, finally there is the good ole (c) driving to the beach, but the closest beach is at least 4 hours away and then, again the cost of that scares me.

But here's to one more boring weekend in May. I could have sworn I thought this month would be a lot more fun. I didn't think I would strike out in the love department, I thought at least a couple of interesting blokes here and there would possibly turn up. But so far, it's just me and I am feeling a little worse for the wear and sick and tired of playing the field. Maybe it's the age thing. One of the two I am just weary and ready for Mr. Right already.

Work plus weekend

I got a promotion on Friday. The pay raise, etc that comes with it does not take effect until by this time next month, so my excitement is a tad delayed, but inevitably, I got a promotion and they took us to lunch today to celebrate it. It's a little interesting and daunting at the same time because now, I have to live up to expectation and I am not so good at that. But I just thought I'd mention it in here since I always seem to harp on the bad news, and the angst, let me for once announce the good news and bask in it for a little bit. I guess the excitement will kick in by this time next month but for now this is it. So yay to me!!!

Apart from that my weekend was just blah! I got my hair highlighted on Friday and the saloon took all my money so I didn't have any leftover to entertain myself. So I had pretty hair but I had to stay indoors. Watch out next week, my hair is jacked up and I would want to take it out. Besides it was Mother's Day weekend so we had to save our money for decent family outings.

My guy from 2 weeks ago did not call me or text me and I did not call or text either. I am a grown woman, if men choose not to call me, it's their loss not mine, it's not like they are contributing to my success in anyway, they haven't offered to pay my rent, cellphone bill, nothing, or even buy me dinner. So it's their loss. You just think after all these years dating will be different, that men will act differently when they are of a certain age, but nope they are still the same childish mofos as we left them in our twenties. That was actually the last time I had sex when I was 29. It's just sad. Hopefully, this new "waiting" period won't take as long as 4 years, even if it means me picking up someone at a bar like the other single women my age. I will do that. And I won't even take his number, just keep it simple. I don't know you, don't care to, I am sure you might be a nice guy but I am sure you don't give a shit if you are nice or not. It's time we played their game. I am sure he is thinking, I must be home thinking about him, or something. No Motherfucker, I thought to myself, this guy is fucking ugly, cheap and conceited, and he thinks my thighs are fat and most importantly, he is in love with his ex-girlfriend. I do not need to have sex with him any longer than I need to, I don't even want to be his friend. Enough is enough.

Enough is enough with this update. This was supposed to be a happy update, to talk about work not being so blah! for once. I am such an angry bitter woman. Make it stop!

Restaurant reviews

This was my review of Lola's from Wednesday night:

It's a great restaurant for corporate events. Our waiter seemed a bit rushed, like he wanted us to order quickly meanwhile the restaurant dining area was empty so I didn't understand what the rush was about. People come to such restaurants to not only dine but to have conversations. The food was not memorable enough for the price.

This was actually a very kind review. I read through the other reviews at Yelp and they were not too kind. My second job should be dining out and reviewing hotspots. Not sitting in a cube and dealing with crappy documents.

Braving the elements

I am at work sick. 

I have this horrendous cough and cold which I always seem to have at the same time each year and I am at work. Why? There is always this tension I get from my co-workers when I call out sick, as if I am bailing out on them, and then you return and there's that look of disdain as if you made up your illness. So if they won't let me rest up at home sick, I might as well come to work and share it with them.

I had dinner with my sister yesterday at Lola. It was an exquisite location but the food not so much. Overpriced and pretentious portions. I know I am on a diet but if I pay $15 and up for the food it better be enough to pack a doggy bag. But we went there really to talk about her move. She swore to high heavens that it is not absolute. She just feels there's a recession overtaking GA so it's time for us to get out. I made it clear to her that Houston is not my dream location, not now, not ever. Until I figure me and my life out and I can choose where I want to live, I will, but I don't think Houston will be on my list. She said, fair is fair, because Houston was never on her list, mostly up north but for the weather which we cannot take, that's why she settled on Houston.

I don't know. Nothing was resolved. Nothing is certain according to her, all I know is the next couple of months are going to be very hard, with this move, with my life, everything. I just told her I know God is punishing me for all my misdeeds in Nigeria that's why I cannot seem to get ahead, no matter how hard I try. But if you ask God to forgive you, (repeatedly like I have) why should He still be punishing you? It's like, God I am sorry, really sorry...really really sorry. The punishment should stop at some point.

Moves and Travels

I am in a weird state right now. Excusing the blow my female self-esteem suffered the last few weeks, something a lot more serious that affects my future is about to transpire.

My sister wants to move to Houston. My sister is the only reason I moved to Atlanta. She lived in Atlanta and invited me to come live in the US, so I up and move and come to Atlanta. And it has not been great - job losses, lack of men, lack of good job opportunities, stricter life regimen, lack of things to do, lack of culture and just plain old boring. I would much rather live in the north than the south anyday and she knows one of my key destinations is California or any northern industrial area. Now, she wants to move to Houston. And she expects me to move with her. Obviously, someone has not been paying attention. And obviously she expects that my life choices as far as location should be centered around hers. It doesn't work that way. If I had moved to California, I would not want her to move with me. She has a whole family! But why would she expect me to want to move with her to Houston, that's just absurd.

I am just at a crossroads. Not with the choice of places to move to, because I will never move to Houston, not unless the UN offers me a position there. But the crossroads is with what am I doing? The only reason I stayed here long enough was because she was here - stay close to your family, need to have your family close by, etc - and now that is not relevant because the family is moving. So many things I wish I could do but can't. That's the crossroads I am at. Like my feet are stuck in the mud and it's been afloat but now it is slowly sinking. I've been doing everything to pretend like it's not sinking an inch per month, by going out over-entertaining myself, drinking, etc, but the reality is that I am sinking and I need a lifeline.

That ends the daily pity-party.

So far..May is ho-hum

So far this month, seems like it's going to be a "me" month. But what else is new?

I said goodbye to the guy from last week. That was quick...by this time last week, I couldn't wait to jump his bones and then today it's all over. I said goodbye to him yesterday. He was cheap ...made me pay to take him to the movies and to breakfast yesterday morning, without any scruples, what self-respecting man would let a woman do that. I just loose my attraction for you if I have to pay for anything. That's just me.

Then, the sex. He has this fascination with smaller women, so his sex is a bit shortcoming. Nothing like the man who loves big women or at least knows how to make love to them. He was just taken aback, by my thighs, my body, and me. There are certain things that make up sex that we all need, the kissing and sucking of essential body parts, he was a little short on those. Like he didn't want to be bothered with anything except the essentials. But nevertheless it was good to end the drought. I am sure my nether region is happy the drought is over. It's like yay!!!

Today was a good day. A good "me" day. Woke up, went to Spin class, rode my bicycle to Starbucks, took a walk to Juniper, enjoyed one session of a high school orchestra in front of the Arts Center, had way too much to drink at the bar on Junipers, rode the bus back, bumped into one of my neighbors, had a five minute conversation, came home, fell asleep and missed church. Everything else was great, right up to the missed church part. But it was a good day, hopefully the rest of the week is just as blissful, peaceful and filled with nice neighbors. But one can only hope.

So here's saying goodbye to cheap bad lovers. Yes...I'll drink to that any day.