Memoirs of a Las Gidi Barbie

And vice versa...

A couple of weeks ago I came across this female's profile on LinkedIn. 

It was phenomenal. Ivy League Schools. Double Majors. She writes articles, papers, Oxford trained. She's now living in Nigeria while working on her Ph.D and she started this foundation where she is the CEO and giving back to society in some rural area even I wouldn't live in. I looked her up more online. So little information about her personal life except her professional life. It dominated the search history. There were some pictures taken of her at News Conferences and Corporate Launches, but none of her FB pictures made the search history. She is also pretty, not stunningly beautiful. Pretty, lovely body, fit build, busy-woman-who-squeezes-in-yoga-when-she-can type of build, and her hair and makeup - minimalist perfection. For that 30 minutes or so I perused the little I could find out about this woman's life, I wanted to be her. There are some women I simply want to be. I come across their profiles on LinkedIn and as I read through their stats I want to be them. They make me want to be them when I am older, and have my life together. These are the women I am threatened by and a little voice in me always whispers to me, "Why can't you be more like this Anita? Instead you're just trifling, sitting on your butt, not advancing yourself." And it makes me work hard, and strive to become this phenomenal woman.

In that vein, when a man wants to leave, I always think, please tell me you're leaving me for a woman who has these type of stats, stats that make me want to be them. Make your journey away from me, worth my while, make me feel as if I didn't measure up, so if I bump into you two at some event and she's the Ph.D holder and I'm the "trying to keep a job with her Master's degree," it'll give me something to look up to, to aspire to become...she can be my "big sister." If she's physically pretty, skinnier, Buckhead Barbie (as we said in the ATL) or Las Gidi Barbie (in Lagos) then, what's the point. You just proved you were looking for plastic and not substance. Because when you come right down to it, the brain stays with you, the cerebral mind is a heart tug, a jolt like no other. Beauty and brains..they meant it when they coined that phrase.

Beauty fades. When we grow older, parts of us that we thought were really taut start to sag or wrinkle. Money is not always with us. One day you may be able to afford luxury trips and designer wear and the next, maybe not. You should be able to split a pizza in the car, and slum it in a no-electricity flat, if need be. But the cerebral mind, the mind blowing intellect, it stays with you. That's why some "pretty boys" you see them with the most basic looking women. Look up that woman's stats, she's the UN on 2 legs, she is "Amal Clooney." Can you compare her stats to all the other women George Clooney had been with? It was clear that her mind, that indivisible brain had totally and completely mindf*cked him, and there was no more doubt as to why he needed, dude just knew he had to marry this woman.

So when you leave me, please see all the women I look up to, make me want to be like this your new woman. Make me aspire to be her, to be a better version of myself. Don't tell me she is caring, because that's all relative. Don't tell me she's intelligent, because if she hasn't written papers, articles and term papers, that's all relative too. Even if she's street smart, that's all relative too because we've all been through some mean streets, some bite harder than others. And please don't tell me, she's a good cook, because you know, WOMEN are NOT meant to be FOR THE KITCHEN. I just want you to leave me for someone that makes sense, not some Las Gidi Barbie because that just belittles everything I am about and...that would truly be a shame, to all my writing, my little intellect, my efforts to expand my mind, my little knowledge of the world from the few travels I've done (that I had to use my single girl money to pay for), to my being.

This is my somber thought (well not so much) of today. Men leave for the oddest reasons and for the oddest women, and it's okay if they want to leave, just please, GO. But don't try to justify it by saying, you were not my type, we were not compatible, we had different ideologies and principles, or you were not ready because you were saving yourself for Las Gidi Barbie all that time...and feeding me those lies. Don't say anything, just leave, as a matter of fact, don't even get here. Don't get here and make me share, expose my cerebral mind/body/soul with you for you to opt out and leave for local plastic content. I said this the last time, and I am repeating it. Leave me for someone that makes sense...and I mean it this time, otherwise you're just schtupping the body without the mind....and if that's what turns you on, I guess I fell for the wrong version of you. The version I thought needed more cerebral content.

To close out this lengthy shrewdly worded post, I would like to share a vision of a sista girl I greatly admire that she has shared with the world in all her thick glory, in a body that reminds me a lot of mine. There were times I hated to be this thick because I thought it was a problem. IT was the problem. But when I see women like these, it makes me fully embrace my folds, my curves, my thickness and richness. If you were running from the thickness, it's a pity because these curves (this 'Orobo') are here to stay. 

I am all woman and I won't let any man make me feel like anything less.

Good luck with Barbie.

#WomensMarch #SelfLove

The Race...

Don't feel like you're the first to run in the race
The race to be Number One
We've all run this race
With equal measure of hurt and anguish
Peppered with doubt and belief
that the God who got us in this race
Would hopefully get us out
We run. Steadfast
Soaked in blood sweat tears and sex
As we toil and gasp
We pause to question our existence
Our choice and participation in this race
We clasp our hearts
Frayed by the competition
And with our eyes to the sky
We ask God:
"Dear God, Why make us run? Why make us run?"
Don't feel like you're the first
The first to run in the race
The race to be number one
His Number One

Oh Detox Me...

Decided to try the OhSoNutrition Smoothie Detox. 

Had a wonderful Christmas filled with Indulgences - Suya (that I recently discovered on Glover Court) Good Wine, Prime Buffets (who knew they had that many buffets in Lagos Island alone) and Good Conversation. In that order. At some point I could feel myself expanding mid-bite of my Suya indulgence but I waved it off, consoling myself by saying this time of the year happens only once so I can either live it to the fullest or deprive myself of what's good.

As the holidays slowly wound down, and I could tell my waistline was in trouble, I quickly ordered my detox package for delivery on the 3rd (post-holiday) when the holiday euphoria has faded away. I actually forgot that these smoothies do not last that long after delivery, 3 days is their regular shelf life, so I should have staggered the delivery to Friday. Hmmm, actually I wonder if there is a way to stagger the delivery, any way. I just didn't see myself drinking those smoothies on a work day. For one, work makes you rather hungry and two, I didn't want to run the risk of the smoothies making me "go" all the time. I mean, isn't that what detoxes are about, you either sweat it out or 'get it out"?

Saturday rolled around. Trepidation followed. As I read the leaflet, the first smoothie is required to be consumed at 7 am. I didn't understand what that was about. Why would a smoothie require me to get up that early on a Saturday morning?  Either way, I respected the schedule and awakened myself on a Saturday to a very tasteless smoothie. 

Here's the rest of rundown of my Smoothie Detox Challenge. 

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By 11.16 am when I finished the 2nd bottle (Berry Smoothie) I was craving something to chew. Nuts. Groundnut will be very nice right about now 

11.43am - kept asking myself, isn't it time for breakfast? 

12:13pm - imagining Jollof rice right now 

12.33pm - water. Refreshing. Soothing. Somewhat filling. But rather tasteless. 

12.45pm - weighed myself. Dropped 1 pound since last night. 

1.12pm - time for the next smoothie. Oh gosh it looks green! 

2.00pm - rather filling. 

2.40pm - craving beef. People actually do this for 3 days??? Where do they hide? there's foodporn all over the Internet. Must stay off Instagram and Twitter. 

6.04pm - took a break to nap. Now on juice no. 4. Can't believe this is my life now? Timed juices. Nuts would be greatly appreciated. Anything that's chewy actually. 

6.57pm - couldn't make it through the entire 4th smoothie. Ugulicious. It was ghastly. Bananas with Ugu. Bitter leaf made into a smoothie, more like malaria medicine. Weighed myself 1.5pounds down. 

8.05pm - went to take a walk. Need to get my mind off this nagging hunger. 

10.20pm - I struggle to finish off the last smoothie. This is aptly titled, Afro Beets. Who knew Beets tasted that gnarly? I mean I've had them in salads...did they taste this bad? Where's the Kale flavored smoothie??

I weigh myself once I manage to down about 75% of it. 4 pounds down. This is my prize for surviving one of the most miserable Saturdays I've had in a long time. Wish I could say I enjoyed it. I'm glad with the weight loss but I'm afraid I might just pig out tomorrow and it'll come right back.

Besides food has become my fast friend. A day without food is like a day without Social Media how do you survive it? How do people detox for 3 days, that is the question. 

Tomorrow...buffet and alcohol. And keeping away from the scales. LOL.

Post - Smoothie Detox Review

Yes. I did buffet. No. I didn't pig out. After the 2nd bite of my salad, (yes, I started with salads) I was actually full)

I found that I did not worry myself about other stuff that usually consumed my mind. I'm usually a neurotic over-thinker over worrier - as most writers are. But being on the detox instead left my head free so I could concentrate on what was going on inside me. Was I hungry? Was I bloated? Was I tired? What is that awful bitter after-taste in my mouth? How many times can I brush my teeth? Is it time for the next smoothie? How gnarly will it taste? 

It also has opened me up to drinking more water now in my daily life. I often wake up thirsty. Maybe this can be ascribed to the Harmattan weather, who knows, but either way I am not normally a thirsty person especially for water. 

Then, of course it's been a huge appetite suppressant. Inasmuch as I wake up thirsty, I rarely wake up hungry. I find that I can hold my hunger until the afternoon and not eat, which is not a good diet, as breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but if I drink some juice in the morning, I am usually fine until the afternoon.

There you have it. My first time on a Smoothie Detox.

I want to be like those skinny fit (extremely toned) girls I saw walking on Santa Monica Boulevard with their juices in stow, looking like that is really all they eat. I have a feeling once the fitness trend takes off in Lagos, we'll all want to be those girls. 

A Tale of Blacklove

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21

Right after I wrote the News Years' blog post below about having gone through some personal single girl struggles with God on my side, I left my home to get some fresh air and clear my head from all the heaviness. I got in a rickety yellow taxi cab, and as we approached the first traffic light on my street, we were t-boned by a jeep. The airbags got deployed and we ran over the curb headed to the  traffic light. Thankfully, I stepped out of the cab without any injuries except for some physical bruises, on my arms, my legs, and my feet. I have pain in corners I didn't even know hit the taxi during the collision. The only thing I could think of when I left the cab was, "It's the first day of the year. It's the first day of the year." Is this how I'm gonna start my year? Did I do something to deserve this?

Admittedly when you're that visibly shaken you look for solace and I sought it from the first person I could think of, the one who had my head and heart heavy, the one who had caused me to even leave the house in the first place.

As I sat in church this afternoon, the phrase above came to my mind. 

I also recalled a girlfriend of mine from America who had dated her college boyfriend for 7 years in hopes of marriage. One day he just decided that enough was enough, and that he no longer wanted to be in the relationship. She had supported him from college through graduation while he sought a career in the Secret Service, gone through the intrusive background investigation for him, lived and maintained his home, and was patiently saving for a wedding. Their wedding. At the 7th year she had asked him point blank, "Are you gonna marry me?" To which he responded in the negative. Then, she knew it was all over and she had wasted the best years of her life loving this man. When she tells this story you can see in her eyes the restrained pain that she must have endured while going through the thickest layers of hurt, anguish and disappointment having to still live in his home and share his bed even as she hunted for her own apartment. She would wake up in the middle of the night crying and the person causing her pain was asleep right there beside her. She said when she finally moved out that he just stood there and watched her pack up her things. She took time out to burn or destroy the items she had bought for their home, curtains, dishes, or what not. If she can't have them, then neither can he.

That's #blacklove. Rarely does it make sense but it never fails to infuriate and enrage.

I am not gonna hope or pray for a reconciliation. I've spent a whole lot of time and prayers doing that. I'm gonna pray that God gives me "exceedingly abundantly above what I have asked for or can even think of."

And that if my girlfriend can recover from her heartache, then so can I.

It's not how hard you get hit, correct?

New Year Update Redux

Happy New Year! 

I realized while reviewing the preceding post that I didn't really talk about anything. At least nothing that will concern any of my readers. 

The fact of the matter is I've been very evasive with the updates, speaking very little, and even when I do I am reporting on matters that do not directly deal with the theme of this blog - conquering the single life. I understand how frustrating that may seem. I gently apologize to you, my readers. 

To be honest, I am going through a very tough emotional time and it's somewhat hard for me to process my thoughts, make them seem coherent let alone chirpy for a valid Anita Writes update. As single people when we suffer emotionally, there's no one to vent the pain on, we just end up bottling them up inside being consumed by our pain. To top it off, the holidays rolled around and the rush of emotions it ushers even made it worse. Made it so much worse. 

As I continue to deal with my personal struggles, I ask you or anyone reading this to send me your positive love and good energy to counteract the emotions bubbling up inside me. I will get through this, I know and believe that but it's gonna take a while, I see, and I need all the love energy, a great big love circle that the universe can muster to keep me going, powering through the rush of emotions. 

Thank you all for understanding. 

Peace, Love and Earth Vibes!!!

ANI 💔

Welcome Revival - A New Becky

It's the end of the Holidays. 

Holidays 2016. 

This Holiday season, Anita Writes decided to take on a new demeanor, adopt a new persona.

I decided to channel my inner Becky. I modified my look to be more "Becky-esque." I modified my attitude too...but that's a whole other story.

I took on a calmer, more reserved approach. A more optimistic resolve, a certainty of approach to my actions. Day to day I'm the one who just wings it, allowing spontaneous actions and the earth's energies to direct the actions of the day. But for a change this Holiday season, this newly crowned Becky, was aware of her age and acted like it. There was no winging it to my lifestyle, I planned my destination and achieved the plans at the end of every day.

Granted there were moments when I felt my crown tilt ever so slightly, I reverted to my subversive tactics but then I'm human and I am allowed to fall back to form. Growth is a work in progress. We fall down but we get back up. This Becky-esque persona experiment is here to stay at least for the first quarter of 2017.

How was my Holiday?

There were extreme moments of quiet, near loneliness, sitting around waiting for the phone to ring. That was hard. There were also some moments of laughter at nothing in particular, just being in love with who I am and where I am in life, and thanking God for it inside me got me to laughing, hysterically too.

The quiet, I prayed, will soon be gone. 

Happy New Year Singletons!!!

2016...Ends

As I was reflecting on the year (2016)...these last couple of weeks...I couldn't help thinking it's been a great year, regardless of a few shortcomings here and there. And I'm hoping the year ahead has its own store of surprises, the good surprises though (let me clarify).

Granted I didn't get to go to Mauritius, with my love, to bask in a romantic resort and uuummph my brains out for days on end or get proposed to in Paris, one city I hope to live in some day...

But there were some good moments.

1. Getting to stay at Transcorp Hilton (Nicon Noga) on the company expense account...about 15 years since my last time. This time not as a law student but as a lawyer.

2. Going to negotiations in Abuja...back to back weeks in June. That was cool.

3. Going to CBN HQ for that one meeting at the start of the year...that was so dope. It made me have something to look up to. Government work is not all that bad.

4. Getting that Mac Air as a belated Xmas pressie...nice touch yo!

5. The trip to Benin was a nice touch too. Everything about it. Like a return to where it all started. Before that was Kano. First time going up to Northern Nigeria, realizing the folks there are actually pretty nice, warm hearted, not quite as materialistic as Lagosians.

The travel within Nigeria - my tour de Nigeria as I termed it  - connected me with my fatherland. I've done some travel internationally but not so much in Nigeria, even Africa. This 2016 gave me that opportunity to see my country and it felt whole. You can't love or rep a country if you don't know that much about it. 

But the very best moment of all in 2016 is being reunited with a city I love, a city I understand, a city that loves me as much as it wears me out. Lagos. All the trips I took to Lagos all year, hoping, praying and wishing upon a star that I could live here again, that I could leave that ratchet city Port Harcourt behind. Being able to close out the year by doing just that, living in Lagos, feels like a special present from God to Anita. I think about the awesomeness of this blessing atimes and it fills me with so much joy inside, I radiate - smile, laugh, burst out in hysterics, and 'thank you Heavenly Father' chants: Thank you Heavenly Father for saving me from that hot mess. 

That's been my year - Thank you Heavenly Father.

God and I have been through a lot this year, He's been not only my Father but my best friend and guardian angel. We've achieved a closeness that we once had and I'm glad we could rekindle. When you're single you end taking on your battles alone. That's one thing not many people realize. They give married people the praise etc, but the little people, the single people, we get to go through life's ups, downs, balancing our checkbooks, logging cross country, getting lost in a different city, having to find suitable accommodation, everything, every nick and nack, is done by our lonesome selves. All we do is say a silent prayer to the God who looks out for the single person and ask Him to shield us from this world's hurt and He always comes through. He always comes through. 

Tough times don't last, tough people do. 

Next goal is Love. L O V E.