A Tale of Blacklove

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21

Right after I wrote the News Years' blog post below about having gone through some personal single girl struggles with God on my side, I left my home to get some fresh air and clear my head from all the heaviness. I got in a rickety yellow taxi cab, and as we approached the first traffic light on my street, we were t-boned by a jeep. The airbags got deployed and we ran over the curb headed to the  traffic light. Thankfully, I stepped out of the cab without any injuries except for some physical bruises, on my arms, my legs, and my feet. I have pain in corners I didn't even know hit the taxi during the collision. The only thing I could think of when I left the cab was, "It's the first day of the year. It's the first day of the year." Is this how I'm gonna start my year? Did I do something to deserve this?

Admittedly when you're that visibly shaken you look for solace and I sought it from the first person I could think of, the one who had my head and heart heavy, the one who had caused me to even leave the house in the first place.

As I sat in church this afternoon, the phrase above came to my mind. 

I also recalled a girlfriend of mine from America who had dated her college boyfriend for 7 years in hopes of marriage. One day he just decided that enough was enough, and that he no longer wanted to be in the relationship. She had supported him from college through graduation while he sought a career in the Secret Service, gone through the intrusive background investigation for him, lived and maintained his home, and was patiently saving for a wedding. Their wedding. At the 7th year she had asked him point blank, "Are you gonna marry me?" To which he responded in the negative. Then, she knew it was all over and she had wasted the best years of her life loving this man. When she tells this story you can see in her eyes the restrained pain that she must have endured while going through the thickest layers of hurt, anguish and disappointment having to still live in his home and share his bed even as she hunted for her own apartment. She would wake up in the middle of the night crying and the person causing her pain was asleep right there beside her. She said when she finally moved out that he just stood there and watched her pack up her things. She took time out to burn or destroy the items she had bought for their home, curtains, dishes, or what not. If she can't have them, then neither can he.

That's #blacklove. Rarely does it make sense but it never fails to infuriate and enrage.

I am not gonna hope or pray for a reconciliation. I've spent a whole lot of time and prayers doing that. I'm gonna pray that God gives me "exceedingly abundantly above what I have asked for or can even think of."

And that if my girlfriend can recover from her heartache, then so can I.

It's not how hard you get hit, correct?