exceptionally rough week

It was an exceptionally rough week for me at work. This is the first exceptionally rough week I've had within my two months of working there. And I can only hope it is not the beginning of bad things to come. To top it off, I took this afternoon off so, I bet there'd be a million and one items waiting for me when I arrive on Monday.
However, it felt good to get out of there early.

In other news, I am having a dinner party on 07/07/07. My first. Hopefully not my last. I invited just enough people to fit into the number of dining table chairs I have. One thing i am afraid of is that no one will show up, or that they will find my small apartment sucky and that will be the end of that. But it was worth a try.

In news that seriously concerns me...

I am turning into a materialistic person. Like material things need to fill the void in my life.

I am considering moving. This will be the second time in a row. At the time I viewed this awesome loft that I couldn't afford in this awesome part of town it seemed like such a good idea. Then, I saw another somewhat similar loft but much much smaller, without the stand-up shower that I have been looking for, (no washer and dryer either) and it seemed like such a good idea to fill out the application, etc, about 2 hours ago, now that I think about it, (sober) it doesn't seem like such a good idea anymore.

Two dreams will come true if I move there. One of them will be to live in this part of town that I have been dying to live in. The second is like a combo dream. When these lofts were sold at first, I so wanted to buy one but I couldn't afford it. Now, they are available for lease. And I hopefully wish I can afford to live there. But with the new car and the new insurance payment, I am just strecthed out way too thin. Plus, the cost of moving. The cost of moving is astronomical. I am still bruised from the $700 I had to pay the last time. This time I will hopefully have fewer items, but either way, the cost is just astronomical. I don't know. God help me decide.

I just wish I didn't have the pre-existing problems that I have. I just wish this was my permanent home. I just wish I could become the attorney I have been wishing/dying to be.

Some other dreams need to come true.

Nosy Americans

I went out on a limb on Saturday night to attend a meeting of an International group. It is mostly an on-line group of Atlantans who are internationals of other countries. They get together every month and do a "social", comprised of dinner, dancing etc, anything, but it's mostly a social event, a place to meet other internationals.

Based on this definition you would think this would be a lot of fun. So it seemed when an old co-worker of mine (who is Argentinian) invited me to join the group. And for about a year now, I have just been to uncoordinated to attend any one of their socials. But then, this Saturday armed with some gumption, I decided to attend. So here I was, thinking I was in for an
evening of fun.

First off, the restaurant we met this time was some sleazy Cuban restaurant in Buckhead, name shall be withheld. This wasn't so bad to me because I had already had dinner. And then, the age ranges of the people were a little above and beyond what I had expected. They were just a little older, only a handful were actually young, spirited professionals (my age) and the
rest were older internationals who have been here so long, I don't necessarily think they can be considered internationals anymore.

You would also think that based on this being international that there will not be any Americans in the group. Not so much, there were more Americans than there were internationals. Which is not so bad except with American's come all sorts of stupid questions about one's origin. so where are you from? is life better in America? how come your English is so good? when was the last time you visited your country? so what do you do? have you always done that? don't you just love how crazy organized this country is compared to your country?

To the average American, there are very few questions that can be posed to them in casual conversation, even in indepth conversation. they are very secretive, guarded and contained. And every question seems like a mission to discover more about them than you need to know and most times you are met with no answer, or a nondescript answer, leaving you to come to the conclusion that maybe it's time I minded my own business. But here I was answering all sorts of questions about Nigeria and why my countrymen choose to do the things, (good or bad, mostly bad in this type of conversations) that they do.

I don't want to spend all evening, my precious Saturday evening discussing my heritage and my (which at this time seems like it was a bad choice) American sojourn. I really don't. But I had to because this was the kind of trap I walked into by attending this social. And then there's this myopic sense of thinking. They think because it's African, it will be worse, or your English will be bad. No. Maybe if you had read about Nigeria you would know that English is our national language. those that do not speak it well, just choose not to. then, they think because you're African that means your sister is married to an African as well, no. It doesn't always work that way. Or that you would be asked out by fellow "African" (let alone African-American) men. It shouldn't be that way. At least I don't think so. It was just a ridiculous evening. The good part was that we went
out dancing afterwards at this noisy salsa club that was too loud for anyone to carry on any of that unnecessary conversation. So I danced (on my seat) and people watched, and when I felt it was time to say good-bye, and I got up and moseyed out of there.

Needless to say that I may not attend any other social. At least not in readiness to answer any of their questions.

me after a trip to the beauty salon

Me after a trip to the beauty salon.

Since then...

Since I turned 33, nothing new has come of it. I am still spending weekends (and weekdays for that matter) indoors, which is sad considering this is summer. I have put in about 700 miles on my new car. And I haven't had a chance to ride my bike. And work is getting to that point where I feel the need to put my "work life had achieved stasis" poster up. Yes, it's getting to that point. It's not so much what I do as in the environment I do it in and the company is just so broke and boring that I am bored out of my mind. And my finances have reached an all-time low. So low that three of my bills that I paid today (thank God) read "Past Due" when I logged in to pay them. I kept wondering, there must be something wrong, I need to get a hold of my finances because this doesn't make sense. I work, they didn't read Past Due when I was unemployed, so why should they do so now.

So instead of clogging up this journal with bad news as I am apt to do, I mainly logged in to share some birthday pics courtesy of my birthday present to myself (Yes, I still buy myself Birthday gifts despite the fact that my finances are in a dwindling state)

spoils of war

You work so hard in this country, so very hard and you take a lot of shit and exert a lot of energy, get to work when they want you to and put in the hours and just put in your very best --not subpar work-- all the time even when you're tired, hungover or plain exhausted. In the end, all you can do is spoil yourself with the money. You have no other choice of gaining satisfaction from working for The Man than to pay your own selfish interests, your own personal Man for putting in all that hard work day after day, week after week, with only 10-15 days left for vacation.

I got back from just one day off for my birthday and the work stack was piled high, and I was assigned more work even though I was told that you would not get assigned work if you are on vacation. I am just a little miffed about the whole thing.

Short of spoiling myself consistently which I do, I do not know what else to do to get to the point where I feel I am enjoying life and not just working for work sake.

Happy Birthday to Me...

As the day winds down, all I can say is it was so much fun. At first I didn't have fun, most of my plans were thwarted and moved around and rearranged by traffic and whatnot's on the way but I managed to squeeze in some Anita time here and there. The last couple of hours that I spent by myself were the best of all, when I got to drink to my satisfaction and just sit and think and feel for what it is that I want to do next. I spent almost $500 today trying to make sure that I had fun and as the day comes to a sad close I have to say I did have fun. It's always one of those ME days that makes you want to make it last forever. I didn't get as many calls as I normally get but I got plenty enough to make me feel good with myself.

Thank you God that I am 33 today. Many people strive to be this age, and I have achieved albeit by myself but I know God is with me. Thank you God for Me.

on the eve of turning 33

On the eve of turning 33, there are no words. In hindsight I relish the thought of turning 30, as opposed to 33. On the eve of turning 33, I feel like I did too much but accomplished very little, that I set goals that I did not meet but met goals I did not set. On the eve of turning 33 I am not surprised not even a little bit that I am still by myself, without a friend, a pal, a male friend, an acquaintance and the rest of the other worldly people that are in no way related to me. On this great eve, I can't do anything but pray that goals far and wide get conquered this approaching year and that the inevitable career goal is reached, and even though there are no leads from the UN, I can only pray that those leads will come.
I'll let you know how it turns out.

Happy Birthday to me and only me from me.