okay...badness continues.

This week hasn't exactly been good, but when has it ever. But I am trusting in God that it shall hold quite a few good things in store for me. I know trust and belief in God through prayer can conquer anything.

Let me recap the "badness":

Sunday: Some lady came to the restaurant demanding that I produce a tray for her to take her food to go, like it's my problem when she decided to eat outside. She was infurating me and in the end after I contained my temper considerably she still insisted on reporting me to my boss. All well and good, I am not complaining. Then, I went to the cold stone creamery intereview, I shouldn't have bothered. One of the conductors of the interview was a 17 year old prissy girl. I was ashamed and humiliated and regretted every second I spent walking to the interview, and the nonchalant way in which I responded to the questions only shows my disinterest in the job. But this was the good part.

Monday: I get to work. On my way I call out of my other job because I decided to go with the highest bidder which I should have done in the first place, i. e. last week but no, I wanted to maintain some normalcy like that ever exists in my life. And then my boss at the other job, another young girl which I am sure is also my agemate decided to fire me. I was feeling a mixture of relief and anger. Relief that I did want to leave the job for a while when I realized I was spending more than I was making and anger that it had to happen this way and that it would have read a lot better if I had quit than been fired. But the badness continues...

I get to work, and call the stupid lady for my phone interview. After making me ramble on and on, she proceeds to jerking me off. "We shall call you if we need you." Like that is what I wanted to hear after spending 30 minutes with you on my cellphone. I have resigned my fate. Any company would be lucky to have me. If they don't know that well, I do.

I pick up the phone at work and it turns out that between Saturday and Sunday a total of a whopping $110 is missing from my cash drop. My head boss just returned from vacation and is seen walking towards me to fire me for either pocketing their money or losing it all together. Jesus sends a saviour. My manager intercepts him and begins to ramble on explanations as to how I am not the "thief" and how the money may have just been misplaced either as over change to customers or just computer errors. He accepts albeit reluctantly. I start to fight back tears and they sting my eyes in return. I know I am on probation right now, and any wrong move, as much as a dollar getting missing, and my job will be bye-bye-bye.

this is the story so far...

Tuesday: walked the length and breadth of snellville to do my hair and even the black hairdressers swore off my black hair for some psychotic excuse or the other. I was furious. A week now I've been on a mission to do my hair yet so far...not good. I have to spend my day off tomorrow doing it. Gnashes teeth at the thought.

Wednesday: The hair is done for an exorbitant price I am even afriad to write down for fear that my mother may read it and reprimand me. I spent so much money today on my self, the hair, transportation, and my sister's presents, that I may have to feed on bread and water for the next couple of weeks. So much for saving some money or buying the sound system. I get home and call my job and they say they might not need me for Thursday...Darn it! that's money I need being dashed out. But I really don't mind gives me more time to rest up...for the weekend, praying I don't lose any more money on that cash register.

Please pray for me too if you're reading this.

Thank you.

Where do I begin?

From today and maybe work my way upwards...

This morning, someone decided to start my day all badly just because he felt that something wasn't done the way oh Lord and mighty wanted it. I could go and on but I do not want to, it will only annoy me more, I just keep asking myself: If all men come like him, I'd rather be single cos' I really don't want to be faced with all the crude, irrational temper tantrums and pettiness and childishness that he comes with. I COULDN'T IGNORE IT. I often do but this time I just couldn't. Hell! it was 6:15 in the morning you can't ignore anything at that time it's too damn early.

So there was a lockdown and to it all yes; I am thinking seriously more seriously into getting a place of my own. This isn't working. I wish it was but it's not. Blood no longer becomes thick once it has been considerably and durably diluted with water and so it weakens its strength and power, and forces it to dissolve and evaporate and that is what I seek...to evaporate.

But that was just this morning:

The good thing is I met the most delightful old gentleman in the train and he was so polite and well-spoken it blew me to bits. His comforting voice touched and and calmed me that I didn't want to get out of the train. I did eventually, I shouldn't have, I should have just told him what the heck was wrong with me and why I had been trickling tears down my cheek all morning during the ride. But I didn't. And I know I will never see him again but I just felt the need to break away at that time. I still missed my fucking bus and cried some more at the freezing ass bus station, so why didn't I spend some more time connecting with his sage mind.


But I deviate.

I can't remember what else happened to me this week. The devastating events of today have erased it all from memory. Good things:
Will and Grace last night, (2 thumbs up!)
I had the most interesting conversation with Elizabeth, the girl at work, that made me get to understand her and look at her in a deeper more appreciative way. And she is so nice...she hit a spot tonight, that hardly happens with anybody.
My conversation online with Dillettante.devochka and
My new VCR which I still haven't christened with the BSB around the world tape. Asides from them, nothing of note, that could take away the bitterness of this morning.


I couldn't go to Buffalo's on Thursday evening like I should have...neither did I go to Chili's, Barbie is on the verge of firing me, I can tell. I'll quit first, surely I should. And I didn't do sooo many things I should have...


I am just really in that pissed-off-just-kill-me-now-the only-thing-that-will-help-is-a-slow-soft-screw-from-Keanu mood right now. The best part of the day was in the evening coming home, there's this guy who takes me home, a cab driver I often use his services. He said the things I have often said and my sister's rebuked them like I am just being a foolish brat.

He said, "I hate this town. They make it so fucking difficult for you to live in it. (I nodded quite so happily at this) You can't a car easily and even if you do, you can't afford to put gas in it, and even if you don't want a car you can't afford to use public transportation, why because there isn't any, and the fucking streets are so dark and deserted you can't go home or walk home. Fucking stupid place, I wouldn't advice my enemy to come live up here."

He took the words right out of my mouth and made them his.

This is partially one of the reasons I wish someone would take me away quickly, peacefully so I don't have to pass through all this pain and contempt and bitterness for too long. Quick and easy, heck! I might even pay you for it! I am sure as hell not happy living what else is there to live for?

To that end I crossed the road dangerously this evening. The car slowed down for me. He shouldn't have! I swear he shouldn't have...