In all things, we should remember love

People are so mean on the Internet. There's actually so much hate and anger that exists over the Internet. People hide behind and use it to say the most untoward things. 

It's like let's use the Internet to mask ourselves and then, let us project hate, so much hate, and it's okay, they don't know who we are so we can get away with it. At first when I started using the Internet this was shocking to me, and it still is. Why so many swear words directed at me, you don't know me, you may not even know what I look like. I may save your life some day, my kidney may just be the random one that will save you, I may be driving by and find your child/mother/significant other suffering and be the good Samaritan that will save them. How can I do that when you've projected so much hate my way just because of a simple argument or misunderstanding over the Internet. How can I get to reach out to anyone when they could just very well be the asshole that cursed me out over the Internet? How can we possibly ever speak of One Love, One World when we project so much hate out onto the atmosphere? 

On Friday, instead of enjoying one of the first true summer days, I got into this little tiff with a community manager on LiveJournal. I know, community manager, he was already power drunk from that and then, before I knew it, hate started coming my way. Like who gets angry on a Friday, it's the freaking weekend. Mind you, this man who is 44 years old (he had his birthday on his profile) and also happens to be a Gemini, started to insult me, "Act like an adult, you're an idiot." And then, he cut of my communication with the group just so I wouldn't respond to his "You' re an Idiot" comment. Like I said, so much hate. And I don't know his real name, and he doesn't know mine. Yet, we were going at each other like enemies (or rather he was going at me, because I refused to stoop to that level) 

In the end I kept thinking after 9 plus years of using the Internet, and being cursed out at least once a year, I thought I would have gotten used to it by now. But each time it's always so shocking, how thoroughly mean people can be. Evil truly comes in many forms and the one over the Internet must be the most masked one of all, directed at a foe that you may not even know. For what, just because you disagree with that person's opinion about something, or just because they are not fans of a certain celebrity the same way you are, for what really?

That's one of the reasons I keep this journal and I am open to people disagreeing with my musings, or the way I carry on my life, and that's fine, because I disagree with a great majority of what people do as well. But I try to post everyone's comments, I am open to comments if they are not filled with hate, spam, bad grammar or just seething with anger. But on journals like LiveJournal or Yahoogroups or worse, Twitter, where nothing is seeded, there can be found the true form of that Internet hate that is just so unnecessary or misdirected. Let us use our energies to bring towards love in this world. There's so much to be angry about except ourselves, the Internet is supposed to be our escape from our frantic lives, your solace, not a place where the outside frenzy seeps into over nothing substantial. It's just so hard to even trust people now, I keep thinking, this could be that person who thinks I am an Idiot. How can we live like this? 

parties and all

Believe it or not, I was at this party -Skyy Vodka Pineapple Infusion Party - and it was the hottest party I've been to this year and looking at the state of matters, just may be the hottest party this summer. It's turning out to be a pretty boring year. 

But yep, I was at this party. I didn't even think it would happen when I woke up that morning. I didn't get my RSVP reminder so I wanted to blow them off, but yet it happened and it kept Midtown buzzing, filled with about 700 people. You wouldn't believe it by looking at the pictures that I was there, but believe you and me, I was there. I wouldn't lie. The people that take these pictures always have a way of avoiding me. Them and the men. This was the party that some guy was talking to his cousin about he didn't fancy me and his cousin had the nerve t tell me. It's all good. This is my second Blackout Productions gig in a row where I've been carefully avoided by the paparazzi. Maybe Lynn thinks I am stalking by attending these things. Because you see so many of the same faces at these things, they start to think that you are "in the business," whatever that means. One person even came up to me and mentioned all the other events he had met me at. A conversation that ended with him asking, "So what do you do?" Nope. I am not "in the business." Wish I was. Maybe I should be their party girl blogger, then they would be more enthused to photograph me and make sure my RSVP is answered. I haven't really thought of it. I haven't thought of how to start it. How would I create a buzz around it. That's it. That's what I'll do.

But I have to hand it to the chick at Blackout Productions, Lynn Lilly, she certainly knows how to throw a party. I've been to about 4 of her events and each one has turned out better than the last. She brings the OPEN BAR heat with an awesome DJ, live music and complimentary valet. All the great compliments of a perfect evening. It's always a great time to be had at her events. All the party organizers/event planners need to take a cue, mention "Open Bar" and you got us. Tell us there's a cover and we bail. Her first event she actually had a red carpet and took everyone's picture as they walked in. I thought that was sweet, made everyone feel special. Now, the paparazzi picture people pick and choose who gets photographed. 

Needless to say she has some minuses. And they are:

She described this events dress code as "Business casual" and naive people like me took it literally, not good when this was to be the hottest party of the summer. One needed to look good, for the guys that fancy me and for those that don't. How am I ever going to get to wear all my fancy clothes when you give me the wrong dress code information. And she always has this VIP section which is totally unnecessary, totally. We are all VIPs. My girl guide blog would just be the shit. Now I have an idea!

I've been meaning to write about this event since last week, but then the pictures were released and got me all miffed that they missed me and now I am even more inspired to write.

Vodka and all

Believe it or not, I was at this party -Skyy Vodka Pineapple Infusion Party - and it was the hottest party I've been to this year and looking at the state of matters, just may be the hottest party this summer. It's turning out to be a pretty boring year.

But yep, I was at this party.

I didn't even think it would happen when I woke up that morning. I didn't get my RSVP reminder so I wanted to blow them off, but yet it happened and it kept Midtown buzzing, filled with about 700 people. You wouldn't believe it by looking at the pictures that I was there, but believe you and me, I was there. I wouldn't lie. The people that take these pictures always have a way of avoiding me. Them and the men! How unfortunate. This is my second Blackout Productions gig in a row where I've been carefully avoided by the paparazzi. Maybe Lynn thinks I am stalking her by always attending her events. It's all good, she throws the best gigs. I've started to see so many of the same faces at these things, and they are starting to wonder if I am "in the business," whatever that means. One person even came up to me and mentioned all the other events he had met me at. A conversation that ended with him asking, "So what do you do?" Nope. I am not "in the business." Wish I was. Maybe I should be their party girl blogger, then they would be more enthused to photograph me and make sure my RSVP is answered. I haven't really thought of it. I haven't thought of how to start it. How would I create a buzz around it. That's it. That's what I'll do.

But I have to hand it to the chick at Blackout Productions, Lynn Lilly, she certainly knows how to throw a party. I've been to about 4 of her events and each one has turned out better than the last. She brings the OPEN BAR heat with an awesome DJ, live music and complimentary valet. All the great compliments of a perfect evening. It's always a great time to be had at her events. All the party organizers/event planners need to take a cue, mention "Open Bar" and you got us. Tell us there's a cover and we bail. Her first event she actually had a red carpet and took everyone's picture as they walked in. I thought that was very red carpet-ish, made everyone feel special. Now, the paparazzi picture people (you know the guy with his faux digital camera) always pick and choose who gets photographed. If you don't seem "cool" enough they carefully avoid you. That's okay, you can avoid me all you want but I will blog the hell out of how pretentious that is.

However, I have to mention the subtle minuses. And they are:

She described this events dress code as "Business casual" and naive people like me took it literally, not good when this was to be the hottest party of the summer. One needed to look good, for the guys that fancy me and for those that don't. How am I ever going to get to wear all my fancy clothes when you give me the wrong dress code information. And she always has this VIP section which is totally unnecessary, totally. We are all VIPs. Don't you think?

I've been meaning to write about this event since last week, but then the pictures were released and got me all miffed that they missed me and now I am even more inspired to write.

lost

I feel so lost. Lost and outta my mind.

Last night I went to this wicked awesome event. I actually didn't expect it to be that awesome because it was a week night. But it was. Almost a 1000 people there and they were all good looking. And I talked to this guy. But something in his lack of interest, in his failure to ask me my name or what I did for a living, indicated he wasn't interested. And he wasn't. It just seemed so crushing. And I ended up going home by myself. I thought I'd wake up today and not feel bad. But I do. It's like sinken feeling, like I've disappeared and no one gives a hit about me. They don't give a shit if I am intelligent, well spoken, well versed, well travelled and worldly. They could care less. I seem invisible to them.

an update...to start all updates

I don't know why but I really don't feel the urge to update this blog as much I used to. This disinterest maybe stemmed from the fact that I started reading my old reviews and realized that they had a current theme of discontent and bitterness and despair all rolled into one. There was a lack of obsession about life but more of a discontent with my adulthood. It's not like I still don't feel that discontent, I do. But it's been overtaken by the fact that even writing about it has not changed the mood. Year after year, it's still the same. Why's that? Maybe because I am celebrating it, instead of admonishing it. Maybe because I am scaring away anyone I'll ever meet by saying, "Hi, This is me and I am bitter." Believe it or not, I say that to real life folks too.

So, the insipiration is gone. I've often thought that there'd come a time when this blog will morph into one of happy notes, or a post would say, Dear God answered my prayers. Not like there have not been niblets of my prayers being answered but there are tons of prayers, thoughts, hopes and wishes that have just been somewhat ignored. And that's where the discontent and bitterness seethes in.

If I don't update as often now you know why. I don't want to keep whining about the things I wish I could do, I just want to do them. I want to spend the time I use whining about them to try to figure out how to do them. And in the course of doing them if I fail miserably or I stumble, I shall stop ever so briefly to write about my stumbles in my quest for selfish hope.

Pretty Awesome Random Saturday

Even though my money has diminished tremendously, my weekend outings have not completely disappeared. I was able to sum up a pretty awesome Saturday. So awesome that I was so weak from the outings today to even move. What makes an awesome Saturday for Anita.

One, I had this dance party to attend that I for some strange reason did not feel like going to. I haven't really felt like going anywhere lately. Old age is catching up with me, sort of on the eve of turning 35, probably. But I have just been so knackered. Not in the mood to get all dolled up and make fake conversations with some equally conceited, uninteresting, but opinionated people. So I cleaned the house. I have been doing a lot of that lately. I clean my house obsessively because I spend so much time in it. After cleaning the house, I couldn't get rid of that antiseptic smell, so many candles in the world and an open window still could not get rid of that smell. So to dance party it was. For once, my outfit fell into place. My face fell into place and the shoes seemed right. And I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, not half bad at all. Besides, dance party comes with $5 martinis and broke or not, I could use a few of those.

First - I went to dinner and though the food was good and the restaurant blase - rude staff and filled with Mother's day celebrants - just at the end I bumped into this couple who turned things around: A gay guy and his lady friend who was house-hunting in Atlanta, actually in my neighborhood. She was moving from DC.

Isn't it surprising how the nicer people always happen to come from a different state, sometimes up north where it's so "diverse?" You can sit by yourself in a restaurant in Atlanta and I bet you no one will speak to you, not even the waitress who should if they want a good tip, but the people who just happen to speak to you almost always happen to be from up north visiting Atlanta on business and are just the funnest, most carefree people you'll ever meet. They don't want your number, they just want to talk about nothing in particular, the weather, life, bars, food, good food and where you can find it - which is what I ended up discussing with this couple. It was a nice time. So filled with that high, I thought, why not a dance party then?

So I did. Dance party was not bad at all. Conversations and characters abound. Sometimes I wonder how awesome my life would be and the readers of it if I had a Twitter account, that way I can constantly tell people what I just talked about or what someone just said to me. You meet people and your accent throws them off, you can almost read it in their faces. Okay, I just spoke, there are people on this earth who don't speak American. Deal. With. It. So I sat there for about an hour, kept company by my 2nd martini, watching a group of black men stare at me but not want to speak to me (they obviously left their balls at home), and I just enjoyed the 80's and 90's music - the DJ was awesome. Started this conversation with this lady over tattoos and that was it. My night started looking up. Many more conversations later and I felt it was time to call it a night. It was closer to 1am by this time so it was a good enough time to end it, believe me.

So awesome Saturday.

Same time next week, I hope.

bored out of my mind

I wanted to get a tattoo so bad this weekend. It came from yesterday and was overwhelming by today. It just felt like one of those weekends where a tattoo would be a good thing and interesting thing. But I didn't get one. My wallet had other plans. Even though my money has diminished tremendously, my weekend outings have not completely disappeared. I was able to sum up a pretty awesome Saturday. So awesome that I was so weak from the outings today to even move. What makes an awesome Saturday for Anita.

One, I had this dance party to attend that I for some strange reason did not feel like going to. I haven't really felt like going anywhere lately. Old age is catching up with me, sort of on the eve of turning 35, probably. But I have just been so knackered. Not in the mood to get all dolled up and make fake conversations with some equally conceited, uninteresting, but opinionated people. So I cleaned the house. I have been doing a lot of that lately. I clean my house obsessively because I spend so much time in it. After cleaning the house, I couldn't get rid of that antiseptic smell, so many candles in the world and an open window still could not get rid of that smell. So to dance party it was. For once, my outfit fell into place. My face fell into place and the shoes seemed right. And I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, not half bad at all. Besides, dance party comes with $5 martinis and broke or not, I could use a few of those.

First I went to dinner and though the food was good and the restaurant blase - rude staff and filled with Mother's day celebrants - just at the end I bumped into this couple who turned things around: A gay guy and his lady friend who was househunting in Atlanta, actually in my neighborhood. She was moving from DC. Isn't it surprising how the nicer people always happen to come from a different state, sometimes up north where it's so "diverse?" You can sit by yourself in a restaurant in Atlanta and I bet you no one will speak to you, not even the waitress who should if they want a good tip, but the people who just happen to speak to you almost always happen to be from up north visiting Atlanta on business and are just the funnest, most carefree people you'll ever meet. They don't want your number, they just want to talk about nothing in particular, the weather, life, bars, food, good food and where you can find it - which is what I ended up discussing with this couple. It was a nice time. So filled with that high, I thought, why not a dance party then?

So I did. Dance party was not bad at all. Conversations and characters abound. Sometimes I wonder how awesome my life would be and the readers of it if I had a Twitter account, that way I can constantly tell people what I just talked about or what someone just said to me. You meet people and your accent throws them off, you can almost read it in their faces. Okay, I just spoke, there are people on this earth who don't speak American. Deal. With. It. So I sat there for about an hour, kept company by my 2nd martini, watching a group of black men stare at me but not want to speak to me (they obviously left their balls at home), and I just enjoyed the 80's and 90's music - the DJ was awesome. Started this conversation with this lady over tattoos and that was it. My night started looking up. Many more conversations later and I felt it was time to call it a night, it was closer to 1am by this time so it was a good enough time to end it, believe me.

So awesome Saturday. Didn't get one guy to buy me any drink. But Lord Jesus sponsored my evening. I don't need no broke ass conceited Atlanta man. He got it covered. 

Same time next week, I hope. 

Cinco de Mayo with Gavin

Saw my baby Gavin deGraw on Cinco de Mayo. It was a very lukewarm day, in fact month, right up to the point. Nothing good has occurred this month. The good I can say is swine flu scare is waning, that would have really ruined my trip to New York. But asides from that, everything was lukewarm, and not that exciting in May, until Gavin took the stage. 

I always get such a high whenever I see him perform. It's that happy music, lack of ego and just sheer fun that exhilarates me. He is not super big with the pyrotechnics, or dancers, or as much as background singers, but it's just an unadulterated performance of his music, fused with some covers, remixed to perfection and he is having a good time and so are you. 

There's no more. I think I've said this before.

Cinco de Mayo with Gavin

Saw my baby Gavin deGraw on Cinco de Mayo. It was a very lukewarm day, in fact month, right up to the point. Nothing good has occurred this month. The good I can say is swine flu scare is waning, that would have really ruined my trip to New York. But asides from that, everything was lukewarm, and not that exciting in May, until Gavin took the stage.

I always get such a high whenever I see him perform. It's that happy music, lack of ego and just sheer fun that exhilarates me. He is not super big with the pyrotechnics, or dancers, or as much as background singers, but it's just an unadulterated performance of his music, fused with some covers, remixed to perfection and he is having a good time and so are you.

There's no more. I think I've said this before.