Yep. No sooner had I reported on the woman calling me that acted all interested then Satan swept in and swooped up whatever interest she had in me.

Well, I did send her my resume and then I chased after her all week trying to get a feedback phone call from her, in between I tried to think optimistically, thinking with one half of my heart that perhaps whilst she was ignoring my phone calls she was busy recruiting some other person. And then I finally get her to take my call on Friday after my 2nd botched interview with some other law firm, an interview which still haunts me for several reasons I shall not mention, then she answers the call and pretends that she doesn't know me, and fumbles on the phone and tells me not to call and bother her anymore.

Then, she calls me on the one Saturday I happen to work. She calls to fix a time for an interview. I am not home, I don't take the call. The people at home cannot reach me, as if I am someone unable to be reached. I get the message 5 hours from when she calls and I call back, somehow hoping she would still be able to take my call. Of course she is not. At 5 o'clock on a Saturday who is?

I leave everything for Monday morning. Of course, when I check the horoscopes this morning, and it says Work C rated, I know something about this week would not sit well with me. However, I am still optimistic. I go to work without wanting to for some strange reason I didn't feel the need to be in that environment at all. I still go. I get there and there is nothing to do, nothing at all. The work lady still doesn't answer her phone or return my messages. I finally get her on the phone during my lunch hour, and she says she's filled it instantly with someone else, possibly someone who did answer her phone on Saturday.

My eyes fill with tears and I cry profusely. I am still crying. I cry so hard that I can't face work. I can't take it. Why does it have to be bad news, bad news with me. This next month at work is bad, really bad. I am working for barely nothing. My hours have been shrunk and it's almost hopeless going to work except to have something going into my account. I thought that this one job would chnage the state of things. I really need to start work by the end of this month. I can't take working 2 days in a whole week. I can't.

My eyes are swollen from all the crying and weeping and my psyche has been dwindled and I am once again, hopeless and regretful of all my life decisions from 3 years past. Ever since I finished school I made the worst decisions of my life and I am still paying for it, 3 years on.

I have nothing else to say, I just wanted to wite something down and this was the only journal I felt I could weep openly to, all the others either do not show pity, do not know what to do, or feel my depressia is cramping their overt happinness. This one, no one knows me here so no one really cares, except for me.

Things cold have been better, instead they got worse.

My Phone Rang

I forgot to mention this, though it is only important to people who have been keeping tabs on my diary of late. Two significant things happened, which I hope might progress into something more interesting for me.

1) My phone rang. It rang yesterday. It was from an interested party. Though, she hasn't called me back today I pray it is not because she has lost interest at all. 

*crosses fingers, knocks on wood, prays fervently, and all the other good luck charms available*

2) My horoscope rated my work week an A. I know these pre-positions exist only in my mind and might not eventually mean something but it does to me. Hopefully, it would result in reason number 1 offering me something or a new beginning. A better beginning.

Though, I do not want to get carried away with it, so I don't feel disappointed like I always do in the eventuality of nothing coming from it, I just wanted to be "hopeful" as opposed to hopeless and despair which has been the state of my working life of recent.

That is the update. So hope, pray, cross fingers, and just think solemnly about me and my "evasive career" this week. Okay, it's the least I ask of all of you.

I have so much to say, so much despair, and so much to work on, but this is one of those times I really don't have it in me to make it as succint and clear as possible. It would probably come out all wrong or misunderstood. I shall talk about it when it makes sense, for now it doesn't, nothing ever really does in my life.

I know my diary would be here for me when I am ready to talk.

I just signed onto American singles.com, and so far 17 people have viewed my profile and have not bothered to write. Interesting, I can see I am not only lukewarm in real life but also on the web.