Single and Fabulous?

As the year winds down to its last 24 hours, I want to thank all of you, all the Anita Writes fans, avid readers, for sticking with me through my first official year in Nigeria, working through the theme of the blog, transition from being single and fabulous in America to being single and somewhat fabulous and in dire need of adventure in Nigeria. 

In trying to get my footing and preach the single life in Nigeria I've witnessed sexual discrimination, sexism at its highest in Nigeria, women not being allowed to just be single and free, society instinctively thinks we're hookers because we're not in some man's kitchen slaving away cooking for the 2.3 kids. When you deal with that much sexism it just turns you inside out, almost negative at society for disrespecting the single woman just because she's chosen to embrace the hand that she's been dealt. It takes the air out of being "single and fabulous". You're just single, the fabulous part is a work in progress in Nigeria. Do you want to tell the world that you're happy being single at your age, whatever age it may be? It's just not done. 

But I have worked through this tense discriminating environment, and tried to make the best of it, fighting through the stares, murmurs, disrespectful glances, and close family and friends advising me on the proper way to comport myself in Nigeria. I have just had it up to here. I know Africa has a lot of respect for women but I don't know in what capacity single women fall into that line of respect. Your respect only gets so much when you have something they can appreciate: husband, kids, a home that you're managing. Anything outside that is invisible to them and you need not exist respectably. 

For 2016, I hope to have a more defined focus for the blog - to get people (men and women) to embrace being single. It's not a scarlet letter so why walk with our heads held down as if it is. I want to start a movement for single women especially to garner respect so we can walk into bars and restaurants and lounges and not be disrespected and have to deal with society's misinterpretation of our intentions. This is my focus chapter for 2016 and I hope you all will join me in this fight. If you're single in some other part of the world and enjoying these liberties, consider yourself lucky. Help us extend these same liberties to our single sisters in Africa. We are single until Cupid chooses otherwise, let's not be ashamed of that. 

To all my singletons, this new year, let love be your guide, peace and sense of self be your comfort and hope be your pacifier. Overall, let your self be the best friend you have, treat it with love and respect and it will give you the same love back. Celebrate and claim your own space for that peace of mind and clarity that comes with it. And believe, that even in this crazy confusing oft-misconstrued world of ours, dreams absolutely do come true. 

Till 2016. I appreciate you. 

Namaste...Anita Writes

‪#‎HappyNewYear‬

it is a good day. still

today. 

Good day. 

Spent the day basking in the sun within a 2 mile radius
in victoria island. 

It was stressful
for about a minute
and then I got home
and just sat with my thoughts
and some alcohol to chase those thoughts away. 
it’s so hard to sit. 

So hard to just be anymore.
i’ve lost my mojo i suppose.
I thought i had
more gumption than this. 

I must be getting to the age
where (gasp!) i need someone. 

Or I think
company is essential.
but today.
i credit it.
regardless. 

it is a good day. 

still.

Anger Redefined...

I just thought that...

I just thought that

I would wake up today

and I would feel better, you know?

But I was still mad.

And I realized...

I realized that it had nothing

to do with .....

I wake up like this

every morning!

I am angry all the time,

and I don't know why.

....from the movie, Crash

I remember when I first heard this in a movie. It summarized my feelings, my demeanor and I responded to it immediately. I remember thinking, this writer certainly knows me, knows all of us who feel a tinge of pain and anguish without knowing exactly whence from. A couple of days ago, after a fit of rage that was on day 3, I sat down to explain to a dear friend what exactly was wrong with me, and it came to me. 

Sometimes I wake up and I am angry at my life. I get angry at the choices I've made and how they haven't always been the best choices even though I always promise to make better choices. I get angry at where I am in life and wish I could retrace my steps and avoid taking that step that led me to where I am that is causing me to be very angry. I get angry that I cannot seem to be able to make better choices no matter how hard I try, and I have tried really hard to make better choices, but I still end up in shitty situations. The anger just consumes me and I get irritated and bitter. It's been like this for awhile now. Since I first moved to America and felt out of place. I thought, I am a professional I should know better than to get myself in this situation. Then, with the jobs I worked, some good, some not so good. I thought, I am a lawyer why am I taking orders from lawyers who just passed the bar. And so on and so on. 

With relationships it's a different kind of pain depending on who I'm messing with at that time. One minute I am mad crazy about them and want them in my life no matter what and then, sometimes, I don't even know they exist, wonder what all that wasted anger and energy towards an undeserving human being was for.  But all these accumulate into a very angry, bitter young woman. 

My name is Anita and I am angry most of the time...and now I know why.

Facebook Anniversary

December 1st, is my one year anniversary on Facebook.

One Year of Anita Writes fan page and 'Anita Writes' the person.

One year. One controversial year. One tumultuous Anita Writes year. One year of my truth, raw, often vulnerable, controversial and whimsical posts.

One Year of Anita Writes​.

So...how would I rate my one year on Facebook?

Well...here it goes. Extra long post ahead...stay tuned.

1. Friends have come and gone. 

Yes. After several ploys to persuade my FB "friends" to support my baby, my blog - "Anita Writes" and way too many side chatter (Those FB folks sure know how to gossip) I decided to guard my friends list jealously. Surely, I could go on celebrity status and accept the 300 plus requests I have but...I personally handpicked my audience. I want them to be like my family, my FB friends. Isn’t that what FB is supposed to be about? Reconnecting Friendships. Building friendships.

2. The Highs??!!

Thankfully, I have had quite a few awesome moments this year peppered with the insurmountable lows. The new sensual spoken word blog on Tumblr. The trip to The Hague. Weekend in Brussels. Spontaneous trip to Lille. Dream Come True Trip to Paris. I haven't even shared some of the hilarious videos on the blog. And I took them with the intention to document the awesomeness of my trip - my life events. Got back and I happened to only want to share them with me in my lonesome moments. Some things are private, I suppose. The new friends I made, internationally, I hope to see again. They prove that we live in a great big colorful world. Now, the new job that has sapped me of any creativity, made it almost impossible to write. All add up to my year. You guys were here through Anita's drama and you spread your love and light and made those dreams possible. 

3. The AnitaWrites event. 

My aversion to FB initially was a privacy thing. My privacy was nonexistent to me as a blogger. People knew the blog and they knew me. They rarely connected the personal me, to the me that writes the blog and that gave me creative license to write whatever I wanted. But with FB you are faced with your audience and man, can they be finicky. People on FB enjoy reading a different type of material. Propaganda, gossip, politics. FB has one of the worst readerships I have ever experienced. At times I wished I could enjoy writing those topics just so I get more hits but it doesn't work that way. The originality of content of Anita Writes has kept it thriving for years and if I continue building it, soon enough they will come. 

4. My overall summary of FB. 

FB is for happy folks. People that are happy with their lives. Don't get me wrong I don't begrudge them those blessed lives. I just want to know you in the "in between" moments - the moments when you cry, the moments when you're afraid, confused, the moments when life doesn't make sense, the moments when hate consumes this world and you just wish life could get a grip, the in between moments. We don't all live in happy moments, we experience some real moments, moments when we hurt, wonder, need a friend, any body to reach out and touch (as the Diana Ross song says) the moments when we need God to pay attention and we need everybody to say with us - Dear God, Imma need you to pay attention for this one moment because I need this, the world needs this. FB is not the place for that. And if you’ve shared your hurt on FB, your raw emotion I commend you and I will always be a big fan of you for bringing us into your lives. If you haven't, who are you kidding? You know we all hurt, we all bleed. That moment you bleed out in the open, the treatment may come from the most unusual places.So I look forward to your moment of vulnerability.

I'm going to continue being REAL. I hope you continue hanging in there while I am. And if you haven't become a fan of Anita Writes on Facebook, what are you waiting for?

---Peace, Love and Light in the best possible way. #AnitaWrites #AllLove