I am saying a short prayer for the week ahead. I pray that the Lord will keep me inspired, inspired in HIs being, in my self and to do a good job. I want to be as inspired as Neo was everytime he chose to work on that movie extra hard, I want to be as dedicated and zealous as he, and as more as the Lord lets His humble inspiration grow in me. I want to live in the light and do goods will along the way.

All these and the protection of my family I ask of thee this week and always.

Amen.

I just got back from seeing the Matrix again. I woke up at 4 a.m today and snuck up to some keanu groups reading up their views on the Matrix. I found out that I am not as obsessed a fan as I thought I was. Amen! There were quite a few fans who had seen the movie 6 times already. This time it was my sister who was itching to see it, so we took the kids to see it. They loved it, asides from the boring parts which were many, they loved it. I also found out that I and Kerry are the only two fans who were blatantly honest about some salient disappointments in the storyline and the action. The special effects lost us and the love of one man just sort of brought us back.

However, on the good side, I am inspired. I am inspired to write a few lines in my story and I may be a little more inspired to work on it after a few more viewings. Hopefully not up to six. If it's any consolation, I saw Spiderman about 5 times before it got to DVD.

Spend it like you mean it

I spent a gaziilion bucks today.

Somehow in my mathematical calculation of my savings set against my moving plans, I didn't quite put in my mum's birthday that is happening tomorrow. I wonder why?! I am not selfish I am just closeminded, and set on the goal of succeeding where others have told me I may fail, so the money management cap being worn, I just didn't figure there would be an expense called, birthday presents, etc.

So I spent a lot today. I got the pots and pans though and a wonderful wall mirror that I think was overpriced but I was too much in the mood to spoil myself that I didn't even figure anything else. I got overdrawn on my Rich's card and for the first time it didn't reject it, or plain ole' embarass me like it's been apt to do, instead it let me call and and figure, oh, you have zero balance on your account. Ouch! that hurt!

I'm just going to sit back and start paying some of these bills before they become too much for me.

I trust there would come a time when stuff like this, money, maxing a $100 credit limit wouldn't be a problem. But maybe that time just isn't now. I have a lot of humbling to do, I suppose. What am I doing, I can't even afford to hook up cable in my apartment. What is this?

How is your Memorial Day weekend going?

Following the spirit and reserved energy of my last post, I am attaching this which somehow represents my views on this summer. I wish I could backpack somewhere. Even if I save all my mney (which is almost impossible) and schedule it for next year, I'll be 30 then. What happens when I meet all those cute 20-somethings, and they ask, so how old are you? Oh, ahem...30. yep, that is scary. So scary I almost crashed my car whilst this thought was brewing in mah head.

No offence to people in their 30's though, cos I shall be joining you all soon. Yikes!

Anyways, here's the article:

Jane Magazine; April 2003; Seann William Scott
Q: What do you really like to do:
S: I love to travel (My dream) After American Wedding and Bulletproof Monk come out I'm going to Europe. I was backpacking there for three months a year and half ago. I want to see more of Spain and Portugal. My friends and I have a big trip planned. (So do I, can I join in?) I really love staying hostels, because it's a great way to meet people and find out different things. Unless we have valuables that might get stolen and shit, then we'll stay in one of the cheaper hotels.
Q: Do you get recognized at all?
S: Only by the Americans. The Europeans don't really care. You get a sense of how important film is to the U.S.--the media and all that kind of rule the majority of people's lives. Whereas in Europe there's so much culture, and they value these things more than T.V. I don't really know, I'm speculating.

Ever have one of those days where you feel like the life has been sucked out of you. That is the story of my life.

--the moving thing is still happening, but so many things are cropping up that I can't even mention. That's weird? Cos I alsways mention EVERYTHING.
--I feel like I am sitting on a time bomb or something. My

All I ever asked for was a happy life, a fun existence. Was that too much to ask for? I wanted a chance to explore, experience, and experiment with everything. Now, I can't even move from my house to my own apartment without there being so much drama attached to it.

There are moments when I just sit and I miss London. I think why do I miss that city so much, all I wanted to do while I was there was get the hell outta there, why do I miss it now? Maybe it's that time of my life I miss. The freedom I had and the adventure of having my life in my hands and the opportunity to make decisions on my own without being choked by myopic sensitive people. It is the city---50 % of it that I miss, 25% is the lifestyle, and then, the other 25% is the time in my life. Young, just out of college, my life could have gone any way at that time...where did it choose to go?

HERE.

All I asked for was a fun existence. Is that too much to ask?

Well, the weekend is officially over. One episode of Six Feet Under and that's it.

I ended it with spoiling myself with this month's issue of GQ that has (surprise, surprise) Keanu on the cover in a very factual fuck-you kind of interview. I like it that he swears at will, I just may incorporate that into Simple Kind of Life. Why do I see that story in production somewhere, sometime, why? Am I kidding myself or is it a sign? Every time they mention how totally un-Hollywood he is and how kind, amiable, humble and generous he is, I say to myself, I knew that, even without reading all these stuff. You can tell from those eyes, I never read eyes wrong. It's a pity I may never get to read them in person, but that's a whole other obsessive story, I won't go into right now

Matrix 2---$135 million in 4 days, Super! If I only had 5% of that it would be more super. Someone must be smiling to the bank right now, and that someone ain't me, sadly.

I did go to church, and I bought a couple of things for my big move. It feels so good, somewhat, and so scary too. But with all things in life that have do with a transition especially one like this that is not gradual, there is some element of fear involved in it.

I am not gonna kid you, it is going to be a long 2 weeks. I have just blown my entire pay check and the week hasn't even begun. I get scared that I can't manage financially and I don't have fun at my job. I have fun with my co-workers but I am constantly in fear that if I don't do it well, something will happen. Why? Also, I am leaving one side of my heart open to the possibility of that interesting, meaningful existence to come and sweep me away from oblivion at any minute. Is that too much to ask?

I pray for my inner peace, for strength to build my heart, for purpose and generosity of heart and spirit, and for God to please make this world a better place for us all. The economy needs his resurrecting hand, and our hearts need upliftment, I ask the Lord today for a purposeful journey towards this rocky road of life.

Amen!

Little retorts like these makes a good producer what he is: someone who beats off criticism off his shoulders and fights harder to put them to shame. I guess it also shows you have to laugh at the face of the devil and tell him your better than that. If it were I I would say,

"It's the reaction of the stupid."

As for his reaction to the critics' somewhat tepid reception of the film--Matrix Reloaded, Silver shrugged it off and said, "It's the shock of the new."

Indeed it is.

I feel like my life is a tired soap opera. One that people will tune to just to feel good about their other sucky but more interesting and exciting lives.

No sooner had I come back from the high of my Matrix premiere that everyone, every circumstance on this earth decided to suck me back into cold hard unwelcome reality. Now I wonder why are the humans in The Matrix trying to get reality back again, knowing how it sucks why are they fighting, giving their lives, etc, just to get it back, at least programmed life is more certain than this gamble we delve into day by day.

Why are my speaking in parables? The next day, which was Friday was one of those days some clients want you to kiss their asses and get them every single file or document or just console them because they are bankrupt. Idiots. My brother and his wife sent me two emails reprimanding me for wanting to move into my own home. My brother-in-law was just the general fuck up that he is, my sister was being a general polite asshole and my car is acting up, once again. I try to bypass all of this by thinking happy thoughts, you know what kind of happy thoughts I am talking about. But the badness of the day penetrates into Saturday and I am so distraught at the activities of my weekend. I couldn't sleep the night before ( I wonder why with all that activity) and my sister cranked up the AC to some kind of eskimo capacity because she is pregnant in the summertime and can't seem to cool off. I wake up early, rush to several places--car shop, work, etc--and my efforts are defeated for neither one of them is ready for me. Work was locked and my oil change place snubbed me.

I just think all this drama because I am moving out. Are things really that deplorable in my family that they don't want me to go and seek a life of my own? What is this? They are all married, loving their spouses and having fun watching me watching them have fun and live fulfilled lives. If it be this way, what if I choose to move 10 miles away, how much more drama will there be if I decide to move to California, which is really where I want to be?

Now I know why I have this urge, unbearable urge to run away to a place and change my name and start over bringing no one from my past with me. Because of my judgemental, myopic, overbearing family and friends. It may not be San Francisco, a friend of mine already lives there and it is expensive, and it may be Maine since I see the shore so many times in my dream. It may even be England in some remote capacity where there are few friends accessible. Whatever it is...I need to find me, and I know I can't find it in this place. I thought maybe writing Shelia and living vicariously through the lines of her story my life may experience some upliftment or adventure of some kind just like hers. Perhaps that is why I am so disappointed day by day because none of her is me. No matter how I wish for it to be.

I keep remembering that part of Sex and the City where Samantha says, "I love you but I love me MORE."

That can be no further form the truth for indeed that's what I am. A person who loves herself and longs for nourishment of her inner self.

I am now officially back from my Matrix high. Yes, I have landed from Cloud Nine.

I just snapped back into it after I got to work, and read some sorry emails from my family trying to tell me what to do, and then, of course there are my mean broke ass clients to deal with as well. Yes, it didn't last but it was well worth the 12 hours high.

I keep trying to replay bits of the evening to try to hold on to the moment longer. I remember pinching myself in the theater saying, Yes, I am actually watching it. After hearing so much about it for 3 years, I am here enjoying it in full view, piecing all the pictures, and sightings and adventure stories from Australia with parts of the movie.

It was a wonderful experience.

I hope my weekend is as high as I anticipate. I need it to be. You see why I escape from reality so much. It sucks ass and I am living proof of it.

I just got back from my Matrix Premiere. It was good, better than I thought. I had actually written a 20 minute extra lengthy post about it, that I forgot to copy before I sent so it is floating in cyber land somewhere. See why machines aren't soo good.

Okay, let me see if I can try to recreate the writer's magic I wrote down without sounding too sleepy and frustrated by this greedy thing called cyberspace.

I didn't so much care for the philosophical bullshit. That I can explain later. ( mayb e tomorrow since I am so tired to go into it right now) Though I did go for the eyecandy, it was well worth it. It was one of those movies you see and you wish you could just hug him and tell him, yeah, you did a good job. It made you surpass existing, you live now, indelibly etched in our memories as the man who made it happen. I remembered how happy he was that his friends could finally see it, I am sure he must have said to them, yeah, I told you I kicked some ass in it. I could just imagine how proud his mother was at seeing her son, do all that. How does one go from being dyslexic to mastering an unknown perplexing art like Martial Arts. It's uncommon.

However, there were a few glitches in the Matrix nonetheless for me. The special effects were a bit too computer gamish for me. At a point you start to ask which fight did he actually start and end. To the point I wasn't looking forward to the fight scenes because I knew I would end up watching some kind of 3-D computer game. So much of that was just done over in post-production that the actors must have been amazed at how much they found themselves being able to do on film eventually. That was what was soo fresh about the first one. It didn't do too much, just enough. It started a trend and it imprinted with its seal on how fight scenes and action movies should go. But the second one just sort of reworked that magic to the point it was diluted and overdone, losing the freshness, more like a watching a video game with people put in intermittently. To the extent, I wasn't too intrigued about seeing The Matrix Revolutions because it would just become a more diluted potion of the magic that had begun so virginal and fresh. There was also so much stunt work that I lost Keanu here and there. No wonder, he got the stuntmen Harleys, there was every bit of them everywhere immersed in images of him.

Then, the flying. It was good at first when occasion called for it. But then, when it wasnt needed and it was all over the place at every instance, it felt like watching 20th century Superman.

How harsh right? You see I am a fan, but I draw the line here and there. When some things wrong and doesn't look right, I say this is not good. I love you to death but if you were any other actor this wouldn't be a good idea right about now. Think of the critics. That's what this felt like at some point. But I think his acting, his innate sensitivity, and the calm with which he overcame certain obstacles in the film just showed him as maturing as an actor.

Finally, I close with Lawrence Fishburnes wise words about him on the Charlie Rose interview yesterday. He said, whilst Keanu was sitting right beside him, when they were each asked to decsribe how the other resembles their character in the movie. He described Keanu as very compassionate (a word I have heard about him from everyone)highly intelligent, an introspective questioner, a reluctant leader and a man who because of his intelligence attracts the reverence and followership of a leader. To hear someone describe me so deep while I am sitting in the same room with them, is just like Whoa! Words like that are usuually reserved until your dead then it would be too late. But it must have hit a nerve. It hit a nerve in me. He must have hit a nerve in Lawrence for hom to say that. And to think 50 or 60 years ago, a black man wouldn't describe a white man as such even if you held a gun to his head. The world as we know it has changed to a good extent.

So, if you know him, tell him, hey man, you did good, excellent. You've done it without trying too hard and by just being cool. It's something you can be proud of years from now, even if no one else is, you should be proud of yourself for getting it together and doing a damn good job.

So goodnight.

I shall cut and save before I lose this one too

This was so beautiful that I had to write it down in here:

These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full.

John 15:11 NASB

Today is my Matrix Premiere. So while the cast, including my baby, Keanu are living it up in Nice somewhere, I am pinning and watching the weather get worse as I count down to my Matrix premiere. the reviews are bad. I can already tell that if I don't see it today I my just get sick of people talking so much about it what they liked or didn't like in it.

Wish me luck on getting out of work early.

Today was such an exceptional day that I had to make an entry that was full and delicious about it.

The days' you are always anxious about, end up somewhat comforting. Tpday was one of those days in along line of days like these for me.

I slept heavy last night after doing the math about my new move, and how much it would cost me. I drove to work and my car was acting up all through, the transmission was jerking and I was almost embarassed on the freeway as I egged on with the jerky volkswagen. I get to work and I ponder, I can't afford to get another car. I can hardly afford this move with what I am making, I am just trying to make a point, to try and establish my independence and also my credit, getting a car and having a new car payment attached to my horde of bills would just make me have to do the dreaded: File for bankruptcy.

So I just left it in God's hands.

As I got out of the car, at the bottom of my tire I saw a penny, a quarter, rough and dirty muddy from the rain. I picked it up to reign instantly hoping it would bring some luck down my way today. As the saying goes, "See a penny pick it up all day long you'll have good luck." I could use some of that.

I must have checked my account balance about a million times hoping for some money to come into it all through a surprisingly slow day. The account balance reduced from yesterday when I checked it a million times as well, the weekends expenses finally withdrawn and my new balance somewhat daunting.

I wish I could come into some money. The costs of moving just keep coming. The washer and dryer lease people are going to check my credit, what else is new, and they are going to charge me for moving it into the apartment and with everything they charge taxes as well.

The high pitch of the day came from calling the electric company and though they had an additional charge for installation or something she mumbled, after checking my credit which surprisingly worked out, I do not have to pay the $100 deposit. This was joy to me because I do not freaking have $100 to add to anything. I was blown away with joy.

And one of our clients, a non whiny one brought us a tray of food (see below)

So that leaves so many other things to deal with, armed with a strong wish for money, free money, a generous loving boss, something to just get me money maybe that quarter times a million of it. I just need to work this thing through. I do.


My day wasn't that great, but to me it was better than I hoped it would be.

American Idol wasn't to bad either. Clay singing Mack the Knife, exceptional.

The apartment thing keeps getting worse. The new place I got which will finally make my family happy does not havee a washer and dryer. So I have to rent one, and I call the washer and dryer rentals today and they tell me it will cost me $30 plus tax, and $25 plus tax for delivery. In the end, wasn't it much cheaper for me that I went into the ground floor and got private security on there. This is getting annoying.

In other good news, some caterer guy just delivered us a platter full of hors doevres for us to devour, just because he wants to advertise his catering service to us and for us to tell our other customers who might wanna hold parties.

Isn't that nice?

Spinach & Artichoke, etc, I am full as a pumpkin.

I had a horrible weekend. I didn't go to church. I just spent more than $400 on nothing. I had a horrible weekend. I hate this.
Update:

I got an apartment I liked on Friday. Made a down payment of $200.

I told the family. They were furious. It's no time to cut the umblical cord yet. You don't have job security. It's unsafe to live alone. You don't have enough money saved. You need a new car more than you need new space and some deserved privacy.

One minute they agree. I lose my chance to collect my down payment.

Today. Mother's day. They say NO. Why do I so fucking care what they think? They quote additional reasons to those above. It's on the walk-in level. You are not safe on that level. A young girl alone is bad, really bad. You don't have enough money saved.

I am so distraught and sorry for myself. I hate this. I have lost my down payment and the opportunity to that beautiful pool view apartment, with the serene look at my life and my worries inwardly. They don't understand. How can they? I know what I am doing. I just need a little more time and I can so work this out.

I feel sorry for myself. This isn't the way my life is supposed to be. I have no responsibilities holding me down from flying, from adventure, so why can't I soar irresponsibly. Why do I have to seek permission like a married woman with 5 kids suffering from all the unnamed maladies.

So, I didn't go to church. I didn't finalize on the apartment. And I don't know what I am doing? What is wrong with my life? Do you see anything wrong with this picture, cos' I do.

I keep picturing all these famous succesful actors on Inside The Actor's Studio who talk of their youth and how much their parents resented their venture into the risky business known as acting, how they suffered at first and relented and have now become the people we know as stars and able to absorb and enjoy the worldly spoils uncontrollably. Why can't I be that selfless? Why do I fucking care, why can't I stick to my goals, and my desires and go headfirst? Sure I may hit a few bricks along the way but something may work out in the end.

I had a really bad weekend. This is it.

Lord, help me see through this with my brain intact and my passion to do your will rising above mine.

Amen!

It's been a quiet day today. My boss just went away for the weekend so you know how it goes, when the cat is away the mice play.

The Jay interview with Keanu last night was okay, it got a lot more interesting when Gisele Bundchen came in and she sorta livened up Ke and his sanitized humor. This morning on the Today Show with Al Roker he seemed a lot more into it, a little more philosophical.

However, while I was trying to catch a quick look at him on the Today show, my mum came up to me and asked, "What are you watching, oh, this guy you like, why don't you write him a fan letter and tell him you are a fan."

I didn't respond.

I am not into it in "that" way. I am certainly not one for writing fan letters, especially at this age. I wrote one once to Sylvester Stallone when I was in high school, got him a birthday card and all, did he respond, nope.

But my point is not the bitter fan point, I feel that the way I like Ke is not the shy girl fan, it's different, not special or spiritual it's just different. I wrote this thing about it on my website that sorta describes it best.
UNDER APHIE'S NOTES HERE.

It's that kinda like, and if you were to ask me 10 years from now to describe it, maybe I wouldn't, the only thing I know is, it's different and I thank God for it, in some ways it's one of the key ingredients that makes me special and unique and sans obsessed.

Got it!

Random Fact: When I hear some songs it evokes a picture, scenes or a story and that's sometimes how a story gets started in my head. But this could normally be a song I have heard a million times before, but depending on the mood I am in when I hear it, it could just stir up the best story ever, and I won't wait to write it. Today's song is Don't change by Musiq, I see Simple Kind of life pictures when I listen to it today.

That's how I wrote Deceptions (Click Keanu pic below)

I had a rough day yesterday at work and at home and getting home. But this morning went pretty good, traffic wasn't too bad, and work has been lightheaded. Hopefully, it can run into next week and always.

It is Friday more or less. I am ready for fun nothwithstanding.

And I keep waiting for the day when you will stay all night, and I keep waiting for the day you'd say the time is right, I don't need no explanation I just know just how it feels, the love is real, the love is real.

Yes, it's my journal and if I decide to put in a cheesy story or song in here I can. That song is like 2 million years old. I am using the computer at work, and the keyboard is sealed for preservation so when you type you might think you are punching the right keys but it's actualy missing some keys because you are not pressing hard enough. Then, when I adapt to pressing on it really hard, I go home and use my soft touch laptop. It's confusing. that's why the entry below looks really funky.

I just saw a bare buttocks pic of a close friend of mine, that was waay too much information about him for me to absorb at this time of the day. It looked good, but just overwhelming.

I did pick up something from his journal though. Random facts about me. I shall start posting that in one every day of the week.

Today's is: Yes, I am addicted to very good looking men, who are beyond my scope. I am a female version of Shallow Hal...Shallow Anita, that's me.

Yesterday was an anniversary of some sort for me. I don't know why i didn't update and tell you all about i. However, there was a hellacious storm so I couldn't do anything except fight to edit my lon lost episide: A Tinge of Black. And a battle it was, it lasted all about an hour until 8 o'clock when my mum hought I could use the company and my concentration was disrupted.

So here's happy belated to that anniversary of mine, and i's all good. So far today.

Dear Diary, I promise not to obsess.

I guess seeing Keanu in Bill and Ted makes me ask myself certain questions, one of them being: This is me, these are the shitty things I did before The Matrix, these are the skeletons in my closet I have to live with, you either love me for now, or you love me iincluding my past, if not for the present would you love me otherwise.

I really do not know the answer to that question. Because I promised not to obsess. That's just it. But if I were I would say, either way, YES. But that's just me.

On another somewhat related note.

Details Magazine is for men, yet it's one of my newest and best conquests in my subscription fascination. It reads like Rollingstone before they sold out--yes, at the moment I am rethinking renewal of my subscription--and its fascinating the issues they discuss, which seem almost abominable in a female magazine or a general population magazine.

This is one excerpt from their interview with Rachel Weisz, May 2003, it's so scintilating, that I wish I could write like this:
It begins:
For someone who hates attention, Rachel Weisz certainly knows how to make an entrance. It begins with her not entering the room at all. Standing outside a quietly posh restaurant in her London neighborhood, she peers through the window between two brown-gloved hands. Her strikingly pretty face---a revlon face, no less--looks disconcerted, even pained. She walks away, walks back, peers in again, and walks away once more. Suddenly, she bursts in, strafing the joint with charmingly abashed apologies....Weisz's own aspirations are fairly mild, at least by Hollywood standards. She lives contentedly far from L.A. mania and doesn't even like to talk about the idea of celebrity.
"It's sch a boring fucking subject," she says. "Who cares? We live in a culture that's fascinated by it, but I don't want to expound my theories on it."


This is plenty. I agree especially with the last bit, it encompasses everything all-American; their fascination with pop and media culture. It is way to overzealous that it takes control of their normal everyday thought. The little things are left ignored. That's why I have promised not to obsess.

I couldn't update last night, some person was on the phone and refused to get off it, and of course I had to go to bed to energize for today. No amount of energy prepares you for this place on a Monday. I dropped by at my old pplace of ork, and they were expecting me to rub it in that I had left, but I'd rather dwell on other things, like, out there is not so rosy so don't let people mislead you that it is. But I did go to church, an I ate plenty, must have gained 20 pounds last week. I also spent plenty , I spent close to a week's paycheck in one weekend. I also saw a lot of clothes I would have loved to have but couldn't, why, because they couldn't fit me.

I am hoping and praying for something good to come along. I always do, even when I may be in it and not know, I promise to be humble, I promise to stay strong to my roots and I promise to love the Lord, and help those that others may have left behind. To have a big heart! I promise you that O Lord, just let me see myself where I need to be, please. AMEN!

Instruct those who are rich in this present world not to be conceited or to fix their hope on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly supplies us with all things to enjoy.

1 Timothy 6:17 NASB

Details magazine April 2003
The majority of overweight Americans are fat because they eat like pigs and refuse to exercise...less than 2% of obese people can blame a medical condition for their flab....the crucial word is decided. For most fat people, fatness isn't a disability, it's a choice."

Yes, we all decided to have an extra bag of chips, extra mayo, extra slice of pizza, and all the other odd ends they warned us would take a minute to gather to our hips. i keep remembering that scene in Point Break where Keanu recites with enthusiasm, "Sir, I peel the skin off chicken." I never knew that was bad...and I still don't. Though at times, when I make a good decision, I peel the skin off too.

I am awake at 6:25 on a Saturday just to use the computer. Last week, I had to work on Saturda I couldn't tear myself outta bed at 9.

I had one of those angry dreams this morning. With all the love around me, I go to bed and I have dreams where I am fighting constantly with people, well not people. With my sister and her husband. At this point you start to ownder, is there anything wrong with our relationship? Of course not. We have fights all the time, and we make up too. I still live with her right? But I suppose something inside me is angry at the fact that I still do, and I can't survive either waay on my own.

Apartment hunting is like the piths, and I only have a little money left after my expenses from my new job to save up before I embark on the living alone bit. Besides, living alone as a single girl, it's a thrill I am yet to discover, hopefully before I am married, but it's not something that is supported by my culture. What the hell is that, right?


However, this wasn't meant to be an angry venting post. It should be mostly an update post since it's been almost a week since I updated. The week was scary, I was scared just going into it, but it turned out okay. I did my work quickly and actually had time at work to surf the web. I guess I am getting the hang of it.

I am excitedly awaiting the Matrix Reloaded thing. Surprised there isn't much press junket to go around. Every one just gets in that Keanu mood when he is around more. I am in it 365 days of the year. A little too much considering how old I am. Who wants to be there at the theater watching it on Premiere day...ME. Who feels there is som kind of connection between stupid her and admirable him...ME. Who knows there isn't a chance in hell this wold happen...ME. Who still hopes that it will, even if it just a meet and greet and "who the fuck are you and why do I pine for you so?" meeting...ME.

In this case wishes better fly like horses.