Closer

Closer. 

Every time I watch Closer, I am just in awe of Clive Owen, of the movie and the language and the audacity of the producers and writers to put something that daring out there and for A-list celebs such as Julia to agree to do it, and make it such a push-the-envelope sensual movie. That was one movie I saw in theaters and immediately thought I need to have this on tape so I can watch it over and over and each time unravel the mastermind behind this. Some movies like that make you wish you could write something like that.

Makes me wonder, do I want to be a writer or a lawyer? There are lawyers that all they do is write. Is that what I want to do? I just don't want to be bored with what I do which I seem to get every now and again, and every now and again I am having to stop or switch out my routine or find something that can imbibe some life into what I do. I don't feel that way when I watch something as enthralling as Closer.

West Side Story Debacle

I went to see West Side Story on Thursday night at the Fox. It was the usual going to see a play chaos in the summertime. It is too hot, you'll expect it to be cooler by the time you get inside but it is not. Parking shysters are everywhere, discouraging you from attending arts events by charging way too much for parking, and then downtown area is so hard to maneuver, even with my navigation system. It's the usual chaotic ebb and flow. This will be the second to last play in awhile. I really shouldn't have gone for this one. I saw the movie briefly as a kid and I remember not really liking it, I don't know why I thought I'd prefer the play. Surprisingly, the best one out of the three I have seen so far -Dreamgirls, Seven brides for Seven brothers and West Side Story - is...Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. And this last one left such a bad taste in my mouth, financially and otherwise, I don't know if I am going to be able to go see STOMP. I am going to see Women of Brewster Place. Loved the movie, hopefully this one will not disappoint and it is in a better venue, so that might make up for the heat at the Fox.

Just purchased tickets to Women of Brewster Place. It cost a whopping $40!!! This is the last play of the year, I promise.

First Week...so far, not so good.

So the move and the first week has been exceptionally rough. First and most importantly, no one warned me that Comcast is actually worse than Bellsouth. I didn't think that was possible. But someone could be lower than scum. I spent the entire Saturday with the beautiful weather, nice scenery, etc waiting on the cable guy, and he came and decided to go fix my neighbors first because his quote was higher than mine. And I spent the day helping him try to get into the cable box for my neighbor and as soon it was 5 pm, he told me, you know, you are going to have to reschedule, I can't get to you today. And then, I reschedule, the next available day is SEPTEMBER 10TH. Yep. 2 and half weeks from now. And I did all that for what, sacrificed my Saturday for what. I was so upset that I cried. 

It's only been one week in this dang place, and I am already crying. Is this the start of a bad relationship? Pray God it is not. I was so upset. I am still upset just thinking about it, how I sat here all day and did nothing except get on the phone with customer service folks, and my community manager. It was indeed a sad day. I don't want to have sad days in here in less than one week... 

Last week Saturday when I moved in it was the same dilemma. The moving company sent me two of the oldest laziest people on their team. And then, of course, I don't mess around, don't waste my time by dragging your feet, I don't care how old you are. They dragged my furniture around, everything was scratched up, right down to my cooler. It was fucked. There's no piece of furniture without a bruise. It was horrid. How did the moving company make it up to me, they slashed $5 off my hourly bill? Girl, you just ruined all my furniture, none of it resaleable, and this is how you pay me. My bed is jacked up, my box spring was ripped, and the bed creaks badly now. My entire shit is fucked up. It was devastating, but then I didn't cry. 

But today's dilemma was just annoying. I ran around and made all those calls just on someone else's behalf. It's just one of those pointless moments in my life, like getting all this education, what's the point? And to top it off, despite the fact that this is a concrete loft in a high end area, I can hear my doggone neighbors footsteps. 

I am going to pray, pray really hard. Very hard. Please pray with me you all. I don't need to be jinxed. Good relationships always start rough and then they ease out, right? I am online thanks to an unsecured wireless network. Let's see how long this will work, while I try to keep myself entertained with other things, maybe reading all the books I have at home. 

Maybe by the 10th, I will tell them, don't bother, I am immune to cable tv, telephone, and of course, I have my free Internet. I am immune. I'll save myself the $140 per month. Use it to join the gym. Maybe that was the point. To wean me off this. By this time last year, I had none of these and I was hunting for a job. So I should be used to this by now. I should stop acting so spoiled. Here's to weaning off the Internet, Cable TV - Entourage - and reading and busying myself with other stuff. I am going to pray, pray very hard. This is the start of something good.

Loft Issues so soon

The landlord of the premises I am supposed to move into on Saturday did not clean it. Actually, it's the broker. She is such a confused woman. She is handling two jobs, a day job and brokering on the side and obviously she is not handling the broker bit too well. She never even showed me the place herself, she just gave me the keys and asked me to return it to her the next day. At the time I saw it, I noticed all the issues but I thought she would take care of all of them, and I must have mentioned a particular dead bulb to her a million times, but she still didn't replace it.

Today I went in there to happily launch the toilet, to my disgust it's been launched by someone who had the runs. It was disgusting. I am so upset right now I knew if I called her I would curse. I will just write her a nice stern email and if she doesn't respond adequately, then, I will curse, and I shall promise her that if I move out I will leave it in the same condition it was when I moved in. And I shall take my bulb with me.

I hate when long term relationships start this bad. It just sets the mood off badly. I just had every issue under the sun with that place today, driving in, the clicker didn't work and then it finally did, and then driving out, it still didn't work. I am like WTF!

Lord help me.

An update will come when I've cursed all these parties out tomorrow.

The Loft

Alas, a few images from the new place. I move in Saturday. It is a tad smaller than current living quarters. It's going to take a lot of interior decorating skills to try to make it fit. Suddenly looking at it today, I wonder what it was exactly that I saw in it. The view is crap. I see the rooftop of another building. Crap! and it is so small, and the loft ceiling, needs to be painted. It's too raw and unfinished. But since I don't own it I cannot paint it. But this shall be my home for now.

I finally move into a loft. It' been 3 years in the making.

Odd thing, and the one thing I was so afraid of. The attorney that I support who has been acting rather cold and unusual to me this week happens to live in the same freaking building. I knew he lived in that neighborhood, but in my mind I thought, let's hope he lives in another condominium, since the neighborhood has about 4 condo developments, and my condo itself has about 6 buildings. The first two lofts I had considered were in different buildings. But nope, he just happens to live in mine, on a different floor but in my building nonetheless. It was just so freaky and stalkerish that even I was worried he might think of it the wrong way. Hopefully he doesn't. He didn't seem like he did when I bumped into him. He had way too many questions though - as in, "did you buy the loft? who's your landlord? what unit number?"

Hopefully I won't run into him much. But knowing my luck that's probably impossible. The same building! Aaah! What are the odds.

Separation Anxiety - You Don't Say!

Dear God please help me. This is my last week in this very blessed apartment that you afforded for me this past year. I was able to obtain so much in this apartment and then some more. I got so much fulfillment from this place than I ever got in my four years of living on my own; most importantly I cried very few tears and smiled so much more since living here.

And for the first time in my life, I actually have separation anxiety. I apologize that I made this decision and put God once again on the spot, asking Him to watch over my finicky decision makng. At the point I made the decision I wasn't sure when I made if it was God's choice or not. But whatever is left of my decision, I put it in God's guiding hands.

I think the fact that I made this decision to uproot myself from this blessed home is what is causing me not to have any excitement about it. Oh, Dear God help me. In your loyal Hands I pray. This week and always.

In Jesus name, Amen.

Packing 101

The first thing to do when you consider moving - pack. take down the pictures you so carefully and thoughtfully hung up and put everything in a box and uprooting yourself, all nerdy and all to the heart of the city. I am so going to be a fish out of water.
This represents 65% of the reason why I am not excited about moving - the packing, the actual move with the trucks, paying the freaking movers, unpacking, setting up the amenities, and then, of course, paying all the installation fees. It is such a burden. Then, there is the fish out of water syndrome. I am so fucked!

Orlando and then some...

I have been so depressed since I got back from vacation. Actually it started midway through the vacation, ten days ago actually and it's sort of gained momentum. Coming back from vacation to work is always hard. You often have this anxiety about being away so long. Do I still have my job? Has anything bad happened while I was away with any of the stuff I have been handling, etc. The anxiety runs amok. And then there were a couple of fires in my personal life that sort of arose before I left that I just didn't quench before I left. I just shrugged them off and decided to go have a good time.

The vacation was good not great. I think that was one of my annoyances. I finally have vacation time but I cannot go on vacation to the places I would like to go. Instead, I end up in Disney, outlet hopping with my mum, aunt, sister and her kids. If this was my vacation, with the kind of money I had, fewer problems and a whole week to myself, it would have been much nicer. But every time I've gone on vacation there's always something lurking that ruins the vacation fun - a job I don't like waiting for me when I return, not enough money, or issues that never want to resolve themselves no matter how hard you pray. Just all sorts of problems. But this time it was different, odds were in my favor for things to go well, but the vacation destination was just so blah. Then it rained for 4 out of the 6 days we spent in Orlando. We had to go see Mickey with ponchos. An experience to share with your grandchildren that it rains even in Disney world, but it was not fun as went through it. Then, there was the issue of the 8 hour drive back and forth. That's two days on the road. Eeh!

When I got back some of the fires just sort of dissipated, which was good and 'shocking'. My problems never disappear, they always sort of linger and last 7 or 8 years or in some cases all of my adult life. Like God just said this time, "I told you, you could trust Me." And most importantly, I still have my job. No fire erupted at work while I was gone. Even more shocking. The atmosphere at work is still balmy. I really don't get the people I work with. And I have a feeling they don't get me or like me so much. This is not paranoia, it is perception. They are a unit on their own, like a government, and you can only apply to join this government when you've put in at least 6 months of work. If you are an attorney you are excused from the waiting period. And me, I am my own Republic --United States of Anita - Republic of Anita, so when you put my big ego against their combined ego, it just causes a very balmy, extremely icky atmosphere.

But the good thing is that with the recent Shia atmosphere and some good reviews I came across on my website, I suddenly feel like writing. So I just may dust off the good ole' keyboard and plug away at Keanu and Shelia. Plus, the more I write in my personal life, the better I become with writing in my professional world. Even though what we write is all technical and straitlaced. And you and me both know I am not the smartest person you are ever going to meet.

But I can't seem to get excited about moving still. I don't know why. Today I blamed myself for erupting the moving idea at all. Why did I raise the issue? Oh yeah, I remember now. I was under the impression that my rent will go back to the market rate, which it was the last 2 months of my twelve month lease. But instead it reverted to the non-market rate, actually a couple of hundred dollars lower. By this time, I had looked at over a dozen properties, considered the options of paying market rate and living in a different, more lively, less domestic part of the city. So once this erupted in me, it was difficult to let the idea die. So as I saw more properties, I slowly fell out of love with mine. I still love my home and I am going to miss the view from my living room at night on my couch, I just want certain things - stainless steel appliances, hardwood floors, separate tub and shower, bigger kitchen - which I don't have. So now that I have all these, I still can't talk myself into getting excited.

The depression has just sapped the excitement out of stuff that would normally get me excited. I know that excitement and anticpation is so momentary and sometimes the end result is even disappointing that I don't even bother getting all riled up about anything anymore. This is not why I am depressed; I haven't identified why. I know I am. So bad that I don't sleep well at night anymore. I slowly stay awake and mumble a prayer, "God Help Me. God Help Me."

Just a little fan adoration

Watching Disturbia for the first time last night, was the high point of my evening. I thought Shia LaBeouf did a good job in Transformers but watching him in Disturbia was on a whole new level. He was in almost every single scene. To keep the audience interested and entertained as they watch your (ugly) mug for every scene in a movie takes a lot of work. A lot of work and skill, and for someone that young, it's rare. Once upon a time he made this great comment about Keanu after working with him in Constantine.

"...he was signing autographs for everybody in the building. We shut down the set until he finished. I mean, I know why he's still working: He respects his fans immensely."

I always respected him for saying that.

Hopefully he won't turn into some messed up Hollywood douchebag going in and out of rehab, DUI's, bad relationships you can see a mile away, divorce dramas. But one can only hope.

so we are back from Orlando!

So we are back from vacation. 7 days in Orlando, and it rained for 5 of those days. We had to go to Disney with rain ponchos on. We even took pictures with MIckey with our ponchos until they had to stop us. Exhausted and in a hurry to go catch the no-sales-tax savings in stores, so don't really have that much to report. Except that the employees at Universal Studios park rides are the grumpiest employees of any adventureland I have encountered. You always think that since they work in a happy happy place, made for kids and families to take their very expensive, culture-deprived vacation, they would have a better attitude about it. Nope, there were some rude ass motherfuckers in Universal Studios. In Orlando in general.