“It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.”
-- #PauloCoelho, #TheZahir
~~~-- #PauloCoelho, #TheZahir
I know I've been posting a lot about closing chapters, saying goodbyes, new beginnings, etc. But goodbyes are things I constantly struggle with even though, at times, they are inevitable. Certain goodbyes like leaving that job, that apartment in that neighborhood you like, leaving your friends at said job, moving cities, sometimes they are inevitable for you to start that next chapter in your life. There are also some goodbyes that are rooted in the more personal stuff that just have to be done in order for you to claim your rebirth, your new self.
I usually hate goodbyes, from the trivial ones (for e.g., leaving the job, apartment, etc) to the more profound ones (bye Boo, I gotsa go). I find that it is better to just walk away silently, fade away and not make a big fuss about this new chapter you are about to embark on. I remember the first apartment I moved out of in Atlanta, my neighbor, a white bald headed biker guy who spent most of his time keeping me awake with his amorous nightly sessions with various black women, walked up to me as I loaded the last piece of luggage onto my car and tapped me on the back. He asked softly, "So you were gonna leave without saying goodbye?" I just felt so bad, like a traitor, thinking so my presence in this unassuming man's life meant something to him, at least enough for him to want to say goodbye. Then we gave each other a reassuring hug like the goodbye was temporal. Of course, I never saw him again.
As we get older and establish more solid foundations we find that we can't just appear and disappear from people's lives, especially if we've made some sort of impact. We have to say goodbye. We have to consciously plan an occasion where we bid each other adieu. It just has to be said. And that's usually the tough one for me. It just turns out to be the saddest, most uncomfortable macabre dance of my life.
I remember leaving Atlanta and telling one of my girlfriends, "I hope this is not the last time I see you." Even though she said it wouldn't be. I stopped and asked myself, "God, is this really the last time I will see this babe?" And then I fought back tears and doubted the future instead of hoping in it.
For us singletons, saying goodbye becomes a norm, because so many people file in and out of our lives that they just become variables to our complete and whole constant. But when you find that person that truly matters to you, that rocks your constant, it gets hard to detach, to fall away, and continue on that solo quest.
To those who are strong, versed in the art of goodbyes, I will just like to know how you find the strength. How do you build that wall that lets you walk away in 30 seconds flat without looking back? How do you deal when someone has penetrated that wall? How do you truly and resolutely say, "This is Goodbye."
For me, I stand by my slow fade. It works and it wards against the tears.
I usually hate goodbyes, from the trivial ones (for e.g., leaving the job, apartment, etc) to the more profound ones (bye Boo, I gotsa go). I find that it is better to just walk away silently, fade away and not make a big fuss about this new chapter you are about to embark on. I remember the first apartment I moved out of in Atlanta, my neighbor, a white bald headed biker guy who spent most of his time keeping me awake with his amorous nightly sessions with various black women, walked up to me as I loaded the last piece of luggage onto my car and tapped me on the back. He asked softly, "So you were gonna leave without saying goodbye?" I just felt so bad, like a traitor, thinking so my presence in this unassuming man's life meant something to him, at least enough for him to want to say goodbye. Then we gave each other a reassuring hug like the goodbye was temporal. Of course, I never saw him again.
As we get older and establish more solid foundations we find that we can't just appear and disappear from people's lives, especially if we've made some sort of impact. We have to say goodbye. We have to consciously plan an occasion where we bid each other adieu. It just has to be said. And that's usually the tough one for me. It just turns out to be the saddest, most uncomfortable macabre dance of my life.
I remember leaving Atlanta and telling one of my girlfriends, "I hope this is not the last time I see you." Even though she said it wouldn't be. I stopped and asked myself, "God, is this really the last time I will see this babe?" And then I fought back tears and doubted the future instead of hoping in it.
For us singletons, saying goodbye becomes a norm, because so many people file in and out of our lives that they just become variables to our complete and whole constant. But when you find that person that truly matters to you, that rocks your constant, it gets hard to detach, to fall away, and continue on that solo quest.
To those who are strong, versed in the art of goodbyes, I will just like to know how you find the strength. How do you build that wall that lets you walk away in 30 seconds flat without looking back? How do you deal when someone has penetrated that wall? How do you truly and resolutely say, "This is Goodbye."
For me, I stand by my slow fade. It works and it wards against the tears.
