My Christmas Day in Photos

These are some of the events of my Merry Xmas Day.


Woke up at 8.54 am. It was a struggle but needed to go to Mass.



A struggle to rustle out of bed.



My bathroom counter looked ancient.


After my shower, struggled to get my hair into some kind of shape


Settled for the hat; the hat to cure all ills.


The church had a cute manger created.



My mum got to have her picture taken with the Bishop. She was elated.



Breakfast at Starbucks. I was so excited when I saw they were open. Tried to calmly enjoy my paper but my mum had a lot to say. :(

Then, she attempted to take a picture of me. 



One beside the car.

Look at the time, the Hen took forever in the oven. So I went to the movies to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Nothing like a fresh and sexy Brad to make your Christmas Day.

Took a walk outside after the movie; people were having fun by the huge Christmas tree.


This was my movie get-up. Patiently waiting to have dinner served.

My present from my mum. Feel bad that I didn't get her anything. We had agreed to buy presents after Christmas but she was too excited. 

Took another walk after dinner. Too much food, needed to walk it off. 


Came home; had dessert to cap off the already 497950708 calories consumed. 

I think the high point occurred sometime between coffee at Starbucks and the movie. All in all, I thank God. 

Tis' the season to give thanks

Tis' the season to give thanks so I made a list of all the things I am thankful for:

1. I thank God that I have a job. I'd thank Him even more if this damn recession recedes so I can get one that I am actually good at;
   
   
2. I thank God for credit cards with low interest rates, specifically the AMEX blue card, for credit cards that magically just increase your balance just for being a good customer. How can I thank them?
   
   
3. I thank God for my co-workers; they are a fun and interesting bunch that actually make me look forward to coming to work everyday;
   
   
4. I thank God that I have ex-boyfriends that actually respond to my emails, who actually ask how I am and who eventually apologize for being assholes to me in the past;
   
   
5. I thank God for my education. I may not get the job that is worthy of my multiple years in school, but I thank God that I have this education that makes me proud of myself and no employer can take that away from me;
   
   
6. I thank God for giving me one more year in the city. At first when I moved here I didn't think I would last this long - fish out of water complex - but I've made it for 18 months and I am so grateful for that;
   
   
7. I thank God for breast reduction surgeries and the ability to afford one, get one, survive one and fit into strapless dresses, no questions asked, relieving me of those DDD nightmares. No matter what they tell you about how great fake boobs are, smaller boobs are a Godsend;
   
   
8. I thank God that I have my faculties. I have not lost my mind completely and that is a huge plus considering the type of year I've had and the stuff I've been through some of which have been mentioned on here. It hurts to still be single but maybe there is a purpose to this. I may still be a little angry but I am not mad, not even a little bit;
   
   
9. I thank God for the little things: Keanu, black and white photos, good movies that reach into that aching part of you and make you feel better about yourself (e.g., Rocky), visually stunning movies like The Dark Knight, for journals where you can express yourself without being restricted, for my navigation system, for loft apartments, for deja vu, for dreams that reveal a piece of your future, for real gentlemen like Guy Ritchie, for cute men that never call, for uncute men that never stop calling, for dating and not dating, for heartbreaks that make you stronger, and for people that come into your life and leave it ever so quickly - in all of these there's a lesson to be learned even though I am yet to learn it; and
   
   
10. Most importantly, I thank God for my family and that we have the ability to cry and laugh and share and be there for each other and that God gave us love.

The weekend before Christmas

It was a very eventful weekend. So much that I don't feel like doing a recap.

Friday night, Three-O Jingle Bomb party thrown by Blackout Productions. This party was marred by many personal events for me. I had invited so many people to accompany me and they, for some strange reason, didn't want to go. I suppose it just wasn't their thing. With all that negative energy I was a little hesitant to go. But I had been looking forward to it ever since I got the "Save The Date" email back in late November. I started planning out my outfit and everything. So off I went. And it turned out pretty good. Martinis (flavored and all) at our disposal, well-dressed men and women, a mixed crowd, culinary samplings and very good music. What's not to love? The last straw to an evening that was hit or miss at this point, was my painfully new stillettos that gave way to some extreme pain 30 minutes into the evening. I just couldn't keep standing at that point. So I staggered home, from the pain of the shoes of course and nothing else. I suppose when they said "cocktail" dress they meant it would be a "cocktail" party, meaning no chairs at all.




Sunday Night. Went for another event at The Wine Loft. The Red Tie Event. Very fancy event filled with well-dressed men. I have never seen so many well-dressed men in Atlanta in one spot. Because they were well-dressed, they were cocky as hell, a conceited bunch that would much rather stand around than mingle with the women. It felt just like a high school dance with the guys on one side and the women on the other. I actually confronted a couple of them on it and their reasons varied from fear of rejection (or lack of cajones, as I termed it), to an admiration of the view, to mere indifference. It's a mingle event, so mingle with someone else besides your homeboys. Pfftt....



Rather eventful.

whirlwind weekend

It was a very eventful weekend. So much that I don't feel like doing a recap.

Friday night, Three-O Jingle Bomb party thrown by Blackout Productions. This party was marred by many personal events for me. I had invited so many people to accompany me and they, for some strange reason, didn't want to go. I suppose it just wasn't their thing. With all that negative energy I was a little hesitant to go. But I had been looking forward to it ever since I got the "Save The Date" email back in late November. I started planning out my outfit and everything. So off I went. And it turned out pretty good. Martinis (flavored and all) at our disposal, well-dressed men and women, a mixed crowd, culinary samplings and very good music. What's not to love? The last straw to an evening that was hit or miss at this point, was my painfully new stillettos that gave way to some extreme pain 30 minutes into the evening. I just couldn't keep standing at that point. So I staggered home, from the pain of the shoes of course and nothing else. I suppose when they said "cocktail" dress they meant it would be a "cocktail" party, meaning no chairs at all.

Saturday afternoon. Bumped into "attorney guy"/colossal/purposeful asshole at some restaurant. Thought for a brief second that I would snub him and act like he was dead to me. Then, I remembered how old I was and walked up to him to say hi. We had a nice chat, very cordial, no hard feelings conversation. I hate those. Who the fuck am I kidding, I hate that motherfucker? Then, he walked over and introduced himself to my mum. Should. Not. Have. Then, she asked me who the fuck he was, and then I lost my appetite as I recounted all the pain and heartache he put me through. On one hand, I was glad he was there alone so I didn't have to meet Ms. Floozy as my dream had implied. But on the other hand, I could have done without seeing him and me yelling out to him, "Call me." I am so fucking weak, it's ridiculous.

Sunday Night. Went for another event at The Wine Loft. The Red Tie Event. Very fancy event filled with well-dressed men. I have never seen so many well-dressed men in Atlanta in one spot. Because they were well-dressed, they were cocky as hell, a conceited bunch that would much rather stand around than mingle with the women. It felt just like a high school dance with the guys on one side and the women on the other. I actually confronted a couple of them on it and their reasons varied from fear of rejection (or lack of cajones, as I termed it), to an admiration of the view, to mere indifference. It's a mingle event, so mingle with someone else besides your homeboys. Pfftt....

Rather eventful.

it will all get better in time

I'm not just a whimsical figure
Who wears a charming suit
And affects a jolly demeanor.
You know, I'm a symbol.
I'm a symbol of the human ability
to be able to suppress
the selfish and hateful tendencies
that rule the major part of our lives.
If you can't believe, if you can't accept
anything on faith,
Then you're doomed for
a life dominated by doubt.

...The sweetest most meaningful tear jerking part about The Miracle on 34th Street.


I am not still angry. i just wonder why, why did I have to run into the colossal asshole just when I thought I was getting over him; just when I was finally chipping away at the 10% affection left. Why does it bring back memories, why does it even matter enough for me to write it down...

I know I had something to say

I've been feeling a little out of it. A little disappointed with everything.

The end of the year is usually a time to reflect and assess your life. And I have been, when am I not? But this is a little different. I've taken big steps in an effort to go out of my zone but something is still wrong. Hence my assessment that there's something wrong.

Lately, I've been having low self-esteem. Yes, me...champion of female empowerment. Low. Self. Esteem. It's all part of the assessment and coming up with the "one thing" that is wrong. If something is wrong then it must be me. I must not be pretty enough, skinny enough, petite enough, charming enough, enthralling enough, attractive enough, intriguing enough, make-you-want-to-get-to-know-me enough, etc. These are things that have never been a problem in my past. I always thought I had enough of all these traits and plenty more to go round that I used to preach it to other women. How did we get here? What is this country doing to me?
Then, I prayed for arrogance so I would feel that I was filled with all these wonderful traits so much that if you don't want to know me then, you are doing yourself a great injustice. But arrogance and pride have never been my thing.

So much assessment.

I meet charming people all the time. But charming people don't want to get to know me.

Hey Stranger that dislikes Atlanta as much as I do, who is tired of the lonely nights as I am, who is tired of the lame brain relationships, yes you...we could have had fun and it would have been amazing, just to make you laugh, just to make me laugh...it might be short and sweet and unpredictable but it would have been worth your time. But I suppose I was not...charming enough, intriguing enough and everything else enough...for you.

Merry Christmas to anyone who's ever hoped on a charming stranger to show up right at Christmastime.

networks that don't mix

Went to another overly hyped event on Friday. This one was partially my fault. It was titled as a Network Mixer.

Those two words do not apply to me. Network. Mixer.

Network - I am not trying to sell my business or the business my company is in. Networking events are mainly geared towards people in sales or self-employed folks. If representatives of the UN or various corporate recruiters were present at these networking events then I would know it is worth my trying to sell myself. Recruiters are few and far between at these events so they don't seem to be of value to me.

Mixer - everyone just sits (or stands as the case may be) around and discusses their business in subdued monotoned voices. Not. For. Me. I want to laugh and hear myself laughing, crack jokes about silly stuff and just generally intertwine with people. I love a good cocktail party now and again but never one about work. So if you happen to bump into me at any of these network mixers, please do not start your spiel about how your company can help me invest my money (cos I don't have any) or how I should consider owning my own home, unless the home is in the Hague, I am not interested. The good thing about this one was, I wasn't the only one disappointed at the state of events. At the end of the evening, the consensus was, the ad made it sound more than it actually turned out to be. The high point of the event was the venue.

 

It was held at The Wine Loft. Very nice mature wine bar. The only thing that would have made it nicer, soothing live jazz music every now and again. The place was just set up right. From the very nice wait staff, to the couches for relaxing and chilling with your wine, to the custom made wine glasses, to the very complimentary parking in an area that parking costs a bundle. I would definitely come back, if nothing more for the peace of mind I get from having somewhere to park my car.

networks that don't mix

I haven't had time to update. For one thing, its December, and you know how hard it is to have time to yourself Christmastime. It's almost impossible. There's always something to buy, something to return, something to mail, and some place to go. Also, I've had ideas about things to write about, but in an effort to sound less "Debbie Downer" and more upbeat (no matter how hard it may be) I haven't really had time to channel the "happy" optimistic side of me. Then, most importantly, my writing has been preoccupied by work in having to summarize my achievements in some kind of pseudo-intellectual way for my annual review material. Have to make myself sound busy and focused on nothing else but work.

So that's been me for the past couple of weeks.

Went to another overly hyped event on Friday. This one was partially my fault. It was titled as a Network Mixer. Those two words do not apply to me. Network. Mixer.

Network - I am not trying to sell my business or the business my company is in. Networking events are mainly geared towards people in sales or self-employed folks. If representatives of the UN or various corporate recruiters were present at these networking events then I would know it is worth my trying to sell myself. Recruiters are few and far between at these events so they don't seem to be of value to me.

Mixer - everyone just sits (or stands as the case may be) around and discusses their business in subdued monotoned voices. Not. For. Me. I want to laugh and hear myself laughing, crack jokes about silly stuff and just generally intertwine with people. I love a good cocktail party now and again but never one about work. So if you happen to bump into me at any of these network mixers, please do not start your spiel about how your company can help me invest my money (cos I don't have any) or how I should consider owning my own home, unless the home is in the Hague, I am not interested.

The good thing about this one was, I wasn't the only one disappointed at the state of events. At the end of the evening, the consensus was, the ad made it sound more than it actually turned out to be.

The high point of the event was the venue. It was held at The Wine Loft. Very nice mature wine bar. The only thing that would have made it nicer, soothing live jazz music every now and again. The place was just set up right. From the very nice wait staff, to the couches for relaxing and chilling with your wine, to the custom made wine glasses, to the very complimentary parking in an area that parking costs a bundle. I would definitely come back, if nothing more for the peace of mind I get from having somewhere to park my car.

Flyers aren't everything

When you see the flyer above, what are your thoughts? What impression does it give you of the event described? Great event, filled with art, people who appreciate art, free booze and most importantly good music.

Nah...not so much. I think the people that promote these events are skilled in putting a spin on it when they put out these ads: make it sound interesting, more than it really is, hype it up so to speak, so everyone will want to come. They even put a side note in there that it was strictly by invitation. So I hoped that not every single hoodlum in Atlanta would be there. Every time I read ads for these events, I try to think, maybe I should read this like a cynic and look at all the flaws, but I read them as an optimist and as a way to meet like minded people who may seem interested in events like these. But they are all colossal wastes of time. Everything in this Atlanta is always hyped up to be something it is not. There are very few places that meet up with expectation or events that match the description.

Back to the event from last night. Instead of what I had imagined, it ended up being an event for every GA Tech student, budding Obama graphic artist, sneaker artist, would be model and the occasional thug for life who doesn't know he needs to pull his pants up. That's the type of event it was. On the one hand, I knew I should have kept my jeans on after I came from work, but I thought, it's Friday night, so I got dressed. Dressed up to go mingle with GA Tech students! It was a mess of an evening.

Sometimes, I think they do these things on purpose to drive people out of their homes in the cold (or even in the summer) and into a disappointing mess.

Atlanta shenanigans

When you see this, what do you think? Great event, filled with art, people who appreciate art, free booze and most importantly good music.

Nah...not so much. I think the people that promote these events are skilled in putting a spin on it when they put out these ads: make it sound interesting, more than it really is, hype it up so to speak, so everyone will want to come. They even put a side note in there that it was strictly by invitation. So I hoped that not every single hoodlum in Atlanta would be there. Every time I read ads for these events, I try to think, maybe I should read this like a cynic and look at all the flaws, but I read them as an optimist and as a way to meet like minded people who may seem interested in events like these. But they are all colossal wastes of time. Everything in this Atlanta is always hyped up to be something it is not. There are very few places that meet up with expectation or events that match the description.

Back to the event from last night. Instead of what I had imagined, it ended up being an event for every GA Tech student, budding Obama graphic artist, sneaker artist, would be model and the occasional thug for life who doesn't know he needs to pull his pants up. That's the type of event it was. On the one hand, I knew I should have kept my jeans on after I came from work, but I thought, it's Friday night, so I got dressed. Dressed up to go mingle with GA Tech students! It was a mess of an evening.

Sometimes, I think they do these things on purpose to drive people out of their homes in the cold (or even in the summer) and into a disappointing mess.

mess dot com

My life is a mess dot com

That should be the name of my website, my web domain, because that is my reality.

It's like this whole big sham, fumble, awful circumstance that just keeps going and going on, fumes no doubt, and hardly ever lets up. Lately, I've been feeling as if I was cursed from some generation. I asked my mother about this but she mumbled, like there's something there but she would rather not talk about it. My dad's parents died within months of each other one from a broken heart from having to continue life without the other. The first one, from poison. Uncanny, stuff of movies leads you to think what a crazy family.

If it's not a curse then what the heck is it? Everything in my life is in turmoil. My personal life and my professional life. I would accept this if I was lazy and a no good bum that just wallowed in self-pity. But no, I work hard. I work hard to look good, stay in shape, to eat right, dress right, just so I look good. I work hard to go out meet people, hoping to bump into "the one," both professionally and personally, that would somewhat change my circumstance.

I work hard professionally. I study in school, to graduate college and then my Masters, to continually search for and apply to jobs on the Internet. I work hard in my current job. But still my mess continues. No matter how hard I try.

Lately, I've been feeling like everyone's cut me off. I write emails to people and they don't respond. I send texts and still no response. I go out, dressed in my finest, fully made up and no one talks to me. No one even asks me my name. Like there's a steel cage in front of me and they would rather not penetrate it.

If it is a hex, what gives, at what time does it let up? How do I find out if it can, what do I need to do for it to let up?

I can't even talk to people about this because, people that don't have problems, the worst thing you can do is go tell them your problem. They don't want to hear all that. "Please get on with your hexed self and be gone." 

So I write about it and hope that total strangers reading this will pray for this total stranger online that they don't know and hope that something lets up.

Thanksgiving 2008

I haven't really been up to much.

My thanksgiving weekend was ho-hum. Highlights:

Wednesday night, I went to a party, some professional young people's event that cost me $10.99. Big mistake. One of the worst times I've had in a long time. Nightclub scene at 34 is not fun AT ALL. They were charging $5 for a coat check and $6 to park. Not a good look walking around a party with your coat in your hand. Needless to say I am advising everyone reading this 30+ to avoid their events like a plague.

Thanksgiving 2008

I haven't really been up to much.

My thanksgiving weekend was ho-hum. Highlights:

Wednesday night, I went to a party, some professional young people's event that cost me $10.99. Big mistake. One of the worst times I've had in a long time. Nightclub scene at 34 is not fun AT ALL. They were charging $5 for a coat check and $6 to park. Not a good look walking around a party with your coat in your hand. Needless to say I am advising everyone reading this  30+ to avoid their events like a plague.

Went to bed at 2am and woke up extra early on Thanksgiving morning to bake a cornish hen which turned out tasteless. The rest of the food which I made was just blah. Thanked God for a tumultuous albeit lonesome year. We were done eating at 4pm. Took a walk around the block to work off some of the food. Saw people having a better time than I did. Went to the movies, saw Transporter 3. Not very good, either.

Friday, woke up early. Again. Tried to catch these Cole Haan boots on sale at Dillard's. The price was still the same from before Black Friday. Dillard's only store in the United States not offering any Black Friday specials. Went shoe shopping at Neiman Marcus, oh joy, designer shoes on sale. Couldn't bring myself to paying $140 for a pair of Tory Burch red pumps. I am just stingy like that. 

Saturday, finally hit the gym for a 20 minutes tops. Losing one calorie working out is better than night, right? Went back to the mall. More joy, Saks Fifth Avenue had a half off sale on designer shoes. Spent an hour day dreaming and role playing with some Jimmy Choos and Miu Miu's. Still could not bring myself to splurging on any of them. I just have the spending blues I think or maybe it's that protracted conversation I had with the annoying folks at my credit card company that has got me rethinking my spending habits. 

Had dinner at Seasons 52 with me Ma. Mother enjoyed it more than I did. Food was not cooked for food enthusiasts more for diet enthusiasts. But I had a coupon from my good friends at AMEX so I can't complain too much.

Sunday. Living in hope that the UN will look at me with pity. Yes, I still hope and strive for that UN career. Realized I may have a crush on someone. What should I do?  

House Parties

Then, Saturday, had margaritas on the house courtesy of a tree lighting party thrown by my condo development. Good start to the evening. Went over to this "private mansion party" that was supposedly sponsored by a whole bunch of corporate sponsors but none of them could get us decent food or drinks even after we had paid $20 to get into this one.

I should have stuck to my guns when I said, do not attend events that you have to pay for. This one was almost as bad as the one I went to on the 1st except that one cost more, had fewer people, was in this god-awful venue and just sucked people-wise, etc. The people at this one were not a total waste. They were rather very interesting, stimulating conversation with professional people, some using that opportunity to network, some networking themselves like me, mixed crowd (meaning people of all races were almost evenly mixed) and fun people who were out there to have a good time.

Once again a plus, not for the introduction of prospects, but just for the chance to laugh, and hear yourself laugh at something utterly hilarious and heaving a sigh that says, "you know I am having a good time." It was not bad at all.

Netparty first-timer

I went out last weekend.

It was not a completely ho-hum weekend. It would have been kick-ass fun if the weather wasn't 30 below. Not a good look going out with jackets and looking for the coat check, and just trying to figure out what to wear that is warm inside but can adapt to it being cold outside. Some people don't even go out at all once it gets cold.

Friday night, I went to this NetParty networking event that they make you pay for. Not a good look. Everybody there was peddling their work and their company, I was there to peddle myself. And no one was having it. They couldn't be bothered.

"Oh, but my company does wonderful things for investment management."

"I'm sure you do...but are you single?"

I should have stayed at the restaurant I was at flirting with the cute husky California bartender. That was a much better look.

But I met up with some friends and we talked and once you have a good time with friends, it's not a total bust but as far as getting any new prospects. Busted.

Network thine one self

"Tell me life what you want from me...what can I do to make you better...what?"

I went out last weekend. It was not a completely ho-hum weekend. It would have been kick-ass fun if the weather wasn't 30 below. Not a good look going out with jackets and looking for the coat check, and just trying to figure out what to wear that is warm inside but can adapt to it being cold outside. Some people don't even go out at all once it gets cold.

Friday night, I went for this NetParty networking event that they make you pay for. Not a good look. Everybody there was peddling their work and their company, I was there to peddle myself. And no one was having it. They couldn't be bothered.

"Oh, but my company does wonderful things for investment management."
"I'm sure you do...but are you single?"

I should have stayed at the restaurant I was at flirting with the cute husky California bartender. That was a good look.



But I met up with some friends and we talked and once you have a good time with friends, it's not a total bust but as far as getting any new prospects. Busted.

Then, Saturday, had margaritas on the house courtesy of a tree lighting party thrown by my condo development. Good start to the evening. Went over to this "private mansion party" that was supposedly sponsored by a whole bunch of corporate sponsors but none of them could get us decent food or drinks even after we had paid $20 to get into this one.

I should have stuck to my guns when I said, do not attend events that you have to pay for. This one was almost as bad as the one I went to on the 1st except that one cost more, had fewer people, was in this god-awful venue and just sucked people-wise, etc. The people at this one were not a total waste. They were rather very interesting, stimulating conversation with professional people, some using that opportunity to network, some networking themselves like me, mixed crowd (meaning people of all races were almost evenly mixed) and fun people who were out there to have a good time.

Once again a plus, not for the introduction of prospects, but just for the chance to laugh, and hear yourself laugh at something utterly hilarious and heaving a sigh that says, "you know I am having a good time." It was not bad at all.

Still prospect-less but what else is new, aye?

why do you come to me?

I dreamt about "attorney" guy last night.

I know, I know. Him again.

Trust me I was just as shocked as you are reading this when I had it. Usually your dreams encompass what you have been thinking about, or the last movie you saw, or something very recent. My thoughts of him were not recent. None at all. So this came as a shock to me.

It was not a good dream too. I dreamt that he wanted to show me his latest squeeze, some floozy, very petite girl with the short shorts in the middle of the day. He brought her to my house (my house was more like a mansion in the dream with acres of land) to show her off. He broke in, woke me up and standing over my bed with a tight grip on Ms. Floozy, he started cursing at me. She, Ms. Floozy had to stop him from going all irate. He said how much better he is doing now, financially and otherwise with Ms. Floozy and how everything is just honky doory A-okay. I had just woken up, in the dream, so I was still as baffled as I am now just thinking about it. I kept saying, what is he on about, and how the fuck did he get in here, i.e. inside my expansive mansion. It was a stupid dream.

In between I asked for a redux, in the dream...I know. It gets weirder and no, I didn't drink yesterday. And in the redux I stopped him, the other me was standing behind him just before he woke me up to start his rant. And I said, "Before you start ranting, and I know what you are about to say, I just want to say one thing..." Ms. Floozy, surprisingly excused us to have our talk and then I began. I said, that surprisingly I don't hate him 100%, I hate him 90%, so there's still a 10%chance inside me that still likes him and that 10% feels that we can be friends and he doesn't need to do the rant because I am not his enemy and I am just maybe 10% jealous of Ms. Floozy. And believe me, everyday I hope that the 10% dwindles away so it can be a full complete 100% no-go area with him. He was stunned at my admission and then, I woke up.

Some crazy psychotic stuff, aye.

I just keep thinking, why does he still come to me? I thought we were done with all this? 10% really, Anita?

The hunt for the elusive career

Let's talk about my career.

Lately, I've been talking about things I've been consumed with. Such as the eternal man hunt, eternal fun hunt, family issues, despair on all other issues, but I have not talked about my career.



With the drought, financially and otherwise, this career issue has reared its ugly head and now I feel like talking about it. I know this is not the right time to whine about my job since so many people are unemployed and would much rather have any job than none, but since I have been on this eternal quest for the perfect job (along with everything else) I deserve to have a chance to vent about this being another unrequited quest.



Because I am not fulfilled in my career, or not having a "career-best experience" as I feel I should, I have been trying to figure out what's wrong. I think there's a certain disparity between what I am doing, what I want to do or I feel I would get the most joy doing and what may be available out there.



A few months ago, a co-worker mentioned to us, us being the non-US licensed attorneys that we should seek a career in compliance, which involves conducting reviews and audits in various ways. It could be an audit of a company's contracts and procedures (which I am hoping to do), technology, accounts, programs, quality assessment, etc. Compliance goes high and dry, the dry being the Q&A and technology aspect. The high being FCPA, SOX compliance and regulatory aspect of it. But breaking into that is just as hard. Some positions are advertised with as much detail that tell me that this is not something I will enjoy doing. It may sound great not to have to deal with the degrading aspect of reporting to US attorneys that left school 2 -3 years ago which I do now, but will it be a "career-best experience"? I don't know. Based on the job description, I don't think so. And I am not sure if I want to embark on that psychological experiment.



So with all that said, I've posted a job description that sounds like something I would love to do, that I have the passion to do and that I know will give me the career-best experience which I seek. But with Human Rights Watch Organization, it's almost always a dead end. I started applying with this company before I finished my Masters and even sometime after. I only stopped when I realized that they didn't have the decency to send me a nice note acknolwedging my application but in turn rejecting it, a cookie cutter rejection letter would have sufficed instead of silence on the other line. I sent in an application to my dream job, so silence was a tad bit disappointing. But everytime I read their job descriptions, I wish it were me taking one of those positions, that it was available to me, and that the ability to want to do some good and expose human rights violations around the world was available to me.

Human Rights Watch (“HRW”) is seeking highly-qualified applicants for the position of Researcher with the Women’s Rights Division (“WRD”).



Description: The Researcher will work to improve awareness and accountability for human rights violations against women in the Middle East and North Africa by, among other things, conducting fact-finding missions; writing and publicizing reports, briefing papers, letters, press releases, op-eds, and submissions to international bodies based on the findings; developing and implementing local, regional, and international strategies to change abusive laws, policies, and practices; presenting human rights concerns to government officials, inter-governmental agencies, and the press; and working closely with colleagues in the region to ensure that the work of HRW complements and enhances their own work. The Researcher's responsibilities will also include monitoring legislative and/or policy developments related to women's rights in the region and liaising with human rights and women's organizations in the countries s/he will cover. S/he will preferably be based in the region.

Qualifications:
The ideal candidate should be knowledgeable about international human rights, women's rights and Middle East affairs and will have at least three to five years of directly related post-graduate experience working on women's human rights in the Middle East and North Africa both at a national and a regional level. Experience of living in the region is essential. An advanced (graduate) degree in international relations, journalism, law, or social sciences is required. S/he must have: strong field research and documentation skills; the ability to produce excellent written material under tight deadlines; polished oral and written communication skills; experience in international human rights law; strong advocacy abilities, including experience with face-to-face advocacy with high-level policymakers. The ideal candidate will be fluent in Arabic and English. S/he should also be able to work under pressure and juggle multiple tasks, be collegial and team-oriented yet able to work independently, and be able to travel overseas for three or more weeks at a time, several times a year. Creativity, initiative, perseverance and flexibility are required while maintaining HRW's high standards.

Good news...me

I got some slight good news on Tuesday. 

Yes, me. Good news...who knew?

So to celebrate I decided to use this coupon I got from one of my events for free calamari at my favorite restaurant so far - The Capital Grille. It was superb. Expensive and a bit awkward but a superb dining experience. They always treat you like you the creme de la creme in these places and for a wee second as you sip on your very expensive wine, you start to feel as if you actually are. I always enjoy hobnobbing in those Buckhead restaurants. It makes you feel like you are one of them at least for as long as your meal lasts just before the shocking bill. 

Then, the next day my sister got a job in Houston. 

I am still beaming from all the good news.

loving your enemies is BS

When God said, love your enemies and pray for them, I don't think He completely thought it through. Or maybe He did but He just wanted to set another impossible task to salvation ahead for us, right up there with, no premarital sex and do not imbibe in alcohol.

Enemies are by their nature vile people. People who have hurt you in some way, people you expected so much from and they just fucked you, people who just let go of your friendship and stabbed you in the back on their way to somewhere or just for their own selfish interest. There are various interpretations of the "enemy." This just represents a small subset for me. I suppose for every American, its the Taliban and the orchestrators of 9/11, those vile, heartless people. How can God surely expect us to love those people after everything that they did to us? Seriously??

Most of my enemies are not that vile. They are just people who have hurt me deeply or disappointed me and knew in their actions that they were disappointing me, ("Tepid Enemies"). But you know what gets me about my life is, most of these Tepid Enemies have gone on to become mucho successful. Every one of them. It's like a test of my life that everyone who hurts me goes on to achieve their life dreams and I am the sweet fairy who spread my love (or hate, however you choose to look at it) seed that helped them to blossom and become all that they've wanted to be.

People that fall into these Tepid Enemy category are usually bosses who fire you for no reason; ex-boyfriends who unjustly go back to their exes; co-workers who backstab you in order to get a promotion; distant cousins who promised to help you get contacts but now ignore your call; college roommates who spent their college years spreading gossip about you; and people who enjoy seeing you fall and sometimes even orchestrate the fall.

Yesterday, I found myself deeply upset that a current enemy of mine had succeeded in something. I don't want to be that person. Yes, I want them to apologize for being the colossal (or purposeful) asshole that they were to me, but I don't want to be that person who prays for someone's downfall and secretly hopes for it. But the act of having the Tepid Enemy, it's just hard to show them love, to hope the best for them, to wish them well. Because when you really get down to it, they don't wish the same for you so why reciprocate, why waste a moment of prayer wishing them well. It's just my luck that the second you screw me over, your life gets better, while mine remains the same that makes it even worse because I can't even rejoice that you got some retribution for screwing me over.

Lord help not to hate so much as I want to hate the people that have wronged me, help me to be at par with their success so I can rejoice in my own as well as theirs...Amen.

social experiment

Once in a while I conduct my own little social experiment. One of such involves going to a place outside my domain, something that people who know me may not necessarily expect of me, but to me it just serves a deeper intellectual curiosity and of what killed the cat.

I finally got to try the Apache Cafe on Sunday night for their open mic.

I was so afraid going into it because I had heard that the neighborhood was unsafe, outside the cafe is unsafe for women to walk alone and that people hang around smoking weed. Yep. But it was pretty normal. Nothing out of the ordinary. The poetry was a bit too much of the same, dealing with social strife and anger and discontent at the inadequacies of the opposite sex, much like what I spit out here everyday. But if that's what's on their mind, let them say it. I just thought maybe there would be, "I love you so much the clouds open" type of poems, or "I don't know who I am, or I have come to love who I am and that person is" type of poem, like self-discovery poems or hopelessly in love poems, maybe these are issues people do not necessarily deal with. I know I've never come close to being in love in Atlanta, close to being in hate and tearing a brother's head apart, or close to being angry at a brother's success because he treated you way wrong type of pain. And I thought men in Nigeria were disappointing.

Being there just let me know one thing. Yes I can. My self discovery involves leaning on myself getting to do things on my own and not waiting on anyone, no girlfriend, boyfriend or any friend to accompany me anywhere, if I could vacation alone in Vegas surely, downtown Atlanta at 8pm at night should not be that much of a big deal. Shhhhheeeeehhh!!!

Sunday Nights at the Apache

Once in a while I conduct my own little social experiment. One of such involves visiting a place outside my domain; a place where the people that know me may not necessarily expect me to be, but to me it just serves as a satisfaction of a deeper intellectual curiosity and of what inevitably killed the cat.

I finally got to try the Apache Cafe on Sunday night for their open mic.

I was so afraid going into it because I had heard that the neighborhood was unsafe, outside the cafe is unsafe for women to walk alone and that people hang around smoking weed. Yep. It was all this and then pretty normal. Nothing out of the ordinary. I'm Nigerian, how unsafe can it be?

The poetry was a bit too much of the same, dealing with social strife and anger and discontent at the inadequacies of the opposite sex, much like what I spit out here everyday. But if that's what's on their mind, let them say it. I just thought maybe there would be more, "I love you so much the clouds open" type of poems, or "I don't know who I am in this world", or "I have come to love who I am and that person is..." type of poem, like self-discovery poems or hopelessly in love poems, maybe these are issues people do not necessarily deal with. I know I've never come close to being in love in Atlanta, close to being in hate and tearing a brother's head apart, or close to being angry at a brother's success because he treated you way wrong type of pain. And I thought men in Nigeria were disappointing.

Being there just let me know one thing. Yes I can. My self discovery involves leaning on myself getting to do things on my own and not waiting on anyone, no girlfriend, boyfriend or any friend to accompany me anywhere, if I could vacation alone in Vegas surely, downtown Atlanta at 8pm at night should not be that much of a big deal. Shhhhheeeeehhh!!!

Kitty Kat hours

I went to Kat's Cafe yesterday. Ehmm.....No.

Apart from the free but congested parking. I doubt I'll ever make a trip back there again. If I cannot have a good time in your cafe by myself then, I am not going back there. People should make these joints easily enjoyable and entertaining whether you are with a group or not. That's what lounges are for, I should go and lounge in your cafe and enjoy my drink by taking in the nice ambiance, with good music, friendly staff, good food, everything else to make up an entertaining space. It's sad because I heard there was live music in this cafe nightly. But when I got there, they said, "Oh, you should try us on Thursday nights." You don't say...On this night, there was a DJ but his equipment was old and noisy and with the space small and crampy that just elevated the noise levels.

So....no.

In other Anita news...the guy with the raunchy texts from different women asked me "to be his girlfriend." Just like that. I can't remember the last time someone asked me out so formally. But he did, he also said if we start dating now, by the first of the year we should be engaged. Something tells me he does this a lot with hard to get girls like me, tries to fool them into thinking they are working on the real thing and then once he's had his fill, he dumps them. Why do I think so? This guy knows nothing about me, he doesn't even know what I do for a living? What do I enjoy, what religion am I, what are my hobbies, interests, values? These are all things that I feel should be of interest and to the taste of someone who wants to "be my boyfriend." Unless I am over thinking this.

Let's talk about politics

I must be one of the few people who:

1) Is not as moved by Obama's win as the rest of the world. And no, I am not white. I am African, Nigerian actually. I think because I am Nigerian I am so immune to politics and politicians and governmental regimes that I do not see how the positivity can come from any government actually.

For example: Nigeria was ruled by the military who assumed power by force for the longest time. General Abacha was a dictator by Saddam Hussein standards and his dicatatorship made life a living hell for everyone. (He assumed this power by taking over from another dictator and promising to change things but that's a whole other story) One day while I was in law school, news came. He had died suddenly. So no more dictator. We rejoiced just as everyone rejoiced last night, ecstatic with joy, even better because they cancelled all the classes that day. And for that brief moment as I watched people rejoicing, there was a glimmer of hope inside me of an improved country, of change, of possibilities.

An interim dictator came to power and promised to bring on democratic regime soon enough and make things all better. They never did get better. Since then, my country has gone from military to civilians and the players are different but the game is still the same and we still suffer from the same woes that besieges African countries, ours is worse because we have so much more potential. We are no. 9 in the list of greatest oil exporting nations, but people are still as poor as ever, roads are deplorable, we don't have steady electricity, some people don't even have running water. This is oh so many years after the "dictator to end all dictators" died and we thought our troubles were over.

So that's why I am immune. All through the election period I kept telling people that I am not really into it and I am not a great believer of change as Obama had professed. I just don't trusy that change is possible. Call me a cynic or just someone who was there the day that Abacha died, and trusted for a wee second that things will change and still saw my country suffer.

I hope that a year from now I shall eat my words. That there shall be unity and peace and world peace of the kind that I strive for (hence my UN job aspirations) and that we shall all say that this was the change we needed. I pray that I come on here and eat my words in that instance and that will be the end of that. I say that without an iota of doubt and certain hope for the best.

But for today, November 5th I am not as excited as the rest of the world that we now have a black president. It really makes no difference to me.

2) Never really hated McCain. All the black people I know hated him and thought he was the enemy because he dared to run against Obama. Because I was immune to everything I didn't really hate him, I was indifferent. Same game, different players. I thought he did his best because this was his battle to loose. I thought he did great things in an effort to pass the immigration bill last year and I hope he still gets to do that. I think he did a lot more as a Senator and was more outspoken than Obama. I know the rest of the black community must think I have sold them out but that's it, my opinion. Before this, I never really knew where Obama stood on immigration or poverty or global energy while he was in Senate, maybe he was a casual observer, who knows. Hopefully, he won't be as a president, that's the most important thing.

I strive not to get political on this blog because I am not a political person (even though I secretly hope for a career in international law, how ironic!) but so much has happened from yesterday to this "great" day that I just felt like this is what's on my mind, so I better talk about in the one place I know I can without judgment. Trust me in real life, I made a lot of enemies while airing my independent partially African political view, and lost a lot of prospects. So there!

Wicked - The Musical

What can I say about Wicked that would make it seem as if it was "wickedly" entertaining.

It was. Still not the best musical I've seen in a while, but it was right up there with my top 5. I keep thinking, maybe if I hadn't seen it on Halloween it may not have been that memorable. Maybe. Or maybe if I had seen it on Broadway with the original cast of Idina Menzel, it would have made it even better. Who knows? But either way that's the memory that will live on: seeing Wicked with a whole bunch of people dressed as witches and clapping at the slightest twitch of the ghost or thud of thunder. The music was not that good to me. When I can't hum a single tune from the play after the play that means it was not that memorable. The acting and the script was much better, tighter script, easier to follow (compared to Les Miserables) and also quite humorous. Not at times, rather quite a bit. The set design was amazing; they spared no expense.

I just keep comparing it to the hilarious time I had watching Seven Brides, or the catchy songs on Mamma Mia, or the inspiring uplifting time I had with Women of Brewster Place and with all those, Wicked doesn't compare. But it was still wickedly entertaining.

Wickedly Entertaining Halloween

What can I say about Wicked that would make it seem as if it was "wickedly" entertaining.

It was. Still not the best musical I've seen in a while, but it was right up there with my top 5. I keep thinking, maybe if I hadn't seen it on Halloween it may not have been that memorable. Maybe. Or maybe if I had seen it on Broadway with the original cast of Idina Menzel, it would have made it even more memorable. Who knows? But either way that's the memory that will live on: seeing Wicked with a whole bunch of people dressed as witches and wizards, howling and clapping at the slightest twitch of the ghost or thud of thunder.

In addition, the music score was not that good to me. When I can't hum a single tune from the play after the play is over that means it was not that memorable. The acting and the script was much better, tighter script, easier to follow (compared to Les Miserables) and also quite humorous. Not at times, rather quite a bit. However, their set design was amazing; they spared no expense.

I just keep comparing it to the hilarious time I had watching Seven Brides, or the catchy songs on Mamma Mia, or the inspiring uplifting time I had with Women of Brewster Place and with all those, Wicked doesn't compare. But it was still wickedly entertaining.

Everything and anything in between

I had a very revealing dream the other night. One of which has already come true. The other one, the good bit, I hope that one comes true too. I dreamt that the event I had paid good money to attend on Saturday was going to be really awful. I was to attend this "Masquerade Couture event" with an open bar, fashion display from Betsey Johnson and 2 DJs, sounds enticing, right? No such luck, just as my dream depicted it was a piss poor event. Awful beyond all measure. Maybe it was the cost of it that deterred people from attending, or the dismal location of the venue that was dark and moody, or the cheese tray that was supposed to be our snack. It just was a sight for sore eyes and I was even sadder that I paid good money for it. Somebody somewhere owes me $40. Not a very good way to start off the month...but either way I am hopeful that things will look up.

People generally overdid things on Halloween night so everywhere sort of drowned out on Saturday night, which was not expected because you would think they would work Halloween all through the weekend for what it's worth. I did try a couple of other places after the disastrous "masquerade/charade" party but everything was empty. I remember driving up to this place and the valet advised me not to, that it was empty, he was getting ready to leave and the music had just been cut off. Hmm...Sad.

So many people were out and about on Friday night, the streets were like a carnival of oddities. I went to see Wicked which was befitting for Halloween night and then, people who came to see the play were dressed in costumes, people who were out for their costume parties were dressed and roaming the streets, men in dresses, men in thongs, men in anything like a costume was aptly amusing. It was a carnival of witches, wizards and dresses, oh my! I don't think I have ever been out on Halloween night. I usually go straight home in an effort to avoid the craziness and the traffic and I never get into anything. I am glad I did. It was one of those nights to remember moments, where you just take in the atmospheric chaos and soak it into your mind's eye because you may never experience anything like it again. An exquisite display of chaotic malaise. My co-worker and I had drinks before and after the play so we had a good bit of time to take in the moment.

There's so much to write about...but I spent the rest of the weekend plopped in front of the TV catching up on Mad Men that I didn't get to write anything. It's never a good sign when I plop in front of the TV instead of going out, taking a drive, going to the gym, making any valid plans for the future, anything. It means I am trying to hide from the rest of the world. Never a good sign. And as I sat there, I thought someone will at least call me, just to say Hi but no one did, not even my family. It just bummed me out some more.

Could only take one good picture on Saturday night...

Houston and back...

Been sort of distracted at work all day since I got back from a mini-break.

Went to Houston for a few days to visit with the family. Yes, they did eventually move to Houston. It's always a calming type of fun whenever I visit with my family, the kids with their craziness, youthful enthusiasm and my mum with her motherly advice. It's a tranquil type of fun. Playing with my nephew, listening to him talk about school and learning about pumpkins and ladybugs all day, and my nieces trying to plan their Halloween fun with so much exuberance, like it's some big event. It's just interesting to say the least. You get to see the childlike perpective on life, makes everything else seem so trivial.

Everything was perfect until my sister got a speeding ticket getting me to the airport to catch my flight, which ended up being cancelled by some divine intervention (thank God). But either way, wish we had known that before we started speeding to the airport which was a god-awful 46 miles away.

Houston is one of the few cities I actually prefer Atlanta to. If I were to rank all the US cities I've been to, there'd be Houston and St. Louis (which was not really a vacation spot just a training ground) and they'd be right at the bottom. I just don't get what is enthralling about a city that has no culture, people look sad and moppy, and the urban sprawl has spread much farther than it needs to, encroaching almost all of the city. At this time, it's not even an option for me. Not unless love happens and you all know how hard that can be.

Still had a chance to visit the wig store and mess around with wigs. Fun times...

to the female sex fiend

A lot of women, maybe just in Atlanta but I doubt it, but a lot of middle-aged women are in deeply purely sexual relationships. It's like a meeting of their needs and their reluctance to want to sit by and wait for the monogamous (non-asshole) man - you all know how they don't exist anymore, so they go into this deeply sexual relationships indulging the asshole male with an abundance of sex. I say this with detest even after I just saw episodes of Sex and the City and realize it may be normal. Something in me just feels it is wrong, not being judgmental, because I know how those urges can be, but the overtly sexual aspect of it, just irks me.

The guy that sent me the flowers oh so many weeks ago, called me repeatedly for the last couple of weeks. While I was ill, I didn't really feel like talking to anyone. But he still kept on calling. That's the double standard with men. They can call you repeatedly and eventually nag you into going on a date with them, or having a cup of coffee with them, you instantly feel sorry for them and want to indulge them. But if this were a woman calling a man repeatedly, he would never pick up, indulge you or condone any offer from your mouth. Isn't that something?

Anyway, I finally picked up the phone while I was at the airport waiting for my delayed flight - airports are so boring, you would do anything to pass the time. So he offered to come pick me up in Atlanta upon my arrival. And surprisingly, he was there on time waiting in the lobby. He picked up my bags and we walked hand in hand out of the airport, see how nice I am. He offered to buy me dinner and things were going great until...

He is currently in a purely sexual only relationship with a woman who is my age and who according to him likes him greatly and hopes that he would like her just as much, but for now he only wants it to be about the sex. Normal conversation, right, not really. If he had stopped there it wouldn't have been bad but the rest of the evening was spent looking through his list of sordid texts from women sending him raunchy texts with close up shots of their genitals. And he wondered, for some strange reason why I was put off by the whole thing. Most of these women, according to him, are career women in their 30's who are just looking for a good time, trying to satusfy that urge so desperate, they send him raunchy XXX rated texts with video captures of their vulvas. It was a sight for my sore eyes. I just felt like I couldn't undo what I just saw. And the reality of it all just even made it worse. It was not a movie, it was a snapshot of my life, a day in my life.

I just think how sad that it has to come to that. How sad that the strong female in her 30's has to resort to that? Why won't men be assholes, they can be assholes and still get what they want. I feel sad for being a woman in this time. To the female sex fiend, you don't have to do this...you don't...there should be another way...

Asshole is the new black

Throughout this year, I've been besieged with assholes. Men acting like men but disguised as assholes. You always have to purposefully stop them from being assholes and ask them to be gentlemen. If I have to ask you to be a gentleman then you do not deserve the title at all. No one asks me to be a lady, I just am and I strive to be. You should strive to be the James Bond-esque perfect gentleman to women. It's a simple task.

I don't know how I attract these asshole type. Maybe they were normal before they met me, or maybe they were the assholes that they were before me but nobody ever called them out on it. But here I come and they all decide to assholes, like asshole is the new black. And me, not one to condone that rubbish, I just have to call them out on it.

Needless to say, I had to caution another colossal asshole disguised as a gentleman type today. Someone should have warned me that I would deal with a whole new species of men in America, the beyond male, behold "the asshole male."

psychosuper sexy

I think there's something wrong with me. I don't know if it's psychological or physiological. Or maybe those mean the same. But I am personally diagnosing myself that there must be some kind of psychological imbalance in my system. Anyone who's an avid reader of this journal, must be wondering, "You don't say, Anita!"

I have these mood swings, slight obsessive disorder especially when I want something. One moment I want something and nothing but it and the next moment, I don't, not at all especially if it's been made readily available to me. I just instantly loose interest. But the second it's no longer available to me, or it gets taken away from me, then I want it. Then, the obsession starts all over again. It could be the littlest things or a big thing, such as a job in a certain company, or with a certain title, or a car, or even a person.

Maybe it's the measure of a great mind that I have some kind of psychological imbalance. Or maybe it's just me being a true Gemini with an irrational mind, who knows. It's been topsy-turvy in my world, mentally and emotionally.

One.org

Had the honor of attending another charity soiree with free drinks, free food and live music. This one was organized by my friends over at One.org and Care International. It was more of a Charity event to make a stance against global poverty. We had very important people there, consul generals, the Mayor of Atlanta, all the rich affluent people you care to think of.

Let me preface this by saying, when I attend these type of events, not often, it's only been 2 so far, and they just happened to occur back to back, but I don't really expect to meet anyone there. There are no available blokes ready and waiting to pass out their numbers, they often happen to attend the event with a lady friend, or they don't come at all. It's not really our thing, I suppose. I just go there to promote the good cause, if it's to promote the fight against global poverty or to hob nob with the Atlanta society. It is sort of my thing. Plus, free food and drinks and live entertainment helps too.

So back to Friday. We had speeches, first about how poverty and health are tied together, how we should all join hands and put a stop to global poverty, and how our government can help and we should write and ask them to. It was not as moving as I would have thought, if you want to stir people into giving away their money to a cause such as poverty, their needed to be a lot more in terms of impact, visuals and personal accounts. Or maybe we were all too distracted by the spread of food to care.

Then, there were performances from the Lost Boys of Sudan, the Burundi drummers and they saved the best for last, The Maxx. They were awesome. Imagine one of those cover bands who plays current music, but with so much energy to rev you off your seat and keep you dancing, much like a wedding band. We even got to do the electric slide. Everyone just danced without a care in the world, you don't care if you look stupid doing the dances, or too drunk, but you still dance. And let me tell you, white people can cut a rug when it comes to dancing. Don't let them fool you.

I enjoyed myself immensely. It was held at the Max Murer musuem so I also got to look at some art while sipping on a glass of red wine as well. It was one of those nights where God came through for me. Going into Friday, I had no plans, but I knew I didn't want to stay home with my mum and aunt. And then, at 11am, the invite came in and I quickly jumped to it. A couple of other club party events showed up later but this was for a good cause, global poverty means a lot to me. A lot. So I had to be there.