Leftist Movement

I just feel like I goofed. 

I was trying to turn water into wine, believing in the good in people, trusting that there were true emotions involved, and fighting it with a dose of positivity. In between all the sweet words and texts, my stupid head and heart goofed itself into believing amazing was possible. This is the same feeling I had when this started but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I just knew that I didn't want to let this person get close to me because it would hurt when we separated. Oh, I had so many nightmares about us separating, fighting via texts, right from the very first day we met. Can you believe it that I predicted it that early? 

And then came August when I had the guts to stake my stance and say goodbye (way before all the humiliation and anger started) I should have said it and kept on moving, left the stage while the applause was highest. That was when things turned around. I don't know what I thought. You start wondering at which point did I get so stupid, why was I blind to the unrequited affections, to the tell-tale signs that this person is casually in retreat while your stupid self is just surging ahead. I just totally goofed. I was leaning right while he was stealthily leaning to the far left. A total goof at love. 

On a very cold Monday evening, in the midst of Hurricane Sandy, while on my treadmill sometime around 6pm, I finally summoned up enough guts to say goodbye. Again. For the last time. And this time I meant it. The flip-flopping is over. The goofing off period has ended. Let the leftist go left and let me patiently go right - to find love. Everyone else was right. It is time to (finally) Move On.

It's October, I'm glad

It's finally October.

I thought I'd never complete September. It started with me angry and ended with me, not so angry but still recalling facets of my anger. It was not a good look. It took days and days of yoga, meditation and prayer to get me to stop being so mad. Eventually, I still have traces of anger but it's not overwhelming. I just hope I never get that angry again.

So have I forgiven 2012? I've just resolved to never talk about 2012. Ever. Not even with you, dear blog. What I can say is that I realized the shittiness of my month may have had to do with my mum arriving last month. I noticed that every Saturday after she arrived I was besieged with some form of bad news or the other. I don't know if it was the devil's way of testing me, or just something to do with having a visitor in my home. It just brought on bad vibes that reigned on me, even when she left I felt like I had to pray constantly to shake off the aura.

That's one observation.

I also observed that I seem to be besieged with lackluster guys. When I was trying to get over Trouble I had the best time ever. I went clubbing, I had a kickass vacation, I went to the best parties, I encountered some awesome men. I just generally had an awesome time. Getting over him was more fun than actually being with him. It was a blast. But 2012, not so much. Every where I go I keep waiting to have an all-around great time, but it doesn't happen. The life is just so sucked out of it. I've tried travelling, going here, there, met some blokes, gone to some of the trusty fun places I normally go, but no can do. It just ends up being blah! I spend so much money and I am blah-ed out. Even sadder that I am out of a whole lot of money without any fun to show for it. Even the men I've met have been blah and that has upset me even more. Once I tried to have fun, I came close but then I realized the audacity of what I was doing was so despicable, unseeming. Plus, there were some elements of it that were awful as well. Not my proudest moment.

I wish I could emphatically say what this is about. Maybe something doesn't want me to forget about him, maybe there's still some more fire left in us or maybe I am giving him too much power. I don't know. I just haven't run into this type of lackluster haven in awhile and it troubles me. I've resigned to stop fighting it. If it's time to forget him, I will. Let's not try to force the issue. Let's let fate decide.

So 2 observations in one month. Plus a vow to keep silent. I am doing good.

October update

It's October! Finally!!

And no one could be happier that it's October more than myself. Considering how I entered September, with so much anger and emotional turmoil, I am soooo happy it's finally October. This month I am hoping to put the emotional turmoil behind me and hopefully, try to pretend that it all happened to someone else...that person was not called Anita, maybe "Schmanita"!

Okay, to set this month off right I will do a quick rundown of some of the awesome events from September (rolls eyes, I can't even mention that month without rolling my eyes). Granted since it's been so long (or not) these updates may be very brief and straight to the point. But there are pictures!

DiningOut Atlanta Magazine Party

- I attended this event with my mum. They threw out the red carpet at Paschal's (which at the time of my visit I didn't know was some type of historical Atlanta landmark) and treated all guests to a true red carpet experience. We had our pictures taken as soon as we walked in, drink tickets were handed out swiftly and light jazz played as we perused the event. They had lovely fried chicken tenders that they thought we could not get enough of so they kept it coming, with more, more and look some more...you get the picture. At the end of the evening, I was all "panko-chickened" out. Then, finally they brought out something else: warm bread pudding. Yum, I was stuffed.  And happy! DiningOut Magazine Atlanta definitely kicked this event up a notch compared to their past events.

Me and the Mom Unit

Opening Reception at Bill Lowe Gallery - Jacqueline Herr and FAWS

- Once again, mum was in town so I decided to treat her to an evening of art and wine and those cute triangular shaped sandwiches that taste so delish that you wish they had more, and then, oh wait they do. This time they had those sandwiches plus some fruit. Lots more fruit, not much else. So I found that people were standing over the fruit tray holding conversations about nothing at all. The Art itself was meh! Sorry, nothing jumped out at me.

Bill Lowe Gallery always has the best sculptures. This is me wishing I had her waistline

Beaujolais and Burgers at Flip Burger Boutique hosted by George DuBeouf

- Very well attended, and professionally scheduled to a T. I commend the organizers highly for a great turnout and their professional treatment of the guests. The Beaujolais-Villages wine was not memorable. The supposedly sweet white wine had a tart after taste that wasn't for me, leaving us white wine drinkers with only one other choice - the "dry option". But the pours were generous and we could go for as many helpings as needed, no restrictions, until the event was over. The burger sliders were very tasty, freshly prepared and had a zing to them. I actually tried and enjoyed my first veggie burger! Then, I met some lovely ladies (@thegreatdanaj) and took advantage of the tweet capabilities to instagram the heck out of the event.

Tater tots

Burgers and Beaujolais wine - Great pairing

Burgers and wine - even better with red wine

A shot of me with the lovely ladies I met.

Creative Loafing Birthday Party at the Goat Farm

- I actually paid to attend this event! Instead of being this fancy schmancy birthday dinner which for some strange reason I thought it was going to be. It ended up being this bonfire Rave filled with hipsters, tripsters, Rastafarians and wannabe artists. Interesting mashup. Needless to say I didn't have one amusing conversation in there and my feet hurt like hell cos we packed on the street and hiked it up to Goat Farm. Did I mention that I paid to attend this event? I forgot to bring one of my personalities with me, perhaps, "hipster Anita" might have had more fun. But classy Anita, who was unleashed that night, definitely didn't have any fun. I guess I haven't read Creative Loafing in awhile. I had more fun tweeting about the event and in the end scored quite a few retweets, etc.

This very cool communal table was like a big Italian family dinner.

I observed the table from a distance

Sweet Auburn insisted we take pics by their food truck b4 getting served

In the end, what have I learned from an emotional challenging month filled with fun (and not so fun) events? I've learnt that you should laugh through the pain. You need to get up from the couch, put your best face (and outfit or in my case personality) forward and just experience the world away from the confines of your home/couch. I mean, I love sitting home and watching a marathon of Sex and the City, don't get me wrong, that can be therapeutic too. But the laughter and wonders of the world around you just puts a smile on your face that lets you know, everything is going to be okay, so the phone doesn't ring, it is going to be okay. It always is.

Here's to a new month!

If you want a live rundown of these happenstances as they occur, common, follow me on Twitter - @aphy201 - already!