My Christmas Day in Photos

These are some of the events of my Merry Xmas Day.


Woke up at 8.54 am. It was a struggle but needed to go to Mass.



A struggle to rustle out of bed.



My bathroom counter looked ancient.


After my shower, struggled to get my hair into some kind of shape


Settled for the hat; the hat to cure all ills.


The church had a cute manger created.



My mum got to have her picture taken with the Bishop. She was elated.



Breakfast at Starbucks. I was so excited when I saw they were open. Tried to calmly enjoy my paper but my mum had a lot to say. :(

Then, she attempted to take a picture of me. 



One beside the car.

Look at the time, the Hen took forever in the oven. So I went to the movies to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Nothing like a fresh and sexy Brad to make your Christmas Day.

Took a walk outside after the movie; people were having fun by the huge Christmas tree.


This was my movie get-up. Patiently waiting to have dinner served.

My present from my mum. Feel bad that I didn't get her anything. We had agreed to buy presents after Christmas but she was too excited. 

Took another walk after dinner. Too much food, needed to walk it off. 


Came home; had dessert to cap off the already 497950708 calories consumed. 

I think the high point occurred sometime between coffee at Starbucks and the movie. All in all, I thank God. 

Tis' the season to give thanks

Tis' the season to give thanks so I made a list of all the things I am thankful for:

1. I thank God that I have a job. I'd thank Him even more if this damn recession recedes so I can get one that I am actually good at;
   
   
2. I thank God for credit cards with low interest rates, specifically the AMEX blue card, for credit cards that magically just increase your balance just for being a good customer. How can I thank them?
   
   
3. I thank God for my co-workers; they are a fun and interesting bunch that actually make me look forward to coming to work everyday;
   
   
4. I thank God that I have ex-boyfriends that actually respond to my emails, who actually ask how I am and who eventually apologize for being assholes to me in the past;
   
   
5. I thank God for my education. I may not get the job that is worthy of my multiple years in school, but I thank God that I have this education that makes me proud of myself and no employer can take that away from me;
   
   
6. I thank God for giving me one more year in the city. At first when I moved here I didn't think I would last this long - fish out of water complex - but I've made it for 18 months and I am so grateful for that;
   
   
7. I thank God for breast reduction surgeries and the ability to afford one, get one, survive one and fit into strapless dresses, no questions asked, relieving me of those DDD nightmares. No matter what they tell you about how great fake boobs are, smaller boobs are a Godsend;
   
   
8. I thank God that I have my faculties. I have not lost my mind completely and that is a huge plus considering the type of year I've had and the stuff I've been through some of which have been mentioned on here. It hurts to still be single but maybe there is a purpose to this. I may still be a little angry but I am not mad, not even a little bit;
   
   
9. I thank God for the little things: Keanu, black and white photos, good movies that reach into that aching part of you and make you feel better about yourself (e.g., Rocky), visually stunning movies like The Dark Knight, for journals where you can express yourself without being restricted, for my navigation system, for loft apartments, for deja vu, for dreams that reveal a piece of your future, for real gentlemen like Guy Ritchie, for cute men that never call, for uncute men that never stop calling, for dating and not dating, for heartbreaks that make you stronger, and for people that come into your life and leave it ever so quickly - in all of these there's a lesson to be learned even though I am yet to learn it; and
   
   
10. Most importantly, I thank God for my family and that we have the ability to cry and laugh and share and be there for each other and that God gave us love.

The weekend before Christmas

It was a very eventful weekend. So much that I don't feel like doing a recap.

Friday night, Three-O Jingle Bomb party thrown by Blackout Productions. This party was marred by many personal events for me. I had invited so many people to accompany me and they, for some strange reason, didn't want to go. I suppose it just wasn't their thing. With all that negative energy I was a little hesitant to go. But I had been looking forward to it ever since I got the "Save The Date" email back in late November. I started planning out my outfit and everything. So off I went. And it turned out pretty good. Martinis (flavored and all) at our disposal, well-dressed men and women, a mixed crowd, culinary samplings and very good music. What's not to love? The last straw to an evening that was hit or miss at this point, was my painfully new stillettos that gave way to some extreme pain 30 minutes into the evening. I just couldn't keep standing at that point. So I staggered home, from the pain of the shoes of course and nothing else. I suppose when they said "cocktail" dress they meant it would be a "cocktail" party, meaning no chairs at all.




Sunday Night. Went for another event at The Wine Loft. The Red Tie Event. Very fancy event filled with well-dressed men. I have never seen so many well-dressed men in Atlanta in one spot. Because they were well-dressed, they were cocky as hell, a conceited bunch that would much rather stand around than mingle with the women. It felt just like a high school dance with the guys on one side and the women on the other. I actually confronted a couple of them on it and their reasons varied from fear of rejection (or lack of cajones, as I termed it), to an admiration of the view, to mere indifference. It's a mingle event, so mingle with someone else besides your homeboys. Pfftt....



Rather eventful.

whirlwind weekend

It was a very eventful weekend. So much that I don't feel like doing a recap.

Friday night, Three-O Jingle Bomb party thrown by Blackout Productions. This party was marred by many personal events for me. I had invited so many people to accompany me and they, for some strange reason, didn't want to go. I suppose it just wasn't their thing. With all that negative energy I was a little hesitant to go. But I had been looking forward to it ever since I got the "Save The Date" email back in late November. I started planning out my outfit and everything. So off I went. And it turned out pretty good. Martinis (flavored and all) at our disposal, well-dressed men and women, a mixed crowd, culinary samplings and very good music. What's not to love? The last straw to an evening that was hit or miss at this point, was my painfully new stillettos that gave way to some extreme pain 30 minutes into the evening. I just couldn't keep standing at that point. So I staggered home, from the pain of the shoes of course and nothing else. I suppose when they said "cocktail" dress they meant it would be a "cocktail" party, meaning no chairs at all.

Saturday afternoon. Bumped into "attorney guy"/colossal/purposeful asshole at some restaurant. Thought for a brief second that I would snub him and act like he was dead to me. Then, I remembered how old I was and walked up to him to say hi. We had a nice chat, very cordial, no hard feelings conversation. I hate those. Who the fuck am I kidding, I hate that motherfucker? Then, he walked over and introduced himself to my mum. Should. Not. Have. Then, she asked me who the fuck he was, and then I lost my appetite as I recounted all the pain and heartache he put me through. On one hand, I was glad he was there alone so I didn't have to meet Ms. Floozy as my dream had implied. But on the other hand, I could have done without seeing him and me yelling out to him, "Call me." I am so fucking weak, it's ridiculous.

Sunday Night. Went for another event at The Wine Loft. The Red Tie Event. Very fancy event filled with well-dressed men. I have never seen so many well-dressed men in Atlanta in one spot. Because they were well-dressed, they were cocky as hell, a conceited bunch that would much rather stand around than mingle with the women. It felt just like a high school dance with the guys on one side and the women on the other. I actually confronted a couple of them on it and their reasons varied from fear of rejection (or lack of cajones, as I termed it), to an admiration of the view, to mere indifference. It's a mingle event, so mingle with someone else besides your homeboys. Pfftt....

Rather eventful.

it will all get better in time

I'm not just a whimsical figure
Who wears a charming suit
And affects a jolly demeanor.
You know, I'm a symbol.
I'm a symbol of the human ability
to be able to suppress
the selfish and hateful tendencies
that rule the major part of our lives.
If you can't believe, if you can't accept
anything on faith,
Then you're doomed for
a life dominated by doubt.

...The sweetest most meaningful tear jerking part about The Miracle on 34th Street.


I am not still angry. i just wonder why, why did I have to run into the colossal asshole just when I thought I was getting over him; just when I was finally chipping away at the 10% affection left. Why does it bring back memories, why does it even matter enough for me to write it down...

I know I had something to say

I've been feeling a little out of it. A little disappointed with everything.

The end of the year is usually a time to reflect and assess your life. And I have been, when am I not? But this is a little different. I've taken big steps in an effort to go out of my zone but something is still wrong. Hence my assessment that there's something wrong.

Lately, I've been having low self-esteem. Yes, me...champion of female empowerment. Low. Self. Esteem. It's all part of the assessment and coming up with the "one thing" that is wrong. If something is wrong then it must be me. I must not be pretty enough, skinny enough, petite enough, charming enough, enthralling enough, attractive enough, intriguing enough, make-you-want-to-get-to-know-me enough, etc. These are things that have never been a problem in my past. I always thought I had enough of all these traits and plenty more to go round that I used to preach it to other women. How did we get here? What is this country doing to me?
Then, I prayed for arrogance so I would feel that I was filled with all these wonderful traits so much that if you don't want to know me then, you are doing yourself a great injustice. But arrogance and pride have never been my thing.

So much assessment.

I meet charming people all the time. But charming people don't want to get to know me.

Hey Stranger that dislikes Atlanta as much as I do, who is tired of the lonely nights as I am, who is tired of the lame brain relationships, yes you...we could have had fun and it would have been amazing, just to make you laugh, just to make me laugh...it might be short and sweet and unpredictable but it would have been worth your time. But I suppose I was not...charming enough, intriguing enough and everything else enough...for you.

Merry Christmas to anyone who's ever hoped on a charming stranger to show up right at Christmastime.

networks that don't mix

Went to another overly hyped event on Friday. This one was partially my fault. It was titled as a Network Mixer.

Those two words do not apply to me. Network. Mixer.

Network - I am not trying to sell my business or the business my company is in. Networking events are mainly geared towards people in sales or self-employed folks. If representatives of the UN or various corporate recruiters were present at these networking events then I would know it is worth my trying to sell myself. Recruiters are few and far between at these events so they don't seem to be of value to me.

Mixer - everyone just sits (or stands as the case may be) around and discusses their business in subdued monotoned voices. Not. For. Me. I want to laugh and hear myself laughing, crack jokes about silly stuff and just generally intertwine with people. I love a good cocktail party now and again but never one about work. So if you happen to bump into me at any of these network mixers, please do not start your spiel about how your company can help me invest my money (cos I don't have any) or how I should consider owning my own home, unless the home is in the Hague, I am not interested. The good thing about this one was, I wasn't the only one disappointed at the state of events. At the end of the evening, the consensus was, the ad made it sound more than it actually turned out to be. The high point of the event was the venue.

 

It was held at The Wine Loft. Very nice mature wine bar. The only thing that would have made it nicer, soothing live jazz music every now and again. The place was just set up right. From the very nice wait staff, to the couches for relaxing and chilling with your wine, to the custom made wine glasses, to the very complimentary parking in an area that parking costs a bundle. I would definitely come back, if nothing more for the peace of mind I get from having somewhere to park my car.

networks that don't mix

I haven't had time to update. For one thing, its December, and you know how hard it is to have time to yourself Christmastime. It's almost impossible. There's always something to buy, something to return, something to mail, and some place to go. Also, I've had ideas about things to write about, but in an effort to sound less "Debbie Downer" and more upbeat (no matter how hard it may be) I haven't really had time to channel the "happy" optimistic side of me. Then, most importantly, my writing has been preoccupied by work in having to summarize my achievements in some kind of pseudo-intellectual way for my annual review material. Have to make myself sound busy and focused on nothing else but work.

So that's been me for the past couple of weeks.

Went to another overly hyped event on Friday. This one was partially my fault. It was titled as a Network Mixer. Those two words do not apply to me. Network. Mixer.

Network - I am not trying to sell my business or the business my company is in. Networking events are mainly geared towards people in sales or self-employed folks. If representatives of the UN or various corporate recruiters were present at these networking events then I would know it is worth my trying to sell myself. Recruiters are few and far between at these events so they don't seem to be of value to me.

Mixer - everyone just sits (or stands as the case may be) around and discusses their business in subdued monotoned voices. Not. For. Me. I want to laugh and hear myself laughing, crack jokes about silly stuff and just generally intertwine with people. I love a good cocktail party now and again but never one about work. So if you happen to bump into me at any of these network mixers, please do not start your spiel about how your company can help me invest my money (cos I don't have any) or how I should consider owning my own home, unless the home is in the Hague, I am not interested.

The good thing about this one was, I wasn't the only one disappointed at the state of events. At the end of the evening, the consensus was, the ad made it sound more than it actually turned out to be.

The high point of the event was the venue. It was held at The Wine Loft. Very nice mature wine bar. The only thing that would have made it nicer, soothing live jazz music every now and again. The place was just set up right. From the very nice wait staff, to the couches for relaxing and chilling with your wine, to the custom made wine glasses, to the very complimentary parking in an area that parking costs a bundle. I would definitely come back, if nothing more for the peace of mind I get from having somewhere to park my car.

Flyers aren't everything

When you see the flyer above, what are your thoughts? What impression does it give you of the event described? Great event, filled with art, people who appreciate art, free booze and most importantly good music.

Nah...not so much. I think the people that promote these events are skilled in putting a spin on it when they put out these ads: make it sound interesting, more than it really is, hype it up so to speak, so everyone will want to come. They even put a side note in there that it was strictly by invitation. So I hoped that not every single hoodlum in Atlanta would be there. Every time I read ads for these events, I try to think, maybe I should read this like a cynic and look at all the flaws, but I read them as an optimist and as a way to meet like minded people who may seem interested in events like these. But they are all colossal wastes of time. Everything in this Atlanta is always hyped up to be something it is not. There are very few places that meet up with expectation or events that match the description.

Back to the event from last night. Instead of what I had imagined, it ended up being an event for every GA Tech student, budding Obama graphic artist, sneaker artist, would be model and the occasional thug for life who doesn't know he needs to pull his pants up. That's the type of event it was. On the one hand, I knew I should have kept my jeans on after I came from work, but I thought, it's Friday night, so I got dressed. Dressed up to go mingle with GA Tech students! It was a mess of an evening.

Sometimes, I think they do these things on purpose to drive people out of their homes in the cold (or even in the summer) and into a disappointing mess.

Atlanta shenanigans

When you see this, what do you think? Great event, filled with art, people who appreciate art, free booze and most importantly good music.

Nah...not so much. I think the people that promote these events are skilled in putting a spin on it when they put out these ads: make it sound interesting, more than it really is, hype it up so to speak, so everyone will want to come. They even put a side note in there that it was strictly by invitation. So I hoped that not every single hoodlum in Atlanta would be there. Every time I read ads for these events, I try to think, maybe I should read this like a cynic and look at all the flaws, but I read them as an optimist and as a way to meet like minded people who may seem interested in events like these. But they are all colossal wastes of time. Everything in this Atlanta is always hyped up to be something it is not. There are very few places that meet up with expectation or events that match the description.

Back to the event from last night. Instead of what I had imagined, it ended up being an event for every GA Tech student, budding Obama graphic artist, sneaker artist, would be model and the occasional thug for life who doesn't know he needs to pull his pants up. That's the type of event it was. On the one hand, I knew I should have kept my jeans on after I came from work, but I thought, it's Friday night, so I got dressed. Dressed up to go mingle with GA Tech students! It was a mess of an evening.

Sometimes, I think they do these things on purpose to drive people out of their homes in the cold (or even in the summer) and into a disappointing mess.

mess dot com

My life is a mess dot com

That should be the name of my website, my web domain, because that is my reality.

It's like this whole big sham, fumble, awful circumstance that just keeps going and going on, fumes no doubt, and hardly ever lets up. Lately, I've been feeling as if I was cursed from some generation. I asked my mother about this but she mumbled, like there's something there but she would rather not talk about it. My dad's parents died within months of each other one from a broken heart from having to continue life without the other. The first one, from poison. Uncanny, stuff of movies leads you to think what a crazy family.

If it's not a curse then what the heck is it? Everything in my life is in turmoil. My personal life and my professional life. I would accept this if I was lazy and a no good bum that just wallowed in self-pity. But no, I work hard. I work hard to look good, stay in shape, to eat right, dress right, just so I look good. I work hard to go out meet people, hoping to bump into "the one," both professionally and personally, that would somewhat change my circumstance.

I work hard professionally. I study in school, to graduate college and then my Masters, to continually search for and apply to jobs on the Internet. I work hard in my current job. But still my mess continues. No matter how hard I try.

Lately, I've been feeling like everyone's cut me off. I write emails to people and they don't respond. I send texts and still no response. I go out, dressed in my finest, fully made up and no one talks to me. No one even asks me my name. Like there's a steel cage in front of me and they would rather not penetrate it.

If it is a hex, what gives, at what time does it let up? How do I find out if it can, what do I need to do for it to let up?

I can't even talk to people about this because, people that don't have problems, the worst thing you can do is go tell them your problem. They don't want to hear all that. "Please get on with your hexed self and be gone." 

So I write about it and hope that total strangers reading this will pray for this total stranger online that they don't know and hope that something lets up.