I've been feeling a little out of it. A little disappointed with everything.
The end of the year is usually a time to reflect and assess your life. And I have been, when am I not? But this is a little different. I've taken big steps in an effort to go out of my zone but something is still wrong. Hence my assessment that there's something wrong.
Lately, I've been having low self-esteem. Yes, me...champion of female empowerment. Low. Self. Esteem. It's all part of the assessment and coming up with the "one thing" that is wrong. If something is wrong then it must be me. I must not be pretty enough, skinny enough, petite enough, charming enough, enthralling enough, attractive enough, intriguing enough, make-you-want-to-get-to-know-me enough, etc. These are things that have never been a problem in my past. I always thought I had enough of all these traits and plenty more to go round that I used to preach it to other women. How did we get here? What is this country doing to me?
Then, I prayed for arrogance so I would feel that I was filled with all these wonderful traits so much that if you don't want to know me then, you are doing yourself a great injustice. But arrogance and pride have never been my thing.
So much assessment.
I meet charming people all the time. But charming people don't want to get to know me.
The end of the year is usually a time to reflect and assess your life. And I have been, when am I not? But this is a little different. I've taken big steps in an effort to go out of my zone but something is still wrong. Hence my assessment that there's something wrong.
Lately, I've been having low self-esteem. Yes, me...champion of female empowerment. Low. Self. Esteem. It's all part of the assessment and coming up with the "one thing" that is wrong. If something is wrong then it must be me. I must not be pretty enough, skinny enough, petite enough, charming enough, enthralling enough, attractive enough, intriguing enough, make-you-want-to-get-to-know-me enough, etc. These are things that have never been a problem in my past. I always thought I had enough of all these traits and plenty more to go round that I used to preach it to other women. How did we get here? What is this country doing to me?
Then, I prayed for arrogance so I would feel that I was filled with all these wonderful traits so much that if you don't want to know me then, you are doing yourself a great injustice. But arrogance and pride have never been my thing.
So much assessment.
I meet charming people all the time. But charming people don't want to get to know me.
Hey Stranger that dislikes Atlanta as much as I do, who is tired of the lonely nights as I am, who is tired of the lame brain relationships, yes you...we could have had fun and it would have been amazing, just to make you laugh, just to make me laugh...it might be short and sweet and unpredictable but it would have been worth your time. But I suppose I was not...charming enough, intriguing enough and everything else enough...for you.
Merry Christmas to anyone who's ever hoped on a charming stranger to show up right at Christmastime.
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