Can't remember a time in my life when everything was perfect.
Even for a few days, a moment, a breath, so I could take it all in and bask in the perfection. You know...perfect. My professional life - working for the right company, with opportunity for promotion, great supportive bosses who are not condescending in their tone and treat you with respect as they foster your growth, and then, personally, being with someone longer than two months, who is happy to be with you who wakes up thinking about you and gives you that glow that lets you fly through your days, and then, the little things, your flat is awesome, you have transportation and it moves, the wheels, the AC, the wipers, everything in the car is rock solid, your bank account, is not struggling on E, it's healthy you can afford to get a new pair of shoes, get your nappy hair steamed, get your nails done and not think, ok, so what account should I charge this to. Perfect! Everything sitting nice and pretty and perfect and no worry for me. Even if it is for a moment, a week, a brief interlude just so I can exhale, heal from all the times when it wasn't. I can simply be...
All I know is everything blows over.
That problem you think is so overwhelming it would almost choke you, keeps you up at night, keeps you gasping in between breaths, hot sweats the ish out of you, yes, that problem, will blow over someday...it just depends on when.
I remember last year coming to Lagos intermittently in between work. I used to relish meetings scheduled in Lagos so I could sneak in a trip to get my self pampered, nails, hair, get this bread, scones and cupcakes that I love at this store in Victoria Island. I used to stock up on it just as I head to the airport. As I eat it in PH, I would slowly pinch away at it, wishing it would never diminish, relishing and savoring every bite until my next trip. Now. I pass it every day. I go to church right beside the confectioner. I can either choose to fill up on the pastries or observe my diet and keep it moving. That hunger, that want for something I didn't have...it blew over, and now I have so much of it, I turn it down.
One time several years ago my company didn't think I was worthy of the business trip to Brussels, they gave some PC bullshit excuse, and I swallowed it with tears in my eyes. 10 years later and one lazy sunny Saturday afternoon, a spur-of-the-moment bus trip took me to Brussels. I got there and I didn't know what to do with myself. One of the best weekends of my life, to finally get that which I was deprived of for no utter reason. Brussels was dirty, rough and covered with beer and chocolates. Uniquely brown to me. Now, I know. And it all blew over. I wish it didn't have to take 10 years but nevertheless it came to be.
So as I deal with my life now, I keep nursing the hope that these issues, these surmounting issues that I am dealing with will one day all blow over. Having more than a million Naira in my bank account at a time, getting land in Ikoyi that my landlord has said that I will not get - forgetting that it is not by his hands but by God's Hands - traveling abroad on a whim and not have to think about the ticket prices, working for a company that I love, co-workers and bosses that I want to be around every day, a company that I want to see excel, that does transactions by the book with goals that help the society and nurtures my dreams. This last one has seemed like a lifelong search and one day, one fine day, it will all truly blow over.
And then I can sit and bask and thank God that everything in my life, this tortured artist in a lawyer's body's life is finally perfect - even if it's for a little bit, a teensy bit.
I've been away doing some soulless writing, I fear I may soon have more time on my hands for this, or God willing I may have some adventure worthy to write about.
Let us pray for the latter...
