holding up the updates

So far, 2011 seems no different from 2010, 2009, 2008... you get the point. You start these years with so much optimism and it just dies once you're in the second month, for me at least, I soon realize, we are headed into a year that is somewhat similar to the other years.

I am still single. Now more painfully so. I tried to go on a date and in the end I ended up doing the guy a favor more than me. He was all handsy, grabbing and kissing, I just thought, somebody help me from this. There should be an easier to break into getting to know someone. So no more dates. I don't know how my friends date when they don't really like the guy. Men are just groppy by nature, scary.

Since the year started here is a brief summary of my disappointments, just so you can totally grasp the extent of my despair.

1. I've received tons of rejection emails for jobs I've either applied to, or been interviewed for. Some of them have been preliminary interviews with the HR recruiter. How sad is that? You talk for about 20 minutes with some HR person who has no legal experience whatsoever, all she/he knows is that you'd be a bad fit for their "awesome" company. At least let me get through to the next round before you reject me. There was a time it was vice versa. You would interview with the hiring manager, your future boss first and then HR last to determine fit, not HR first. That's like weeding out candidates way too early in the game. Or they weed them out solely based on their resume. How mean is that? This economy sucks for employees, sucks.

2. In the interim, my co-worker has been promoted to become my manager, she is now a a vice president, presiding over me and 4 other people like me. Isn't life grand for some people?

3. I gave my notice in my apartment hoping to find a job elsewhere...so the clock is ticking now and I have 5 weeks left to make this work. 5 weeks....before I had months, but now we are really coming down to the wire. I don't know if I should just pack it all in and hope against hope and just move without a job, or try to tough it out for another year (with my former co-worker as my boss). Decisions, decisions.

I just keep thinking, the only way my life is going to change (be a little different from the previous years) is if I make the change myself. I am tired of cruising the Atlanta single scene; I am tired of moving from apartment to apartment hoping the new location will usher in anything different; I am tired of working in a job where my contributions are ignored, I am just overlooked and seen as eye candy while others seem to be noticed much more than I am. These are all issues that boggle my mind and I wish I could discuss them with someone but since there's no one, I chose to write them here.

Every day I wake up hopeful - someone would surely call me today. Every night, I go to bed without any leads, no calls, nothing substantial and I go to bed thinking, tomorrow surely someone would call. This circle continues for weeks, months, I suppose since October, slowly intensified as we get closer to my departure date. I just don't know what else to do, how else to market myself, how else to pray for a radical yet progressive change to my life. How?

A beatnik party

I went to this here, swanky Bob Marley birthday celebration on Saturday night. I was so excited about it, for no utter reason. Well, maybe for a couple of reasons. I was excited that I finally had something exciting to do on a Saturday night, you know how Saturdays always start off really high but just dissipate into nothingness, also known as date night for some.

I was also excited for this event because it gave me a chance to finally visit the DrinkShop inside the new W Hotel downtown. This place is brand spanking new, so new, you can smell the mint as you pull into the driveway.

So did all the hype and pre-event excitement meet with my expectations? Half and half. The place was just as gorgeous and minty as I thought it would be. It just oozed class even as I drove to it on Ivan Allen Jr. Boulevard. Even the little paper napkins they gave as coasters were made of pure cotton, gentle and soft to the touch not the recycled coarse paper kind. It was Atlanta upscale stepped up a notch. For a wee moment in there, looking out the window onto the Atlanta skyline, for a wee moment, I felt like I was in LA (or some other better city). But just for a wee second. I digress.

The event was hosted by a bunch of DJ's who took turns spinning Bob Marley songs, Reggaeton and dubs for an hour per DJ. They all looked like well-dressed, music obsessed beatniks that I would have gladly taken any one of them home with me. Watching them set up and spin their art was the high point of my evening, I can tell you that.

After a lot of drinking, courtesy of the One hour open bar invite, I danced to some good ole Bob Marley - which reminded me of my childhood - oogled the DJ booth longer than I really should have and, tore myself away from there. In the grand scheme of things, I had fun, while rating my Saturdays this one would rate high, not exceptionally high, but higher than some dull ones. Higher than staying at home and overheating my DVD player.

There were a whole bunch of people at the event who, though they came by themselves to I'm assuming "have some fun," they spent the better part of the evening cradling their iPhones and looking at God knows what. Misplaced attention. I wonder, is our generation just shy, introverted or just spaced out? They know they can do that at home. I even tried to talk one person out of it, as I caught him scrolling through some baby pictures on his phone, but he was not having it. The rude child just told me to mind my business. And I thought, maybe I should. Why teach etiquette to people who don't want to accept it. I classify him as one of the spaced out ones?

There was a time going out meant a lot to me. It does but it doesn't hold as much fun. It's so much preparation mentally to face the outside world and their somewhat cold exterior, it's not so much of the "How good do I look, or can I really pull this off?" It's more of, "Will I be in the mood to interact with people, even though they may not be in the mood to interact with me." It's just too much to take in at times.

On Thursday night, I went to listen to Jazz at the lovely Loews Hotel. The Thursday night Live at Loews events have a very nice setup, calm atmosphere filled with soothing music. It's a great idea by any standards to have people relax in your lobby, lounge, converse and drink all while taking in your charming ambiance. But when people get into such upscale environments, they turn into something else, they often or not feel superior to the rest of the world. It's like "Look at me, I'm superior because I get to listen to jazz at Loews, can you?" "You can't because you're not superior." Tried to talk to a couple of people and their noses were still stuck mid-flight somewhere in the cumulus clouds, they could barely even lift up their faces from their phones. How is that a night out when you spend the entire evening looking at your phone?

 

So one week, two hotel lobbies...pretty much the same summary, except this one lacked the scrumptious Beatniks. People need to get the sticks out of their asses and take time to enjoy life and look at the person next to them. 

Are we all living the solo life even when we're surrounded by people? 

January 2011 ---Here's looking at you, Joan Wilder?

JANUARY 2011


I have been gone a long time.

There is no excuse. One good one could be the fact that I haven't had Internet Service at home for about 10 days. How have I survived? I don't know. Thank goodness for my iPhone. Add to that the fact that I have just basic cable, you can tell I am screwed. I thought maybe I would do some writing on my laptop to post them when I do get Internet Service. But I have just been taken over by life and its attendant difficulties to coordinate some thoughts on paper.

The month of January was full and fast. Filled with events.

One of them being holed up at home due to the winter storm. It snowed ever so casually on a Sunday night and for the next week, we were holed up indoors, unable to drive out. They termed it... Snowpocalypse 2011. I called it Peace of Mind, 2011. What a better way to start the year. Inasmuch as I like to go out, I love to stay home and enjoy the comforts and peace of mind of my own space and not having to deal with once again, life and its attendant circumstances.

In that time, I travelled to Raleigh, North Carolina, had the pleasure of dining with the North Carolinians - who by the way, packed a few restaurants heavily for a Thursday night in January. I guess they take dining out pretty seriously over there. Or maybe there's nothing else for them to do with their time.

I RSVP'd for a couple of events but couldn't make it, either due to weather, despair or just sheer laziness. Some that I did end up going to were pretty much filled with the same Atlanta crowd - self-absorbed, self-conscious folks. It kinda made me wonder, why did I bother? Then, I got reacquainted with my DVD player. What a thrill that one was. 

On the 16th, I attended 42 Below Vodka Cocktail World Cup 2011 hosted by 944 Magazine on a night that also happened to be Golden Globes night. This was basically a mixologist competition with free nibbles and open bar vodka cocktails. Such a nice set up you'd think it'd be filled with people. Not so much. As you can see from the gallery, I was not actually pictured anywhere. Once I had my fill of the Vodkas that I could handle for a Sunday night, I went home. I chatted with one older lady who thought the event was a dud as well then asked me to stop being such a wuss and  asked that I go out more (I found that rather ironic). Despite the lackluster thrill of the event, I don't regret attending, there's only so much you can do on a Sunday night to pep you up for the week. This was a fine starter.

Then, on the 25th, I joined a couple of ladies from my Girls Night Out Meetup for the 5 year anniversary of Mood Lounge. Considering how close Mood Lounge is to my home, I really have never actually been there. It's located in between somewhat of a residential neighborhood. The actual building looks like it used to be someone's home, converted into a lounge/nightclub. I kept thinking perhaps, they got tired of paying the exorbitant mortgage plus city taxes and just decided to party it up in here. Who knows? This event also had free food and booze. I guess, in this economy, it's my way of partying on a budget. When you think about it, if I really spent money all the times I've been out, I would run myself to the ground. 

My rating for this event was a Meh!! I ran into the same faces from several places ago, and I ate some pretty horrible hors d'oeuvres. The drinks were strong but held not that much variety, there's only so much you can do with Vodka and Rum and loads of ice, thanks to the bartenders. If not for the advice of a fellow patron, I would never have been able to think up the most amazing concoction. See, why you should talk to people, ask them what they're drinking, you can get some out-of-the-box ideas from them. As the night wore on, we had go-go dancers, a very unimaginative DJ, and a bongo player who actually went well with the music. And the place, for a Tuesday night, suddenly got so packed. As I left there was a crowd of people just begging to come in....begging. I kept thinking, It's Tuesday night, isn't it? I know the economy is bad, but seriously it's still Tuesday, what are we celebrating, the fact that it's a Tuesday?

To close the month off, I used my Groupon to liven up my Saturday by going to this ever popular Latin nightclub/restaurant, some place Atlantans like to call Loca Luna. This was awesome. Just exactly what I've been missing. There was good food and cheap wine, thanks to my half off Groupon, and when it wore off, in came friendly people to buy me some more cheap wine, plus there was so much dancing.

I have to tell you this about Latin people, they don't hold back. They are not pretentious, not egotistical, not self-absorbed. They just like to let it all hang out and have fun, salsa till the sun comes up. And after the week/month I've had this was just the perfect way to close it out. It made me feel alive, free like Kathleen Turner in Romancing the Stone (one of my all time favorite movies) and bemused. This time, no one batted an eye at the fact that I came alone, in fact there was a whole crew of single people and we all danced and drank together. As the night wore on, I said, thank you to Groupon and thank you to me for having the gumption to come out on this lowly Saturday night. I needed that.

So that's where I've been for the past month. I regret that I don't have any pictures but I hardly ever really break out my cellphone at these sort of events, don't want to seem like too much of a newbie. It's been sad, it's been lonely, it's been depressing, but in all that, it's been trying to make the most of the me time life has dealt me and I would say even though it's been all about me, it's been one hell of a good time. What can I say?

And so it begins...

As the first month of January 2011 ends, I can't help but feel disappointed. 

But it's only the first month, either way I am still disappointed. In the job market, in my interviewing skills, in the cosmic revolution. I have applied for so many jobs. So. Many. Jobs. More than I care to remember. I bet some people receive my resume multiple times and just think, “Who is this girl in Atlanta, that really, really needs to get out of her job in this tough economy?” That would be me. It's hard. 

Harder than when I was unemployed. Harder because I am not even applying for positions in my territory, not in my state at all. Then, the few people that call me, I mess up. I just start fumbling on the phone interview, yakking a whole bunch of nonsense. I keep telling myself, get it together but I can't seem to. Then, when it falters, I get to work and I hate myself, hate, absolutely abhor myself. Think, why did I fuck up? You could have been outta here but you stupid twit you fucked it up. I look at the pictures of escape that I have on my cube wall thinking it would inspire me to do better. Why can't I do better? I thought by narrowing down my want it would help, instead of having those random prayers...like I want to move to Iceland. I thought make it realistic, make it plausible, make God believe in it and maybe just maybe, He'll make them come true. 

It is so hard and frustrating. So if you need to find me, unfortunately I will be buried in trying to figure out Option 2, plan B since Plan A is taking so fucking long and has so woefully failed. Just as well, maybe it wants me to move to Plan C. By the way, Plan C is that plan that is the last resort, the very last resort, the “stranded on a desert island” resort, the plan that would shock other plans and put them to shame. That's the plan. Isn't it amazing that I have two extremes worked out with no middle ground? One can only hope that February holds some promise. Please February, hold some promise.  

If some things gonna happen, it needs to happen now.