Blogger review

In light of the fact that I once upon a time used to admire people who had digital cameras and could fill their blogs with daily fun filled photos of their lives, and I promised I would do the same if I ever acquired one. I am going to make my first photoblog update to this journal. I never used to do so because of 1) time-- it takes too bleeding long to crop the pictures to a reasonable size and to have them uploaded on to a website. 2) lack of a website that would permit such picture hosting. All the websites these days just hate it when you use them for storage facilities, when they use your email as spam material.

So here are pictures from my weekend trip to Helen, for the Oktoberfest. Better pictures were taken with my 35mm camera.





This last one was taken by my niece, at the last minute we realizedwe hadn't taken pictures of ourselves.

Bummer!

this continues

The family thing is still ongoing. The thing that upsets me the most is that no one takes my anger seriously. Like I said earlier, (in case anyone is remotely interested in this saga) My brother left his bag in my apartment, He had hoped to come back and spend some time there but the way things panned out, that just wasn't going to happen. I did tell him I am not coming to my sister's house again to pick him up, because every time I come there, there seems to be this other plan that makes more sense than coming to spend time with me. I didn't call him yesterday and he called me in the evening, wondering why I was mad.

Okay first strike. Why am I mad? I told him clearly that it seems this visit is one-sided. He has been staying in my sister's house since he arrived and it doesn't look like he plans to visit with me AT ALL. Why are we even discussing this as if it is an issue, someone would think he was my boyfriend and I was begging him to come spend the night. It shouldn't be an issue, you should come to visit and spend time here and time over there. Not sit in one place and act like the other person should just call you once in awhile. It's absurd.

Then, today I just called from him work, because I was feeling sentimental and overcome by the fact that maybe this is petty, and his visit is almost over. You would think he would work it into his plans somewhat to come and visit me, since he leaves on Monday. Nope! But now, instead he is asking me to make arrangements for his bag.

I don't know what else to say. I told him plainly that my family needs to make time for me, and not think that their time is too busy for me. My plans are not open because I am single and don't have multitude of children, they are not. If this is the case, I am going to keep being angry and stay that way. I was going to say Fuck it! he is going back to Nigeria on Monday and God knows when I will see him again, but then, he should be saying the same thing too, and then, in that, create time out of his schedule to come visit me. Its sad that this has to happen while he is here, but this is a stance I want to make known to everyone and if it means suppress my longing to see him so be it. They need to understand that I feel strongly about this, and the time is now.

a wink

I didn't get a wink of sleep last night, and I am at work and my nose and head feels like I am coming down with something. A cold or maybe more. The bad thing about this job is it's so hard to call out because there is no stand-in for you if you ever fall ill or just feel like sitting up at home and nursing your head. Sad!I had a fight with my brother yesterday. My brother is visiting from Nigeria, he only gets to do this once a year, and he leaves next week Monday. He has been here for 3 weeks but has only spent 3 nights at my house. It just seems like he is not here to see me, because I have to get on a waiting list before he can spend time with me. This Friday he spent the night and it was supposed to run through the weekend. On Saturday we all went to Helen, GA for the huge Oktoberfest.


It was fine, (pictures to come soon, I hope) and then we got to my sister's house and picked up our stuff, and his bag was still at my house, getting ready to head home, my brother in law invites him to go to the movies with them. He blows me off and goes to the movie with them. Sunday he was supposed to leave with me after church so we can spend the day together, my sister cooks up this idea that she wants to take him to College Park to view the one and only completed model to the new home she is building. So we drive, for about two hours to and fro to this model home. By the end of it, it was five o'clock, I am tired, my day has been fucked and you would think my brother would leave with me, my sister offers to cook us all steak dinners. I reject it, but my brother doesn't. This is the second blow off.

Then, yesterday. Monday. He asks me to come pick him up after work. I leave work an hour early. I drive like a mad woman to avoid traffic blunders. As I pull in to their sub division, my sister calls that she wants to take him to Sam's club to do his take home grocery shopping. This was supposed to be done on Friday but she felt that she would be too busy on Friday so she pushes it forward and of course messes up my own plans. Mind you, I just got off work early and drove half way across town. No one stops to think how I may be feeling. She invites me to come along, and of course, you can tell at this point, she doesn't know me very well to understand that I am angry. My brother for the third time blows me off, and I angrily storm out of there. I told him I wouldn't come see him again until he leaves, he should make arrangements for his bag in my apartment.

It is obvious, he didn't make the journey to GA to come see me. I remember four months ago when he didn't want to make the trip down. I convinced him to. My sister couldn't be bothered. She was like, if he can come fine, if he cannot fine. But I thought it was essential that he come, at least to see his family once a year. Now, she is the one that kidnaps him in her home and I have to actually beg to squeeze a stayover in my place. Little did I know then, that he wasn't coming to see me. So I went to bed mad, and of course, you cannot get any sleep that way. You would think someone in that house would call to apologize but No!

I think some separation from my family would help me in some way. I haven't decided how, but in some way, even if it's minute.

A little tumble of the weeds

Something is happening in my office that is a little unusual.

The Attorney, I suppport who is such a diva in her right, quit yesterday in the fear that a firing would be coming to her soon enough.

After the whirlwind weekend I had I decided to call out (yes, for the second time in 7 months) and spend the day recuperating from all the alcohol and excessive spending. However, mid afternoon on Monday, the managing partner calls me at home (yes you read that right) and tells me the attorney quit, and she would work out her two weeks notice, but he doesn't really want her to. And that a new person, a male attorney would be starting before the end of the week. Moreso, since neither of us live close to the current location of our office, the partner gave us the option to have the office a little closer to my home (yes, you read that right too) And once we move in, he would hire an assistant to help me out with the tasks. (yes, the story keeps getting interesting)

All this decision making was realized in my one day disappearance from work.

The story is still unfolding, but I just thought I woudl throw that out there.

Life isn't fun, it's a little eventful right now.

Know me

Every time I read what a good time everyone is having in their lives, I often feel like I am lacking, what can I possibly say that would usurp these fantastic stories or even come close. I don’t have anything to say. I wake, eat sleep, promise to work out but I don’t and then I sleep. In the weekend I spend money and extinguish any remote thought of work form my mind, and then, I sleep just like any other day. I promise to write, read, ferment my thoughts, embrace the day, exercise, feel the breeze on my face. I promise all these but then, I sleep and promise it for some other day. I would do it tomorrow.

So there is no captivating story or point to my life and in some ways I know it would always be that way. I wonder why I got so many journals, and blogs to capture these days of nothing, celebrate this emptiness, this frightful pity party. Why put people through this process of having to read mundane all over again, isn’t it bad enough that they (or at least some of them) have to live it.

Consumed

For the past few weeks I have been consumed by some kind of thoughts and of course frustrations.

I think there comes a time in a single woman's life when she says and somehow accepts that maybe she may never find true love, maybe the saying that there is someone for everyone did not really apply to her, that she may never really have that one person that thinks the world of her and her of him and that her dreams as stupid as they are, may never really come true.
I have always had this thought lurking in my brain somewhat, but I am often afraid to speak it out, even now as I say it, I am trying to make it seem like I am not condemning myself, which truly I am not. I have just been as I said consumed with several things.

The search for a new job. Another job that will dissatisfy me in a few months.
The search for some kind of social life. Last weekend I toured all the listed hangouts and clubs in my area and I couldn't quite find myself visiting any of them to hang out by myself.
The search for an enriching hobby that I will not tire of within a few weeks.
The search for some meaning to this career thing.
The search for resurrection from mediocrity.

I really have hit so many roadblocks in all these things that I had to dedicate one day, just one day out of my life, which was Thursday into not thinking about any of these things. Quite frankly, that was one headache free day I can tell you that.

I am just consumed. I don't want to do this pity party called life by myself two or maybe three years from now. I wish I do not have to, but, there doesn't seem to be a flicker of light at the end of the tunnel. My solace has become alcohol, TV and food, and what good company they've turned out to be.

I just need to not be so consumed and burdened with taking care of my life, by myself.