I forgot to mention that in my search for a job, I bumped into my crush's identical twin brother at the mall ith a girl. They are so identical that as soon as I saw him my heart began to think that perhaps it was him. He was letting his girl into the Borders I was going into and then Whoa! he left the door open for me to come in. I didnt know why he ddid that, if it was the real he, maybe he wanted to be nice and act like he knew me and show some repect but then, when I said HI! he gave me a blank look like he had no idea why I would say that to him. It was definitely uncanny seeing him.

Maybe that was my present for the rough week. A glimmer of a charming young man closely and proximately resembling my crush.

I forgot to mention that I started a paralegal class sometime early this month, and even though I have a graduate degree in Law I haven't been able to keep up with all the little nitty gritty info on the american legal system. For eg, the multitude of court systems they operate under.

Anyway, that's why I've been away and obviously not around to lament just as much. However, I am still the same. So many things have happened in the interim some to make me cry out in self-pity and just hate myself, and some quite uplifting ones too, eg the purchase of a DVD player spoiliing myself. I asked for a raise from my job so many times that I thought I was beggining to talk to myself, I asked to be set free from it to explore my CAREER, but no one answered in the interim. So I finally quit my down ass job and I am holding out for a good one. There's something about doing a class with a large number of people who have "better" jobs that just puts a mirror in your face and tells you, yes, I was overqualified for that job and it's time I moved on, and stopped wasting my time, generally. Since then, I have signed with a multitude of temp agencies and they have all promised me the world but all I can do is pray, hope, and hang tight that something good is waiting for me and I can find it soon enough. Sometimes, it would seem like I was so close to my escape that I could taste, and then something a stroke of bad luck probably or just sheer fate would happen and then I would be struck out of it and left to stand still in my space. This week has just been the utter worst and to think that foolish horoscope that I ever so quickly rely on promised me that I would have LOVE an A, while money and work both rate a B. It's all been so complicated to understand the journey and its purpose. And why I am still in it and NOT GIVEN UP.

I am actually cheating right now, becos I have a test in a few minutes that I have read nothing about, I just felt the need to write a little to keep myself awake, and sort of cheer me on to what life I have online. I read some website describe me as introspective and searching for my means to turn into a woman, it made me laugh aloud. At my age don't you think I am already a woman?

Today is kind of a special day for me. It's my 3rd year at the Bar. I am taking myself out to celebrate. So even thogh I haven't done shit with my degree, some shit has to be done to celebrate it. I kinda hung out my certificate on my dresser to cheer me up.

Weekly Horoscope

Gemini

Hit the road and learn a new trick, as this week sees the stars lining up in areas favoring mind expansion. If you're involved with someone substantially older or wealthier than you, this will be a week of blossoming love.

Your luck this week:

Love A, Money B, Work C*

Signs to seek: Taurus, Cancer

Signs to avoid: Leo, Sagittarius

*Your weekly luck is based on a scale of A to F, with A being the best luck and F being the worst.

guess what the cat dragged in...tired and withdrawn and irritable

I could use me some Keanu Reeves just "whoa" sex right now.

Yes, that and a whole lotta unutterable things.

Lately I've been having sexual thoughts about Matt Damon. He's been occuring in my dreams in the most alluring way and he's been good at it too. Kinda makes you wonder, hmmm. Even though I dislike him with a passion, his looks are too strong and masculine for me, the possibility of celeb sex of whatever kind will light my fire right now.

Guess who made 2 cappuchinos without the espresso today. Me. Guess who mistook caramel apple muffins for banana nut muffins and cranberry for blueberry. Me. Guess who has a written assignment to turn in on Friday of which she hasn't even written. Me. Guess who just thinks she is not good at any kind of job whatsoever.

Now, you see why I need K.R sex. Something to make the hairs stand on the back of my neck. Something asides from food which I seem to be indulging in a bit more lately.

I'll light a candle for my sanity tonight.

Does anyone else watch this show--Inside the Actor's studio? That show is the bomb as they say. It is just so revealing and indepth, better than all those other talk shows or other crap people show about interviews with actors, this one lets them educate as well as intimate us on the goings on of their careers. It is so Wow! makes me wanna be the movie business all over again.


I started the paralegal class on Friday. silly me didn't order the books so guess who had to take a test without studying for it yesterday. Yep! yours truly. I failed it so badly it wasn't even funny. My residual law knowledge didn't help this time. To top it off, I have a written assignment and yet another test due next week. I am so fucked with this. I hope being a paralegal pays me off well in the end. I am suffering big time to try and find ways to pass this class.

Word of Note:

It is only in this country that you find a History graduate working in a Law firm.
A fashion merchandising graduate working with a group of lawyers in an established Law firm.
And then a Law graduate working in a restaurant. Yep! only in this country. It kinda makes you think about what the Western world thinks about the educational capacity of people from the 3rd world.
I hope one day they'd get to wise up and put straws in the containers they belong.


I better get to my assignment.

I suddenly feel the need to move to some remote place where the economy is thriving, there is a good education system and the cost of living isn't so high. The people are warm and approachable and I can live off my antics and dreams. Like Mandrake Falls (the town in Mr Deeds) but bigger, a little less country too.

I can't put exactly into words the events that have made me come to this conclusion but I can highlight some of them.

1) Evasive career seems even more evasive as the days go by.

2) Job (not career, just hourly waged work) that one has is dangling by the thread of my dwindling capacity to continue with it, and theirs to continue with unpredicatble me.

3) However much I may hate my job it's the only one I have and unlike before I do not have anything under my sleeve as far as making money is concerned.

4)The education I spent the best years of my life in school for doesn't seem to guarantee my happiness, success and all that crap they told us it would as we toiled away in school.

5) I want to know that there are nice people somewhere. Nice people. People who actually give a shit about someone. I cut my finger the other day at work and everyone saw me washing the blood away at the sink, I was almost in tears. Yet, not even one of them asked what had happened to me. Nice people I crave them. Did they all disappear into some remote island.

6) Maybe in my own Mandrake Falls I can find happiness in the simple pleasures of life. Have my own space, make as much noise as I want to, and do what I please without having to pay the piper that feeds me. Solely search for my own peace and find it at my own pace.


I wish writing this had made me feel better. But it didn't.

I am home so early on a weekday. Asides from the fact that I am exhausted so I didn't mind being sent home but my boss at work cut my scheduled hours because of a blonde bimbo girl she hired. The blonde bimbo is nice, she's just so daft that atimes I wonder is it really true whht they say about blonde girls being so stupid? She makes the myth seem like fact. Anyways, I am going to make strong demands tomorrow for my hours to be reinstated. I have already told them I now have a job in a coffee job, which doesn't pay well, but it's like some kinda adventure everyday for me. I would want to enhance on it somewhat. It's a bit more challenging than the seating guests syndrome.

I didn't know making lattes, cappuchinos, espressos were really that complicated. I always heave a sigh of relief when someone wants a simple house coffee, I'm like finally something I can handle. But when there are 2 espresso orders at a time, it's murder, my heart rate goes up.

This is just me carrying out one of my fantasies of wanting to work in a coffee shop. I didn't get Starbucks but this is good training while I patiently wait for them to call on me, right?

To Keanu...at 38

First of all, Today is Keanu's 38th birthday. He is 10 years older than I am. He's about the only man I know that doesn't make me feel old. I hope he's having fun, I am having a blast just thinking about him having fun today. Yes, I am and I had a special day/wet dream about him this morning. *chuckle*

I especially asked God to give me a man that would be as close to him as him himself. Kind, gentle, soft spoken, and such a softy on the eyes. I always get all emotional when it's time for his birthday. I know, I know, this isn't a crush it's an obsession.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PLAYA!

Remembering how out of focus this horoscope thing is these day, that and the daily one I read from the AJC, I have decided to post it yet again, so when the weeke ends I can know how much farther from the truth it's getting. I already know it is off, because I am so broke right now, and it tells me Money A. Where is the windfall supposed to come from?

GEMINI
Your fascination with a particular subject has come at the expense of some deadlines that need attention. You may have to reassess why you value certain hobbies over what most would consider the more substantial elements of your life.

Your luck this week:
Love C, Money A, Work B*
Signs to Seek: Scorpio, Capricorn
Signs to Avoid: Sagittarius, Libra