Hard Core Truth About Marriage...From A Cynical Single Sista

Ever see some headlines to certain articles that are meant to persuade you to click the link, reading the article, hoping to feed your mind with valuable informative article and then you read them and the content is somewhat lacking, feeble even. So imagine my joy at seeing a headline that read: The Hard Core Truth About Marriage. Naturally, I filled in the blanks, piecing together the truth all the married, happily divorced people have shared with me throughout my single life. A summation of all the unsolicited "marriage" advice I've gathered over the years. Here it goes, I warn you it's a little tough to hear:

1. It doesn't always work out. 

2. Y'all start to get sick of each other right around year 5 or 6. 

3. He/She cheats with someone much younger. In fact with the whole damn city. 

4. You cheat with a man/woman much older and more refined. Who actually opens the door for you. 

5. You hate yourself for picking him/her out of all the suitors you had in your life at that time. That ex is kinda looking like a pretty good prospect right about now. Hmmm... 

6. You look at the kids and wonder, "Why did I settle? For these annoying children." 

7. Either of you wish you were still single. You look at your single friends and envy their freedom. Freedom to breathe into themselves and say, "Aaah." 

8. You stay married and miserable just cos of the kids. 

9. Sex has been off the table since the kids arrived. 

10. You do what you gotta do and so does he. As long as no one gets hurt.

My perspective on marriage above is just that - my perspective. And this perspective is also not a generalization of ALL marriages. I'd say it represents about a handful of marriages, a FRACTION of based on information I've gotten to know about marriage from the hopeless few who've whispered in my ears. If you read it and think,"This is so not my marriage!" Congratulations then you are NOT in that fraction. If it does speak true to either you or someone you know, then, well, hope they find themselves some happiness soon. 

Maybe I've had one too many frank conversations with married people where they've confessed about their life choices and have asked me, the single one, to be wise about mine. Maybe those conversations have resonated in me way too much that they've formed my perception of marriage and have shaken my core belief system. What are we trying to find that person for, and when we do, will that person choose us, will that life complete us?

My name is Anita, and yes. I believe in love. I just don't believe in marriage. Rarely do the two come together. If, and when they do, then it's true love. Everlasting love. Until then, my perspective still stands.

Fiercely Westernized...

 "YOU'RE not the only one who's worked abroad." 

True. So True.
I believe there's no embargo to the number of Nigerians
Who can live, study and work abroad.
However, it does seem
I'm the only one who's trying to force my western world ideology down your throat and
It's non acceptance, it's air of superiority is what irks you
It makes you recall your life on both sides of the coast
And how you came here and just blended in
Completely. Completely wiped the slate clean.
They made you forget all your good.
You miss that, don't you?
It pains you.
If you had to endure that erasure (brainwashing, downgrading),
Then, why not me?
What makes me think I'm special?
The sooner I wipe off my good
And get to embracing
The better for all of us.
Then I'll be just like the rest of you.
The rest of whom your stay on the other coast
Is now just a memory.
But that had nothing to do with me.
I don't begrudge you your time there.
Don't begrudge me mine.
Let me embrace it.
It changed and influenced me.
I want to stay changed.
I am staying changed.
That's all.

Life Goals

Life Goals

Hosting a dinner party such as this, on this type of table speckled with food, love, laughter, friendship and wine...lots and lots of vino. And it lasts until the wee hours.

In the end, isn't that what life is really all about - love and friendship?

#LifeGoals #TheSingleLife

What are yours?

Hardcore Truth About Marriage From A Cynical Sister's Point of View

1. It doesn't always work out.

2. Y'all get sick of each right other around year 5 or 6.

3. He cheats with someone much younger. In fact with the whole Lagos.

4. You cheat with a man much older and more refined. Who actually opens the door for you.

5. You hate yourself for picking him out of all the men in your life at that time. That ex suddenly looks like a good prospect. Hmmm...

6. You look at the kids and wonder, "Why did I settle? For these annoying children."

7. Either of you wish you were still single. Look at your single friends and envy their freedom.

8. You stay married and miserable just cos of the kids.

9. Sex has been off the table since the kids arrived.

10. You do what you gotta do and so does he. As long as no one gets hurt.

My perspective on marriage above is just that - my perspective. And this perspective is also not a generalization of ALL marriages. I'd say it represents about a handful of marriages, a FRACTION. If you read it and think, "This is so not my marriage!" Then, congratulations then you are NOT in that fraction. If it does speak true to either you or someone you know, then, well, pray for them and hope they find themselves some happiness soon.

For the last 3 years or so, I stopped believing in the sanctity of marriage, that wholeness that can be found in just one person. Maybe I've had one too many frank conversations with married people where they've confessed about their life choices and have asked me, the single one, to be wise about mine. Maybe those conversations have resonated in me way too much that they've formed my perception of marriage and have shaken my belief system. That and coupled, with all the sad broken relationships I've been involved in that have made me fail to see the point. What are we trying to find that person for, and when we do will that person choose us, or run from us to somebody, some situation they can understand or control, that is more acceptable to society? My name is Anita, and yes. I believe in love. I just don't believe in marriage. Rarely do the two come together. If, and when they do, then it's true love. Everlasting love. Until then, my perspective still stands.