Stuff of Boring Weekends

Bringing this rare gem (below) of an update back to the timeline. Not cause it's written so perfectly. Nope. It just perfectly sums up my mood and my recent updates. Been posting a lot on Instagram lately to promote the blog, pictures from last year when things were calm and COVID-free, life made sense and I was on the cusp of financial stability. Last year, while I was in the throes of basking in a "good life", every time I would post pictures from a day out people would make snide comments like:

"You dey enjoy!"

"Na so so enjoyment!"

"Chop alone, madam!"

Sometimes I wonder if it's the negative energy that doused their envious remarks that caused my life path to sidetrack. Their envy slapped so hard it knocked me off my incline. Who knows? All I know is that people don't want to see you up. They would rather your misery kept them company. 

Posting pictures of the few times we have cause to laugh and enjoy this life is the stuff of social media. But it shouldn't be all good news. I also share the bad moments, the bad stories, unfortunate circumstances. I think I'm actually one of the few bloggers who lets you into her sad times to differentiate between social media and reality, my reality. So to receive those comments, some expressly, some murmured. It hurt. 

Now when I post pictures of some of the exploits from the previous years, I always remember to caption it as a #Throwback so they don't go getting envious all over again, thinking, "How dare you have fun while the rest of us are in quarantine?" 

Whatever you do in this life, just be aware that there are those who would rather see you down, face down in the gutter, so they can say that they won. But they forget that in between those happy moments were many sad timelines, so many boring weekends, weekends when all you did was sit home and cook and clean and day dream of men you can't have. All they see when you post a picture of you at a bar is, "Madam enjoyment!"

How feebleminded we all are!

Taken from the Blog Post - Sometimes Hot Chicks Have Boring Weekends, December 2016

Had an utterly boring Saturday. B O R I N G. Stayed home all day. 

Didn't drink, just lounged and sweated out my weave with sporadic power. It was utterly boring. No phone calls. No exotic food. Fed on leftovers. BLAH - ALL CAPS. 

I say this so that the few weekends I manage to have fun and send out pictures of me taking in some life, you won't think, "Ah na so so enjoyment for this girl." No be so. Sometimes, due to extreme budgetary constraints, I have to sit home, sweat out my weave with no electricity in 90 degree weather, and live vicariously through those who have the luxury of doing this with a loved one. 

At times, I reach out to a few folks in the outside world just so I don't feel that closed off, at times they do the same. But in the end, it always ends up being a subdued way to spend the weekend. Particularly, a weekend in December. Life is not all sunshine and rainbows. Don't let people make you think it is. 

Don't hate on people when they do take in a slice of life. That may be their one chance.

Of Entanglements et al

Saw this episode of Red Table Talk last night. And like everyone on the Internet, I had thoughts.

Immediate thoughts were: 

1. Not to hold them to any type of pedestal as far as marriage goals #Couplegoals. No one should hold any married person to a pedestal. We are all NOT infallible. Marriage (and money and power) further highlights this. 
2. To me, this version of events seemed like a good PR story. Concocted as a result of the creative minds of some highly paid crisis and image counselors. Open marriage story would have seemed too salacious so they put a different spin on it to save face, save their brand. They decided to make August seem innocent ("Oh he broke things off"), make them seem like bad guys, who had a whoopsie moment in time. If this was all true, why did Will seem like he'd been crying for days? 
3. 3. Most importantly. For me. 

   A tweet said: 

   "I really do admire Will + Jada's transparency. That said, I will be totally, completely okay if I never get married." 

   In response, I said: 

   "Having a "Partner" has always been my goal/dream. With marriage there's too much responsibility, too many standards, too many people to impress. Who can live up to these expectations when all you want to do is be in love?"

    
   If this was Europe and they were in one of those throes of passion partnerships where you are drawn to your partner by love, art and inspiration, having a "whoopsie" moment or even an "entanglement" wouldn't seem so rudimentary that you would need to call a meeting to explain yourself to your adoring fans with flowery language that speaks to your "journey". Those French love affairs must be watching this wondering who are these primitive Americans? 
4. Regardless, I commend Jada. Her coy use of the word "entanglement" to describe what might have been a passionate affair. I consider myself a wordsmith even at work I try to spin words around to disguise the literal meaning, but her...she dug deep, and found one I haven't ever used to describe my love affairs. Thank you kindly, Ma'am. The rest of us are lusting after your husband and you're dipping out on him. 

It only goes to show you...as the saying goes, "Show me someone beautiful and I'll show you someone who's tired of sleeping with them." 

Guess, it's true. 

My BH Story...

Every time I see this picture it reminds me of how I feel. Hopeless. Exhausted. Flummoxed. Exasperated. Like I've suddenly had the wind knocked out of me. Frustrated beyond belief. And generally unable to comprehend the current state of affairs. 

July would make it a year since I quit a job (where I was revered but underpaid) to join another job with a solid multi-national company ("Texas Multi-national") that I thought would elevate my career to extraordinary heights. Only said job just shy of my 90 days confirmation and a planned trip to London to meet and train with my manager (who has never been to Africa by the way) decided to let me go. Why? What type of company would do such a thing after making you quit a job? What type of manager would do that after listening to salacious stories from other male colleagues and not verifying their accuracy? Questions I presented to my manager. His response:

Simply because no one likes you. 

Why does no one like me?

Pray tell. Let us count the ways. Could it be because:

1. I don't spend an hour every morning of my productive work day catching up with my work colleagues and filling them in on the events of my previous evening like I'm some sort of daytime host on a morning talk show. "Good Morning Lagos, Guess what I did last night..."

I also don't discuss where I got the designer purse or dress or shoes I wore to work in such tremendous detail. I consider that my employer pays me to be here to work not to discuss such frivolities. I don't take time out of said work day to take selfies of my colleagues shoes/dresses and how we all seem to have such matching attires even though we didn't plan it. Once again, more frivolities taking away from my employer's time. 

 

2. They may have wanted someone much younger and a lot more naive. The first statement my HR rep said when he met me was, "My, you look rather young." Of course, I do. I apply my anti-aging face cream quite religiously. At first it didn't clue in as I've never had HR in a multi-national comment so expressly on my age or looks!!! Never thought a US company would factor in my age in my job performance. But this Texas Multi-national was not run like no ordinary multinational with international labor standards. It was working in accordance with local standards, actually. 

 

3. I know what it was. It's because I asked that we kindly refrain from speaking Yoruba in the office like we're traders in frigging Ojuelegba or Idumota. This is a Texas Multi-national for crying out loud, certain standards must be adhered to, plus English is the national language of Nigeria. It was so bad even the HR rep spoke Yoruba to his constituents who clearly outnumbered the non-Yoruba speaking staff. I even went as far as putting up a vernacular jar for anyone to put in every time they felt the need to speak Yoruba... ahem...vernacular in the office. Don't get me wrong I have nothing against a local language because I speak one myself. I just have a problem with speaking it in a workplace that has (or was supposed to have) different tribes and even nationalities. Speaking one language and making it the central language alienates members of other tribes, makes them feel as if they are not relevant, as if they're being discussed, as if this is not an inclusive environment. And in the end, it wasn't. It was an exclusive society made up of that ONE tribe, and that tribe dominated and bullied other tribes into submission, so not what a Texas Multi-national should represent in a diverse multicultural country such as...Nigeria. Talk about #DiversityandInclusion when the entire board, senior management and staff is dominated by members of just one tribe. Interesting...

4. Then, consequently I spoke up about the lack of parking. With barely 50 slots for about 500 staff you had to get to work between 5 - 7am in order to squeeze into a spot. Even then, it was not guaranteed. You get in at 7:01am and security would tell you, too bad, so sad, try again tomorrow. The worst part is, some folks would show up at 11am and STILL get a parking spot, how is that possible you might ask? A little something they call...Egunje. In no way was this looming frustration discussed with me at any time during the interview process or the non-existent on-boarding. Can you imagine anything more infuriating than going through rush hour traffic just to have to circle needlessly for a parking spot? What a waste of productive man-hours? This company obviously didn't care. 

5. Then, of course there was the office seating arrangement. With a 3 months head start on my start date I was shocked to learn that Facilities and HR did not make any arrangements to assign me a designated desk. "Oh but we don't have designated desks over here, they're 'hot seats'." This explanation proffered to a professional who's worked in Atlanta for 14 years. Do you know the last time I started a job and did not have an assigned desk on my first day - 2005! Kept thinking if this was Texas would I have to deal with these housekeeping issues from a company of this size? 

I suppose items and 4 and 5 have been swiftly dealt with by the inevitable unprecedented rather exacting consequences of counteracting #COVID19. But still...I had to deal with these challenges and a multi-national could not manage its effects on a new employee. 

6. Most importantly, I aired my thoughts (rather loudly I presume) on how I would have preferred to work for the formidable holding company (ahem...GE...) who had just relinquished their majority interest a mere month into my employment instead of this small acquired company. I made them feel less than so they thought they'd make me feel the same. However, anyone who's picked up a Forbes list or has observed the financial market and is aware of said holding company's value knows that there's simply no comparison to that holding company (that's been featured and studied as the No. 1 company for several years) and this Texas Multi-national. It's like comparing Mozilla to Microsoft. Or Google to AskJeeves...Or Amazon to anyone else. You're a small fish in a big pond...deal with it. 

That was it. All this because I spoke truth to power and called them out on their inefficiencies that rubbed certain people the wrong way. I hear people who speak up are usually marginalized and pushed back, called difficult, confrontational, you name it. In my case, I was called a wrong fit, translated to mean, "No one likes you."

Needless to say its been an arduous time trying to find work since this event. I thought I had a handle on things and I could pick my next job this time: ask the right questions, interview the companies properly, ascertain their work culture and environment and figure out how all of this fits into my career plans, try to determine where, what and whom I could work with - all those luxuries you want in a perfect career. 

Then, COVID19 occurred and everything capsized. Now I'm just the lawyer wondering, should I have sued them? Would it have been worth it? How do people get away with ruining someone's life, someone's carefully planned career like this? How do companies, multi-nationals abuse labor laws that are existent in their country but deficient in mine? Don't they have international standards to adhere to? How, and why do companies abuse their right to terminate without cause, and how do they do this without repercussion, without fear of tarnishing their goodwill or their Corporate Social Responsibility? How does my Government, Local Content regulations, etc., still let such companies thrive? How do companies preach diversity and inclusion and yet turn around to fire you simply because you speak your truth, and that truth hits too close to home?

Most importantly, personally, how do I not look back but keep looking forward and try, so hard, to really concentrate on my recovery? Suddenly, I feel like John Wick when they killed his dog and he stewed in his anger and contemplated for a brief moment what to do to his attackers. Only in this moment, what do I do? What can I do?

Unbearable Staleness of Routine

When I was a little girl, I saw a movie that resonated with me in so many ways. 

It was about this pre-teen girl who ran away  from home with her younger brother and lived in a museum - The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York. While their parents looked for them relentlessly they were the least bothered and having the most fun. Everyday they got up to wander between the most exquisite art pieces, shower in the museum fountain and attend all the walking tours. To them, it was an adventure, a break from routine, a slice of life they hadn't yet experienced. 

When asked why she did that, she said, she couldn't explain it but in not so many words, it was said to her. She did it simply thus: Because I didn't want everyday to be the same and keep on being the same. So young and she was already running from the modicum routine of life. Wait till she has to live the white picket fence life working a 9 - 5 with 2.3 children? Isn't that all of us, running from the reality of sameness?

Used to nurse that regret about adult life. I memorized that line and recited it in my head every time I felt pigeonholed into staying too long in a situation, maybe a job, a city, a relationship that was not serving me. I often found myself doing something exciting to liven up the sameness. As I move from one job to another, from an apartment to another, from one country to another, I find that, there is a search there, an unburnished thirst for satisfaction, for a blissful rest in one’s life, and that state is so elusive.  

During Covid19 and it's ripple effects of quarantine and lockdown (partial or otherwise) it's so easy to crawl into some type of sameness and before you know it you're missing the life you once had and undervalued and yearn for a return to the Sunday Brunches, Saturday Night movies at the theaters, the dinner with friends. It all goes full circle, I suppose. 

As an adult, later found out that the movie was called The Hideaways and was based on a book titled From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler by E.L. Konigsburg. I researched that movie and found the full version available on Youtube and starred the incomparable, Ingrid Bergman. 

It's so weird how certain statements, certain scenes from fiction resonate with you and become part of your psyche even as an adult. I feel like I am constantly in that hunt with running away from sameness, seeking adventure, and till date, I am yet to find it. Aren't we all yet to find it?

Winning the Second Half

I’d like to congratulate myself. No. I didn't get appointed to a board or chair a committee or win any political post or even as much as a speaking engagement. I have simply made it through to the 2nd half of 2020. Been about 8 months since my last full-time appointment ended because I spoke truth to power and was outnumbered gender-wise and ethnicity wise as well - awful combination in a Multinational. Having no formal appointment and being hit with a global pandemic that ushers in a recession and with age no longer on my side, starting to see glimpses of my career dreams waning. But I'm determined to stay strong, because they say, that's how winning is done. 

In between that I've spent a lot of time on LinkedIn appreciating opinions, multiple appointments, and accolades and the fanning of the flames from all asunder. So this time I thought to share mine in my own platform. Mine simply deals with survival. It takes a lot to just exist, mentally and socially in a world where only achievements are lauded. It takes a lot to be an underdog in a loud world. But as I've been told, sometimes, perhaps briefly, the underdog wins. 

I'm pretty sure it always does. 

Here's to winning in the 2nd half!!

sweet honey child

do not falter

don’t you dare fade

for your blessing lies

in the 2nd half of this here decade