Dear Lawyer...

As a lawyer, you curse.

You deal with situations and people and have conversations that 

Cause you to curse.

You deal with a system 

As despicable as Nigeria 

With no accountability

That fails to hold its people to ransom

Political, and regular citizens.

Where so-called CEOs can owe you money  

Run off to hide from their debt in the US.

If you were faced with that type of scenario.

It's like being face to face with an accuser or accused.

In that scene, what do you say?

Do you play nice? Act formal. Pretend. Pay Lip Service. Ask him kindly.

You curse.

You tell the MF owing you money that this is no longer acceptable.

That the system may have let you off.

Let you run and hide in the US with my money.

But I reserve the right to use whatever language

Suits the despicability of your actions.

And Senile. MF. A$$hole. Piss off.

All and more.

Immediately, come to mind.

Does it make a difference?

To the recalcitrant Nigerian

In their unwavering offensive behavior.

Not much.

But it lets you blow off steam.

It lets them know.

As a lawyer. You curse.

I curse.

Does that make me less of lawyer?

Can We Pretend

There's an age you get to where everything hurts.

Things that normally roll off your back just seem to pause for a little while longer than they should. Going through a bank holiday and not have one, not even a single solitary one, of your friends call to ask you how you are. That stings! Coming back to Lagos and forgetting how cruel, cold, calculating and insincere this city is, and people keep reminding you, "But you wanted to come back to Lagos, you wanted to come back." Yes. But I think we are missing the point. It was between living in a city that was worse than a Bayou in the summertime and a city that's a mix of NY city and LA (for the beach and the superficiality) if you were me, which would you choose.

Exactly.

In the end, I just realized that every part of Nigeria is dirty. The People. The Space. And I don't quite appreciate the living space I'm in. Can I just live in it and not be constantly reminded of the dirt and grime?

Today I saw one of my neighbors lift up a trash lid with his bare hands and toss his trash in it. Then, as he walked by me, he started to scratch his nose WITH THE SAME HANDS. Is there something wrong with me? Have I been watching too many talk show segments on "hidden dirt" like The Doctors, etc.

Everything just hurts and everything and everyone feels dirty to me. I saw a post on Instagram that read: The older you get the more you realize why Britney shaved her head. Ha! I realized and did almost the same a year later. Remember "attorney guy" Summer of 2008? The hurt I feel now, none of my usual "feel good" remedies can soothe me:

Done fixed my hair, done shopped up a storm, done drank all the drink, done seen all the movies, done stayed prayed up and asked the Lord Jesus to help this sista out, done sought the Holy Spirit's intervention to help get these folks acting right. Done did e v e r y t h i n g.

I still sting. It still stings. And I don't know what to do about it.

There's an age you get to where everything hurts. So much. Who knew coming back to Lagos would hurt this much. Not I?

Pain of Renting in Nigeria

Don't know what this says of me that this is the most recent picture in my phone gallery. 

Saw it on #twitter and it summarized how I feel. Tired. Miserable. Disgusted. 

Paid a good chunk of my money to a dishonest broke-ass landlord and he spent before I could even move in, now he has refused to refund my money when I canceled the deal a fucking DAY LATER!!! 

Now he's off to America, with his family and screens my calls. Feel like I need to #nameandshame that Nigger. 

Nigerians looove to tell you what you want to hear. Don't ever believe them for a second. If they say Sky's blue that shit is fucking black as night. That's how opposite their word is. They are not worth your dime. It's taken me being duped one million times by their words to know that, sadly, my people are dubious and dishonest individuals. 

So this frail looking disgusted old lady is how I look at every #Nigerian with #cynicism hoping their lies won't make me shrivel up like this. Praying that the DISHONEST NO SHIT LANDLORD has the integrity to know that a man is not supposed to owe a woman money. In what world does a man, a real man owe a woman money? I guess in Nigeria that is the deal. He oughta be ashamed of himself.

In general, Nigerians need to do better. Simple. Enough of that "I'm on my way" shit when you know darn well you're fucking twenty miles away. You find corporations being run by children. Or multinationals being run by Nigerians, dragging the reputation of the multinational company with them. 

 #SpeaktheTruth... 

If you have Foreign Investment. Run. Don't Walk. Run. These folks are not worth investing in. Sorry to say this but this one hurt a #sista and I'm bleeding from the hurt. Profusely. How does a Nigger spend a sista's money and think it's cool? It's shameful. You oughta be ashamed, Sir! You should be ashamed of your damn self, that you spent my money before I could even move in. 

Sadly, there will now be #socialmedia silence except to #nameandshame that asshole. But I'm not speaking until I heal. And I find some love for my country because I've kinda lost all of it. Y'all are evil folks...fr fr.