Tuesday, September 29, 2015

To PH and beyond...



I have come to realize that inevitably, everything is for the best. 

Some decisions you make all you can do is pray that God's hand is in there somewhere and that even if there's a mistake somewhere in there, that our Heavenly Father will help you recover from it. I hope what's waiting for me over there is so much more, so much better, happier, nicer, so much more love, hope and peace, wonderful, warm people. 

I hope that it is so much more times 2 of my 12 months in this place. As I say goodbye to all that I've known and encountered in the last 12 months that I learn to not look back and look forward with Gods grace to lead me through the next 12 months. 

With hope and trust I ask this of thy Father, in Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Sunday, September 27, 2015

God is Love



Today I found myself advising a friend of mine to remember God's teaching about Love. I hardly do that. I hardly advise people on God's word. I hardly do that because I am not perfect not by a mile. I am a Christian but I have so many flaws. It's because of these flaws that I never see it in me to want to pull the log out of my neighbors eye because mine is so large. I fornicate like no man's business. I gossip. I occasionally stereotype as well. But I found myself telling my friend, I do believe this is not what God wants us to do, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't do that.

What did this friend do, you may ask to cause me to pull out God's good book?
When you ask for a favor, that's the exact time there's a recall of all your ills, certain ills you may have even forgotten.

"Oh, you're asking me for money? That's how the other day you did this or that..."
"Oh, you need me for this? That's how the other day you did this or that..."

Knowing how truly desperate you are and in need of help, they just gotta throw your sin right back in your face as their reason for rejecting your call for help...something about that just screams so many things but mostly, it just says...I don't believe this is what God's love means.

God's love asks us to love and help our neighbor regardless. It asks us to look beyond those ills and help if we can. It asks us to be loving kind neighbors, it asks to be forgiving. I am not even just some random neighbor...I'm your friend and the situation must have been dire for me to call out to you for help. Knowing that you still want to throw in my face that, Oh, due to my sins of the past, you are unable to look past them this one time to show me God's face in love.

Every time I think of it...I am just so overwhelmed and...I have nothing to say to this person(s).

So God is Love. Amen to the glory of God. A true friend exists and I thank God.

Friday, September 11, 2015

My Look Does Not Define Me...Part 2

Today as we delve deeper into my unconventional "lawyer" look, I want to discuss Aileen McColgan one of my Professional Role Models.





I read her Discrimination Law textbook for my masters degree - very easy to read, utterly engaging, extensively in-depth, hefty text. As I read it, I wondered, "What type of woman had this much time on her hands to do this much research, sit down and channel that into a very comprehensive, analytically balanced but gender persuasive textbook on Discrimination Law?" No doubt it was one course I latched onto because, it's Discrimination Law and you're a woman, a black woman, a black single woman. That title just elicits discrimination from every corner. I responded to the words of her text as if she was fighting the good fight for us discriminated subjects everywhere. 

At the end of the course, I looked her up and Google revealed how pretty she is. To me, she's actually quite stunning. You think textbook writer, you just don't see a stunningly beautiful woman like this, you imagine something else, something that fits into the stereotype of bookworms. She is not that stereotype. She's pretty and smart, further elucidating the fact that you can be pretty and smart. You can also be smart and not look the part. People expect smart people to look a certain way, reserved, conservative, sheltered, with absolutely no knowledge of fashion, because they've spent all of their time reading and writing books. That's creating a stereotype, a false image, a perception of what smart people are supposed to look like and once they don't, they get confused. Who says you can't be pretty and smart? Who says you can't be smart, pretty and edgy? As you read the law textbooks, you also flip through the fashion magazines to get a breather, a flair for what real life looks like beyond the textbooks just in case you might be expected to live in it.

For me, I always like the element of surprise. I may look this way, platinum braids and all, so if you underestimate what I'm about, then you're never gonna see me coming, and that way you're not prepared, thus opening me up to capitalize on your weakness.

The most disarming tool in a professional setting is to meet a woman who's not only pretty, gorgeous, stunningly beautiful but has got an intelligence factor that she can work as a manipulative tool. It works. It works every time. 

Tuesday, September 08, 2015

Marriage Material?





As a single person we have all these ideologies about marriage.

We think, it's mainly about love, true love, finding "the one", that one true soul mate and spending your life together. Laughing, making babies, traveling, fighting and making up, crying on each others' shoulders, talking about your day, having long dinners together. And we wait for that day, for that one person that will fit into this dreamy ideology. Some of us wait longer than others but we still wait, hope, pray and wish upon a star (or about a dozen of them), then pray some more, etc. Then one day you realize...

For the past few months I've been told stories that people don't necessarily marry their one true love. They meet them but then they don't marry them. They let them...get away. Then they spend a significant part of their lives wondering: What If. They don't marry this love of their life because inasmuch as they love this person so dearly, that person is just not "marriage material" and they can't see married life with that person. They can see being in love with that person just not marrying that person. I asked repeatedly, "What say ye is this 'marriage material' and why is it determining your love life?" Opinions differ from family background to job to temperament to not-being-a-good-wife-or-husband. I'm sure there are many more other reasons but...
 

Since I heard this revelation I've just been in a haze, toppled by the news. Walking around, I  look at married couples and think, "Wonder if he or she married this person out of love or just to fulfill the so called marriage material criteria?" 

 



Tell me (all 10 of you that read this!) What is marriage material? And why has it taken the place of true love?
 

Or you can choose not to tell me, if it'd make you more comfortable, I just wanted to share the haze I've been in ever since I heard this from quite a few people. I suppose my holding out for true love is a waste of my time...

I really should learn to be a realist and not an idealist.

Thursday, September 03, 2015

One Ticket to Lille, Please

When I worked a desk job (cubicle hell!), I used to get these travel weekly deal emails from Airtran on Tuesday morning. Never Monday, but Tuesday just when the week has started to kick your a$$, you would get these emails telling you, there's hope yet, you can escape all this, do you want to?  The emails would present cheap airfares to places nobody really wants to go. You know those places, in Middle America somewhere that are not known for their vacation qualities. No Disney, no beaches, no notable nightlife, no tourist activities, it's just plain ole America with a main street that runs for about half a block. However, tickets to these places would be dirt cheap. Sometimes even costing about a third of tickets to places everyone wants to go, like Chicago, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, San Francisco (that used to be about 4 times everyone's price), Seattle, and of course, New York City. My co-worker and I would remark that one day, just one day we would like to go to an airport and ask for the cheapest ticket out of Atlanta. It could be to one of these mildly interesting places, just as long as it's a ticket out of Atlanta. And buying that ticket, sight unseen, no plans made, just on a whim we would make the best out of the place. Be it Boise Idaho, or Kentucky somewhere, we would embrace every little bit of this place and make it an adventure. She used to say with a sparkle in her eye: At least it's not here so that's half of the fun. I still remember that.

I never got to do that in America.

Once my course was done in Amsterdam, I had about 5 days worth of vacation time to fill before I returned home to Nigeria. My stay at the host family home was done and they drove me to Den Haag Centraal train station for me to continue my stay elsewhere, as long as it was not in their home.

I got to the train station and felt overwhelmed. There were tickets available to everywhere within Europe. I'm sure there was a certain radius limit but still, they had choices to places I had never been to. You either had your ticket in hand or you purchased them on the spot. That's a lot of travel in one stations hands. I just saw a tremendous opportunity to go, anywhere in Europe and make it back in time to catch my flight back home. So why not?

After checking all the available ticket options to Paris, which seemed like the most attractive destination choice, I asked the sweet elderly, ever so patient female train station ticket clerk, "Since Paris is out, what's the first, cheapest ticket outta Den Haag?" She asked me, after assessing my age: "You just want to go...anywhere?" I nodded intently. Without a hint of judgment in her tone, she smiled and said, "Have you been to Lille? Lille is pretty nice." I respond, "No, I haven't been to Lille. Ok, I will go to Lille. 1 Adult ticket to Lille, please." I paused for a second and asked her how long the train ride was, she explained, estimated about 4 hours give or take. I asked her where exactly it is. She proceeded to pull out a map and plot point Lille on the map. North of France. I see. 4 hours to a part of France that I've never been to. On the bright side, I can spend 2 days in Lille and head to Paris and hopefully, train tickets to Paris from Lille won't be that damn expensive. I make a calculated quick judgment and she looked at me for confirmation.

This is the point where the single spontaneous spirit kicks in, and I wouldn't advise anyone who is not spontaneous or carefree (or of age) to ever do this. I had no hotel reservations in Lille. No relatives in Lille. No Francais vocabulary asides from junior secondary school which comprised of asking your name or saying my name. I had never even heard of Lille until about 5 minutes ago. But I wanted to get out of Den Haag because my time there, I felt, was done. When a sweet old lady says, "It's like Paris, not just quite expensive." You think, "Now, look at her...will she lie to you?" Then, I remembered that travel wish, buy a plane ticket out of Atlanta to anywhere and make the best of it. The travel deal emails would contain the Airtran slogan: Go. There's nothing stopping you. 

You only get one shot to be adventurous, and if there was ever one for me, this was it. I could do it or continue to live the rest of my life hoping for an opportunity to do it.

So I did.

The train ride with about 3 stops was hellacious because I had so much luggage, which I will talk about in another update about "How To Pack for Europe - so you don't break your neck hauling your excess baggage." The worst changeover occurred in Antwerpen where I had to get to the next platform 3 floors above me all within 20 minutes. It was the worst luggage hauling experience of the trip so far. But I made it. I got to Gare de Lille Flandres and sat down to map hotels around me. I found one -Hotel Campanile Lille - on my iPad and pointed to its address when I hailed the cab. I got to the hotel and hoped their prices were affordable. They were. The hotel wasn't even a dump. It was quite a charming piece of basic living in Lille with the friendliest most amusing staff I've ever encountered. Thus, began my 2 day stay in Lille.

Lille exceeded my expectations. Granted it was a bit cold but it reminded me of Napa. I don't know why. Like a small city with an affluent following. The only tough part occurred when I got lost, and inevitably harassed in French no less, by some tall lanky black youth. I was scared shitless. Asides from that little snafu and exercise of poor directional judgment on my part, Lille warmed up to me and made this spontaneous gal a fan. Glad I could take that one chance on a destination and just go...and it was so worth the trip.






Had dinner at this Hotel Casino's Restaurant - Wonderful Buffet



Don't know what cruising means but ok!






After I recovered from my harassment situation, I stopped at this restaurant - Le Napoleon - for a very late dinner with a lot of beer to quench my fear. It felt good to be in a safe place. I almost hugged the non-English speaking rugged bartender.

Wednesday, September 02, 2015

My Love, My All, My Man



And so it is...Keanu's Birthday.

Usually, as regular readers know, I come on this blog and do a glowing tribute to my love Keanu on the event of his birthday. This year I got to do it on 3 different media - Facebook, Instagram and My Blog.

This last one I let it wait because I get to be as personal as possible without filter. The others I had to filter before folks think I'm some crazy obsessed fan, which I am but you know, my fandom has levels. I think? Lol.

But I spent the day sexting Negro. We started off arguing about something and ended up arguing. The general question was: Why do you pay me back with love when all I've ever shown you is not...love? Why do I? In the end, I've asked this question a few times. Why do we love when most times the object of our affection is too bruised or torn to reciprocate? Why do we still show them love? I've had cause to answer that with the children's fairytale of Beauty and the Beast. The Beast was a loving handsome man inside and all that love that he received melted his tough exterior revealing the warmth he was concealing inside him. Now, that's a fairytale version. The realistic version is...what else do you do except love? Hate. I was not taught to hate. You essentially do not reward hate with hate. It doesn't work that way. Peace was eventually made by sexting which really was...kinda nice.

Nevertheless, back to Keanu. How does this relate to Keanu? Everything. I always think of him as a very peaceful man. I might be looking through obsessed fan glasses but he always seems so introverted and peaceful. I never hear him get upset, or do something that expresses rage. And when someone lives some part of their life in the public eye without throwing an unnecessary tantrum it's a lot to be commended. It's a lot to be admired too.

Happy birthday to My Love. For everything that you are, I hope I get to be. I will meet you some day and you will exceed all my expectations. Now...for now, we stay apart and seek our lives journeys till fate brings us together. Here's hoping it will be so kind. To the beginning to the middle to the empty moments in between, to my love as we await that precious moment when we shall meet at the end, all I can say is...Happy Birthday.
All my love...ANI