tongue tied over the loss of MJ

I've been tongue-tied over the loss of Michael Jackson. Much like the rest of the world.

It's been one of those events that has hit me emotionally much like Heath Ledger's death. And it happened in somewhat similar circumstances. One minute they were fine and next minute, their hearts just gave up and left this world. You gotta think maybe they don't want any part of this world, with its craziness, stupidity and selfishness. Maybe they just don't. Maybe they just came to play their part and their part is done, so it's time to leave. But then they leave you with this lump in your throat, this constant longing, this "gone too soon" trauma, and its always at the pinnacle of when it would have made all the difference. MJ was on his way to getting back in the game and showing the youngsters how it's done. For people like my 14 year old niece, she does not know who he is or how big he is, the tour would have changed all that. But now, we'll never know.

MJ represented the reason why a girl in Africa would want to move to America. You think, it's a great place, it's the home of such talented people as Michael Jackson. And everyone is just as nice and multi-talented like he is, and giving and loving and just generally sweet, and there's sweet music flowing everywhere. He represented all these attributes in the remotest parts of the world, I am telling you the remotest parts of Africa, where there are huts and no electricity, they've heard of Michael Jackson. I don't think any artist has permeated through the world the way that he has. And on a seemingly normal Thursday, he leaves. Without even waiting for the world to heal, or for the man in mirror to change his ways.

I've grown up believing that there is a reason for everything, for the good and the bad. And as I've gotten older, it has dwindled somewhat, to a belief that there's a reason for some things, not all. Some things just don't make sense. There are some things, some inevitably unfortunate circumstances that occur in your life, that just have no plausible reason whatsoever. Maybe it's God fucking with you, trying to make sure you're paying attention, or maybe it's the rolling of time, going from the point that is good and landing on the point that is bad. But there are just some inherently evil, unfortunate circumstances that don't seem to have any fathomable reason for their occurrence whatsoever. Hence, the phrase, "WTF?!!" And Michael dying, it just hits you in the gut, like, "Holy Shit, Man, What the fuck, why are we even talking about this, we should be talking about how rad his new concert is, not his death."

But it is. We continue with our lives. We feel blessed that we were a part of that era and we would always be touched by his music, his time, and his voice and all that was genuine and true for that time. Most of all, we hope that we would be touched in just the same way again.

Michael, some girl from Africa, who rarely loves, surprisingly loved you and it is sad, so sad but I have to believe that there is a reason underneath it all and I have to... continue. I know the Lord has better plans for you.

prior engagements

So...apparently, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson had some kind of prior engagement that they had to attend on the same fucking day. And I am told Heath Ledger had already RSVP'ed to that one.

It's so sad that the icons that you know and love just suddenly up and quit this life, like they're telling you, it's your turn now to make a difference. And then, you ask, "Me? I don't know shit about making a difference." But then, you turn to the other people who have been having a go at it, and they are just a mess, a big fucking mess. They don't even try to be iconic.

I'm not making any sense. I knew I wouldn't.

Last night I had a dream that my car got stolen and I saw them drive away with it, and the rest of the robbers watched me panic to call the cops and they just laughed. They didn't mind that I saw their faces, they just laughed to my face, like they were mocking me. I was so fucking happy when I woke up from that one.

And then today, a seemingly normal Thursday in June, the King of Pop dies, just like that. Disappeared just like my car did in that dream.

Oh, it hurts so much I cannot even put it into words.

it's unheard of

People are often envious when you return from a vacation. Co-workers, bosses especially, they start to think so we pay you enough for you to go spoil yourself by going to 2 cities. Superiors, the attorneys often think, this type of vacation is only meant for them. Them, the 100K upwards salary maker, not us, the peons who do all the work and make half as much as they do. It's just bogus hogwash that never fails to occur no matter where I work. This is my first multi-city vacation at this job so I thought they'd act different than the others.

As for me. It's always a crash from a high you thought would last forever. You think can I just hold this moment, this particular moment and let it repeat itself, over and over, can I? But nothing lasts forever. The good things are always ever so fleeting. After partying in Miami, not really partying but taking in a sliver of the nightlife (I didn't pack for clubbing, etc), I tried to go out last night and everything in Atlanta pales in comparison. Sometimes I think, am I the only one who seems irritated with this city. Or maybe my irritation with all things about me, my job, my city, my apartment always gets to a feverish pitch whenever I visit other places and see how others are living. If you can have a little bit more of whatever it is, better food at the mall, better sun, better museums, nicer people, why can't you? Why should I stay rooted to anything less?

I met 2 people in Miami. One I hoped to see again. Nothing fantastic, he's just a boy really, but maybe it was his positive naivety about life that made him so endearing, and I had to open my big mouth and say something and that was the end of that conversation. The other, well, that's a whole other story. Sometimes we build attractions for the wrong people. At least I do.

Sometimes, I think is it unheard of to move out of Atlanta, because everyone thinks of it as a place to move inwards. People leave all these wonderful culturally rich cities and come dwell in this significantly lacking city. Is it unheard of to move to New York city now, now with the economy, with the aftermath of 9/11 still in effect, is it unheard of?

slight update of Mummy's adventures

Slight update since I am still woozy from being awake for 24 hours straight. Miami party goers woohooo....they put the N in Night Owl and the P in Party.

Where do I begin?

First off, one thing I noticed in New York is that everyone's good looking. Not the greasy good looking like we have in Atlanta but the refined healthy handsome, pretty modern and trendy looks. Even if they're not expensively dressed, they at least look trendy, a chic hobo look that's very put together yet unintentional. And they are always either talking on the phone or plugged into their iPods. No eye contact at all. For the first time I didn't feel like I was the only outsider. Almost everyone has a tinge of the international in them. My accent just fit right in, nary a question of where my accent was from. Shame it's so expensive and the subway is filthy. I liked it almost as much as San Francisco. And Times Square day or night never gets old, no matter how many times you see it, it's still amazing. I could look at it everyday.

But Miami on the other hand. The people look good but it is a baked cheesy look. Everyone is either dripping with jewelry or silicon, or overly toned thighs and feel the need to show it off. It was a different look, of the trophy wife look. And everyone is international, a tourist or live-in, they still hardly ever speak English. Their fashion taste not so great, very flashy and gawdy but still expensive. They don't do understated there. Everyone's weaving in and out of the shops with their dogs, whatever size, from little chihuahuas to large drippy breeds. It's the kind of place that you plan ahead for, at least a year in advance, and then you go loose a whole bunch of weight, suck the fat out whatever, fix your silicon, and prepare to be treated like meat for the men who are out to prey. It's that intensely materialistic.

My birthday was so amazing, not a second to dwell on my age. It was flawless. I couldn't have designed it better. So filled with life, and wonderful stops along the way. I felt so blessed. I am glad I treated myself.

Miami...in summary

Stopped by the infamous Newscafe on my last night in Miami. I was already overspent but I thought what the hell, let's go out in a blaze of glory. 

So when it's all done I want it said that I had a blast and I am proud of it, and I came out head held high and proud of myself. It turned out wonderful. Their eggs benedict was just marvelous. Superb, even with cream cheese sauce that I normally hate, at midnight, I ate it all up. What a wicked way to serve it and interesting concept, let's serve breakfast 24 hours because literally the city never sleeps. I just wish I had had it sooner, all those days I had skipped out on breakfast and jumped straight to lunch. But no worries. I had a blast! It's the only reason to want to go back to that city, just to try that dish. 

Needless to say Miami was rough. The hotel was rough. The public transportation was rough and expensive just to go a distance of 2 miles, and worst of all dirty. Every single restaurant had gratuity percentage added to the total check. Service good or bad, there's that gratuity factored in. Some of them give you a chance to change it, but some especially those with dicey service, don't have that option. It made things a little expensive after New York had taken all my cash. But it was a spectacle to behold. Every block, every corner, there was a spectacle, a rich foreign kid, or a half baked trophy wife, or a bunch of girls out for trouble, or guys just wanting to get laid and they hit on everything that moves. 

Spectacle.

And so it is...another birthday

And so it is, another birthday, another great age. When does it all get better, when does time stop so you can catch up, so your dreams can meet them half-way? I didn't ask to be this old and unaccomplished, how do I stop the clock, will it let me make some changes, do I have time?

And so it is we meet another birthday with the same questions as the last.

When do they get answered?

too busy being me

So I've been a bad girl and forgotten to update, or felt too busy to update. It's not for lack of trying. Work crazy. Personal crazy...high expectations for my vacation which begins tomorrow, brought upon by my co-workers being excited for me. You know I never have high expectations for anything. But they were actually pretty convincing in getting me excited about it. From Monday when we all dragged into work. So now, I am off to turn 35 in 48 hours and hopefully, not try to dwell on the number but instead on how wonderful it is to just be. Alive, employed, living in the city, peaceful, just be. That makes up for at least 45% of our being, the other 55 % is brought upon by other things, worldly or otherwise and our general content in ourselves. In our just being. 

So if you don't get hear from me...you know why. I'm busy being with this world. Be me dot com.