I thought real hard over the weekend.

I thought seriously about my moving away plans, and my evasive career. I thought about other things which I don't really feel like writing about in here. I just hate to air my thoughts knowing people are either laughing or just hissing at how boring my life has continously been. I just thought, maybe I should bravely do some stuff, make some plans and write them down.

Work was annoying. I found out that my hours had shed seriously over the next month, forcing me to want to take on yet another parttime job. And my pay as minimal as it is, it's still shed further by Uncle Sam, can't they find someone richer than myself to bump tax dollars from? I just feel like everything i know and want to achieve or hope for myself is somehow being evilly thwarted by everything this place stands for. It's the worst feeling ever.

This morning my sister told me to think positively. Yeah, I do think positively it's my positive thinking that remains to be squashed, when they succeed in squashing that then what else is left.

I didn't mean for this to be one of those sad lamentation filled entries. I just meant for it to be one of those times when I can actually just scream out loud at the world. yes, I am tired of parttime jobs, I am tired of the lack of job security, I am tired of living with my family, I am tired of knowing that each year that goes by, I am nowhere near where I see myself, personally and financially. I am tired of knowing that even though I have taken steps to seeing that I get somewhere, some evil plan continues to thwart my dreams, to snuff the life out of me, to squash and suck the blood out of me. I am so tired of that.

I am sick and tired of it. How do people survive here, because this isn't life. I can't breathe life, since I am not living it. I am almost like a zombie. I am sick and tired of being in the mood I am in. I think some things should change. They should stop or I will stop them.

The 20th of december is an anniversary for me of some sort for me.

It would make it 3 years officially since I last had sex. I can remember with whom too. It was with my ex-boyfriend at the time. We were juggling between "should we continue dating or shouldn't we, it's good sex so why should we stop? Okay, his present girlfriend he had been with for longer than he had been with me was still dear to his heart, so I guess I got dumped but we continued to have sex. I guess on that day I just said, NO. I can't continue to do this to myself. You either have me full time or you don't. ( I guess the fact that he hadn't picked out a Xmas present for me, didn't help his chances either) So that was the last time I had sex with him or with anyone. I moved out here in February hoping to meet someone who would change all that. It's been 3 years.

The weird thing is, he moved down here too. And he wants me back so badly his dick gets hard everytime he calls me. He lives in New Jersey now so he calls every now and then hoping that I would come out and visit him so we can replay some of that tremendous sex we used to have. I used to take his calls for awhile and then I just stopped. I realized there was no point to it at all. I need sex but I am not going to go back to my vomit. Fresh and so clean and so new, whoever said that wasn't jiving.

So that's the story of my life. It would be nice to have a srew for Xmas, wouldn't it?

Gosh, can you believe it's been 3 years. I deserve some sort of award. Celibacy award.

I watched Austin Powers Goldmember the other night. IN the scene where Dr. Evil is judged by the World Court I was impressed that the judge in that scene is from Nigeria. Yes, the country where I am from. An attorney just like I am. I felt so proud and impressed with Michael Myers in recognizing the true intelligence of Lawyers from that country.

Unbeknownst to the American folk and their stupid myopic selves, it is the lawyers from that country like myself that become International judges in forums like the UN courts. But you see Mike is Canadian so he knows how to appreciate intelligence and superiority when he sees, the people here, stupider than possible. They actually ask if Nigerians speak English. No, we don't. If we didn't, how come we have some of our judges working in the UN? Things that make you go hmmm....

This is for Mike for recognizing the intelligence in my country. Hopefully, some day one of these people will recognize it and offer me a job as an attorney (legal assistant) instead of the dumb, uninspiring jobs they have besieged me with. Here's to MIKE MYERS!!!

I saw my crush today. I don't know why that is news to report. I saw him and his twin brohter in my store with 2 other women shopping and chilling at the mall. He looked different. He looks so much like his twin I couldn't tell who was who, and who was with which girl. But they both got blond streaks done to their hair and both of the girls they came with looked young, nothing fancy.

However, I know he saw me, he sat infront of my store and stared at me for a long time. The last time I called him and he did that dropping the phone on me gimmick was the week before Thanksgiving. One of those nights when I felt like calling someone I shouldn't have. I suddenly felt ashamed as I saw him. Ashamed that I had stalked him so stupidly like I had, like a teenager which I am so afriad I am not. It was like my alter ego confronting me, my childish, playful stupid alter ego. The least he could have done was say HI and and exchange pleasantries with me for ole' time sake. But he just took his new lady and walked on by.

You know what's weird, I had been looking forward to seeing him for quite a while. Whenever I pass someone with a spiky hair, oblong head or jawline like he has around me, I wonder, can this be he?

I have obsessions issues, I accept.

Yesterday marked a milestone in my selling abilities.

Usually, we are given a sales goal that is almost always next to impossible. No matter how much you sell you can never get anywhere near that sales mark, whoever comes up with the figures believes in magnanimous figures. However, somehow, yours truly with my somewhat impressionable customer service appeal surpassed that sales goal yesterday. I was supposed to sell $1358 and I sold an outstanding $1500 and change. I didn't realize how incredible those figures were until I got down to jotting it in my little notepad which I use to keep track of my sales. I beat them! Even if it is only this once. I beat them.

I hope it happens again. I hope a pay raise or just some open acknowledgement of my abilities happens. A pay raise, a promotion, an offer of a differnet job that implies some lateral move financially and otherwise, something good basically. Because I can see now that I am good at whatever I put my mind to if only these people would ever fucking give me a freaking chance. I just want something extra ordinary to happen.

Yes, there was an impossible sales goal and I beat it.

In other news, I realized I am paid the least. Even by my companies standards, for a job I seem to be good at, it's not fair. But I guess my luck does stink in other areas besides my lovelife.

I hope everyone I spent Xmas money on enjoys their presents. I didn't enjoy buying it, but that's a whole other story.

Okay, so the jobs I want don't seem to want to come my way. I want to feel the independence that comes with knowing that I can afford basically what I want and what I need to have. And knowing that I love my job (not that I don't right now) and that I love where it will take me to in the future.

However, I had a good day at work. I met the most interesting people somewhat. Everyone had a story to tell as to why they were buying the item on their list and as to who wanted it. It felt good meeting with them one on one on their requests and satisfying them. It gave me a good customer satisfaction feeling. I could write down the stories one after the other but they were all so many.

I am still working on their career thing hopefully by this week I can come up with a plan which I shall not divulge until I piece the facts myself. Before then, I shall take my getting screwed over and over as a lesson not to trust anybody especially those I think are my friends, and as a means to think hard, fast and intelligently about the path I want my life to follow.

A new and important partnership begins its domination of your psyche on
December 4th, this Wednesday. Look for something stable to hold onto as
you are about to become enraptured under the spell of an irresistible
individual.

Your luck this week*
Love: A
Money: C
Work: B

Signs to Seek: Aquarius, Scorpio
Signs to Avoid: Leo

*Your weekly luck is based on a scale of A to F, with A being the best
luck and F being the worst.


This doesn't sound right, but I shall put it in anyway. I have more news, if you hold on I shall tell you what it is.