Houston and back...

Been sort of distracted at work all day since I got back from a mini-break.

Went to Houston for a few days to visit with the family. Yes, they did eventually move to Houston. It's always a calming type of fun whenever I visit with my family, the kids with their craziness, youthful enthusiasm and my mum with her motherly advice. It's a tranquil type of fun. Playing with my nephew, listening to him talk about school and learning about pumpkins and ladybugs all day, and my nieces trying to plan their Halloween fun with so much exuberance, like it's some big event. It's just interesting to say the least. You get to see the childlike perpective on life, makes everything else seem so trivial.

Everything was perfect until my sister got a speeding ticket getting me to the airport to catch my flight, which ended up being cancelled by some divine intervention (thank God). But either way, wish we had known that before we started speeding to the airport which was a god-awful 46 miles away.

Houston is one of the few cities I actually prefer Atlanta to. If I were to rank all the US cities I've been to, there'd be Houston and St. Louis (which was not really a vacation spot just a training ground) and they'd be right at the bottom. I just don't get what is enthralling about a city that has no culture, people look sad and moppy, and the urban sprawl has spread much farther than it needs to, encroaching almost all of the city. At this time, it's not even an option for me. Not unless love happens and you all know how hard that can be.

Still had a chance to visit the wig store and mess around with wigs. Fun times...

to the female sex fiend

A lot of women, maybe just in Atlanta but I doubt it, but a lot of middle-aged women are in deeply purely sexual relationships. It's like a meeting of their needs and their reluctance to want to sit by and wait for the monogamous (non-asshole) man - you all know how they don't exist anymore, so they go into this deeply sexual relationships indulging the asshole male with an abundance of sex. I say this with detest even after I just saw episodes of Sex and the City and realize it may be normal. Something in me just feels it is wrong, not being judgmental, because I know how those urges can be, but the overtly sexual aspect of it, just irks me.

The guy that sent me the flowers oh so many weeks ago, called me repeatedly for the last couple of weeks. While I was ill, I didn't really feel like talking to anyone. But he still kept on calling. That's the double standard with men. They can call you repeatedly and eventually nag you into going on a date with them, or having a cup of coffee with them, you instantly feel sorry for them and want to indulge them. But if this were a woman calling a man repeatedly, he would never pick up, indulge you or condone any offer from your mouth. Isn't that something?

Anyway, I finally picked up the phone while I was at the airport waiting for my delayed flight - airports are so boring, you would do anything to pass the time. So he offered to come pick me up in Atlanta upon my arrival. And surprisingly, he was there on time waiting in the lobby. He picked up my bags and we walked hand in hand out of the airport, see how nice I am. He offered to buy me dinner and things were going great until...

He is currently in a purely sexual only relationship with a woman who is my age and who according to him likes him greatly and hopes that he would like her just as much, but for now he only wants it to be about the sex. Normal conversation, right, not really. If he had stopped there it wouldn't have been bad but the rest of the evening was spent looking through his list of sordid texts from women sending him raunchy texts with close up shots of their genitals. And he wondered, for some strange reason why I was put off by the whole thing. Most of these women, according to him, are career women in their 30's who are just looking for a good time, trying to satusfy that urge so desperate, they send him raunchy XXX rated texts with video captures of their vulvas. It was a sight for my sore eyes. I just felt like I couldn't undo what I just saw. And the reality of it all just even made it worse. It was not a movie, it was a snapshot of my life, a day in my life.

I just think how sad that it has to come to that. How sad that the strong female in her 30's has to resort to that? Why won't men be assholes, they can be assholes and still get what they want. I feel sad for being a woman in this time. To the female sex fiend, you don't have to do this...you don't...there should be another way...

Asshole is the new black

Throughout this year, I've been besieged with assholes. Men acting like men but disguised as assholes. You always have to purposefully stop them from being assholes and ask them to be gentlemen. If I have to ask you to be a gentleman then you do not deserve the title at all. No one asks me to be a lady, I just am and I strive to be. You should strive to be the James Bond-esque perfect gentleman to women. It's a simple task.

I don't know how I attract these asshole type. Maybe they were normal before they met me, or maybe they were the assholes that they were before me but nobody ever called them out on it. But here I come and they all decide to assholes, like asshole is the new black. And me, not one to condone that rubbish, I just have to call them out on it.

Needless to say, I had to caution another colossal asshole disguised as a gentleman type today. Someone should have warned me that I would deal with a whole new species of men in America, the beyond male, behold "the asshole male."

psychosuper sexy

I think there's something wrong with me. I don't know if it's psychological or physiological. Or maybe those mean the same. But I am personally diagnosing myself that there must be some kind of psychological imbalance in my system. Anyone who's an avid reader of this journal, must be wondering, "You don't say, Anita!"

I have these mood swings, slight obsessive disorder especially when I want something. One moment I want something and nothing but it and the next moment, I don't, not at all especially if it's been made readily available to me. I just instantly loose interest. But the second it's no longer available to me, or it gets taken away from me, then I want it. Then, the obsession starts all over again. It could be the littlest things or a big thing, such as a job in a certain company, or with a certain title, or a car, or even a person.

Maybe it's the measure of a great mind that I have some kind of psychological imbalance. Or maybe it's just me being a true Gemini with an irrational mind, who knows. It's been topsy-turvy in my world, mentally and emotionally.

One.org

Had the honor of attending another charity soiree with free drinks, free food and live music. This one was organized by my friends over at One.org and Care International. It was more of a Charity event to make a stance against global poverty. We had very important people there, consul generals, the Mayor of Atlanta, all the rich affluent people you care to think of.

Let me preface this by saying, when I attend these type of events, not often, it's only been 2 so far, and they just happened to occur back to back, but I don't really expect to meet anyone there. There are no available blokes ready and waiting to pass out their numbers, they often happen to attend the event with a lady friend, or they don't come at all. It's not really our thing, I suppose. I just go there to promote the good cause, if it's to promote the fight against global poverty or to hob nob with the Atlanta society. It is sort of my thing. Plus, free food and drinks and live entertainment helps too.

So back to Friday. We had speeches, first about how poverty and health are tied together, how we should all join hands and put a stop to global poverty, and how our government can help and we should write and ask them to. It was not as moving as I would have thought, if you want to stir people into giving away their money to a cause such as poverty, their needed to be a lot more in terms of impact, visuals and personal accounts. Or maybe we were all too distracted by the spread of food to care.

Then, there were performances from the Lost Boys of Sudan, the Burundi drummers and they saved the best for last, The Maxx. They were awesome. Imagine one of those cover bands who plays current music, but with so much energy to rev you off your seat and keep you dancing, much like a wedding band. We even got to do the electric slide. Everyone just danced without a care in the world, you don't care if you look stupid doing the dances, or too drunk, but you still dance. And let me tell you, white people can cut a rug when it comes to dancing. Don't let them fool you.

I enjoyed myself immensely. It was held at the Max Murer musuem so I also got to look at some art while sipping on a glass of red wine as well. It was one of those nights where God came through for me. Going into Friday, I had no plans, but I knew I didn't want to stay home with my mum and aunt. And then, at 11am, the invite came in and I quickly jumped to it. A couple of other club party events showed up later but this was for a good cause, global poverty means a lot to me. A lot. So I had to be there.

Charity Party

Had the honor of attending another charity soiree with free drinks, free food and live music. This one was organized by my friends over at One.org and Care International. It was more of a Charity event to make a stance against global poverty. We had very important people there, consul generals, the Mayor of Atlanta, all the rich affluent people you care to think of. 

Let me preface this by saying, when I attend these type of events, not often, it's only been 2 so far, and they just happened to occur back to back, but I don't really expect to meet anyone there. There are no available blokes ready and waiting to pass out their numbers, they often happen to attend the event with a lady friend, or they don't come at all. It's not really our thing, I suppose. I just go there to promote the good cause, if it's to promote the fight against global poverty or to hob nob with the Atlanta society. It is sort of my thing. Plus, free food and drinks and live entertainment helps too.

So back to Friday. We had speeches, first about how poverty and health are tied together, how we should all join hands and put a stop to global poverty, and how our government can help and we should write and ask them to. It was not as moving as I would have thought, if you want to stir people into giving away their money to a cause such as poverty, their needed to be a lot more in terms of impact, visuals and personal accounts. Or maybe we were all too distracted by the spread of food to care. 

Then, there were performances from the Lost Boys of Sudan, the Burundi drummers and they saved the best for last, The Maxx. They were awesome. Imagine one of those cover bands who plays current music, but with so much energy to rev you off your seat and keep you dancing, much like a wedding band. We even got to do the electric slide. Everyone just danced without a care in the world, you don't care if you look stupid doing the dances, or too drunk, but you still dance. And let me tell you, white people can cut a rug when it comes to dancing. Don't let them fool you. 

I enjoyed myself immensely. It was held at the Max Murer musuem so I also got to look at some art while sipping on a glass of red wine as well. It was one of those night where God came though for me, going into Friday, I had no plans, but I knew I didn't want to stay home with my mum and aunt. And then, at 11am, the invite came in and I quickly jumped to it. A couple of other club party events showed up later but this was for a good cause, global poverty means a lot to me. A lot. So I had to be there.  

Miss Independent

I want to thank Ne-yo for penning that beautiful song, Miss Independent. Every time I listen to it, it makes me smile. It's no different than the Independent woman song by Destiny's Child, except this time it was sung by a man with so much respect in his voice.


That being said, my bills are not always paid on time. Sometimes I forget, like I did last month on one of my bills, or sometimes I just miscalculate and then, whoops, I get overdrawn. But it's all good. One of the best things about being single is the sense of accomplishment you obtain from surviving by yourself, being responsible for yourself, making ends meet by yourself. It makes me feel proud of myself, that no matter how many ways I am a screw up, I have been able to take care of one thing...me, so far.


Notwithstanding, my love for the Independent, I tried to think of other ways in which I would need a man, asides from the usual sex and companionship jargon, are there other ways a man can complete my life?

So I made a list in my head, hopefully it plays out now.

1) I want someone to help me change those hard to reach light bulbs; to find the actual bulbs at Home Depot and then change them.

2) I want someone to paint the scruff marks on my wall; to act like the handyman in my life.

3) I want someone who will want me every now and then, not just for sex, but want you, want to be with you ALL THE TIME (this is one of my must-haves). Sometimes it feels good to be wanted in that way.

4) I want someone to hold me; sometimes you hurt, you're confused, you feel like crying, screaming, and your head swells up with immense anger, and you just want to hold someone.

5) I want someone to drive me to Houston, Miami, Helen. All the places I would love to drive to, take those road trips to and take those road trips that I know I cannot take by myself, and we've already established that women are useless in that department (their reluctance to vacation without a man).

6) I want someone to hold my hand when I finally decide to get the tattoo on my thighs.

7) I want someone to occasionally go clubbing with, to go listen to poetry with in those areas of town that women should not be going to alone.

8) I want someone to tell me I look good, every once in awhile, it gives you tingles when you get your hair done, dress up, or maybe, you look like shit and that man just says, "You look good!" True story.

9) I want someone to listen to me whine, about my day, my life, my issues, some of which I have spoken about on here, just that someone you can talk to and just by talking it makes everything A-okay.

That's it...for now.

I think there's a part of God that wants to answer my prayers.

I also think there's a part of me that can appeal to that prayer answering part of God.

I just think that part of me and that part of God have not quite communicated.

Maybe He is keeping me in this holding pattern for a reason. I did something wrong and this is my penance. Or maybe He thinks I need to get some things out of my system, such as my inability to live with someone, inability to be dependent on someone, to want to explore even if it means by myself, to be indecisive about my feelings and to not follow through. It could be a multitude of my ills. Maybe all those things need to be worked out before I get out of this holding pattern. I do not know. I just know that I feel like I am ready. I am tired of the same and I am eager for a change.

So the humble self-serving part of me is appealing to the wish granting, miracle granting part of God. And as I appeal I say I am sorry, ever so deeply sorry and I shall be immensely grateful if you remember me.

Say something nice day

This is the 3rd annual Say Something Nice Day. I declared this day, "Say Something Nice Day" about 3 years ago. A day where you get to say something nice, in random if possible, to someone. That way, you make their day. Wouldn't it be nice if we just randomly received nice remarks from people. I thought so.

That being said, I sent an email to someone, simply stating how much I miss having coffee with them. Needless to say I didn't receive a response. But I wasn't expecting any. Maybe I should have. But that has not deterred me from the goal of today - sharing a nice word with a person here or there. People need to get over their guards and let other people in. I think we all want love and appreciation, we are just too guarded to let it in.

This weekend was a sharp contrast to last weekend.

Friday night was awesome, as narrated below.

Saturday night was also nicely done. I went to the comedy club with a couple of friends. Didn't expect much, just thought I'd hear some lame jokes and snicker every now and then. No biggie, beats staying at home to watch repeats of SNL. But the jokes were pretty good and I laughed ever so often too. From there we hit the club next door. The night turned out great. We met up with a bunch of guys who were there on a guys night out and sort of paired off and danced into the wee hours of the morning. No pressure, no excessive spending, just bunch of gals having fun, shaking off the weekend. At 1 am we all left the club and called it a night.

Blackout is Launched!

Friday night.

I went to this launch event hosted by Atlantan magazine and Blackout Productions, called Blackout Event. It was a strict RSVP only event and fortunately mine got accepted. I had a totally awesome time. Very swanky, professional, top notch exquisite event. Asides from the fact that it was free with an open bar, live music (folksy two man band) with nice finger food, it was also an event for the well-dressed, seemingly devoid of stupidity crowd, devoid of that element of chaos that seems to besiege Atlanta events. How you ask?

The RSVP acceptance arrived promptly, and even asked me to bring a guest! It also briefly advised of what to expect from the event. And this was an accurate portrayal. Getting dressed I wasn't too sure if it'd be a jeans affair or an all out "party". Jeans because Atlanta is not known for their fashionistic flair like perhaps, New York. But me, always one to dress up, I went with the party dress. As I drove towards the venue they had strategically placed signs that alerted you to the exact venue, lest you miss your way in the not-so-sign friendly Atlanta roads. Pulling up to the venue, the big surprise, they had complimentary valets! That was a nice touch.

As we arrived, they checked off our names on the guest list, and a professional photographer, took everybody's picture. Not pictures of some guests while neglecting others. Of everyone. I know only the elite few would be posted online or on their magazine pages, but it felt good to feel important and welcome enough to have our pictures taken.

Then, the food - finger food, lots of cookies, a big chocolate cake, shrimp. Drinks were readily made without a question asked or an ID obtained. The waiters just poured the drinks according to your request. They also came round and picked up stray plates and refreshed the hors d'oeuvres bar. There was also a salad bar lined with two chefs who made the salads to your taste and served it enthusiastically like it was some kind of scrumptious meal. They had a banging DJ interchanged with some live music. Upstairs on the roof, they had yet another bar that was ready to serve you with drinks no questions asked.

Then, the crowd. Quite an interesting mix. Young, yuppie, pleasing to the eye, moderately sociable. I couldn't complain about anything. Nothing fell short that night. I only wish we had more events like that in Atlanta, but considering what the economy is like, and the fact that this was free, I am just glad that I got to go. One of the few times I was one of the first to arrive and one of the last few to leave. And I actually have nothing to complain about.

I capped off the evening by taking pictures with these female model statuettes with figures that words cannot adequately describe - invisible waist meets with Beyonce hips and slender thighs, laced in black paint.

Needless to say I went home with a smile on my face.

Blackout event

Friday night.

I went to this launch event hosted by Atlantan magazine and Blackout Productions, called Blackout Event. It was a strict RSVP only event and fortunately mine got accepted. I had a totally awesome time. Very swanky, professional, top notch exquisite event. Asides from the fact that it was free with an open bar, live music (folksy two man band) with nice finger food, it was also an event for the well-dressed, seemingly devoid of stupidity crowd, devoid of that element of chaos that seems to besiege Atlanta events. How you ask?

The RSVP acceptance arrived promptly, and even asked me to bring a guest! It also briefly advised of what to expect from the event. And this was an accurate portrayal. Getting dressed I wasn't too sure if it'd be a jeans affair or an all out "party". Jeans because Atlanta is not known for their fashionistic flair like perhaps, New York. But me, always one to dress up, I went with the party dress. As I drove towards the venue they had strategically placed signs that alerted you to the exact venue, lest you miss your way in the not-so-sign friendly Atlanta roads. Pulling up to the venue, the big surprise, they had complimentary valets! That was a nice touch.

As we arrived, they checked off our names on the guest list, and a professional photographer, took everybody's picture. Not pictures of some guests while neglecting others. Of everyone. I know only the elite few would be posted online or on their magazine pages, but it felt good to feel important and welcome enough to have our pictures taken.

Then, the food - finger food, lots of cookies, a big chocolate cake, shrimp. Drinks were readily made without a question asked or an ID obtained. The waiters just poured the drinks according to your request. They also came round and picked up stray plates and refreshed the hors d'oeuvres bar. There was also a salad bar lined with two chefs who made the salads to your taste and served it enthusiastically like it was some kind of scrumptious meal. They had a banging DJ interchanged with some live music. Upstairs on the roof, they had yet another bar that was ready to serve you with drinks no questions asked.

Then, the crowd. It was an interesting mix. Young, yuppie, pleasing to the eye, moderately sociable. I couldn't complain about anything. Nothing fell short that night. I only wish we had more events like that in Atlanta, but considering what the economy is like, and the fact that this was free, I am just glad that I got to go. One of the few times I was one of the first to arrive and one of the last few to leave. And I actually have nothing to complain about.

I capped off the evening by taking pictures with these female model statuettes with figures that words cannot adequately describe - invisible waist meets with Beyonce hips and slender thighs, laced in black paint.

Needless to say I went home with a smile on my face.

Quotes of an eternal crest

 

"I'm with a man who's evolved enough to look at my body and see it as more beautiful, because of the journey it has taken and what it has created," she says. "He genuinely sees it that way. So I genuinely feel even sexier." Jolie says she has "a lot of respect" for Pitt, who helps her "to be better and fight hard for the things that I love." "I do think that I'm in a good partnership now," she says. "I think it just needed to be the right man."

Angelina in People Magazine.

...True words that one can only hope for.

Goodbyes are never easy, I know

Broke up with someone else yesterday.

This time it was my girlfriend from Friday night. I've known her probably 5 months and she's been a lot of pain. She's one of those girls who relies on men to pay for everything, buy her drinks when we go out, pay for her parking, pay for her dinner, etc. In other words, she hustles men, pure and simple. I detest that type of attitude. I am too much of a feminist to let that happen. Cut a long story short I had to share my thoughts on her hustling and trifling with her via email and she didn't take it very well, so we said our goodbyes. If Atlanta was not so small I wouldn't fear bumping into her in the same social circles, but it is, and it's a shame because I hate awkward runins.

So far this year within the past 6 months alone, I have broken up with quite a lot of people. Some (actually one) I miss more than others. There was:

1. SC guy, very adorable and wealthy young man but I had to ask him to act like a gentleman;
2. Cheap guy, who, thankfully, broke my 4 year itch, but was a terrible cheapskate that had a thing for tiny women and his soon-to-be married ex;
3. Crazy stalker guy, who texted me and called me incessantly;
4. Facebook, which turned out to be a bad idea on all levels;
5. Yelp-ers, who turned out to be a clique and not a fun website as I thought;
6. The infamous "attorney" guy, who I miss the most out of all the breakups, and I am now settling into the fact that I may never see or hear from him again; and
7. Finally, my girlfriend, who turned out to be a trifling, cheapskate.

I am not saying I don't have my faults. I am:

• negative - whatever that means
• a cynic - this one I agree with, and
• I am pessimistic, because, really how many times do I announce good news on here.

But these relationships just sort of turned out that way, sour. Maybe there were things I could have done differently that would have saved them, one being not let people that know me in real life know about this blog, being nicer to "attorney" guy while I knew him and not nagged so much, or not bother letting my girlfriend know that I despised her cheapskate attitude, or not given out my number to strange men I meet on the road causing them to think I am interested. Or maybe it was just in the cards and these people were just not feeling life the way I do, and our planetary alignments were just off. Who knows with these things? The people that really care about you and make an impact in your life, stick around, negative, cynical, bitchy, crazy as you may be. They stick around and just plow through it bringing into your relationship their own faults and you form an amazing unity. I still have friends who are aware of these issues but still want to be my friend, I still have exes who still want to occasionally ask how I am doing. That's just the way life is, we are all disjointed parts that try to compliment each other. It's always sad when we break up but in the end, that initial hurt is awful, but we get over it and look forward to another relationship I suppose.

But it just seems like a lot of goodbyes for one summer.

It was a thoroughly stupid weekend.

Friday, my girlfriend asked that we go out for drinks. And I stupidly agreed even after I had promised myself that I would not go out on the town for awhile. So we did. She arrived there an hour later, latched on to this guy that was seated at the bar who seemed to pay me no mind for the hour I had sat there with him, but was instantly gushing over my friend. He bought her drinks, started reciting his love of movies, just sheer gushing, etc. My girlfriend didn't even have time for me. I had sat there for an hour waiting on her and she had more words for the gushing guy than she did for me. So I left and went to another equally useless place. More on this later.

Went to the museum on Saturday. It was lovely, would have been better if this was not the last day of the civil rights exhibit and every black person in Atlanta plus her curious white friend hadn't decided to come out to see the exhibit. Can I say crowded and noisy? When you look at an intense photograph, you want to be absorbed in it for a few seconds, imagine what was going on moments before the camera went off, the seconds before and after the shot, and then you start to live in those moments, to see it through the photographer's eye for a few more seconds before you move on to the next picture. With the crowd, some standing directly in front of the picture, having nonsensical discussions, it's damn near impossible to even see the photograph much less concentrate. It takes away the joy of photography, as a matter of fact, of any art form.

Went to Tap and had the most amazing eggs benedict meal I've had in my life. Amazing, fingerlicking, hangover begone meal. Superb! With two beers, the afternoon breeze and midtown view, nothing could be better at that moment.

Sunday, woke up early, rode my bike around the block and felt a-okay. Stopped by Starbucks and had a latte while reading the Sunday NY Times, which I really should subscribe to now, my love for it is getting ridiculous. Thoroughly relaxing morning closed the seemingly stupid weekend.

The last 2 paragraphs made up for it.

Civil Rights Intervention

So sick and tired of being sick and tired...that says so much it tells God so much, expresses so much.

Went to the museum to see the civil rights exhibit captured in black and white photos. It was awe-inspiring. The ability to live and die so others can live freely in this society, is a life worth living. I'm still stunned by it all.

October Happenstances

Thursday, last week, I received a bouquet of roses from this guy. You can tell he is not in my Top 5 as I refer to him as "this guy". He has known me once, been out with me one time and already he thinks I am his wife. He never asks me anything about myself. Never wants me to talk about myself, doesn't even know what I do for a living and advises that I should read a book "every once in awhile". How Ironic! Men are so one-sided these days and the process of elimination (if I may be so bold since I don't have that many lined up) is to find the one guy who wants to listen, doesn't make it so easy and wants to know about me...then we can work our way through some kind of attraction. But I thought it was sweet that he sent me flowers. I have never received flowers from any man in my life. I don't necessarily like flowers - they die within a week at the most and just sit there affecting every thing around them - and maybe that's why I never get sent them. This was a nice surprise.

I saw my baby Shia LaBeouf in Eagle Eye. My mid-week outing involved seeing Shia in a movie and I must say he is rather interesting to watch. You can almost tell certain things about him, even though I know the story is fiction, but the mannerisms of his characters are often similar makes you wonder if it is true to type. This is what I've deduced. He has a kind heart, very sweet, fun and mischievous demeanor but he has a very bad temper, almost fiery but an emotional fierceness. This is just a wild guess. Wouldn't it be fun to date someone like that? Just saying...

I get these NY Times emails -- UrbanEye Weekend which is the best of New York today and NY times real estate. They are just momentary gasps of escapism. They let you into those expansive antiquated lofts in New York that go for ridiculous amounts of money, but are always termed "reasonably priced" and seem reasonable enough considering how exceptionally dainty they are. They boast enthralling views of the city on the rooftops where you can glance the city, sip on your latte and read the Arts section. UrbanEye gives you a snapshot of all the culture that's happening that weekend. The latest and best plays to attend, who's in it, what contraption is on display and at what corner, what exhibit is worth your time, what fashion show is embracing European modernism and what are its other influences. It's just bourgeoisie hogwash but I relish in it. Every Friday morning I read this and sip my coffee in my stodgy office cube and wonder, if I can be in any time, I would like to be in that one. Just for a little while.

It's been 3 days

It's been 3 days and I have had nothing to say.

This is quite unlike the chatty Anita who talked up a storm the last two months. It was a busy summer. And as September wore on and became hugely disappointing, my momentum and enthusiasm for all things life embracing sort of, wore off.

And so it is the 3rd day of October.

I can't even make it through this post with something substantial to say...