I think there's a part of God that wants to answer my prayers.

I also think there's a part of me that can appeal to that prayer answering part of God.

I just think that part of me and that part of God have not quite communicated.

Maybe He is keeping me in this holding pattern for a reason. I did something wrong and this is my penance. Or maybe He thinks I need to get some things out of my system, such as my inability to live with someone, inability to be dependent on someone, to want to explore even if it means by myself, to be indecisive about my feelings and to not follow through. It could be a multitude of my ills. Maybe all those things need to be worked out before I get out of this holding pattern. I do not know. I just know that I feel like I am ready. I am tired of the same and I am eager for a change.

So the humble self-serving part of me is appealing to the wish granting, miracle granting part of God. And as I appeal I say I am sorry, ever so deeply sorry and I shall be immensely grateful if you remember me.