Consumed

For the past few weeks I have been consumed by some kind of thoughts and of course frustrations.

I think there comes a time in a single woman's life when she says and somehow accepts that maybe she may never find true love, maybe the saying that there is someone for everyone did not really apply to her, that she may never really have that one person that thinks the world of her and her of him and that her dreams as stupid as they are, may never really come true.
I have always had this thought lurking in my brain somewhat, but I am often afraid to speak it out, even now as I say it, I am trying to make it seem like I am not condemning myself, which truly I am not. I have just been as I said consumed with several things.

The search for a new job. Another job that will dissatisfy me in a few months.
The search for some kind of social life. Last weekend I toured all the listed hangouts and clubs in my area and I couldn't quite find myself visiting any of them to hang out by myself.
The search for an enriching hobby that I will not tire of within a few weeks.
The search for some meaning to this career thing.
The search for resurrection from mediocrity.

I really have hit so many roadblocks in all these things that I had to dedicate one day, just one day out of my life, which was Thursday into not thinking about any of these things. Quite frankly, that was one headache free day I can tell you that.

I am just consumed. I don't want to do this pity party called life by myself two or maybe three years from now. I wish I do not have to, but, there doesn't seem to be a flicker of light at the end of the tunnel. My solace has become alcohol, TV and food, and what good company they've turned out to be.

I just need to not be so consumed and burdened with taking care of my life, by myself.