Just got back from Alicia Keys

I just got back from the Alicia Keys concert. In some way this felt like the continuation of a story. A story of female empowerment, enlightenment, independence, strength and willpower. Seeing 2 strong independent women perform back to back just reassured me of who I am and what I need to be. I had lost my way momentarily and just succumbed to this needy woman. That is not me. And anybody who bumps into this journal will think, what a needy "middle-aged" woman. That is not me.

That being said, who did I bump into at the entrance of Phillips Arena - the guy from weeks ago, that would never return my calls, that I exchanged flirty texts with, one of which I confessed that I have a crush on him. Yep, that muthafucker! He hugged me and smiled and acted like we were old friends. Said something like, I was at your part of town last night, and I would have called you to meet up except I was with someone. I just thought to myself, WTF! He didn't just say that to me, that mutherfucker, that muthafucking explains so much. He asked me if I was by myself, and I said of course, in my mind wondering when guys like you don't return my calls what choice do I have. I just felt like such a fool. Like the biggest female loser on the planet, like the oldest female loser on the planet. Why are men such assholes, seriously? Things like this make me wish I was gay. Wish I could go all Cynthia Nixon, and just keep shop with another woman, adopt some kids and just call it a day. If God knew that men would turn out to be assholes, then why did he make us have to deal with them, make us straight, make us attracted to them and their stupidity. I just kept thinking about this throughout the concert - I am such a fool. How did I turn out to be this fool? I thought I had this all figured out. But I won't be a fool no more. You only get hurt once.

I will talk about my concert and my memorial day weekend, it's just been this back to back frenzy of foolishness, bursts of happiness and revelations, etc that I haven't had time to write about them. But I will. Now, I am going to hide in the fool's corner.