I think there's this unknown rule with men that when they meet you, even though they are interested, they will not make the first move. And even when all the moves have been made, they will not ask you for your number, instead they will give you theirs, and ask you to call them. That is not right.
Women should not do that to themselves. I don't think that's the way God intended with Adam and Eve and I don't think it is right, no matter how feminist I am. I had this conversation with a nice looking man yesterday. So good looking but so conceited and dense. He said that women prefer to take the guys' number and to call him if they are interested. I just thought that was so cocky and I had to tell him: I am sorry if you don't want my number I do not want yours, and I don't think women should do that. He said, well nice to meet you and I felt like the biggest fool on the planet. I have a host of numbers and I never call them and they never call me. Is that the unspoken rule that I should ferociously dial the numbers that I have and have to reintroduce myself on the phone and have you screen the calls, and make me feel even more stupid, I thought it was the other way around?
I am just mad.
I have been mad for the past week. It's been especially boring, and especially dry in the man department, ever since I said goodbye to that guy, my male radar has just fizzled. I always have this fizzling out effect right before my birthday, like God doesn't want me to spend my birthday with someone. So let's get rid of all the men in her life so she gets to spend it alone. I am just so fucking bored and it's annoying.
I go out to all these things, to restaurants, lounges, jazz clubs, salsa clubs, name it and I spend a ridiculous amount of money and nothing transpires. I stand or sit there feeling so old, feeling so foolish, feeling like the oldest woman in there, like I am too old for this. If we took an age census I would fall in the high age range. I am seriously too old to be getting dolled up and going to places by myself, waiting and hoping for some man to ask me out. There should be an age limit to these things and I think I surpassed it. I surpassed it when I turned 33, and I shouldn't still be attending these things at almost 34. When I was younger, about 28 I used to go to bars and watch the middle aged women flirt and laugh and think how pathetic they looked, I used to say to myself, I hope I don't still have to resort to this when I am this age, but sadly I am. God made sure of that. I am just so upset and mad, and disappointed. I haven't slept since I got back at 1am, I have just been tossing and turning and thinking, what did I do to deserve this?
That's all I can say for now without crying.
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