On Friday I was supposed to go meditate in church . Instead, I chose to go to happy hour. I inevitably still had fun but I couldn't help but feel as if I was missing out on what was supposed to be quiet solace and a chance to once again commiserate with God about my life.That's the kind of person I am. I wonder, am I torn between being a good person and a bad?
On Sunday I was tempted to have sex with someone who is in a committed relationship (not marriage!). We got to 2nd base when I was suddenly hit with a bout of conscience, that made me stop. Then, I had to apologize profusely for leading said person on. Once again, I was torn between good and bad.
In the past few months, it's been back to me time.
Late October, early November, I decided to take a very short but very explesive vacation to Austin to try and forget about things, especially 2012. Say goodbye to love lost Anita and try to forget about things, people, and come back to Atlanta and be me. I promised not to look back at that Anita and to face future Anita. Past Anita died as I got on that flight. Did it work? Somewhat. Every time I try to look back I find myself saying, "Remember how much the recovery vacation cost? It would be a waste of money if you came back and dwelled on the same issues."
In the past few months, I also haven't changed much. I still discuss details of my personal life with unwilling parties. People who spend their time judging you like they haven't made any mistakes in their life. They relish in their judgment and I feed them with the opportunity to relish in it at my psyche's expense. I just need to think out my life more and live it for me. Be my own fan.
Of course, this wouldn't be a post on my blog without it involving me, thinking about me, contemplating something about me as I am faced with a fork in the road.
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