Deflated

I feel so deflated today.

Whenever a relationship ends it's often sad. For me at least. And more so because I betrayed myself. I made certain affirmations to myself, I even wrote them down so I wouldn't forget. So I'd be reminded of them. But the flesh is so weak. Mine even weaker and my spririt didn't fight through hard enough and in the end this is what I am left with. Disappointment. Deflation. Regret. Good old fashioned regret. You go full circle and come right back to where you were.

I need to be strong to resist the urge to go back.

I said: Goodbye (via text). He said: What does that mean? I later said: I need to tell you goodbye in person. Text seems so classless. Hate that it's the last thing you hear from me. He said: Oh, it won't be the last thing I hear from you.

Why? Because he believes I'd take it back. Succumb to uncertain weakness and revert the goodbye to "hey, how are you?" That the silence would deafen me and have me running back, asking, what gives, stranger?

Yes. There's a possibility of that happening. And there's also a distinct possibility that if I remember how failing my affirmations got me into this, I won't do that to myself. Again. I won't reward the flesh. Not now. Not later.

Do Nothing. Be Still. Listen.