If for once you feel that you can't go on, life has a reason, an escape and a shoulder to uplift you.----don't even believe that one bit.

There is no fucking reason. I made some wrong choices, I wish I could change those choices, I hoped on the wrong dreams and aspirations to save me and I wish I could have changed them and most of all, I don't want to have to blame it all on myself I want to believe there is a higher power called destinies that was responsible for my bad decision making. So there is no hope, there is no magnificent ray of light at the end of the tunnel coming to save the day after all avenues have been sought there is no such fucking thing. That is just one big hoopla of an excuse to try to make you dry your eyes and concentrate on some happy thoughts.

I know that now, so I shall continue to live in stupidity in my menially estranged life, suffering every drain of muscle I have, disappointing every woman my age around the world, and every dream I had about myself at this age. I shall continue to do that living with the now, knowing that there is no way out so make the best of it while you can.

Oh why couldn't my life have turned out as Shelia's? We are the same age, and she is after all my creation. Why couldn't my adventrues be hers, and hers be mine, her loves, hopes, and happiness? Why is mine, if ever I have them, the melancholic lonesome happy time of disenthroned woman.

There is nothing we can do about that now, except BE. anything at all, except believeing in the impossible cos' that doesnt happen for people like us anymore.