Good reason for absence

There really is no good reason why I haven't been blogging like I should. I even have a digital camera now, you would think I would capture everyday with a picture, post it and then come blog about it. But no, I have not. I still like the idea of blogging, it gives me release. And lately work has been kind of slow so I need some kind of release, but I just have not been opportuned to blog.

It's like where do I begin. Am I disappointed that the LL.M didn't open the doors I wanted, yes. I just feel like a failure, like no matter what I do I fail. I used ot go out every weekend, every Friday night to see if I would meet someone, and sometimes in between the week, my friend that accompanied on these escapades is now happily dating a guy she met during one of our trysts, but me, I am still single. I just swore off going out again. It's like a failure. I spent so much money, I even went to Vegas for crying out loud, and still I didn't meet anyone. No career, no matter how hard I try and no man, no matter how hard I try. So I just said fuck it, let's just sit at home and feel sorry for ourselves.

But here I am, the obligatory Saturday morning blog. I didn't ride my bike, because I couldn't get up early enough. But hopefully I can get some work out in today. I feel so heavy and bloated.

Work has been ho-hum. I have come to that point where I dislike the people I work with. I can work with them and God willing I can work with them for at least a year. I don't disike them as much as I disliked the folks at UCB, but I just have no like for them. They weren't exactly the warmest people to me when I got there, and something about that just sets it off, and since then, we haven't actually kissed and made up, if you know what I mean. Attorneys are by nature prone to being with themselves, there are others that they work with, but they choose only to talk to themselves and socialize among themselves. Like the rest of us are chopped liver, like we don't exist, like we are unimportant. That's why I have chosen to be a different kind of attorney to do a different kind of work, hopefully international law, and law of international commercial transactions. What I do now, is just not fun. I try to make it fun, but it truly isn't. It is not as bad as all the others, this is actually the best, if we were to grade my past job experiences, this one would rank the highest to probably 65-70%. And that's all that should matter for now until I can figure out if I want to live in this country or not.

I just need to get back to the hobbies I love, now that I can do them. All things being equal I may be studying for another exam by this time next year, so I need to do all I can to enjoy this momentary nothingness. Writing, taking pictures, riding my bike, working out, sitting in Barnes and Noble, just the quiet things I like. I just have been so caught up in feeling sorry for myself lately that I haven't done anything else. But we'll see.