I slept a total of about four hours last night. I thought I'd be useless today but I am still going well at 4.50pm. Not bad! I had Shia LaBeouf raunchy dreams for about 2 hours. Yes, I find his inert rage remotely attractive. The other night it was Cam Gigandet. Don't ask!
I saw the most depressing movie of all last night - The Visitor - and it just put me in this depressing state. It didn't make anything better when I finished off my evening with One Missed Call. I just lay in bed trying to sleep, and I couldn't help but start to cry. I cried because, I remember a year ago, Gosh, it doesn't even feel like it's been a bloody year, a year ago, I was debating taking the July Bar Exams. I thought I didn't have enough time to read, I couldn't afford the extra classes, registration for the exam, even the travel costs for the exam. And a year later, I still cannot. It's like not much has changed in a year. Not much ever changes in my life in a year. A year later, no one calls me and I don't call anyone. I am not moving forward, just standing still. And time moves so fucking fast in this country. I remember turning 30 like it was yesterday and in 4 months I turn 35. WTF?!
So I started to cry, soft whimpers. And I had to summon some imaginary guy to try to make me forget my depressing mood. And Shia it was. Very effective too!
I still have fears about work. I had a nightmare a while back that my boss told me something bad about my job. I earnestly reject that! But there's this slight overcast, like a dark shadow just looming in this era of erratic layoffs. Right now, it is so much an employer's market. When is it ever an employee's market? That's when I want to be around...in the era of the employee's. Right now, the power of command vested in the employer has become increasingly heightened to the extent of drunkenness leading to erratic and unjustified layoffs.
But I ramble...
I saw the most depressing movie of all last night - The Visitor - and it just put me in this depressing state. It didn't make anything better when I finished off my evening with One Missed Call. I just lay in bed trying to sleep, and I couldn't help but start to cry. I cried because, I remember a year ago, Gosh, it doesn't even feel like it's been a bloody year, a year ago, I was debating taking the July Bar Exams. I thought I didn't have enough time to read, I couldn't afford the extra classes, registration for the exam, even the travel costs for the exam. And a year later, I still cannot. It's like not much has changed in a year. Not much ever changes in my life in a year. A year later, no one calls me and I don't call anyone. I am not moving forward, just standing still. And time moves so fucking fast in this country. I remember turning 30 like it was yesterday and in 4 months I turn 35. WTF?!
So I started to cry, soft whimpers. And I had to summon some imaginary guy to try to make me forget my depressing mood. And Shia it was. Very effective too!
I still have fears about work. I had a nightmare a while back that my boss told me something bad about my job. I earnestly reject that! But there's this slight overcast, like a dark shadow just looming in this era of erratic layoffs. Right now, it is so much an employer's market. When is it ever an employee's market? That's when I want to be around...in the era of the employee's. Right now, the power of command vested in the employer has become increasingly heightened to the extent of drunkenness leading to erratic and unjustified layoffs.
But I ramble...
1 comment:
...awww Anita :( But think about it sweetie, not trying to criticize you but you haven't changed anything since last yr. You cannot get a different result doing the same things you have always done. Get an ING account and automatic withdrawal of $200 every paycheck and pretend it does exist. In a yr, that money will be something. Start from there. God is good, He'll never give us snakes when we ask for bread. Please, please don't give up. Its was too early.
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