The courage to say "fuck it and just go."

How do you say that this is what you want to do and do it? 

How do you summon the conviction to do that? How do you live with yourself as you work through the kinks of making that new life work? I used to be like that, now I’ve settled into complacency and self-doubt and uncertainty and just fear and vanity and everything else in between and I cannot seem to be able to get up and just do it. Just do it. Or maybe I feel I am too old for a fresh start.

I almost did it last year and somewhere in between the gumption I had summoned that kept me going from about February to July, I just lost it and instead settled for this, hoping against hope that there was a reason for my decision to stay. There is no reason, maybe to make me think real hard about this, or save some more money, or have the chance to travel (which I love) but so far no reason has emerged from the clouds, shouting, “Hey there, I am the reason.” To which I fall and bow before it, saying, "Oh hail, the grandest of reasons." Nope. Nothing quite that dramatic. It’s quite the opposite I’m afraid.

I feel like perhaps interviewing everyone who’s had the guts to do this. Where did they get the guts from? What gave them the courage: money saved, family, friends, Our Lord Jesus Christ? What exactly told them it was okay to leave their life behind and just get up and move, with no job, no friends in the new place, just hope…hope for a better life, hope for a fresh start?

If you happen to know one of these people, ask them to send me a word or two and tell me to knock it off already, quit talking about it and just do it…just do it, Anita, just do it. It will all work out in the end.

To which I ask myself, "Are you sure?"