The Big 4-0 as a Singleton.

The Big 4-0 as a singleton. Tell me it gets easier.

Every once in awhile a feeling of dread comes over me when I think of turning the big 40 and still being single. 

I suddenly recollect those 40+ meetup groups I carefully shunned while coasting through my 30’s. I am occasionally hit with a vision of the 40+ plus women that used to crash our 30-something dance groups in their too tight clothing with wrinkles outlining their necks down to their siliconed bosoms, botoxed to bits, seemingly expressionless, bleached barbies to perfection, still managing to desperately flirt and grab onto every unwilling conveniently younger hunk, offering their number or an opportunity to be taken home to bask in his youthful vigor. These women just want to, at least for one night, not feel like they’re 40+, single (and lonely). I remember these women so vividly that I shudder that this may soon become my fate once I turn 40. My fate and it saddens me. Will this be my life? I hope not. I fight that it doesn’t. 

The other day I found myself asking to spend the night with a friend of mine. It just reeked of desperation. I had to catch myself for a second as I caught a glimpse of those 40+ women I loathed. I knew in that instant that the 40+ curse had caught up with me 2 months in and that it was inevitable. It is a struggle no doubt. I wrestle with the instant gratification and the fact that I have nothing to lose, life is meant to be lived, throw caution to the wind, and I’m too old to be ashamed. All those idioms are at play helping me loose my inhibitions. But the fact of the matter is, there should be self-respect, a sense of self-worth and it should be a lot more heightened when you attain a certain age, and 40 should be the optimum, the barometer for measuring how far you’ve come away from the bad decisions, the ugly one-night stands, and the plague of indecisive young (or now older) men. It should be the time you tell yourself, "We need to stop or else we’re no better than those women we abhor, we might as well join their clubs." 

It is a hard choice to make. Some days I fail at it miserably. I long for comfort so I succumb to failure. But I immediately identify my failure and I ask for strength, unfailing strength as I resist the urge and strive to be a more assertive, self-assured positively glowing awesome 40 year old woman.

As some of us enter our 40's, and shirk off these images I've presented above or even somewhat more pathetic images of single older women (or "cougars" as they are negatively termed), let us not be afraid, not even for a little bit. 40's are meant to be embraced.