I haven't been able to write any original content in about 6 months.
I needed more time. More time to process 2017. More months in 2017.
It's not you. It's me.
Most of the previous posts are taken from extracts, little bursts of inspiration that come to me, and if there happens to be a little memo pad on my phone I type them down. But every time I am in front of my computer, scrolling through the blogs, gossip sites and whatnot, I say to myself, let us write something for the blog but I cannot seem to muster...the words. The blank page just erases my self-expression.
All I can say is, if you do not follow me on Twitter, now's the time to do so. Most of my updates (cries of frustration...aaack!) are in threads that I put up on Twitter.
To wrap up 2017, I really don't have much to add that hasn't been quoted even more eloquently in every self-help blog, motivational writer, word healer, etc. They encapsulate all the rules of living, sometimes really well. What I learned in specifically in 2017 in my continual single life that has covered several continents is:
Rely on you. You. And You alone. Don't expect from anybody. Deal with your problems (insecurities, indiscretions, bad decisions, great decisions) the best way you know how, with you, trusting you, following your gut instincts, staying prayed up. Whenever a problem gets really intense, I recall that verse from the bible that says, Do not be anxious. I pray for a resolution and I step away from my constant worry and anxiety about the problem, trusting that God will resolve that problem for me. Soon enough, a solution rears its head.
I dealt with so much that I found myself asking me, "So what were you thinking Anita? Why did you do such and such?" Because your opinion or decision isn't the popular one, you at once start doubting yourself. But then, you being single (and fabulous professional at this age) is not exactly the popular status, so why follow the popular opinion in guiding your life. I found myself praying, "So how do we get back to being the Anita that we love? How do we get back to being in that state of Anita bliss?" This time I promised to appreciate the present and not keep expecting the grass to be greener on the other side. The grass is green enough where we are, and if not, we shall turn it green, yo! or at least use their envy green to light up our grass and stay lit!
It's just been a bundle of hustle. Knowing thyself. Trusting thyself to pull through the hustle. And having faith that God will see me through. Nigeria is NOT the easiest place to live as a single older woman. The community is not built for people our age to be single. I deal with prejudices every day and suppress them knowing that inside me I am a good person.
God has made a lot of single people. He will not allow them to suffer through this life on their own. It takes True Grit to be that person that God has ordained as a singleton. You know what this means, it means I have True Grit!! I see my girlfriends who are now married fluster at having to make even the simplest of life decisions.
"Oh wow, the generator needs repair."
"Oh, wow, we need to recharge our electricity."
"Oh, wow I failed o go to the bank before the public holiday."
Or my personal favorite. "Oh gosh, the check engine light in the car is flashing, what do I do?"
I have dealt with each and everyone of these scenarios this past year by my lonesome. And I lived to tell about it.
Not them. They immediately wait to have their husbands determine how to proceed. But for me, there is only me, and God and I just pray and hope that a solution shows up.
Nevertheless, in true social media opportunistic superficial drone fashion, I will close out this #sobstory post by including some of the best snaps of the year. They show me #livingitup so to speak. I now understand why people placate this image of life being so rosy and exciting - to tell the haters that they are still here, still #livingthegoodlife despite all their #hateration. Believe it or not, you are more popular, with friends and the world when you are not constantly sobbing. Sob in private and live it up on the #gram. And by all means, that #FoodandWine that keeps us living it up.
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